curious to hear pw & others thoughts on this are

recently invited a high level acquaintance to a private event in nyc that i thought would be excellent networking for him as it looks like he'll be in nyc during that time

he's not available to attend, but sends his nyc based colleague in his stead because he agrees it'll be a good spot


colleague turns out to be a moderately attractive female in her 30s who checks my main boxes of fertile, skinny, attractive, smart, & ambitious - she's not tall but i guess you can't have everything


things go well, we exchange numbers for professional reasons, we also have a lot in common both being former Beijing based journalists (different orgs but office was on the same floor of the same building), she really liked the event, we seemed to get along well, she has since texted about wanting to attend future ones and asked if she can be my guest going forward - to which i say yes



thinking is this is only awkward if i make it awkward so should proceed


current plan is next time i'm in nyc to ask her out for dinner/drinks and if she's down then kind of feel out the vibes and if they are solid then make intentions known and if she's not down that's cool


thoughts are not to make it a date outright because then that could be more awkward for her where i feel she may feel pressured to say yes but rather just a "hey let's meetup if you are free" kind of thing

but also thinking not making it a date proposal is somewhat of an ambush

i'm not concerned at all about being rejected, i always handle that super well (perhaps too well) as I'm friends with a lot of women who i first pursued romantically but weren't feeling it

main concern is this is a good network for her and i worry she'll feel coerced to go along with it in order to not screw that up for her

but i do genuinely like this woman a lot and do wish to pursue - it's probably all moot though, while i didn't see a ring, she likely has a boyfriend already

Seems like you’re overthinking it

You met, you got on well, you exchanged numbers. Just ask her out and find out

Honestly, I think it does sound like she's wanting to use you for networking purposes and not dating material.

At least as of now.

Maybe a couple of more meetings it could change but if you didn't get any thing more than business meet ups from her, she ain't interested.

Maybe she will reach out to you on a friendlier personal basis in the meantime, and if so you can float the idea of a non business dinner at that time.

So it may be possible, but seeing as you aren't completely enamored with her either, give it a little time.

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I'd play her in a game of chess. If she wins then you know she's relationship material.

Jesus, no. She knows already if she’s interested. Find out

Boys I’m newly separated from the wife. Only 3 weeks right now and we’re currently separating in the same home and I think it’ll be another 8 weeks before she moves out. So we’re not in dating mode yet but I did make up a tinder profile and I’ve been opening it and scrolling through the women and liking them; then turning ‘discovery’ off - lots of people in my area don’t know I’ve split from the wife yet and it’s prolly not a good look being on there so early - I live in a relatively small community (albeit only 20 miles to a city of 5m people)

Anyway….I’ve got no idea how it works - any top line tips? I think the profile I’ve put together is ok but the main questions are….

- should I subscribe or just use a free version? (I have money so it’s not a huge deal but obvs don’t need to pay if I don’t need to)
- I se to have gathered like 90 likes or Sth…but I don’t know what this means? Does this mean I can contact them? Because I’m on the free version, I can’t seem to see their profiles
- given my situation, should I go on incognito mode?

The location things baffles me. I’ve got it limited to 18km away but I seem to regularly see profiles from 20-50km. Does that mean they’re visiting the area or Sth?

And if I swiped left…will I ever see that profile again?

Plenty more questions to come - perhaps there’s a beginners link for idiots?

Guessing I will do Bumble and Hinge later on too. Also guessing that different populations have different tendencies for the different aps? Are there ones which are more hook-up vs more serious?

I’m 52 but was persuaded to say 49 to open me up to ****ing more early 40s!

****, sorry to hear that

when i first separated i had a few months of zero interest in any women and then went through a deeply slutty phase that i now look back with a bit of regret - but at the time it felt optimal

really felt pressured to "make up for lost time" and as a result i treated quite a few quality women as disposable

but to answer the questions

i've never done premium, it seems to have some perks but from what i've read it's not a magical solution, just makes logisitics easier

gathering 90 likes is good, it means you're a hot commodity, but probably 85 of them are fatties you're not interested in - you'll be able to see them all if you do premium instead of parsing through via swipes - you'll start seeing these in the wild when you swipe left and it mentions the "missed connection" - without premium you'll slowly come across them and tinder will occasionally bring them to the spotlight, once every few days i'll get a "here's someone who already likes you" event popup and then i can choose to match or say no (it's nearly always a pass)

incognito is very much what you want right now i would assume but idk, depends on the population size of where you are, if it's a smallest/tight community it may not be in your best interests to have people you know see you on the apps so soon

location is fluid, it automatically expands based on lack of options and also means someone probably commuted within your range earlier that day, when i'm in manhattan i do 1 mile but still match with people in jersey/queens/brooklyn because they work in manhattan during the day

bumble left = never see again without premium
tinder left = never see until you've cycled through the options and then they'll start getting thrown in there again, in maine where there's often no new people the app will bring in the old discards after a few months



very interested to hear your tr on the 52 vs 49 thing post match

glgl

thanks for the info and for the wishes. It's sad (and expensive) but it's been coming. My wife has become an alcoholic the past 3 years, after barely drinking before then. ****ing difficult and stressful and it's had a big impact on her and our relationship. I've been waiting it out because i felt that it would have been wrong to leave while she's unwell but...she decided to leave which has actually made it a lot easier for me to realise there's nothing left

and I'm all aboard on being a slut. Or at least at this stage I am

GL,FW. 5 million is a lot of people, enjoy your life as a road warrior.

This is the right move iyam. Just hang out and see how things go.

Whatever you do, don't appear too eager or start messaging her randomly before your next meeting.

I would guess if you just want to ****, you can hoover up a lot of separated 40yos in your late 40s early 50s, especially if you have a decent job and look after yourself.

Most men in their 40s have no interest in women in their 40s, especially if they have kids, so their dating pool is almost exclusively men 10 years older than they are.

However, most women in their 40s overestimate their mate value, so lying about your age is probably a good move to get your foot in the door.

have been in a relationship with an alcoholic who refused to admit it and get help/stop drinking - it was pretty brutal going through that, wasn't even the fun kind of alcoholic as she didn't like the social aspect of it or even alcohol, it was just a delivery mechanism to get drunk that she would do on her own and in secret

being a slut wasn't the negative part, it was the part where in order to be banging multiple women all at once i had to treat a number of them quite poorly in order to ensure they understood it was just a casual thing - that's the part i regret - girl wants to spend the night but i have another coming over later, she isn't taking the hints so i just tell her another girl is coming to bang so she must leave and then she leaves in tears and of course as she finally leaves the other girl is there about to knock on the door but thinks this means "she won" so she's ok with it until the cycle repeats with her as well

not just about not treating them poorly, there's 1 or 2 i think i could have been really happy with if i weren't so focused on collecting strange

Yeah, I won’t be doing that stuff. I’m gonna be the primary carer for my kids and it’s possible that initially I might be with them the whole time so I’ll have to be playing away from home I’d guess and won’t have a huge amount of time. They’re teenagers so it’s not like I can’t leave them for the evening but not sure I’ll be bringing birds back for a while

And yep, my wife drank in secret during the day as well and always denied it. But always his the empty bottles of vodka around the house which is apparently very common.

And actually it was the lying and deceit that screwed it up for me as much or more than the drinking

yeah, although she was a nasty drunk who would often pick fights or destroy things like throwing an ashtray at the tv or some stuff out the window

the part that really got me was the secret manner in which she engaged in it, would have taken me far longer to realize she even had a problem if she were just like "i'm going to have a scotch, would you like one?" where I would have thought "ok that's normal even though you kind of suck sometimes when you drink" instead of sneaking off into the other room and just pounding it directly from the bottle, often from a secret stash she had keistered away somewhere then there's the obvious wtf? why do it secretly?

especially since at the time i met her I was a pretty big drinker - i almost never drink solo/at home, i'm not the kind of person to have a drink while watching the game etc, but will drink heavily when socializing, something that is not nearly as acceptable behavior when not in an expat community and something i've had to teach myself to not do at social events here where you notice everyone just has 1-2 drinks so perhaps there's not only no need to double fist but in fact makes you stand out like a pariah

being an expat leads to a lot of bad habits, truth be told, are mostly high functioning alcoholics, hence why they go abroad in the first place as language/cultural barriers can do wonders to hide your problems from others so it's by and large a heavily degenerate group of people - the darjeeling limited captured it perfectly

my default setting in social situations is to be farva




quite a few times on her way home she'd stop at the corner shop and buy some booze and just pound it in the hallway/stairwell of the apartment building, once security had to call me up at 2am to say that she was passed out in the elevator

still in touch with her, still doesn't think she has a problem, claims to not drink anymore though but probably another lie

My bad, seems like you know what you're talking about.

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I think it seems fine. For all rick knows she is using the professional angle to see him again. I do agree that it's a fine line and probably needs to be addressed quickly if it's not obvious.

I'd say just given time passing without doing anything extra rick will pretty likely find out if she's interested in him.

Been a slow couple of months on the apps for me - wrote this piece for fun, wonder if it would be taken too seriously if I put it in my profile

Underrated Reasons To Swipe Left On Me

was the roth ira question on the first date natural or did it come off as badly as it sounds?

As badly as it sounds - zero lead-in to her asking that, 5 minutes into the date, just after we ordered drinks

oh man, did you go along with it, tell her that was a bit much, turn the tables and ask about her finances, leave/continue

did your dick get wet?

I had a friend reach out when she saw me on a singles group on facebook recently. She asked what happened, I told her about my breakup from my gf (we hadn't really announced it yet but it was already officially over). We talked a bit, and kind of left it there.

I hosted a game night for a group of friends last weekend, and invited her. As we discussed it, i realized she was flirting with me, so i asked her about it, and we started discussing our mutual interest in each other. We started dating and i didn't even need to deal with dating sites. I feel optimistic about this so far, and hope it continues to go well.

Point here is definitely that if someone reaches out after noticing you're recently single, there's a good chance they're interested and you should pursue it if you are interested as well.

That's great cokeboy99. Legit happy for you.

Thanks. It is going well so far and she matches my energy in every way. I am definitely optimistic and looking forward to what the future holds.

Someone recently told me I should be cautious so as not to get hurt. But i feel like if I'm not giving my all, am I really being my true self? I'm not scared of getting hurt anymore. I've survived a lot and refuse to give less than 100%, especially with someone that has a chance at becoming long-term and great. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it.