hmm, I thought I had posted ITT way back on page 3 or 4. I remember reading most of it real-time.

In any case...

I can relate OP, good luck with everything. The real "win" will be when you realize once and for all that you just can't gamble and/or drink anymore.

also, "2+2 is not your blog" I think that's up in the stickies somewhere, so you're going to get some hate

this, havent posted in this thread yet but have read it from the start, lots of other lurkers like me are enjoying your updates also, if you dont gl with poker and staying sober

nevermind the 'haters' the biggest biggest dick-heads are the ones who encourage him

can somebody research how and what stakes op lost? (assuming he did)

gg

I wrote this back in July and am saddened to see that my predictions--except for the dying part, have all come true.

Please get back to AA and stay away from 2+2 and the casino.

Came back on to check on your situation and see how it is going, I hope you will make your way back, always rooted for you and will continue to do so. Don't let the haters keep you down. Play good, run good.

Advice coming from a place of love, has no room for "I told you so".

You missed the point of what I posted. There is a clear trajectory for someone who is a serious alcoholic and problem gambler. NWB has shown recent evidence of doing incredibly dangerous things while blacked out drunk, he's depressed and broke.

My post was not so much an I told you so as a way of demonstrating that despite all of his objections, NWB is going down a fairly obvious road and the only way to get off that road is to stop drinking and gambling.

Always being a supportive guy who says "oh, sorry bud, rooting for you" is tantamount to enabling, imo. BTW i know that NWB has often stood up for you in various threads around 2+2 but that doesn't mean you should stand up for his right to basically kill himself just because it will make him temporarily feel supported.

You missed the Jared Huggins point.

Don't agree with reposting a message from months ago, and making a point to tell everyone how your predictions came true, it seems counterproductive/insensitive.

I agree with everything else you said though. From where I'm standing quitting drinking would be a logical next step, but I can't say for sure. I don't want to project my own problems onto someone else, and it's not something you can force someone else to do, they have to want it themselves.

Fair enough, Jared. You're right that I was doing a bit of self-congratulation at my own foresight--totally at the expense of another person. Not very nice.

But I also wanted to highlight something that I don't think he'd paid attention to the first time around (and I'm not even sure if he's reading this thread anymore anyhow). Which is the link between the gambling mindset and drinking. I'm fairly convinced that for someone like NWB, gambling creates a mindset that puts him at risk for going back to drinking--every time.

I think he likely needs to be "sober" even from gambling--probably forever.

In reposting what I'd written, I was hoping he might take a second glance at that stuff and see some merit in it after all. That I felt the need to proclaim my fortune telling prowess at the same time was in really bad taste and for that I apologize.

The reason I felt the need to take a break from these forums is that the readers of 2+2 are primarily poker players. They come here to discuss poker, or they head to the other subforums for whatever it is they seek. As time went on, destiny would have it that this thread began to steer towards a different, darker topic: addiction.

Now, I just want to clarify something. In the past, when I have gone into sordid detail about what goes on when I’m on a bender, I think people mistook my openness for bragging. This is not the case at all. The situations I got myself into were not special, nor do I consider them impressive or acceptable, they were merely the grim realities of the practicing alcoholic. Despite BBV not being the most ideal place for such material, I nonetheless believe that people are inherently fascinated by these darker areas. Not only that, but from the PM’s I’ve received, and the responses itt, I know there are people out there going through similar problems that appreciate my honesty. And at the end of the day, I’m not embarrassed or afraid to put it out there, so why not? I aint got no pride stopping me :P My intentions have always been to provide a an accurate representation of what it’s really like, whether that’s being a human guinea pig, or being at the tail end of a week long binge. Like it, hate it, relate to it, whatever. At the end of the day at least it’s honest. And if you don’t want to read about this story anymore, guess what? You don’t have to.

just to repeat: if you don’t want to read about this story anymore, you don’t have to.

My last bender was horrific. It was even worse than before I went into AA, and I am very thankful for that because it has reaffirmed my awareness and given me back my focus. I’m gonna spare you the gory details this time, but I am lucky to be alive and to still have my freedom. I learned that one instance of saying “**** it” and picking up a drink will invariably take you right back to the start, and that’s not cool (@bubonicplay: Nope, I cannot just have a few, wish I could).

I made one nice withdrawal from my bankroll, lost 70% of the remaining winnings in prolonged tilt sessions, and am now back at $500. It’s frustrating, but this is the price of drinking, and in turn, playing bad. There were no crazy shots, no high stakes, in fact I actually practiced reasonable BRM for the most part. But in the end, 4 tabling PLO100 for a week while in a bad frame of mind is never gonna end well, and I paid the price. Went well for a while, but as soon as the tilt monster sets in, it’s game over.

It’s not all bad though. I mean, just two weeks ago my account was empty. And from withdrawing a chunk of my MTT wins, my car was the happy recipient of a full service, and a full belly of fuel (at least one of us can still get on the juice). And I was finally able to get a new graphics card, as well as a 5 metre HDMI cable to run my PC through my huge ass 50” TV, so future MTT’s will be played on my comfortable-as-**** Italian leather sofa, which is way more +EV than my computer chair that would cause my back injury flare up. Annnnd, I even got my guitar amp back (sold it ages ago when busto). It’s so good to wield my axe once again.

So here I am again at the beginning, which is infinitely preferable to where I’ve been ever since that 10 week bust. Aren’t I lucky I get to start all over again, with all these luxuries like a BR, a car, a bike, a guitar, a kitty? Some people don’t get the chance. I’m a very lucky guy. And to top it off I just got the call – the drug company wants to use my body again. For 32 days. Ahhhhh sheeeet. Passed the medical exam 12 hours after my four day bender, I really don’t know how that happened. Someone’s lookin out for me, I swear.

Thankyou for having me back. All who have expressed their thoughts, regardless of their flavor, thankyou, You’re all awesome. And for the haters, I think I’m gonna stick around just to piss you all off

nwb,

They are bringing big brother back to aussie tv. Please get to work on your audition tape.

"Blah", is all I can say. You once again seem to pick up momentum when you manage to luckily not **** up (I should say, "not get caught by law enforcement while ****ing up") and slightly enjoy your "winnings".

Whatever. Done trying to offer HELPFUL advice. Have a good run buddy.

Keep living the medical trial dream.

BRAG: I could be the first person in 2+2 history to use the term "SICK LIFE" accurately.

What specifically is bothering you? The fact that I'm not locked up? Or what? Or have I struck a chord with you regarding your own alcoholism that you have mentioned in your past posts?

You seem to think when someone tells you the bitter truth that they are hating or bothered by something or their previous alcoholism or whatever, and you never manage to consider that actually the 'haters' are the ones that are giving you a helpful reality check and all your 'fans' are leading you to a worse life. But you'll reply to this with your stock emotional defense 'haters' response, to which I will reiterate the poster above me, have fun with a life of medical trials and an extremely empty sik life.

Only having poker in your life will lead to the realisation one day that you completely wasted the life you were blessed to be given, think about it this way, even if you win the sunday million you will be the lowlife that won the sunday million, if you win the 55 plo guarantee you will be the lowlife that won the 55 plo guarantee, do you see how empty all of these 'accomplishments' you are so obsessed with actually are?

Sorry man but it looks like you are doomed to live a very bad life and all these posters are very optimistic when begging you to change because we both know its way too late for any of that.

I leave you with one last question: how do you answer when someone asks you what you do for a living? Is it hard to explain your closest colleagues are animals being tested by pharmaceutical companies? ahahahahah wow once again SIK LIFE.

I'm just going to say it again NWB. I am not at all a hater. i think you're a very smart guy--perhaps too smart for your own good in some ways--and I think you're a talented writer. I make my living as a writer so I know what of I speak.

You could probably make a living as a writer if you put your mind to it. Or any number of things...

But poker? No. Never. You've had enough chances, you're actually not very good at it. Winning a few tournaments isn't what makes a good poker player. Keeping a bankroll and growing it is what makes a good player, and you can't do that.

On top of that issue, it also affects your brain chemistry and keeps undermining your ability to abstain from alcohol.

You need to get your head straight, and this delusion about poker is not helping any. You'll know you've really sorted stuff out when you start repairing your busted friendships, your family stuff, and put your priorities in the right place.

I've never thought you were a hater, never even crossed my mind. I've always appreciated your honesty and wisdom, I've been amazed by your insight more than once. This is a public forum, and a thread like this gets the full spectrum of criticism. For it to be any other way would be unfortunate, but yours is in the range I cherish, not because it's what I want to hear, but because I respect your intuitive ability and know much can be gained from it. Some people pay big bucks to get such advice, I get it for free. The flip side is I probably seem ungrateful by 'ignoring' all of this generosity. Yet others probably see it a bit clearer for what it really is. I actually had an inkling you may have been a writer

In response to what you wrote about poker, yeah I have to agree. I really don't ****ing want to, but I do. I won around $3,200 in MTT's in a week. A week later and it's basically gone. Something's not right there. I can't be bothered philosophizing about the how or the why, I'm more inclined to simply agree. You echo the sentiments of my closest human relation, maybe it's time I listened.

I've been considering self-excluding from Pokerstars for the month that I'm back in the hospital, and have a go at getting this idea that's been floating around in my head onto paper. But this is a scary idea. Poker has been like a drug for a long time. That's probably the main problem, that you talk about. The thought of quitting forever is too much, same with alcohol. That's why AA advocates 'one day at a time'. So instead of saying "I quit forever", maybe focusing on what you can actually control, like today, is more useful. Because forever is too damn scary.

I'm sitting here, on a Friday night, not drinking, not playing poker, even though my new setup with my huge screen is just screaming out to host the pretty Stars client. Instead I'm on 2+2, responding to a stranger who knows me pretty well. Sick life indeed.

The cold's gonna catch me, son.

So I'm attracting aspiring poets now.

Hey, I am willing to help out as a writing mentor if you'd like. I've been through a lot as a writer, and I know the ups and downs and how hard it can be to sit there with a blank screen (or piece of paper) and do this work. Not to mention how hard it is to rewrite, and then get rejected after you've practically killed yourself on a novel, etc.

I've also managed to weather the storms and make a living at it now, after years of struggle. It hasn't been easy but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I am putting this out there because I think you have talent and it would be a terrible waste if you just throw that away in favor of poker and booze.

Let me know if you'd like to take me up on this offer. I can't guarantee anything other than I would try and support you, and you know I wouldn't B.S. you. Having tried to help a few people in other ways, I'm also aware that this might not end up panning out for various reasons. But I'd certainly be willing to give it a shot and lend my support as best I can.

Let me know either on this thread or by PM if you're interested.

Good luck either way.

Aaron

BTW, I also have some ideas already on how you might "package" the stuff you've already written to create something that will be sellable in the short term.

And no, I don't have any financial interest in this whatsoever, am not seeking any percentage or kickback of any sort.

This precise mentality was running strong during my four day bender. It leads to misery and suffering, and causes a lot of damage that takes a long time to repair. There's better things on offer, I've been told, and I believe them.

GL if you're for real.

Yeah man I say play your guitar learn some more scorpions riffs. If you are serious about guitar check out the book guitar in theory and practice. Ride yer bike, write, pet the cat. You know your life can be great if you keep the proper mindset. Maybe it is time to quit drinking though mate. Your life is obviously better without it. I am wishing you best man. If you can't handle a few bad beats without tilting or going on a binge than stop poker. I think after you know that you are done drinking for real, then you may become a great poker player. Aussie aussie aussie!