It's code for having a sense of humor and / or being into the quintessential "funny guy".

Read this somewhere, seems accurate:

You can lie, cheat, steal, ogle, insult, demean and objectify, but nothing turns a girl off faster than expressing self-doubt.

Let me guess, 250? Didn't know you were a prof. If you go back to OOT and click the number in the "replies" column next to the thread, you'll see a list of users by total posts in thread.

Girls will be either hooked in or bored/wary of you when you start talking about deeper stuff. Sometimes both.

Best long term EV by far for both sex and girlfriends is to keep it light and witty and fun. It's not hard, you set a rule in your mind to never talk about her, you, politics, your exes, your lives, your work or your feelings on the first couple of dates. Dancing around those is actually a lot of fun and makes it all a bit of a game and a challenge - when you're stuck for words you have to be creative instead of pulling back into the uber-boring "so what do you do?" If she asks, you don't have to answer. She'll get curious but won't want to break what you're doing. You'll get curious but don't want to give up your mystique. It makes for a fun date rather than a painful or self conscious one.

What was the convo then? I can't imagine a way it's just not weird or padding your ego right in front of her.

I avoid talking about past realtionships unless the date brings them up. often they mention the relationship they had or just got out of. for the most part its definately good to avoid talking about exs as its rarely a positive experience.

talking about serious stuff can do a few things. sometimes it makes the girl think you're deep and thoughtful. however other times it sucks the fun out of a first date and makes it feel much more serious. example: girl brought up politics and spent a while talking about being pro-life (lol) and we went back adn forth basically debating ; not good foreplay imo.

"That felt awesome blah blah blah. When I suggested a spot to meet up you avoided it and said you'd call me. Were you angling to just come over?"

gs85
shame on you for even saying anything back. When people throw their controversial viewpoints at me I just deflect deflect deflect.

Mostly because I don't care, but also because I just don't feel like discussing such things.

ya went on a date with a girl the other day and within 20 minutes she told me she can't have kids and her best friend died 8 years ago.
Can I get another round, bartender?

ATF,

"I've found that girls really appreciate it / find it attractive when one makes an effort to understand them better."

Not saying I necessarily disagree with this, but on what basis are you making that statement? All the women you conversed with who decided not to go out on a second date with you?

ATF.

"That felt awesome blah blah blah. When I suggested a spot to meet up you avoided it and said you'd call me. Were you angling to just come over?"

Ugh, horrible.

so i have used okcupid on and off for roughly 1.5yrs, i've had decent success (my guess is more than most). i've dated probably 4 girls semi seriously (3month ish stints). i've had a few hot girls message me, and i probably had a 45% response rate at my peak, messaging only hot girls (it's hard to scan by personality given how many people you have to filter). probably been on 40ish dates with different girls.

i've had some really horrid failure recently. was recently dating a bomb blonde chick who messaged me from there, who dumped me. i went back last week and sent probably 14-20 messages out, and only got 2 replies back (i blew off both; one was hot but said she "went to many schools" when i asked her which school she went to, one was decent but i just wasn't into it). i'm considering posting here to fix some of my leaks because 2p2 is pretty much where i fix all my life leaks, but unsure what the best way to do it is. also kinda hesitant.

my profile? sample messages?

i feel like generally i've been pretty solid and methodical with my process but recently idk. feelin' pretty ****ty about it.

sucks man, hope it turns around for you

what's a typical first message for you look like? If hot girls are messaging you first I'm guessing your profile and pictures are fine but we won't know without seeing it.

I don't know, man. I think I would have been much more successful on my earlier dates were I not totally new to dating. In my very early 20s dating meant getting drunk, making out and then gently guiding their head into my lap. Expectations are bit different in the late 20s / 30 yo age range.

You do realize that IRL conversations come across a lot different than reading a paraphrase of them on a message board, right?

Yeah, no. That's still pretty LOL.

Is your lack of enthusiasm ("i blew off both") coming across in your messages?

I guess I can see why but given the situation it was totally natural. This chick is really into me and we get along well. For example we had two drinks over three hours last night and when we checked the time we were both like "whoa it's been three hours???".

Whoa! No way! That makes it Ok then.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mburke07

profile

sample messages from my last batch (didn't succeed):

sample messages that did succeed:

i didn't notice the repeated use of haha in the 2nd message, i never ever use it more than once, and try to avoid it because i think it comes off as awkward generally. reading the earlier ones i guess maybe i was too nonchalant and nonaggressive. but thats generally just how i am, i'm not the type of person who can randomly pursue a stranger i met at a bar.

generally my dates are awesome, i have hooked up with probably ~95% of the girls i go on dates with (i guess that isn't a definition of awesome; but i meant conversion rate), a couple i wasn't interested in, and a couple had boyfriends (??). it's really easy to make conversation/quickly say something funny in person. i feel a little more isolated online because you get the feeling that no matter what this person you're messaging is going to associate you with the weird creepy **** they get all day long.

I've tried the Infinite Jest openers too. They never ****ing work.

40 dates 38ish hook ups. Several relationships.

Seems like variance man. It's only 14-20 messages.

Oh yeah, you're 6'4"

lol your profile is awesome

i would consider changing some things but it's pretty damn good iyam

I would change oly lift to "lift weights(olympic)" it's more clear and having the word olympic in your profile is prob pretty good

"Bulgogi, Sashimi, and most other 'i's" i'd change to "foods that end in I" or somethin

I'd add some more pics, I think the first and third are great but second is meh and you could use more of them.

You've had great success and like Hoagie said it's probably variance but my immediate impression of your messages is that they seem overwhelming for a opener. Try using proper capitalization as well.

ATF,

If what you post is genuine, I have a pretty good idea what your IRL conversations are probably like.

Honestly, in your position (especially given the water polo pic and height), I would just message

And let them do all the work.

If you want high quality girls, consider capitalizing your opening messages and paying attention to grammar. Some very eligible girls I know will not date a guy who writes like you do.

i'm 0/2 on them. 0/3 on vonnegut opener's as well if i recall.

that's what i originally had hoped; for some reason most recent dumping has just been messin' w/ my head a lil so i wanted to see if that was manifesting itself in poor efforts going forward.

haha thanks i definitely think the more pictures is a good idea, or at least replacing some pictures. i have this idea that more than 4 pictures screams for attention (unless they're incredible pictures), and less than 3 means you're probably scared of your pictures or you don't have good recent ones.

agree on the syntax on the i's; that sounds better.

why do you think of capitalization as important? (not trying to be adversarial, curious). i feel like i articulate myself pretty well in my messages, and demonstrate proper grammar (usually moreso than they do.) but it's an interesting thought.

what do you mean by overwhelming?

mburke,

Variance. Your profile is solid. I think it's good to have your messages come off a little more on the smart/witty/educated side of things, because your profile does a good enough job of portraying you as a good looking fun-loving guy. Only thing I'd change is try working question(s) earlier in the message, and end the messages with something other than a question - that makes them feel a little formulaic to me.

ETA: re: capitalization, etc., I don't think it would hurt you to do better, but I interact w/ a number of very smart 20-something girls who never capitalize anything in informal communications, so I don't think it's any big deal at all.