i like writing the messages (in a sort of thrill of the hunt sense), but am i ****ing them up that bad that it'd be better to just leave my mouth shut than remove all doubt, etc.?

i've never heard that re: the grammar stuff. it's only just habituated through years of gchat/aim, but that's an easy fix and i agree that i literally gain nothing by not using proper grammer. so i'll fix that leak.

thanks el d, i appreciate the advice. is there a proper way to end an online message? like "talk to you soon" or something similar in terms of meaning? i've struggled with that because it's not really an email and it's not really a greeting either, it's sort of an amalgamation.

m,

"i agree that i literally gain nothing by not using proper grammer." *grammar

For the most part that's true, but be careful you don't take messages that flow and sound natural, and then "fix" them into something that sounds stilted and like business correspondence or something. As long as you don't look like a dumbass in your messages (which you don't), I think you're better off writing however is most comfortable for you.

m,

Yeah, dunno re: the closing, but I don't think it really matters as long as it's something normal ("Talk to you soon" "Have a great Monday!" "Go Pacers!" etc).

Your grammar is fine* 'cept for the occasional comma splice, which is fine in informal contexts anyway. Spelling and punctuation aren't grammar.

Btw, even if you choose to drop initial caps, you should probably capitalize stuff like I & I'd & I've all the time.


*In the messages, that is.

yeah i abuse commas and semicolons far too often. kurt vonnegut would probably hate me a bunch if he'd read my drivel.

at least you're signalling to potential dates that you've gone to college

If you're having fun and getting dates, I'd just keep doing what you're doing. You could probably write "I like killing babies" as your message text and you'd still get dates. You could go pretty outlandish before it'd hurt your dating life.
Diablo is probably more on the money than me, I imagine he moves in circles similar to you, so maybe listen to him instead. I spend too much time around high strung women (classical musicians mostly) and probably have a skewed view of how easily people get burned.

hahaha nh

I actually find your messages kind of confusing and I agree a bit overwhelming. It might just be that we don't have the context of her profile, which you're presumably responding to. I do think your writing is kind of sloppy. For example:

I really hate the "sup vicki!" It sounds juvenile and ridiculous. Unless you want her to see you as a teenager I wouldn't use "sup."

Your first sentence is actually two sentences. And your first "sentence" is: "i did the GED tutoring out of brocktown with a friend who works for a newspaper out there." This sentence is really just too much. It's confusing and overwhelming. Why the **** does she need to know that you did in with a friend and who gives a **** if he works for a newspaper? Just get to the ****ing point: "I did the GED tutoring as well. I enjoyed it." Or something along those lines.

I don't even understand the fun things part. It might make sense depending on her profile.

I really hate the "haha, you seem cool, talk soon!" First, why do you have three separate clauses all connected with commas? It's just weird. And why are you starting a "paragraph" with haha? I don't get it. If it belongs with the previous thought, then put it up there so that it makes sense. I can't think of any reason to start off a paragraph with lol or haha. Nothing funny has happened yet. I think telling a woman "you seem cool" is about the equivalent of "yur pruddy." I mean, honestly, it seems really juvenile. If she can't tell by the end of the message that you two might have some commonalities that you find attractive about her, then your message was a total failure. You should never have to say "you seem cool" at the end of the message. And I also hate the "talk soon!" thing for much the same reason. You shouldn't have to tell her to talk to you. Compel her to respond b/c of the strength of your message.

I am also of the opinion that you should always sign your first message with your name. You do that in this message, but it seems like the only one.

Your profile seems fine but I have no idea what "oly lift" is. I doubt most women do.

dale,

Yeah, most of that doesn't matter at all to the (what I presume are) 21-25yo girls he's messaging.

I agree that most of it doesn't matter, but I do think cumulatively it adds up to his messages being too much and confusing. I think him putting in some effort to making his messages smoother and more clear would help with the overall first impression he's making with that first message.

With every one of his messages, I thought to myself wtf? Again, it's hard to say if it's just the lack of context, but I do think his messages could be cleaned up signficantly.

I also agree with others that it could easily be variance.

oly lifting is fairly popular now due to crossfit but it's probably worth clarifying. i agree that the closing is quite bad, but i'm unsure how to fix it. concluding an online message directed at a complete stranger who you know only through a cursory glance at a profile she may or may not have taken less than ten minutes to fill out is not easy. i think you called me juvenile twice (in the message) so i should probably address that.

to shed some light: i generally try not to take okcupid seriously and have had some of the best results when that's the case (sending a one line ridiculous question like "i'm actually a former crocodile wrestler, AMA." to a girl who mentioned she liked that reality show about the rednecks in louisiana.) i think that comes off as sheepish and pathetic now in these messages, but it's not my intent. my intent originally was just to not take it too seriously and add an air of levity because online dating is such a scary realm. it could be that a better approach is to strong-arm them and remain professional, polite, and otherwise "non-juvenile." however, the girls whom i have dated and had conversations with about the process seem to agree that the process is in general comical, and they appreciate the meta-awareness of the process. but again i don't necessarily disagree that bringing humor is a good thing always. i agree that the "haha"--which i think is totally different than "lol" btw, but that's a totally different discussion on semantics that i don't think is worth having; the tonality is totally different-- that the "haha"s are a little awkward, but i don't really know how else to convey that i am cognizant of how ridiculous it is that i am mentioning infinite jest, or watermelon bubble-gum, in an attempt to win her affections.

also thanks for being brutally honest dale, i appreciate it (not being sarcastic)

For the record, I didn't call you juvenile. I simply said that something you wrote came off as juvenile ("sup" for example). I think light hearted and humorous is great. I just think your messages are a bit sloppy and poorly constructed.

As for ending the message, I think what Diabol said was fine. "Take Care, Matt." Or "Hope your week is starting off well. Matt"

no i didn't take it personally, i know you were referring to what i had written; sorry i could see how you might interpret what i had written that way.

what about for opening the message? i always think the "hey what's up?"s are generic, boring, and formulaic as el d had mentioned. would it be better to just go into the body of my message, truncate it and trim the fluff, then end with what you had just mentioned?

I don't think it really matters much. I think "Hey Girl's Name" is fine, or even "What's up Girl's Name." I just object specifically to "sup." I actually think it's fine to just get straight to it also. Do whatever feels natural that is within the range of standard. I guess the larger thing is that your messages don't read as being natural. They feel like you're trying too hard, tbh. Not sure if that's true, but they seem uncomfortable to me.

m,

"would it be better to just go into the body of my message" IMO, yes.

dale,

I def see what you're saying, but don't think it really matters much. But I agree that it can't hurt to get them a little tighter (in terms of content) and a little more natural (in terms of flow).

what do you mean by natural and trying too hard in my messages specifically? i tend to think about what i write while i read their profile, so you're probably right in that i try too hard and get fps'y. i'm just wondering if you can point out specific examples so that i can consider them going forward.

i won't cut out stuff if it's just me being me, but i can see how some of my dialogue is forced.

Anyone else have an opinion on too many pictures? I have 8 and was thinking of adding a picture of me when I was 6
3-4 of them are of fairly good quality imo

mburke,

its obv variance you're 6'4 and claim hot girls message you first. seriously no hot girls or moderately hot girls message me first ever so you're doing something right. if all else fails act like you're a 6'4 oly lifter.

kp,

I think picture number isn't crucial but 8 sounds excessive. i'm fine with anything in the 3-5 range. if you only have 3 just have varying shots of things eg: active,out w friends blah blah.

why do you think 8 pics is necessary? i assume girls are like us and only need more than 1 to get an idea of how ugly/hot we are. I would go with your 4 best pics. quality over quantity.

edit: re prolife: when she said that iwas taken aback and literally laughed/scoffed. also i enjoy debating w mouth breathers after a few drinks and really didn't like her company anyways. although would bang and probably ruined my chances of that. but shes prolife dude who wants to wear a condom .

ugh, **** online dating. Had two really good dates with this girl, she texts me first after getting back from the second one and I feel like a third is a formality. now she hasn't texted me for two days (although she didn't text me back for two days once before, so I have like one hour for her to text).

sometimes there just isn't any way of knowing. Everything can seem so good, then boom, nothing.

At least I'm better prepared for this one going wrong after the others.