kid deserves it imo!

Hello fellow Adeladian

Crazy story, also crazy that you want to be stacked into PLO MTT, variance galore, hate to say this but consider getting into another poker variant and more importantly, really consider why you want to start playing again, it might not be the most +life EV play to take atm

gl with everything, wouldn't mind meeting you some time, maybe bump into each other at Sky City

This is kind of pathetic.......

Hey NWB,

You may remember me, I posted quite aways back in this here monster thread, right around the time you first got out of your experiment. I said back then that you shouldn't be drinking, so it's good to see you've taken steps to stop the self-destruction of alcohol in your life.

I also mentioned that you didn't have the right mentality for poker. Now I admit it's possible that someday you will have the right mentality... But right now you're still in the very infancy of sobriety. Do you realize that gambling will stimulate pretty much the same area of your brain as alcohol?

It does.

Your still looking for a high, my friend.

Not everyone who plays poker has this issue, but you clearly do. So do I, to a degree, which is why I almost never play anymore. I replaced poker with other things in life that give me more enjoyment.

Poker, I fear, will only lead you back to drinking. The moment you begin to get "high" from poker, your brain chemistry will change and your thinking process will start to fail. Suddenly, having a drink or two won't seem like such a bad idea.

To be honest, even your thoughts of going back to poker is simply the seductive and tricky voice of your alcohol addiction. It will try different tactics. Oh, play some poker, what's the big deal? Subtly your brain knows that this will lead you back down the self destructive road, either through a feeling of invincibility when you score big, or a feeling of depression when you lose a bunch. Either way, it's back to the booze from there!

And then it's...
Oh, so I missed a meeting or two, those guys are all saying the same **** all the time. I know what I need to do to stay sober.

So I have a drink or two after a big poker win, look--I didn't black out! I have it under control now. Just being social, enjoying life baby!

I know this seems impossible to you right now. But that's part of the way your brain will slowly lull you back to that same old place.

And then the drinking will start in earnest.

Maybe that's just what you need to go through. But then again, look at Amy Winehouse. She just probably had one too many slip ups at the end of the day and never really had another chance to get back on track. That could be you, NWB. I hate to say it but after reading everything, I think you're really walking a fine line. Very, very close to disaster still.

These are the very early days of sobriety and you have a lot, lot more to learn about yourself, how you'll deal with life, etc. You need to prove that you can stick with this and really repair the damage you've done. Instead of trying to wrangle up a stake here, you should be getting in contact with friends and family to help support your new life.

I am worried about you, a total stranger who I really don't even know. This could be a really positive, inspiring thread, or it could be like the Brandi Hawbaker thread...I am hoping for the former obviously.

Good luck. Please take a long break from poker and stick with AA (not the cards but the program).

And one other thing. Before you start telling me how this time it's different, how you finally have your head on straight, because now you're finally sober...

You should go back through every post you made in this mammoth thread. Read all of your posts here. Every single one, no matter how silly. Read how many times you talk about new rules, new ways of coping, how you finally figured out what to do to make poker work for you.

By the end, if you truly read ALL your old posts, I GUARANTEE you will see what everyone else here already knows.

lol@asking for a stake, you pathetic loser. yay another scum bag degen and the sad thing is, people are buying into this pile of horse chit. You should be banned for asking the community for more money after they supported you mentally and somewhat financially. You are a piece of crap pal.

^^ lol@you thinking I should be ashamed for asking to be staked. Pathetic loser, scumbag degen, should be banned, piece of crap. Just be happy bro. Keep on trollin'.


@gorvnice

Thanks for your take once again. I wish I didn't have a splitting headache and could think a little better right now. Makes it hard to concentrate when it feels like my brain is blown up like a balloon... And don't worry, I'm not in automatic convince-you-otherwise mode. I'll just provide my own perspective, which, far from being some rebuke, will probably corroborate your own.

Firstly, I just want to say that alcohol is by far the greatest problem that I needed help with, and I'm amazed that for a while I actually thought that honor belonged to poker. Such was my denial about my problem. I mean, I knew I had a problem, but I had long turned away from the full extent of it. I am so thankful that I finally walked through the doors of AA, so so grateful. But all these other things start to come to light that have been drowned in booze for so many years.

Since I have stopped drinking, I have dealt with some hard truths. I have been overwhelmed with many dawning grim realities as the true extent of everything is slowly being revealed, with every bad memory that rears its head and every challenge I face in staying sober. In this time I am doing what I can to cope, and what I need to, like attending meetings as often as possible, riding my bike etc. But there are times when I need to escape all of that incessant self-focus, and am grateful for something like poker to give me a break from it all. You are right in that I play for stimulation. Stimulation, in fact, especially the kind I get when fully immersed in a tournament, is something I feel utterly compelled for at all times. I don't know if that's a gift, or an affliction, or whatever, but regardless it is a prominent component of my being and always has been. I hate silence. I hate stillness. I hate the sound of my blood racing around in the chambers inside my head. And I have always sought out an escape from it. Be it drugs, alcohol, poker, movies, video games, music, there is a constant need to be occupied. Now, some of those things (drugs, alcohol), are obviously dangerous, and will very likely become a problem. But what about the other, less risky activities? Surely it is not a bad thing to let some brilliant documentary completely invade your mind and take you somewhere amazing. I need to figure out where poker fits in here. Is it a dangerous activity, or is it something positive? I believe that staying sober, I can find out. Without sobriety, the answer is clear. When I have been able to afford to play the odd poker tournament, I am grateful for the brief escape from the world and my own stuff. But I am still confused about the whole thing. I'm sure it's not entirely a good thing to "need" poker so badly, but at those times of total immersion and calm intensity, I play at the very height of my own capabilities in term of rational, logical thinking.

Do I have the right mentality for poker? If I look at it truthfully, I'd have to say no. But then I think: how would I even know? How would I know what kind of mentality I really have when I've had a problem with alcohol for the last 10 years, 100 blackouts a year, perpetual intoxication or hangovers or sickness? I've had to contend with a stranger for the rights to my identity. When I discovered poker I was drinking as much as ever, there was no clarity at all. The longest I was sober was in the study, and that was because I had no say in the matter. If I base my answer on my mental state during this time, what answer can I honestly give?

I am definitely aware of the thought process you mention. Hey, it's not so bad. Miss a few meetings. Have a couple of drinks. Wow, nothing happened! I'm cured! Have a few more. And again. And then I no longer can perceive the situation and am f*cked. From my own experiences, and what I've been learning in meetings, I am aware of this danger.
I still believe that, while being a potentially risky venture, poker is something that I enjoy, and can be a positive in my life. Am in denial again? I don't know.

And whaaaat? Amy Winehouse is dead? I gotta start watching the news...

Lol 100% denial..!

As mentioned above, by the clever gentleman, you need to stay away from poker, because it will just send you straight down s*** creek as soon as your heater ends.. Like the last couple of time.

Had a friend who keep coming back and hittting some heaters like you and throwing it all away as soon as things didnt go his way. He had to lose 4K dollars, 2 times within 14 days before he realized that he shouldnt play anymore.
He plays excellent when things are going his way but the slightest things goes against him and hes on monkey tilt.. you may not have as bad a tilt problem but you defo have tilt problems to some degree

[X] confirmed denial

i pretty much think gov hit the nail on the head. but if you insist that playing poker while early in sobriety is a good idea, why don't you at least hold off on the poker until you have a sponsor in AA and have run the idea by him? that should be your number 1 priority right now, finding a sponsor. meetings won't keep you sober. YOU can't keep you sober. right now you need some guidance from someone who's been through all the things you're going through, and who can give you some clearheaded, face to face advice. lots of good advice in this thread, but nothing to compare with what you need, which is someone to help you work the 12 steps. THEY are what will truly keep you sober.

Hey NWB,

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I appreciate the fact that you take constructive criticism well, and you have a great way of making people feel listened to (even if you don't always take the advice!). It's a real nice trait, though, and I'm sure it will only grow as your sobriety grows.

However I do want to respond to just a few of your points.

I agree, you need to be smart about how much self-examination you do and make sure that you don't burn out. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Now look, I'm not stupid--it's obvious you've made up your mind about wanting to play poker. People do what they want to do at the end of the day, right or wrong. I do respect your choice. But you also need to be up front with yourself. Poker is a big risk for you. It's connected with drinking. It stimulates the same area of the brain. I know from my own experience that when I'm on a poker rush my brain starts to function differently, I become more impulsive, my moods change, etc. That is a really scary thing to take on at this time in your life.

This is a very important admission. You're running from your life. We all do this to different extents. I'm by no means advocating a life where you never try to distract yourself. But you need to be smart about how you do it. If you value your own life enough, you'll stay away from paths that you've found to be self-destructive. Poker is not self-destructive for everyone. Neither is alcohol. For me, I can literally have one beer and not touch the stuff again for six months without a second thought. But with poker, if I sit down and start playing online, I will blow through whatever roll I have online within a single evening. That's been proven to me again and again until it worried me enough to say, "**** this. I'm not playing anymore." After a long break I can occasionally play these days. But it barely even interests me because I know deep in my heart that I don't have what it takes. Sometimes knowing you can't fold is even more important than making a fold, if you get what I'm saying.

You can't fold. That's been proven over and over again in this thread and you;re getting ready to prove it just one more time if you take up poker again. It might be a week, it might be a month, but at some point you'll lose emotional control and you'll blow everything. Sorry, that's just how it is. I would love to be proven wrong but don't see it happening in this case.

You know. Of course you do. You've had plenty of chances to prove yourself with poker and you can't pin it all on alcohol. This is just one more excuse because it's too painful to think of life without these self-destructive acts, and the various escapes you've set up for yourself.

My last suggestion is one that I don't give lightly. I don't believe in forcing my beliefs or ways down someone else's throat, so please feel free to ignore me on this. But I've found meditation, particularly breathing meditation, to be very effective in helping me become more clear and focused in my life. I can tell you more about it if you care to PM me. Otherwise, I will definitely be rooting and hoping that you continue on this path you've started.

Best of luck.

Hey nwb are u still Smoking cigs and or mj? Do u drink coffee?

Found this peculiar, the motives behind this and the person writing it, checked out his posts and basically he joined the other month and has done nothing but create troll posts; may seem naive, but do people really create new accounts and sit around there computer trolling people all day? Thought it was somewhat of a myth

I think this is the fundamental reason why you're having all these difficulties. In all seriousness, look into Buddhism, there's a temple in Adelaide for it, not sure if it's open for the general public. Buddhists learn to appreciate the silence, to actually gain joy out of it. Your hatred for it signifies that there's something deep within tormenting you; I didn't read the whole thread but I guess you've had some stressful experiences in your life? Seriously look into getting some sort of therapy, professional not just some support groups, let them figure why all this **** is happening. If you're <25 it's free from the government, called "headspace"

You need to identify the reason why you're seeking the rush, why you stillness, instead of going down the path of fighting the urges for the rest of your life. Stitch the wound, don't just keep hoping some bandages will stop the rush of blood

loved your post number 1297:"Dear alcohol. We've been closely acquainted for 11 years now...."
I'm going along with the Buddhist teachings thing.....have been quite helpful for me at many points in my life. Check out some thich nhat hanh quotes
or better yet, some podcasts by Gil Fronsdal....he is by far the most amusing and makes those hard to deal with quiet moments of solitude more tolerable.

Some people here in this thread seem to assume everyone and their brain is wired the same, much less the varying environments we all are exposed to as kids. Just amazing, esp the trolls. Ignorance is not bliss, they're just lacking any kind of compassion.

Keep us posted. I would love to see what you do in PLO.

Are you really this dumb? So him creating a thread, receiving donations, kind advice and saying he will change to blowing all of his money, being broke, and asking the community for more money has anything to do with my account? Sorry but you fail. This guy is a scumbag degen and the nerve he has is outrageous. After everything everyone has done for this piece of crap, he comes back begging for more. Oh and I sit around all day trolling people? Check my posts per day you ******. I thought people werent this dumb..I guess it isnt a myth after all.

He is trash

You are trash

gotta love this game

hmrmmmm you're interesting ^^

I think hmmrmm, 20% you're legit and 80% a troll

Finally someone else with sense, I cant believe there are so many people defending this scum I mean he is just another typical lowlife that happened to make a thread, I really dont see what everyone is so excited and 'touched' about hahahaahha this guy is absolute TRASH. The best part is he cant even realise how immensely pathetic his stake post appears, with his 218 games played graph trying to appear legit hahaahahahahaha man I haven't laughed that long in a while, so nice to watch the trash of the world try to function normally hahahhaahah. Last time I got banned and my post deleted for suggesting you do something so this time I'm just going to reinforce in your head that you are total trash at the lowest point in society and maybe if you hear that enough times you can exit your delusion that you are different from your degen scumbag lowlife counterparts the world over. As always, looking forward to your international bestseller ahahahahahahahahhaha ****ing loser.

^^Troll bonding <3

Maybe you should exchange numbers

Seriously wouldn't be surprised if it's the same guy, both have a strong chance of being a second account judging by approach in relation to posts, very similar choice of words/tone

Maybe you should stop dodging the truth by dismissing it as "haters/trolls lol" and adding one of your many 'witticisms'. You do realise every time you do that you confirm even more that you are a typical degen in denial, only listening to comments that are sucking your dick. I can tell you I'm not a gimmick account, and I can tell you the reason I have so little posts is because I cant be bothered to actively partake in forums but you make me so sick with your attitude along with your false sense of ego and accomplishment due to the popularity of this thread that I need to let you know every once in a while that you are after all just a typical one of many lowlife. And I know those comments get to you no matter how much you try to play it off cool, because in the end of the day it is the truth and the truth hurts my friend. Maybe if you take control of your life and finally forget about this thread, in a few years you'll look over it and realise actually how pathetic this all is and how all the "haters lol lol lol just hating haters gonna hate trolls gonna troll lolololol" are actually the only ones making some sense.

hmrmmm, a few lines don't add up, I reckon a bluff, same guy ~ 85%, insecure ~ 90%, stupid ~ 100%

Hahaha, oh yeah. It's genuinely fascinating how these specific type of trolls can project so much of their own sh*t onto a stranger over the internet, for a while there I actually thought they might have been an ex-girlfriend or something.

That's the thing dude, you don't get to me. You're not an insightful, thoughtful poster with valid criticisms that strike a chord, you're just some strange bitter dude that stops past every now and then to vent his anger.

And as for my "ego" and "sense of accomplishment", I'm not sure what you are referring to specifically, but if something about my story actually bothers you this much, maybe you should be asking yourself why. I'm just a guy you will never meet that has a dumb thread on an internet forum, it is silly that you would let me upset you so much.

Also, learn the difference between the "truth" and your opinion.

Yeah man. I do want a sponsor, and am still searching for one. Still a case of working out who I feel comfortable with, who I respect/trust etc. And it's a bit difficult, I have brought up poker in conversation at various times when talking to other members, and there is an immediate apprehension, and the misunderstanding that I am talking about slot machines (pokie machines). And then my attempts at convincing them that it's something different entirely just makes them think I'm some delusional gambler that thinks he has a system... No-one else understands poker except those that play it, not even the guys at GA. But yeah I do need a sponsor.

Yeah I've found that it's kind of a nervous thing with the cigarettes. Again, something to keep me occupied, especially if I'm out. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm not gonna beat myself up too bad either. Don't smoke weed, I don't have the right mind for it. And yeah I drink coffee but I've cut back, especially in the afternoon/evening. Probably a good thing to minimize stimulants...

Hey pat3392 you play at SkyCity often?