yea, I figured I could be out of touch on the dinner thing and it wasn't that she was hungry that annoyed me as much as it was that I felt like I would make it awkward by not ordering or have to eat again. I felt like no girl wants to eat in front of a guy who is just sitting there with nothing the first time they meet so I just ate again, but almost 2 full meals in 2.5 hours or so it quite a bit of food and I wasnt feelin it.

Yes, I had paid for dinner before we went to the counter to look at cakes (I asked her if she wanted me to track down the waiter for a dessert menu and she said she preferred to just walk up and see what they had).

Cdl,

I don't understand why you wouldn't say anything if you're going to get all pissy about it afterwards. In your spot, I'd just get something and chalk it up to a minor miscommunication, nbd. But if it was going to get me all worked up, I'd def say something. At the very least you can say "oh hey I thought we were just gonna grab drinks so I ate beforehand, but feel free to get something if you're hungry" and put the ball back in her court.

The cake thing I'd just find bizarre. Obv you should have said "forget the cake, let's go back to your place. I got something special for your mom so she won't have to be jealous" and then go back and bang girl and mom.

Cdl,

I also find it really weird that you consider it such an ordeal to eat an app a couple hours after eating dinner.

So you've met both of them???

hey ive seen that movie before

I have never done online and I honestly think I'd be terrible at it. But you are right it is beneficial to toss around ideas about openers, etc.

But the actual date itself should be pretty easy. Treat her the way you want to be treated. Treat her as a human being. And be interesting and engaging.

maybe pissed off was the wrong phrase since it didn't affect my emotions for longer than 10 seconds and I just typed it up here for posterity and to see if its weird for her to have ordered. I don't have strong emotional reactions to anything and never ever let them linger though so it was as good a descriptor as any for me though without knowing me it probably does seem like a very strong reaction and make me come off as an overemotional bitch.

I wish I had thought of the last line.

meh, I eat full meals 6-8 hours apart and basically never snack mostly so I wasn't ready to eat again. Obviously I could and did, but just felt like a fatass doing it.


I do concede that I was wrong to care about the food though. In the future I will schedule dates for 7-730 if I want to eat and 9 if I don't or pick a venue where the dinner portion is wholly unambiguous (no tables/kitchen or a real restaurant).

I recommend online dating because you learn a lot about yourself along the way. What you want, what you don't want, conversational skills, you get wiser to women all whilst engaging in a ton of self-reflection.

It's like online poker vs live poker for dating. There's a faster learning curve because you can play more hands than you would playing live. And you have physical results, etc to analyze.

Jenni, when are you planning to transition into a carrer as an online dating coach? I mean, you're no Chau, but now that his listing has expired and you don't have to compete against his sick PUA skills, there'd be quite a martket for your profile consultations.

CDL,

The $16 tab for 2 peices of cake means this was at the cheesecake factory, right?

Bode: Nah, he said it was a Euro cafe place.

CDL: Did she actually get cake, or was it more like pastry/tart/napoleon type stuff? The TWO pieces makes it even funnier.

no. it was at a cafe. Don't think its a chain of any sort.

yes it was cake-one piece of some walnut vanilla something cake and one piece of strawberry cake. took several minutes to pick out as she asked what about 10 of the ~30 on display were. I was standing beside her feeling quite awkward as people lined up behind us.

Do you get blocked by girls just on an opener?
It's no big deal and was kind of wild speculation in messaging the hottest in the city and 10 years younger than me. My opener in that kind of situation tend to be pretty **** as I can't really stretch my imagination enough to really try well. I just would prefer to really know it was just a **** opener and not really inappropiate.

Sorry I know that it wasn't inappropriate ie the content but is it to open with her in the first place?

Naah

See it is helpful posting ITT

I have a situation from February I would love to hear am everyone's thoughts on. I was part of the thread at this time but I'm sure you are gonna get a kick out of it.

So I was in Florida for a wpt. I went on two dates with this girl. She was gorgeous and seemed cool. At the end of both dates she rejected me kissing her. When I got home to Connecticut she mentioned a Vegas trip. Not me paying for her either.

So here is where it gets weird and funny. She suggested we pop Molly there. And I don't do drugs. Never done anything harder than weed. So obviously I asked. That means we would be having sex right? And she said yes.

So isnt that kind of weird it went from no kissing on the 2 dates I saw her to her wanting to pop Molly with me and have sex?

are you talking about tinder? Idk about how girls use it, but I swipe right if the main picture leaves me undecided and when I get a match I look at the rest of the profile. I end up just blocking about half the people I match with without ever sending/receiving a message.

CDL,

After seeing that girl, dating will be a cakewalk for you

BG,

You are lucky that you seem to be a pretty good-looking dude, because your POF profile is just about the worst, most boring thing I've ever seen.

CDL,

At least you learned from that girl that you can indeed have your cake and eat it too.

I'd be pretty curious about trying to narrow a range to open with even if I did then forget it and just went on instinct or feeling.
Just as a hypothetical:

36 year old guy reasonably good-looking, well built to athletic build. Healthy. Got a good pick of good friends. Financially scraping by w uncertain long-term prospects but focussing on that and can put nearly all energy into that and will work hard to succeed. Picking up high variance career in art after 10 years but of the "competitors" in my area I have a very valuable connect that can potentially work well. Shaky relationship to parents but I've got a good understanding in how I stand. Daughter that I maintain a relationship with from a previous relationship.
Previously scored well with girls but not in numbers and not always in a successful relationship. My standards though are pretty high.
I want a successful relationship and ultimately a family in that relationship. I want fun though as well as I've had a ball ache of a few 10 years sorting out a flat and family and then a situation with my daughter for 6 years.

Sorry if TL

Ha ha El yeah have you seen it now?

BG,

I was talking about this: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=44784540

Is what you just posted a potential dating profile? If so, here are some things that I don't think will turn on most women:

"Financially scraping by w uncertain long-term prospects"
"Shaky relationship to parents"
"Previously scored well with girls but not in numbers and not always in a successful relationship."
"I've had a ball ache of a few 10 years sorting out a flat and family and then a situation with my daughter for 6 years."

Brown,

My advice to you would be to focus on your new career avenue first. Get stable there and financially. Try to mend whatever family relationships you can, if possible--if not no worrries, you tried. Then a high quality girl and relationship will come.

In the meantime, if you are lonely go after twenty somethings you find attractive just don't get into anything serious.

"First Date:
Could do a chat with just a coffee or a drink. Maybe get a walk. Find a beach?. Cinema. Bowling but I WILL NOT TALK to you as I will be intent on winning !!"

loooool. Is this a joke or is it serious? I'm loving the imagery
(The caps-lock part is golden)

Where's your real profile?

Yeah El it's pretty dreadful! Not much to boast about though and if I could I would have nothing and just a headshot - anybody wanted anything from that then good?

Yeah Gab that's solid. Just 20somethings expect men at my age to be things that I am not. It's just dating and relationships seem to be part of being healthy and normal and I've put them aside to such a degree that I find it hard to keep doing it now. Need to reread the advice quickly now.