My advice is to not play poker with your track record. You obviously have an very addictive personality. Poker, especially online, will feed you addictive side of your personality and that will only spill over into other aspects of your life.

Why people want to dream of sitting in front of a computer grinding out a living, or festering in a casino all hours is beyond me.

I realise im in the wrong forum for this point of view

Nice little overlay in the 30K guarantee

currently 67/213, borrowing summerlinpkr's one time...

GL NWB glad to you are staying sober. Can you ban your self from pit games at the casino you go to? If so I would do that ASAP. Though yo need to build up your BR and maybe a 9-5 job is exactly what you need. Oh yea ship the tourney!

I finished 105th out of 533. Have your one time back, summerlinpkr. I'll grab it next time.

I played ok, definitely made a few mistakes though. I'll post one hand that was probably the toughest laydown I've ever made:



I dunno, maybe it's a standard fold for PLO, but the old me simply would not have been capable of folding a gutshot + nutflush draw with one card to come. Meh, no strat in BBV etc.

Oh well, I had fun. Thanks summer for the rail Will respond to previous posts in morning, I'm beat.

NWB,

Very very psyched to see you're still alive and well and sober. That is a huge, huge step and reading what you've written, the sobriety has sharpened your prose and insight. Much less B.S. self-delusion floating in your words these days.

As for poker, it's a danger. Certainly you realize this. Navigating something with potentially addictive properties is much harder in your particular situation. I think if you were making plenty of money and basically comfortable/happy in your work life and personal life, playing poker could become just a fun little hobby for you.

But right now it serves as a potential distraction and even a land mine if you're not careful. Keep your eyes open and your mind sharp--do not lie to yourself. You need to be incredibly honest if you're going to do this and not crash and burn.

Good luck man, I'm pulling for ya.

NWN,

Glad to hear you are doing allright and getting a better handle of yourself. Goodluck on the tables (poker that is)... Remember BRM, never bring all your bannkroll to the table and no more than you will play in a session. Again, goodluck, and hope to hear more from you.

You are aware that you were just inches away from going on another bender?

You seem to combine your poker results with your life basicly. If you win your on top of the world and when you finally bust because you keep taking shots, you go on a huge bender. Scrap some money together and rinse repeat.

I had gambling tendencies aswell (Not on the same scale), but I dont think going to gambling anonymus is going to help, it will just remind you all the time that there is something you cant do and so on. You should just realize that you will never gain anything from poker, It will only take things from you. So basicly if you want something out of your life, pull yourself together and just fing stop.

- Cardio helps keep your mind of it.

nice update

OP! Where are you? Rooting for you bud!

Cheers bud!

Read the last page...if you're sober keep up the good work.

I'm at 2 1/2 years, the real craziness if doing what you're doing, facing life, raw, and uncut, without the booze and dope, not taking the easy way out.

Yeah, don't let any of this become a self fulfilling prophecy, surround yourself with people who hold you accountable...whatever you're doing, keep doing it seems to be working...end of my rambling.

I'm working 60 hours a week right now, mostly at an oil laboratory. If I'd let the vocal minority of haters on 2+2 get to me I'd be laying in a ditch somewhere. Block all that out. Focus on the positive, keep going. Win.

Sorry for the rambling I gotta be up at 430am. Talk to you later.

Relapse behavior.


Congrats on the now 90 days!! GL

dude if my daughter ever came home with a POS like you I would be trying to advance to the next round of a Russian roulette tourney.

Have a great day

Lol, this guy likes to drink and play cards like everyone else here. U mad bro?

hey tommy, we didnt use ur location on ur daughters ass hole, umad?

I recently saw a license plate at my local casino that said "RECUVRY". Made me LOL.

People with addictive personalities should not gamble. Gambling has crushed plenty of people that did not use ... what ... you think that being sober gives you some sort of suit of armor against that addiction because it's not a drug?

How much you wanna bet you are wrong?

Brag: 100 days sober!

Despite the word ‘sober’ being more in tune with the solemnity of a period (.), I felt an exclamation mark was more appropriate to emphasise the celebratory aspect of the brag in question. But I digress...

Have a drink for me BBV

Sorry I’ve been so slack at responding to posts. I know you were likely not on the edge of your seats in anticipation, but ideally I aim to respond in a timely fashion as a matter of common courtesy, it’s just I’ve not wanted to write in here until now. Couple of ugly encounters with the Omaha Gods (or more accurately, my addictive nature) resulted in me sinking into a depression that lasted almost a week. Reminiscent of a time I thought was far in the past, I sunk my entire fortnightly payment into poker, literally screaming **** HYPERS but failing to reach the dizzying redemptive climax that chinagambler managed (to the guy I was playing with who recognized me from this thread, my chat was banned dude, sorry I couldn’t reply) instead I just sank lower and lower, depositing another 10, then 20, then 50, then the remainder of what was in my bank account, until that one last tournament, playing perfect, godly run of cards, 33 players left, 140,000 in chips, miles ahead of my closest rival who had 50,000, when it all falls apart, flopped set of Aces, call an opponent’s all in, turns em over and all he has is a gutshot and of course he gets it. Then I get flush over flush and villain runner runner quads. Commence pounding of the desk and knocking everything to the floor and wiping the spit from my screen, push with two pair no redraws coz why the **** not, bubble the tournament that I’d dominated for 5 hours. It’s payday and I’m dead broke for another fortnight.

13 hours on the sofa, not eating, not bathing, not taking water, not leaving the room except at 55 past the hour to piss. Gambling with money I couldn’t afford to lose. Something tells me this is not normal behaviour…

…so once again I experienced the aftermath of addictive behaviour. What did I learn? That I could be getting a hell of a lot more out of my sobriety if I didn’t allow myself to wander off into these destructive avenues. I land in a pitfall and then I’m down in a place where it looks like a drink might make everything better, and my mid-brain might just succeed in overcoming my frontal cortex and convince me that the next 30 seconds are worth forsaking a lifetime. Oh, and poker ****ing sucks ass.

But anyway. That time came and went and what waited for me was my sobriety. I took stock of myself, things weren’t so bad. Apart from being broke, things were actually good. What helped me emerge from the funk was listening to a tape by Dr Kevin McCauley on addiction. I know from the posts ITT and the PM’s I’ve received over the past year that a lot of you that come to my thread have a fascination with addiction. Anyone who struggles with or is interested in this subject, I would HIGHLY recommend you check out his stuff at addictiondoctor.com. It has certainly opened my eyes to a lot of things that I have been struggling to understand, and it feels like it has established a foundation of truth that explains many aspects that hinder me, mainly alcoholism and poker.

Then it was back to meetings and bike riding and eating healthy and getting more days of sobriety up my sleeve, and here I am, 100 days clean, and that brief low point is receding into the distance.

Hey man thanks a lot for reading this thing.

You know, it’s strange. I rarely think about table games at all, yet the times I’ve messed with them have been devastating. I was just thinking yesterday about how truly ****ed up it was when I lost my life savings on roulette, just a few days after a 13 day live heater at 1 / 2 that netted me a profit of $5K. How the **** was such a thing possible, after I had played my A-game in poker for almost two solid weeks??? Very dangerous stuff, gambling. For the addict.

I filled out an online application for a dealer position at the casino, so who knows I might end up taking your advice. I think you're right, there's probably nothing that would deter one from playing table games more than seeing things through the eyes of the dealer. Ugh, would be gross, soul destroying work. Haven’t heard back from them (was a couple of weeks ago), and tbh I have mixed feelings about working in the casino. A lot of my darkest times featured the casino as the main attraction.

Thanks gorvnice, once again you are spot on. I like poker, I enjoy the intricacy and the art of the game and the rush of winning and deep runs in tourneys. But whenever I play now it is with scared money, and that is simply never going to work. My friend staked me for the 30K guarantee a few weeks back and I played my A-game despite finishing ~100 out of ~600. It’s just hard because financial insecurity is something that comes pounding at the door whenever I’m running rough, and then some part of me connects the solution to this stress with poker. The tape I was listening to has really helped me understand all of this (and a lot of the advice you have posted ITT), as one of the most insightful and intelligent posters I’ve encountered, I reckon you’d find his lectures fascinating (Kevin McCauley M.D.)

Thanks man!! Really appreciate your support.

Yeah it’s true that these actions bring me closer to relapse. Thanks for your advice. Cardio is the ace up my sleeve, riding to meetings (AA not GA) is doing wonders for my sanity (despite evidence to the contrary)

Hey Jared! Thanks a lot for your support. You know, just the other day I was trying to figure out how the idea of AA came into my head that awful morning when I woke up and was bombarded with the terrible memories of the night before, the driving in blackout, the hazy altercation with my ex after I’d busted into the house, the losing control of my car and almost killing myself… I was out of control and if I didn’t do something about it I was literally going to die in a car accident … and then BAM the thought of AA comes into my head… but how? And then I realized. Two weeks earlier you had sent me a PM suggesting Alcoholics Anonymous. It barely even registered in my head but it must have lodged in my subconscious because two weeks later when truly desperate your suggestion came to me, and I made the best decision of my life which was to act on it. So it’s fair to say:

JARED HUGGINS SAVED MY LIFE!

Your hugs warmed hearts and put smiles on faces, but your words helped me turn my life around. Don’t know how to thank you. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well. 2 and a half years is insane, well done. Keep in touch man.

Very true, very true. Thanks mate.

Pics of daughter?

<3

Cheers NWB, drinks on me!

Despite missing a catch up with you during the Australian Open in Jan this year I've still been loosely keeping track of your progress as best I can. Here's to a prosperous and fulfilling future!


My grandmother has told me on more than one occasion now that, "you make your own luck in life"...so remember that when times get hard mate and keep the grind on the mind

Update?

he got cancer cuz experiment went wrong and died.

Too bad cancers don't work like that, and he posted the other day.

How have you not stopped playing poker yet, it's obviously not a positive thing for you. At least take a break for a year or longer to get some perspective. Impossible to be a winning poker player (long term) without balance in your life, which is more then just being sober. Ask yourself how much it will affect you if you are sitting at a table and you lose. And if the answer is that it will make you depressed or possibly send you into a downward spiral then you are likely not in a good situation. From your posts you seem so have a certain level of intelligence, at the same time though you keep making decisions that lack common sense. So you are likely lying to yourself, or possible enjoy the rollarcoaster ride or self-destruction. It's your life in the end, maybe self-destruction is what keeps you feeling alive. If that was the only answer it would be sad though.

Time for an update!

Brother, I wouldn't even know where to start...

Well you're still alive, so there's that

start in the middle, then go to 3/4 of the end of the story, skip back to 2/15 of the story chat a bit about that then tell the end of the story, and then go back and fill in the holes.

or just start at the beginning.