So I had a woman respond to my message. She says she’s not sure if she’ll be checking the site very often, so if I’m really interested I can contact her on her personal email “name AT gmail DOT com.” Do I have reason to be concerned her if I email her from my private email account? She doesn’t show any obvious signs of being a fake, but she also didn’t seem to check my profile. She would appear to be a paying member (on Match). Her photos are not ridiculously hot or anything. I obviously wouldn’t give her any personal information or anything, but should I be concerned about her even knowing my email address?

Those are fakes. Dealt with those alot
On mAtch

Yeah, it sure doesn't feel right. I guess they're trying to get you off site before they get banned or something. I guess I'll just troll "her" now.

Trolling is often the best solution imo, who knows she's real and totally into negging

Dale, it's normal for the fakes/scammers/whatever to try to get you off the site as soon as possible. The first guy I ever dealt with from match was one of those, I knew something was wonky but kept talking to him (I used my yahoo acct since it's basically a throwaway) & eventually he proved himself to be a scammer. It's a huge red flag when they want to get off the dating site uber fast.

Hey guys,

Recently I learned the importance of proper grammar and language in online dating. I've stuck to that with good results.
However, once in a while I get these girls talking in accents/slang language very similar to my own. Sort of hard to compare with English, it's something like how blacks talk or how Texan is very different.
So what I'm wondering is (I tend to do this), is it OK to adapt/convert to a casual style of chatting when the girl does it anyway - or stick to the more formal/correct style congruent with your profile?

fan,

"So what I'm wondering is (I tend to do this), is it OK to adapt/convert to a casual style of chatting when the girl does it anyway"

IMO it's almost always good to be at similar level of casualness wrt communication style.

Yea, it is always a good thing to pick-up on their tone/language and mirror it.

Also, ^ what El Diablo says, as usual. Y U SO COOL EL D?

So now I know how it feels to receive a slightly weird response from a person that you hardly know and how instantly in B + W it has such an impact.
On whatsapp w a 37 yr old that I just started talking to tonight. Her: (Talking about my 5 yr old daughter and fun stuff I do with her eg pillow fights) I'd probably want to steal her.

Cool, I was curious about this exact thing. Feels right to be on a similar level. For example, some girls spam smileys to no end (I will do it, but not that much) and some girls hate smileys (will never use). Just thought it might come across strange to just instantly switch from nitty language to casual. But perhaps it's more like the effect of when you're discussing poker with someone random and you're like "oh god please, inevitable bad beat story coming up" but then they start using 2p2 lingo and analyzing hands well and you go like OK they're cool.
Cheers all

Yeah exactly what El said and its just normal to adjust to that new level. It's progress. It's a new area that you want to get to anyway unless you really talk uptight 24/7

Qqqha

Just now the most exciting thing for me is either on Tinder or PoF, with an option of liking or meet me and seeing a cover pic where it's unclear as to which girl it is but there exists a really not good-looking girl. Then I will go f yeah and press liked or meet me and not know which. That to me is really exciting.

I think the Meet Me feature of POF is stupid. I'd rather get an actual message from a man who wants to meet me, than to get a generic "so-and-so wants to meet you!" message. If the guy can't bother directly contacting me, I'm not interested. Period.

Also... a couple months ago I got a POF message saying someone wanted to meet me, it was a very unattractive, super overweight, guy who doesn't discipline his child... the guy is a member of my meetup group. Thankfully he didn't follow up with an actual message!

This is a really good post. I've been focusing a little too much on reading the girl and making her happy. I need to find girls that like the way I do things. I already do it in the initial stages of setting up the date, ask out after a few messages and try to set up a date to get rid of those who aren't serious. It's nice for us inexperienced dudes when girls help out with planning but it really just takes a decision out of our hands.

You need to find someone who likes the way you do things (provided you're not doing dumb/weird things), & you can take her actions/feelings/etc. into account but don't let "making her happy" rule the date. Be yourself & find someone who likes you the way you are, but find balance between making her happy and being yourself.

There's a huge difference between us girls helping with planning, & taking away your decisions. Again, figure out the right balance.

Bobboufl11, make the plans for them. In fact, make that your message and sometimes initial message.

"Hey, a few friends and I are going to ___________, you should come if you're free. I'll buy you a drink. We could talk about 'x'"

See how it suddenly sounds like an invitation a friend would make and it's completely casual? No pressure situations put girls on their toes and since it's so open they'll be more inclined to join.

I think I've realised a problem in my approach to dating.
I want new things, to broaden the spectrum of anybody that I would meet and on-line dating pretty radically breaks the barriers in terms who I can potentially start communicating with, with the explicit view towards dating.
The problem is that I feel immediately slightly pessimistic about contact that I think will ultimately fail and that that obviously hinders the opportunity for it to succeed. The differences in character are more evident and greater in the age group that I am active in and it feels pretty swingy! Can anybody relate to that?

Finally got a response from the deaf girl but I'm pretty certain it's bull****

Forget her. She disappeared, Wes

Let this be affirmation that you're doing something right and find someone right for you.

She was already forgotten but I'm a very curious person. I didn't wanna date her just wanted to know what happened.

Also I've been approaching a bunch of women in person. And talking to a few online. Think my new approach is working

Yes. Our (My? 27 and up) age group is comprised of a lot of variability. Women without children who feel their biological clock ticking, women just getting out of failed LT relationships that dashed their dreams, long term serial daters, pure nutzos, etc. It's one reason I like women who trend toward the upper 30s / very early 40s who've had their kids, have a career, and are just looking for a fun companion.

Jenni: I agree w/ your invitation advice in general about making plans and making it sound casual, but as far as your specific "friends and I doing x" invite, I think it's good for girls you meet IRL, but I don't think it's good advice for online dating.

BG: Reading your messages often makes my head hurt.

"I want new things, to broaden the spectrum of anybody that I would meet" sounds like someone who wants new things but doesn't know what those new things are.

If you are looking to have some fun flings and really explore your identity and sample from a broad range of romantic partners -- the way you probably should have done when you were college-aged -- then that's fine. Be more optimistic, and open yourself fully to those experiences. No **** it'll be swingy, you basically have no idea what you want except to have fun.

However, if you are looking for a serious LTR, you need to choose compatible partners, and to do that you need to know who would be compatible with you, and to know that, you need self-awareness and to know yourself. That may not be you right now.

And uh, ATF, humans in general are pretty variable no matter what age, but it gets steadier as you go up. Confirmation bias because you make weird choices and tend to attract and be attracted to weird people.