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BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more

01-17-2012 , 10:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio1
I said this before and you ignored me for some reason.

Inpatient treatment is your only option here. You need 30 days- preferably 90 and this will save your life.

You will look back when you are 60 years old, and you are playing with your grand kids, and you will say to yourself "thank god I went to treatment."

Inpatient is so easy you will love it you don't have to do anything. It puts you on a track to sobriety which you need desperately.

Trust me if you don't go to inpatient treatment you will not live 3 years. You have a death sentence from this disease- fight back and tell it to f--k off.
I think you are likely right that he needs an inpatient treatment to start, but if he truly gives himself over to whatever plan he is working, i believe he can do it. I am sure there is a lot of guidance and help to avail himself of if he is dead serious.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-18-2012 , 02:22 AM
Op find something solid.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-18-2012 , 03:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Never Was Been
The point is now, I'm doing whatever I can to save myself
Are you? Have you got a sponsor yet? Have you EVER had a sponsor?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio1
I said this before and you ignored me for some reason.

Inpatient treatment is your only option here. You need 30 days- preferably 90 and this will save your life.

You will look back when you are 60 years old, and you are playing with your grand kids, and you will say to yourself "thank god I went to treatment."

Inpatient is so easy you will love it you don't have to do anything. It puts you on a track to sobriety which you need desperately.

Trust me if you don't go to inpatient treatment you will not live 3 years. You have a death sentence from this disease- fight back and tell it to f--k off.
This is a great suggestion if this an option for you. It condenses so many months worth of meetings into 30 days. Really gives you quite a foundation/head start. (I've done it twice and was really beneficial).

Good luck.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-18-2012 , 02:29 PM
Only read the last 3 pages of this thread including those homeless post's, gorvnice couldn't be more spot on.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-19-2012 , 12:29 PM
Normally meetings would be fine but I think NWB is so compulsive, and so lost in this disease he needs a period of total structure to get him started. I just don't see any way he will hold it together long enough to get started on any path to sobriety without being in a treatment center.

Its 30 days man, you have blown years at this point what is 30 days? Its nothing in terms of absolute time, but it will save your life. You are going to die- you already had bilirubin issues which is a sign of liver problems, then took god knows what drugs for a period, one of which turned you yellow (something to do with the liver again) then start drinking day and night.

Your organs may give out before you get stabbed/arrested/drive off a bridge.

This isn't about making changes- no one in your position with this disease can "make changes". You have to get serious rehab treatment to save your life.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-19-2012 , 12:46 PM
NWB, I´ve read through the whole thread. Twice. I thought about reading it a third time and collect cliffs, in an effort to make you see the pattern you seem to be stuck in. After your last episode I don´t feel that that´s necessary. Just read through your last drunken experience. Then think about how many times you´ve been there. Then think about the future. Are there anything that´s pointing to you not going back that place again? And again. And again. This isn´t a joke. This is life or death. Your heading wrong way down a one way street.
You need professional help.
Now.
Or you´ll self destruct.

Last edited by MLjung; 01-19-2012 at 12:46 PM. Reason: Speling
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-20-2012 , 07:59 PM
NWB, is this you?

Spoiler:
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-20-2012 , 08:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gorvnice

Maybe if you heal you'll have some real philosophy and wisdom to impart and not this pseudo beatnik bull**** that had its time in the '60s. Most of those people died young and lost their minds. Do you really want to hold claim to being another young person who lost their mind to alcohol and drugs because he thought it was ****ing poetic? It's not anything but a waste of a life.
+1
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-20-2012 , 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWP89
NWB, is this you?

Spoiler:
i think you're giving him too much credit. this guy actually has a job.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-22-2012 , 12:47 PM
yea ive been following thread since beginning, was entertaining read at first but now it's just sad. millionthing suggestion to go to inpatient treatment/reach out to family etc.

basically you're doing everything you don't want to, violating vegan diet, missing the shows you wanted to see, alienating friends, killing any chance to ever play poker.

gl man, don't usually post stuff like this but i really hope you end up making the right choice.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
01-23-2012 , 07:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikekelley13
i think you're giving him too much credit. this guy actually has a job.
I don't think that's his job; I just that pumped up about 5 dollar hot and readys sometimes.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-03-2012 , 11:46 PM
Fascinating tale. Need Update NWB!!!!
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-04-2012 , 12:01 AM
Def
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 02:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FRANK JENKS
Fascinating tale. Need Update NWB!!!!
Hey someone saved this thread from rotting in the archives!! I’m glad, ‘cause I probably wouldn’t have done anything to stop that from happening. Who art thou, kind stranger?

This dumbass alcoholic degenerate has finally found a piece of hope. This thread is such a glowing example of the endless cycle of bull**** that I've lived in for such a long time, and it was the responses here that helped put that in perspective for me, slowly, sure, but such is the way out. Step by step. Unfortunately, this being BBV and all, my exploits are probably of little interest now. I don't go on benders and trash hotel rooms and spit on bouncers and pull knives on taxi drivers and drive in blackouts and break into ex-girlfriends houses and sleep in parks and urinate in mosques and break hearts and feed the demon - now I simply attend AA meetings and work on my recovery. Pretty boring huh? Far from it. This is the journey I've been trying to embark on for years and it's finally happening. The only sucky thing I gotta contend with is being ****in broke, but even this does not cause me to despair – I have what I need for now and I know that money will come again, in it’s own time.

But I'm not out of the woods yet. Far from it. It's been 48 days since I had a drink, since I was woken up by federal police wearing rubber gloves in a different state on a bench by the airport and had to claw my way out of the nightmare and get back to Adelaide, back into the rooms. 48 days might not seem like a lot, but it’s not just the length of time that is significant to me – it is the changes I have felt in that time, the changes that I continue to feel. I’ve been searching for these things my whole life. This is too good to give up. But I'm only - always - just one drink away from going back.

There's been a few close calls that have been tough to get through. I found a friend in the fellowship in his car near death from a suicide attempt that shook me up pretty badly. I've had to deal with losing friends and being painfully alone at times. And just the other day I was offered almost an entire bottle of vodka from a guy I was talking to outside Soundwave. But I got through them. The craving to drink at times is beyond powerful, it speaks to me in the most alluring and convincing voice, and I'm grateful to have the power to resist. But that power is completely reliant upon me taking certain daily actions. Because it's a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease that is a more intelligent and a more patient beast than I. It's like an entity within me that needs only a drop of alcohol to come to life and take over. It doesn't matter how smart or how strong my mind is - this ****er holds the reins to it all and if I take a drink it's over - he's in control.

I just want to say something regarding all the advice that people have given me throughout the past year. I know at times I rejected the wisdom and knowledge that was so kindly bestowed upon me by you amazing people, but I’m a slow learner and am even slower at putting these things into practice. To those that suggested rehab – I was a hair away from checking myself in, and if my sobriety was to collapse at any point I would not hesitate to do so. To those that suggested I pick up the guitar again – I got my amp back outta hock and have shredding the **** out of it. To those that suggested AA (I think Jared Huggins was the first to do this in a PM), I am definitely following your advice. To those that suggested I continue writing, I have been writing a lot and even working on a story. And for those that suggested travel, that is still a huge goal for me, but it will have to wait. It was with great disappointment that I had to put my Philippines trip on hold, but as I realized on my last binge in Melbourne, if I flew to the Philippines without first establishing a solid foundation of sobriety – I wouldn’t be coming back. To those that suggested I quit poker, well….

My 120 day ban on Pokerstars ends in 11 days, and I have thought about it a lot and I am going back for another shot. Going to start a thread in Poker Goals & Challenges, it's their turn to endure my ramblings cluttering up their front page. Lolmaha, naturally. Small stuff, $100 deposit, $1 MTT’s, maybe some PLO5. BRM or bust. I have no illusions, discipline is still a great challenge, and sticking to BRM is like this mysterious and elusive white whale that I’ve been chasing for years, but like Ahab I am obsessed with finding the mother****er. Not drinking a day at a time gives and takes discipline. Not drinking a day at a time brings me peace. Hopefully, this will help me in the next chapter of my story. I will post a link when the PG&C thread is up and anyone who is interested and wants to follow my progress (or decline) is welcome.

The last $750 to my name was given to the blokes at Tattoo You, 3 new pieces. Perhaps not the wisest ways to spend one's net worth, but **** it they look awesome. Here’s a pic of my favorite:



What’s that up my sleeve?





Spoiler:


Hasn't had a touch-up yet. Some of you might recognize the significance of the symbol in the Ace.



Thanks to everyone and rungood for all. Peace.

Last edited by Never Was Been; 03-05-2012 at 02:27 AM.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 03:23 AM
nice update OP...I think 48 days is a loooong time...wtg...proud of ya bro!

Edit: $10 is still waiting for ya on PS when ban is up

Last edited by Sufferinsuccotash; 03-05-2012 at 03:36 AM.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 03:57 AM
Heroooooooo

Gl on stars, wan tym?
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 04:09 AM
So glad to hear that you´re ok.
Was afraid things hade gone really REALLY badly.
Take care, man!
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 04:49 AM
Great to hear your going well man, I still wouldn't mind chatting to you again, give me a shout next time you're doing a AA thingo @ Parabanks, haven't got work anymore so that won't interfere this time :s

I noticed you deliberately added Theory of Poker in your photo; I just wanna remind you of the amount of variance there is in poker, especially PLO, and to remember when you're inevitably on a winning streak to not think you're on top of the world and you're such a great player and all, if everything is going so well, you're probably just running good, the edges in this game is just so small, focus on the decisions, not the results, as hard as it is, and realise that the choice to sit down and play is also a decision, don't try to auto-pilot with deciding what to play/for how long, consciously decide, and gl!

You're a really good writer btw
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 06:06 AM
sounds like everything is going well. great work; keep it going.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 04:16 PM
cool story bro...gl and all that jazz..will look for your thread!
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 04:55 PM
In before busto and rehab...oh wait.
Congrats on the worm tatt also, better spending your last 750 on that rather than giving it to the roulette dealer. Think of it as a reminder of how big of a tard you are.

Last edited by elendil200; 03-05-2012 at 05:04 PM.
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 08:18 PM
pretty sick story hope you do make it out of the getto (Australia) and we meet in Vegas gl and...

aussie aussie aussie
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-05-2012 , 11:21 PM
That there symbol, is the AA sobriety symbol or whatever. Hope you quit and put that plug in the jug for the rest of your days...
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote
03-16-2012 , 01:25 AM
Dear NeverWasBeen,

Your Self-Exclusion period has ended, and we are happy to welcome you back to PokerStars. Please feel free to contact us if you require further assistance with any of our self exclusion programs.

Please take a few minutes to visit our Responsible Gaming page at http://www.pokerstars.com/about/responsible-gaming/ and feel free to email us at wecare@pokerstars.com if you have any questions about our features.

Best Regards,

The PokerStars Responsible Gaming Team

Last edited by Never Was Been; 03-16-2012 at 01:27 AM. Reason: 120 days is a long long time
BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more Quote

      
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