I'm getting the hang of this.

Kfoxx99: "So what's up with you? Gimme a history lesson."

2_7_out: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.


Thank you all for the advice, it will be put to good use.

ytf - On the bit about her being mad at you for making the move or whatever and then being turned on when you changed your tone at her and then she says "you're the guy I've been looking for." Ummm...this is starting to get weird. She seems like a psycho to me. In the very least, she's a tad weird. Just be cautious I guess.


steven - I'm not sure. Did you really say that?

traz, what do you think of this profile?

---

I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

That's not very original, you just took a monologue from some movie.

Um, yeah. I'm not in the mainstream internet, I'm out on the fringes, aiming low.

Remember, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. This is a preseason tune-up game for me. I'm trying to learn how to get laid, and like anything else that's worthwhile, you need to start at the bottom.

BTW, anybody want to make book on her finding this thread some day? Because things like that always seem to happen to me...

dude, it's the monologue from American Psycho (an the guy from that movie is going out to chop whores to pieces). So it's pretty hilarious to use this as an introduction at an online dating site

It's hilarious to you. On the internet, especially with less experienced internet users, they take words at face value. This is the reason it is so easy to get laid. You are able to sit down and project any image you want. Excerpts like that are then viewed by our random internet friend. They say "this guy is weird" and move on. Another major problem with using a movie quote as your opening joke is a major portion of the population won't know its a quote and think you are a douche. If your goal is to get laid, this is not what you want. If your goal is to have yourself and six other 2p2'ers to laugh at your profile then congratulations you win. But I think your goal is to get laid. Make your profile about your dreams, goals, fears or anything that you feel emotional towards.

guy: It's a quote from a movie!
girl: oh

Buckeye in Michigan - "Are you a spy or something?"

She's definitely one that you don't let know where you live. Be careful she isn't married and has some pscyho husband come after you as well.

"Sounds like we may have some interesting stories to share. Let me know if you want to have a latte sometime.

Rita"

I criticized her claim that she's a photographer in one message and received a reply running down all these concerts, weddings, sporting events and corporate parties for pharmaceutical companies she's done. Coupled with a list of celebrities she's met at the latter, like Bruce Willis, and Tony Bennett. Yah, whatever missy. "Professional photography", that's not a job, she's overcompensating for something. I'll get to the bottom of this.

Actually, if you're being that blunt with yourself, and you know she probably doesn't feel the same, I think that's pretty sleazy.

I don't mean that to be judgmental -- I'm all for casual relationships, one nights stands, friends with benefits, and whatever. But in most situations either both parties are aware of what's going on or at least you're open to the idea of seeing what happens, or at the very least hooking up more than once.

If you're really planning on screwing a woman who genuinely seems interested, and then not calling her back, yeah, that's sleaze.

Also, I second the notion that she seems sort of creepy. Heads up.

Bruce Willis name drop is perfect opportunity for an Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore reference, so long as you are younger than her.

That could work but I don't think I could pull it off without sounding legitimately cheesy, and I think it's best to avoid age. It's doable for someone more witty though. I went with acting like I knew more about photography than she does, I'll do this subtly throughout the date too. Threw some arrogant exaggeration in because she made me feel small by listing out all her impressive camera gear after I brought up how proud I was of my little junior D40.

"did I say I had a D40? I meant the Nikon D4400, you may not have heard of it. It's
top of the line equipment they're only letting select individuals test. 39 megapixels,
400 ISO, and the lens is 800mm with a 2.7x zoom. I can snap a shot of Bruce Willis
going for a morning run around his California estate from my rooftop."

Women love it when you treat them like they know nothing. I predict you will have great success with this line.

I hate to say it, but from that pic and overcompensating, I think you have a fattie.

This (in the sarcastic vain it was intended).

Instead of trying to put her in her place I would be more interested in doing just the opposite. Do you want to sleep with her or do you just want to try to win the argument and/or inform her that you don't think she has a 'real job'?

Nope, she works out, plays soccer, health conscious, that sort of thing. There's one picture where she's in some light hockey gear and there's no trace of fat. I kind of wish there was though, it would make it easier to maintain confidence.

I'm sure it's been mentioned 100 times already, but where is that classic thread "Banging girls off of Myspace?"

Wow. I can't tell if you're being serious or not. On the off-chance this is serious: instead of trying to one-up and impress your date, why not ask more questions about her. Showing an interest in the person you're with is one of the most effective things you can do on a date, in my opinion.

She's the one who asked me out for a drink and she's 16 years older, we both know what's going on. All I have to do is show up, be myself, and not get coffee stains on my shirt. Not the situation for over thinking. That said though, I will be sarcastic and a bit arrogant when it comes to her job because she seems the type who will scrunch her nose and get frustrated and cute over it. It's the simplest way for her to feel younger, like she needs to prove herself to me, especially because she will have the added ego of being older and more experienced. Where if I weigh just a little bit too heavily on the praise and respect side, it makes me look like the one who's trying to prove myself to her. That not only gives her all the hand innately because of the age difference, but it would also kind of bore her, and I don't want her to be bored, she's cute.

Wow dude. This is a terrible game plan you have - in order to raise your chances of success with a woman, you need to make her feel less secure.

I now think you're trolling this thread. I hope you are.

i once created a fake female profile on pof to gauge my competition (i'm male ldo). "she" was a 7 on oot scale with fairly normal stats/info. within the first 10 minutes "she" had 57 messages and around 20 instant messages.

i have no idea how males get dates on pof, but clearly being one of the first to send her a message is clutch.

agree with el sapo. I used to be more insecure with my dealings with women and be sarcastic and even kind of mean in an effort to make them laugh or something lame like that. I never got laid. Incredibly, my game and success-rate improved dramatically when I stopped being a dick.

I hate all the PUA BS, but you are absolute better off making a woman feel a bit insecure and have her trying to prove herself to you if you are trying to get laid.

If you spend your whole time being nice and making her feel "secure" you will end up looking like a bitch and be in the friend zone ASAP.

You aren't openly being mean or hateful, but some playful teasing to make her want to prove her self worth to you is the best way to illicit initial attraction.

The phrase "Nice guys finish last" exists for a reason. I was way too nice a guy for way too long. I am still a very genuine, nice and friendly person but spending the whole time trying to make yourself look like a "good guy" and making them feel comfortable will ruin things at the beggining of any sparks. If you get serious you have plenty of time to show your nice sensitive side, just shouldn't pull it out the first meeting (for 90%+ of women).

I agree that trying way to hard hurts more than it helps. I am not a cocky, funny, player type who can pull the image off. I think most of the fail associated with this is from guys reading something in a book and copying it.

At the same time, not going out of my way all the time to show how nice and good of a guy I am worked wonders. Just not returning a call here or there and being a bit less responsive made the female response that much better. I am not purposefully "more of a dick" but being a bit more aloof and not sending the end of the night pussy message, "had a great night, hope to see you soon" helps keep their interest. If I was into a girl and hadn't heard from her a couple of days post-weekend I used to follow up looking desperate, now may give it another week or even just a couple of days and it is amazing how often the girl ends up getting back to me first.