^ ^ <3

Writing using my phone, on a bus, have to keep it brief. Managed to degen myself up a bankroll today, came second in a $22 PLO tourney for
$680, would have come first except...

Heads up, blinds ~$1200/$2400, I have 120k, opponent has 78k. I'm dealt KJQ10 diamonds, opponent raises his button, I pot, he calls. Flop comes Q102, two spades. I bet pot, he calls. Turn is 2 of spades checked to the river, a blank. I bet ~ 70% of pot, he calls, A284 off/suit. Wtf was he doing calling pre and flop? Anyway, monkey tilt later, I take home $680 instead if $1,008.

Responses and guinea pig tr coming soon, as well as one more last ditch attempt to turn things around with a new bankroll and set of goals, and another big stint in the hospital too. Cheers to all of you who are still tuning in.

-NWB

gnarly

Your name isn't Janis is it?

jared itt. High five bro and tonnes of hugs and the odd reach around too if you know what im saying my bald headed brother

Disturbing that you still haven't learned anyting, nor listened to any of the 1000 people in this thread who have tried to help you. You have a very very serious problem and on top of that i understand that you also have a problem with alcohol which is just a completly toxic combination. I don't think you will listen because you haven't done so far, wake the **** up and take charge of your own life. Stop gambling and stop drinking, get started on some education and change your group of friends.

If you don't take charge of your life, I wouldn't be surprised if you have taken you life due to depression from your gambling and alcohol addiction, in a couple of years. But then again you haven't listened so far, so why would you listen now... Just throwing it out there.

^

I agree that he's unhealthily addicted to poker but dude, just support him if this is what he's doing again

jeez

Why support somebody in something you think will be harmful? You could say to be nice but it's probably the nicer/more helpful thing to berate them or express disappointment for it, even if it's 0.1% chance of it making a difference.

Whatever though, OP at least seems to have control of his drinking unless I missed something in his last few posts. I've always got the impression his alcohol addiction is far more damaging than the poker addiction but I haven't read this thread in a long time and have forgotten a lot of it.

Either way gl NWB, hope you can conquer your demons

When I read this thread when it started, a lot of people were barking at OP for doing this but, he's doing what he wants to ultimately and to just yell at him for it is counter-productive imo even if we know he would be better off listening to us.

I wish the best for OP and I would like to see him get a job, quit gambling and seek help for his drinking (I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW BAD YOUR DRINKING IS EITHER, SORRY IF YOU DO HAVE HAT UNDER CONTROL). If he doesn't though then, I'll still read the thread and enjoy his stories none the less.

best o luck, OP

tough life

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and a degen. I write about it on 2+2. Some people like me, some don't, some just like to stop past every now and again to gawk at the wreckage.

I've been meaning to write for a while but tbh there aint really a whole lot worth writing about (except maybe in the Degen Stories thread). I had some plans for my tournament winnings, oh yeah they were some great plans, was gonna buy pokertracker and grind PLO10 until I had ~30 BI's for PLO25 and track my results and work my way up, had it all written down and everything. Of course I just had to play a few more tourneys first....

So now I'm busto again, my back is ****ed, but worst of all my morale has been totally decimated. I ****ed up again, got drunk, which then led to the mess that followed. I feel mentally poisoned. I simply do not have the discipline to make it in this ****in game.

Poker has taken so much of my focus in the past 4 years, I can hardly think of what else I have done in that time... but then again that's not surprising considering I have pretty much been on Stars for the past 3 days straight and all I see is the flashing circle around the avatar, follow the action - hardly going outside, a hundred tabs open with various threads from everywhere, hardly doing anything except POKER and my mind is swimming with rage at that last tournament... same old story... big stack, almost itm, time to go ape**** and sabotage everything... guy 3-bets me and likely has me crushed?? **** it, raise him back!! Lose, commence spazztilt. Wtf man. Same **** again and again. I don't even know what else to do now. My 10 weeks off the booze were so good, but feel so far away now, like, the mindset I had feels so alien and distant, I was doing great but now it feels like nothing changed, the residue of my weaknessess creeping back into my mind. I stopped going to AA cause I couldn't sit in those chairs anymore, and there's only so much God talk I can have shoved down my throat (uh oh, not good.... not good to start biting the hand that was keeping me sober...)

Despite being crushed I still don't want to admit defeat. I am afraid to. I have no other hopes of survival, at least none that are realistic. I can't take the labor jobs I used to, I have poor school results, I have no good recent history in the workforce... and like some devil on my shoulder a voice tells me to sell all my **** and go pull a Leaving Las Vegas somewhere where it's warm, where it flows freely and I could do it right. If I admit defeat, then I need a new gameplan, or else when I get my 7k from the next trial I'm very likely to end up in a place I will not return from intact. God I'm just so sick of my surroundings... Maybe a holiday and a nice 14 day self exclusion period or something... I'd go back to Gambler's anonymous but those guys just weren't degen enough. I'm on the frontline goddamit, I need my people...

At least I have my ceiling fan. It kinda reminds me of something, spinning and spinning around in circles, always moving, never moving. And my little Russian Blue kitten that I rescued from a place where it was unwanted. And my guitar. But what I really want is a red line pointing up, up, up. Colourful pots sliding towards my avatar. Poker stink from physical inactivity. NO NO NOOOO!!!!!! I just need a good sleep.... yes..... sleep... and dreams of ridiculous hands and 5 figure tourney wins.... ugh. I'm so sick of my biggest scores being won while I'm asleep.

Yeah I was in there for a bit, home now, and have another big one coming up. It's not much fun anymore, the novelty has certainly worn off.

Hair will prob out from all the experiments...

Meh it's the internet, and BBV, and I do a lot of dumb ****, it's to be expected. It's all part of the big picture.

Thanks mate.

Yeah I'm not too thrilled about this **** anymore.

Wish I could disagree with anything you wrote my friend. Sucks to have strayed from what was essentally real progress. Hopefully I can pull myself out of this funk soon and get back on track.

I've said it before, but your problem isn't poker or alcohol. Yes, those are problems, but not the source. It sounds like you need to get to the REAL problems in your life. Early developmental issues that you have. Some specifics that you are not comfortable talking about here on the internet. The reasons you engulf yourself into these drunken rages and super tilts. That is the biggest and hardest thing you will have to do. Because you are going to really have to look at yourself and face the demon.

Poker is a winnable game. And you seem "adept" enough to grasp the concept. But for some reason you go against what you know you should be doing. And instead you chase losing hands while playing beyond your means, and embrace the lonely dramatic feeling when you lose, like it actually brings you some sort of blissful warm romance when you know you are finally defeated. That's not a POKER problem, that's a LIFE problem that is causing you to tilt your rolls and stacks off.

I'm no expert. Just my take on what you seem to be describing here. Best of luck.

Good Luck NWB! I think you are afraid to succeed imo. You are so used to being a degen that it is the only thing u know. Best Wishes GL!

@ Checkraise

Yes so lets just encourage him to keep the pool large?, So sick that poker makes people greedy and horrible.


@ OP

Glad to see you admit to the problem. As I understand you are going to be a guinea pig again soon, yes? If so that should really be the last time you do it. You did it before and pissed it all away on nothing. It's only an "easy" way to make money and thereby postponing your problem, but since they are giving you 4-5.000 dollars or more, I would be astonised if these tests weren't extremly bad for your health.
Save the money and use it for, if not for education, then atleast for something that will make you happy (By this, I do not mean poker or booze)
Then you really have to sit down and come to terms with the fact that alcohol and gambling will never make you happy. No matter how much you win you will never feel happy. You are playing to play, and usually that means that you are trying to escape real life problems. I would take a shot in the dark and say that you have a dificult relationship with your near family (if you even talk to them), and if you do have friends its only someone you see when you are drinking or smoking weed. This is not meant as an attack on your person I'm just guessing.

So once again, Stop drinking, Stop gambling, Find a healty activity (school is obv. the best), Try to find friends who doesn't share your addiciton. As i mentioned I predict a very dark future if you don't try to change your life right away.

(But probably the most important thing is that you are not alone with it. You need someone you can talk to, and that someone isn't on this forum. To end this reply in a really corny way - Here be danger)

I can't believe that as likable as the OP comes off that he doesn't have any RL friends or family who could help him. This situation actually frustrates me. Are your friends all degens, OP? There are worse things than having God shoved down your throat, OP--I'm sure there are some cases where the misuse or abuse of God has been harmful. However, in your case, I think shoving alcohol down your throat is much worse. Did you get addicted to painkillers when dealing with your back problems? How have you managed to alienate your family and non-degen friends?

Feel a bit better today. Did a little shopping, had a massage (no happy endings guys), bought my guitar amp back from the friend that I sold it to years ago when I needed money to drink - it was sold with the understanding that I could buy it back when I wished, it's very good to have it back. He threw in some new strings and I bought a new lead. Filled my car with petrol, bought food for my kitten, now I'm here, and I have 1k in the bank that I have managed not to deposit on Stars. Baby steps.

I have three options:

1) Deposit the money and degen it away in total random chatoic MTT's

2) Self-exclude, uninstall, and quit altogether

3) Buy Pokertracker or some other tracking program, deposit $100 - $200, set my table limits and start grinding the micros, keeping a graph, posting hands, evaluating my play, you know, what normal non-degen people do. If I fail at that I will finally know I do not have what it takes to play this game.

I really wanna do number 3.

Expert or not you have a pretty good insight into this kind of thing imo. Pretty spot on. Until I can co-exist with those demons I'll just keep on filling yours and everyone else's pockets.

Old habits die hard. Thanks bro.

I have a non-existant relationship with my father, and a difficult relationship with my mother. I have a younger brother who I love but don't want to heap my troubles upon. That's about it. I'm a black sheep on both sides of the family, what litle family there is. I don't have the basic family support that most people take for granted. I lost most of my friends through my drinking, through not understanding how to treat them. Same goes for the three serious relationships I've had in my life. I'm not trying to make excuses or anything, you guys asked, I'm telling, it's just the way things are. What I do have are peers in the poker world - you guys, half of which take pleasure in my misfortune, sure, but it's ok, because the advice and support I get from the rest of you means a lot to me, even if it seems to fall on deaf ears, it doesn't. It's just not an easy thing to completely undo years of bad wiring. If it was I'd probably be rich by now.

As for the AA/God comment, I was just venting a little about my only gripe with the meetings. Yes I want to get sober, and am willing to set aside my personal objections to religion, it's just sometimes you get a little tired of a higher power being such a focal point of the program. I am an alcoholic that wants to get better, that's it, my religious beliefs should have no relevance in this matter, yet according to the general consensus, it does. It is at times frustrating, but it's fine. Just another thing to explore.

First addressing the easy. #3 is an option for you IF you get proper coaching (which you may be able to find for free here on 2+2 because of your genuine story and likability). You need a person to tell you EXACT moves and reasons to make those moves on EVERY aspect of poker. I do believe your rational mind is capable of making proper decisions to be profitable in poker.

Addressing issue #2: There is nothing wrong in admitting (and accepting) that there is a greater being other than yourself (God, Allah, whatever you want to call it). You have to accept the fact that you are POWERLESS to this world. It seems to me that you do recognize that but have no idea where to turn. There must be a greater being than yourself, there must be a greater purpose. I know many non-god-believers that read the bible on a regular basis because (despite not believing in God or, more importantly, the story of Jesus), is a decent way to live and find some sense of satisfaction in your life. Moderation, understanding and acceptance will benefit ANYONE.

If you choose to take the #3 path that you described; think of your coach as your God. Trust and believe in his advice. Have faith in his teachings. Let go of your natural instincts and just embrace the fact that you are being advised by someone that understands more than you do.

And remember that religion is WAY DIFFERENT than faith. We all rely on faith. I may not be able to prove to you that God exists, but you CAN'T prove to me that he doesn't. We are both relying on faith to define our beliefs.

I post this with honest intentions that I really do wish to see you succeed and find peace/happiness.

Listen to this song bro...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k27F3FYPAEA

Everybody here is trying to help you, to "fix you"... in a very ****ing gay way filled with glee. Penis.

3 months ago I would have scoffed at all of this. One thing that has changed since then is that I am now open to the possibility of a higher power. I mean, there's no way that I or anyone else is the greatest force in the entire vastness of this world, so it is a reasonable deduction to say that a greater power therefore must exist. But what that higher power is and in what form it takes I believe has to be a mystery to men. It could be a multitude of forces, either working in unison or in conflict, or perhaps the idea of it being a 'power' is somehow incorrect. We can think of it however we wish, so long as it doesn't give us some false justification to excuse our actions. My issue is not with people's beliefs, it's what they do as a result of them. A lot of bad is done in the name of God, or religion, and it's like their actions cannot even be scrutinized because they have no responsibilty. But I am talking about the misuse of religion, obviously. I really don't mind what other people choose to believe in. I can understand that it works both ways, they would surely doubt my beliefs, and pray for this obviously lost soul who might be alright if only he could find his way (to God). I've had many interesting conversations with people who have different beliefs than myself. Not trying to stereotype, but all I've spoken to in person didn't seem very convincing, they just kept referring to how whatever I said related to the bible.

Heh, interesting topic really. I'm sure as hell no expert on the subject or anything, just giving my viewpoint.

This is better:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-V8kYT1pvE

NWB never gives up imo



Even if he has to start at the bottom, he will cimb back up until Gamblor himself trembles with fear

this obv.

That's fine. That is your comfort zone that you take part in.

Can I ask you something? Something that may be difficult to answer?..........................When has that ever brought you peace?

Like Brad Pitt in "Fight Club"..."just let go..."

Best of luck to you with everything. And take good care of that kitten.

3) Buy Pokertracker or some other tracking program, deposit $100 - $200, set my table limits and start grinding the micros, keeping a graph, posting hands, evaluating my play, you know, what normal non-degen people do. If I fail at that I will finally know I do not have what it takes to play this game.

I really wanna do number 3.


Hey man, have been following this thread for a while but only just realised you're posting in it again...

A little info about me... I play drums in a grunge band and I quit a job as an insurance underwriter to play poker professionally in Oct 2010. Things were going well at first, was playing $30 SNG on PS and loving life. Making decent money, living in a penthouse in the city centre (Liverpool, England) and raking in about $2k per month. But one night it all went downhill. I had been out with a friend and gotten very drunk and high and we decided to head back to mine after getting kicked out of a bar. My friend had about $20 in his PS account so we hit up some whisky and decided to see if we could 'spin it up'. Started on 2 PLO10 tables and soon enough we found ourselves on 2 PLO50 tables, about $200 on each. At this point my friend bottled it and wanted to stop. But wait, I'm awesome at this game I said. I'm a pro. Whilst my friend passed out in the bathroom I decided to put my entire $5k bankroll on the PLO 25/50 tables. To this day I still cannot tell you why...

Sure enough about 30 hands in came THE hand. I had A1045 double suited in the BB and the aggressive button raised as usual. I called. The flop? AA10. Dear diary: Jackpot! Check. BTN bets pot. Call. Turn? 4. Check. BTN bet pot and I check raise all in. He insta calls and shows AK--. OMG I'm a 94% favourite! The river seems to take an age to complete and even before it falls I know what's coming. The King of diamonds hits and I lose to Aces full of Kings. I sit there in utter disbelief. How could this happen? I just lost my roll... I need to vomit but my friend has locked himself in the bathroom. I run upstairs and vomit all over the balcony and the cars in the car park below. It took me 2 days to get to sleep. Even after studiously reading all the poker books I could find and being a very cautious player I still committed the cardinal sin of risking my entire bankroll and got burned.

In January 2011 I had $500 to my name (On FTP) and bills/rent were mounting up. I began to grind Rush poker NL25 (luckily ran well the first 10k hands), bought myself HEM and managed to build up a bankroll of $5k again but had to move out of the penthouse and back to my parents. You know what happened to FTP soon after that.

So here I am now, deposited $40 on PS a few weeks ago, swallowed my pride and played 6 handed NL2 tables. I'm up to NL10 now and will be at NL25 soon. Am on course for NL50 in January and will maintain a 50BI BR and try to get Supernova.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Omaha is a game invented for those that crave action. For a select few who have stomachs of steel, table select, quit when they feel they have no edge and have bankrolls with 70BI's+ you can make some money. My advice would be to play this for fun (MTT) but if you are serious about poker you should play NLHE. Sure it's a bit more boring but once you can master multi-tabling you'll find that you're constantly in the action. Putting people on a range of hands (esp at low limits) becomes simpler once you get the hang of the tracking software. Learn to table select and bumhunt. It's not glamorous but if you have a real passion to succeed you shouldn't care. It's very possible to make a nice living (for now) at NL50 and NL100 cash games, as long as you are disciplined.

I'm not trying to preach to you or tell you how to live but by your recent posts I can see you're ready to take one last shot at getting this poker thing right. If anything, please buy tracking software. You will kick yourself for not doing it sooner. It becomes obvious which players have it and which don't once you master it. Guess what? Most players who don't have it lose. They lose and lose and lose. They think it's luck. But when their VPIP is 60, they 3bet 20% of the time and they're up against 5 other players with solid stats they don't stand a chance.

I'm sure others in this thread will flame me and call me a loser but I only care about your response. I'm normally quite a private person but your honesty, obvious intellect and engaging writing style has prompted me to post.

Give up the omaha online. Please. The variance is devastating. Start at the bottom of NL2 and work your way up. You'll improve as a player and find out if you've got what it takes. Good luck man, I'll be following with interest whether you take my advice or not.

Peace