fly fly fly BBV hero, spread those wings!!

( and F the hataz)

Good to hear things are turning around for you, I wish you gave some more and detailed updates like you used to do man, but regardless wish you the best.

Just for you bro... Sorry for the lack of updates… things aren’t good. I pretty much need to go back to the hospital, it’s the only place I’m safe. Two hours into the outside world and things were great. Four hours and that clawing need to escape sweeps over me and before I know it I’m in a bar looking down a glass and it’s begun. Each moment since then has had this ominous sense of foreboding that I can’t shake. My exit from the hospital serves as the junction between then and now, sanity and insanity. I’ve been on trains, on buses, in hostels, I’ve been to Melbourne, to Port Elliot, naked and intoxicated on DMT, fried by the Sun, all in the name of freedom and peace and this dark cloud follows me around and haunts every step I take. My cheque came through two days ago. I’ve paid back most of the people that spotted me fifties here and there, and have $4,000 to my name. There will be no paragraphs. I did not get in to the Melbourne stint – my bilirubin once again. I can’t say I am surprised. 24 hours before my medical screening I was laying in bed, my second solar cycle with no sleep, writhing, suffering mental and physical torture of a magnitude I can’t describe, looking up rehab clinics and coming so close to cancelling the trip to Victoria and throwing in the towel… but after seven hours of this madness I decided I had to give it a shot, so I packed a bagful of things, caught a taxi to the train station, bought some sunnies to hide my eyes, and off I went, eleven hour sentence to be served aboard the Overland and there were other humans all around me, all fascinating, most of them disapproving, or at least that’s the way my addled mind perceived it. But it was not I who was drinking no this trip, not at all, it was two young lads from Germany who held the prize for the most troublesome passengers. They first received attention when one of the toilets became mysteriously filled with paper towels and the contents of the tampon/needle receptacle and flooded sending a foul deluge into the cabin area. There was little doubt as to the culprit, but with no evidence and no witnesses they would maintain their freedom. For a while. But their condition was not sustainable, and soon their foil bladder of wine was depleted and they were stumbling down the walkway, hands clutching the air and unfurling with a palsied clawlike action that brought images of Hunter S. Thompson on a bad day, or a cripple. I put him on some heavy animal tranquilizer, but I could have misread the situation slightly, regardless, he entered the lavatory and did not return. The woman in charge who had been keeping a close eye on the situation investigated, somewhere in the vein of twenty minutes since he was last seen. He was asleep on the ground, curled around the toilet bowl, snoring. All attempts at waking him failed, and they had officially overstayed their welcome. The train stopped at some obscure outback town, and these two young German travelers who were bound for Melbourne awoke from their drunken slumber to two fat Australian policeman breathing in their faces, an authoritarian mantra of “Drugs or grog!? Drugs or grog?” Confused, one of the lads responded: “Drive. Just drive.” The situation began to dawn on them as they stood outside the train, holding their meager possessions, in a town where they knew no-one, where they were in violation of the local law, and where the train that passes through was not due to return for another two days. My heart went out to those guys, and I knew in my heart how easily that could be me. Then the train went on and they were gone, but I wanted to tell their story and hopefully they are in a better place now.

My arrival in Melbourne was marked with intense flu due to the run down condition of my body, and any hope I had of passing the medical screening was pretty much gone. Still, I went through the motions, doomed to fail as I was. That night, I felt strongly that I had to visit the Crown Casino and play some poker. I must have picked an off day or something because I gotta tell ya, the whole thing was a f’kin joke from start to finish. I’m a very easily pleased patron of these gambling establishments, I rarely complain so long as the basic flow is observed. The little things. But this was bull****. First, I checked the website for the tournament schedule and found a tournament that fitted my needs. Perfect. But, I know that it is wise to check the reliability of such information, so I rang up to confirm. Yes sir, that tournament is running, yes, 7:10pm. Ok, see you soon. Thankyou very much. I get there and whip out my bankcard to pay for a ticket. Oh, I’m sorry, that tournament isn’t running today. Are you ****ing serious? Why did the girl tell me it was? Never mind… I’ll just play some NLHE200. Oh, I’m sorry, we can’t take your card, you’ll have to find a cash machine. Ok, no problem. I look around. Umm… where is the nearest machine? Oh, it’s just back up the stairs, around the corner, and down the hallway. Ok…. An eternity later I find a machine… but it won’t accommodate (needed cheque facilities for my brothers card). FFS. Sign says there’s another machine for my needs a little further along. Ask a staff member. Response: I dunno. Ask another staff member. Response: I dunno. **** this…. By now I’m so ****ing tilted that I decide poker is no longer a feasible option, and we leave. Or we try to leave. We get so ****ing lost in that place, end up in the car park which is like being a rat in a maze. I can feel the eyes on us and I’m pouring sweat and sick as a dog and just wanna get the **** outta there. So not the best first ever visit to the Crown Casino… but I’ll be back, I’ll just make sure to bring a wad of cash and to expect nothing from anyone.

I really miss Pokerstars. I wonder if it would be truly pathetic to spend New Years Eve playing poker at the Adelaide Casino instead of seeking truth and love and mystery… ****ing hell I need to sleep.

Melbourne was so beautiful. Even though I was sick as hell, sleep deprived and exhausted, everyone was so friendly, the contrast from Adelaide was intense and awesome, I definately want to go back. Wish I could have been in better form And even though my experience with the Crown sucked ass I won't let it deter me from going back.

I will try sir. tyvm

Welcome to the forums my brother (guy is actually my brother and my partner in crime during all Melbourne and Port Elliot madness). You 'mirin brah?

Hail comrade! Happy New Year!! Happy New Year to all!

- NWB.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

So drinking and gambling again? Feels like Déjà vu, I wonder how this story ends.

Have an exam on january the 3rd, so cant drink on new year, so I'll probably end up playing poker... And yes it's kinda pathetic... -.-

I know we've had a few decent exchanges. But damn, that's a well written story haha. Enjoyed this post much. Hope you're doing okay.

last i read this thread he was just getting out of the other clinic quite a while ago must of been pre BF

ok now time to read

I just want to say that despite going off the rails, I have not given up my struggle with alcohol. I want more than anything to get on top of it and say goodbye to this bull**** once and for all. It's New Years Eve and I'm staying indoors, away from booze and madness. I've pretty much drank non stop for the past two weeks and things are dire, if I can not drink tonight and start the New Year with this small victory, who knows.

One other thing... I made an account with Bodog today, after a two month total abstinence from online poker. I turned $200 into $2,225 playing the Goddess of poker - PLO. I've withdrawn $2,200 and am going to book my flights to the Philippines as soon as the stores are open next year.

All your posts are still massively appreciated, this thread has truly been a great thing for me throughout this year, and you all have helped me realize how out of control things became. No-one's advice has been in vain, it simply takes time and a lot of bull**** to work through these sorts of problems. Thanks for those that still haven't given up on me, this story will have a happy ending, I promise.

Thanks mate. I'm glad that part of my brain still functions half well.

The behaviour of people such as these is bad for their own health as well as annoying to other members of society. But, people tend to ridicule these types due to the fact that they are easy targets. Pointing out their (obvious) flaws makes people feel better about their own lives and situations. It’s kind of like pointing at someone who is clearly not doing too well at life and saying, “look at him! I’m doing much better than him!”. Well, yes you are, but that probably isn’t the person you should be comparing yourself to when judging your own life. Why don’t you look at the guy that works hard and succeeds, and say, “look at him! I’m doing much worse than him”.?
Let’s be honest and say you’re not doing too well at the moment; You’re battling addiction, whilst being a human guinea pig in order to make ends meet. People (me included) like to check in on the thread in order to validate their own lives. It’s a constant reminder that there are others in worse positions than yourself, and therefore you’re not doing as bad as it seems. Well (sorry to say), maybe they (I) should find a more suitable person to compare themselves to than yourself. It’s an easy win versus you. Most can say, “I have a job, I don’t have to risk my own health to make ends meets and therefore I’m doing well”. Well, no, if you are looking for this kind of validation, then you’re probably not doing so well. They should compare themselves to their own potential rather than validate their inadequacies by comparing themselves to easy targets.
The funny thing is, rather gaining something sort of satisfaction from witnessing the two guys on the train, you actually felt and expressed empathy. This is why we all cheer for you so much; you’re a good person with the best intentions, more so than the vast majority of us.
So, whilst we all check up on this thread hoping you’ve ****ed up again (because it’ll make us feel better about our own latest **** ups), at the same time we hope that in time you get out of the crappy cycle that you’re in (because you’re a good person, and from what we can tell, deserve to be happy).

Based on what you’ve updated since your latest exit from the hospital, I don’t have too much confidence that you’ll find your peace very soon. But I, and most whom are reading this thread, hope that one day you do.

Good luck.

Fantastic post ^.

GOGOGO! How you liking Bovada? Why withdrawl full amount?

Should leave 200 on, and run it up again.

Ahhhh....dang it NWB. I occasionally check in here hoping to read positive stuff from you, hoping you'll be on track and in a good place mentally.

I guess I don't know what the demons are that chase you exactly. I've always had a dark side but my demons seem like little Chihuahuas compared to the ghouls you're battling.

You're a talented writer and an intelligent person. You seem to be on a certain path and I sincerely hope it doesn't end with you dead or in prison. Maybe that's where you need to go for some reason? It's beyond me. I don't say either of those things lightly, but I feel that in a matter of weeks or months you'll be in a casket or a courtroom. You'll be sitting there wondering what the hell happened to your life and how it came to this and how you're going to survive ten or fifteen years in a cell.

I think you need a long stint in rehab. Maybe a couple of months. You should check yourself in as soon as possible, IMO. It certainly can't hurt.

mini heater FTW...just don't do it again you little scamp!

Good luck, mate. You can do it.

Great story-telling.

From this angle he looks like a habitual loser

Maybe a good story... dunno haven't read it since there are not ****ing paragraphs. So I've made some... randoms probably but who cares.

YOU ARE WELCOME

EDIT : I don't feel like reading it anyway.

hey homie I saw you giving me a lot of support in my thread and I feed off that **** like mana from the nipples of Jesus and when I realised you made this monstrosity I felt obligated to read through it.

I'm halfway through at the moment. I keep falling asleep every few pages. Not because it's boring but simply that i'm a lethargic fat****. On the contrary, I love the triumph and the edge of blow up tilt you seem to be walking so far. Every win is celebrated and every **** up admonished harshly. It's nice to see people actually giving some you positive support on this.

Also a bit of a trip down memory lane for me. You know we're two mid-twenties wannabes grinding out a living in Australia and dealing with being our own worst enemies. I remember going to the BDO last year and believe me you ****ing really missed out. Rammstein completely killed the game. Sorry to rub that in =p But you mentioned it and I had this vivid flashback of being in downtown brisbane trying to get the train to gold coast at 9 am with the streets packed full of people on their way to work and I've got my shirt covered in sweat and food stains and tears pouring down my cheeks and I'm screaming my ****ing face off at my girlfriend across the road and she's calling me a piece of ******** and running away from me... ah man. 2011 was such a ****ed up year and seems you copped it too. I don't know how it ended for you yet but I'm hoping it's on a positive note. either way you've got a real sick reference here for how you did your life. gg bbq run good and stay balanced.

this is sad

where can I sign up for this gig? are the drugs dank?

bumpity.

Why would you play cash on Bodog when there's no way for anyone to know if #4 and #6 aren't on skype or teamplayer sharing their hands? No one is ever going to catch them. Or if #3, who popped on the table and 5 bet shoved on you with rags then popped off again, hasn't just jumped back on as #1 to do the same damn thing?

If you're going to play, get on a legit site imo. I can understand you not wanting people to follow you on PTR. If that's the case, make up a new SN and keep it private.

Gl nwb, find something solid in your life.

+1

Is it wrong to bump your own thread?

When I have access to a computer I will respond to the awesome messages you guys have posted. Thanks again, never stop.