what is "pof?"

congrats on getting back out there. and gl. i would play it like:

"i am open for anything good that comes my way, but, i am not trying to rush into anything super serious and end up hurt or hurting someone else. but, i like you and want to spend time with you and whatever happens happens." a similar msg relayed to her in some way.

you will be amazed that if a woman is interested in you, they know that they often have to convince the guy that they are awesome and alot of times they know that means giving up the sex.

i think as long as you dont come off as only wanting the sex ( sometimes depending on the girl and the signals she sends you, is exactly what she wants -sex) you will be fine.

Avoid the serious mature man route. It's lame. Mature works, but don't make an effort to tell people that, your write up should just make it known that you're a bit experiences, responsible, mature. Fun, a little goofy, not too serious, easy going, with goals that have nothing to do with money but convey that money is something that comes along with your goals is a better way to go.

Serious and mature isn't something cougars are looking for. They want decently attractive, built, fun guys who will make them feel young again. You shouldn't really have to lie about anything on these sites though. Stretch the truth about some things and follow it up in your profile. For example under interests put down Cooking, looks great. Then in your write up say something like "I say I can cook, but all I really know how to make is chicken curry and french toast." Put down some goofy quirks you have, it's really easy and much more genuine than some garbage along the lines of I'm a serious mature man who reads and smokes a pipe.

how young are you ?? i assumed you were no older than 25.

My experience from POF is if you want to get laid just go a step or 2 below the type of woman you can pick up in person and then it really doesn't matter what you say or what you have on your profile.
Then you just have to talk on a message program until they are comfortable with you for a bit and don't mention sex ever.
newly seperated women are the easiest too since they just go out of a marriage, use to getting boned regulary and thats been taken away...and then the thrill of someone new, especially if you look better than what they are use to.
If your having problems on that site its because your messaging the super hot chicks or the ones with their tits hanging out that 50 other guys are.

26

You're welcome.

Nothing to add to the OP, so I'll add my two stories about online dating.

Just went to a wedding in May where the couple met on yahoo personals. They are both average to above average looking, both graduated college, and overall pretty normal and not big internet users like us 2+2ers.

Also, when I was interning at Intel, the guy I worked for was using a site and went out with this one lady, and the next day, he had printed out the picture from the online site and put it in a picture frame on his desk, replacing the picture of his kids he had in there.

CLIFFNOTES: Play-by-play of an internet dating newb reaching out to the girls for the first time, culminating in a very uninteresting first date, that ends in no sex for me.

WARNING: This is TL;DR stuff. But the last time we discussed the subject of my love life, there were more than a few posters who seemed to want to start a "Let's get Youtalkfunny laid!" thread. It is for them that I post all this minute detail.


No, I still haven't got laid yet. This is about my first steps down that path. I'm hoping that once consummated, my story will inspire others. IE, "If that fat ugly bastard can get laid, there's hope for all of us!"

I copied/pasted a generic greeting, sent it to about 15 women (I targeted the heavy gals my age--you know, the slump-busters). As MicroBob advised above, I put the emphasis on the funny. I also told each one that I was brand new to this internet dating thing, and that she was the very first girl that I reached out to. I couldn't put my finger on why her, it must be those eyes!

About half of them actually opened it and read it. The other half wouldn't see my pic until they opened it, so that's not what scared them away....I'm guessing they just don't check their messages on that site any more.

All of those who opened it, looked at my profile. The profile, like the initial greeting, put the emphasis on the funny. The profile also had my pics.

Of those who opened it, about half wrote back. One seemed more eager than the rest, so I got bold after swapping a few messages, and asked for her phone number. She sent it immediately. I gave her a call a few days later (I'm learning that like it or not, "make 'em wait a day or two" is a powerfully effective tactic).

It was during this phone call that I discovered how unbelievably stupid I am.

Anybody remember my posts about how I still live with my ex-wife? I don't know what it is that ever led me to imagine that any girl would be interested in dating a guy who lives with another woman. I mean, I know there's nothing going on at home, my friends and family understand that...why didn't someone tell me that a girl who doesn't know me might find it strange?

More importantly, why didn't someone tell me that these poor girls are constantly being lied to by married guys looking to get some on the side? If I had known that, I wouldn't have been stunned to hear her entire attitude change on the phone. My story sounded like the dumbest lie ever told. I ended the call within a minute or two, because it was clear that she stopped believing a word I said. She sounded crushed.

That little epiphany led me to write to the other girls who had replied, and explain to them why I was "taking myself out of the game" until I rearrange my living situation. I changed my profile, again explaining that I'm on the bench for a few weeks.

Then I told my ex that she has 30 days to pack her stuff and get out.

I wrote to the girl from the phone, told her I felt terrible, and I understood how she felt...but reminded her that I didn't do anything wrong! She wrote back that she buys my story now. I guess she saw my profile, where I told the world that I can't date anyone until my ex hits the road.

Phone Girl called me again, and we chatted a bit, but my suspicions from the first phone call were confirmed: she has no personality, and I'm not into this girl at all. She repeated that she couldn't date me while I was living with my ex, but suggested that maybe we could "hang out" sometime. ****ing women, WTF does that mean???

I didn't write or call her again. Just when I thought she had taken the hint, she texted me Friday night while I was at work. I told her I was going out drinking after work at an after-hours bar where a lot of my co-workers hang out, and she should stop by, as long as she realized that under no circumstances would she be getting any sex that night (again, emphasize the funny).

As advertised, we "hung out" for a few hours. A lot of small talk. She saw that I have lots of friends, and they all like me. I gave her a hug when we met, then kept my hands to myself for a while. She did all the physical flirting. I didn't recoil, but only half-heartedly responded. At one point, I reached behind her with one hand and massaged her neck a little. She immediately indicated approval, so I gave her a little sample of my massage skills, using just one hand and not bothering to get off my stool to stand behind her. As I rolled my fist down her spine, her eyebrows went up, and she said in a surprised tone, "Hey, you know what you're doing!"

"You ain't seen nothin' yet," I told her, then quickly ended the massage, leaving her wanting more (I hope).

I hadn't got much sleep the prior two nights, and as 4 AM approached, I was hitting the wall pretty hard. I told her it wasn't going to be long before I had to pack it in for the night.

Within a minute of that pronouncement, she locked onto my eyes (dammit, I need to work on that "strong eye contact" thing, I hadn't looked in her eyes all night), and said in her flirtiest voice of the night, "So, there will be no sex tonight under any circumstances?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules, I just live with them." That answer seemed to disappoint her tremendously, so I tried something else:

"Let's get out of here," I suggested. She hopped right off the stool.

We walked outside, and I just started walking to my car. She asked, "What, am I walking you to your car?" Aw, WTF?

I was pretty drunk, and really tired, so I don't recall the details from here. I know that I was pretty drunk and REALLY tired, I wasn't even all that interested in banging her, any way (she looks a lot older than her pic). I'm happy to say good night and go on my way.

But now she seems to be waiting for a goodnight kiss, so I go to give her one on the cheek, but her lips intercept mine.

"Oh, you want to really kiss, eh? I'll show you!" But she wouldn't open her mouth. I haven't kissed a girl with my mouth closed since middle school. GOOD NIGHT!

I've made her wait the requisite two days now, while I ponder whether or not I want to reach out to her again. Then this thread appears, and I'm inspired by the post that assures me that if a second date happens, the panties are hitting the floor. So I'll probably put that notion to the test.

Stay tuned.

Um, no, I can't. If I could, I wouldn't be opening myself up for this humiliation. I had no game when I was young, and now I have REALLY no game. I was the guy who was "too nice". I still am, to a point. I should be trying to bang this girl, then forget her, but owning that mentality is proving to be tougher than I expected. I already know that she's going to get the "it's just not working out" call, and I feel guilty about trying to use her before I make that call. I've never treated anybody like that before. Am I supposed to embrace that sort of thinking? Or only if I want to get laid?

POF = www.plentyoffish.com

And I've been playing it as you suggest. I appreciate the advice.

i've ****ed about 5 girls off myspace, alltho it's not really a online dating site.
=)

POF sucks because it's free. It sounds silly, I know. But if you go to a site like match, because people pay for it, they take it more seriously. (Time is money, ect.) I've had a lot more success on Match than POF. It's not even close.

ytf - First off you're a good writer and very good at describing your fears etc. i don't know if you remember me but I'm the guy who says "you DO talk funny" everytime I see you now.

Anyway I think you and I are alike in a couple ways. One of them being you're pretty dry (which isn't a bad thing imo). Just remember that some people won't know how to take you but you may already know that. I say all that knowing that you and I havn't really spoke outside of small conversations while you're dealing.

You can certainly find a woman who would go for you...I would say probly 50% of the women over 30 I've talked to online have banged a much younger guy from the net but the problem is all of them have been asked, you will hardly be the only one trying to do this. Age matters alot too, its a rare breed that will go into the younger 20s once over 35 or 36...the cutoff moves up to 25 or 30+...Also, most aren't going to want to feel like a total whore and when you combine that with that they probly already have a younger man option if they want I don't think a straight up add like that will be worth the time. Yours best bet would be to just try to make friends with one that is 30-34, divorced or seperated and be real cool and casual until you meet as friends...she won't "friend zone" you because if shes 34 and your 20 and she will meet. she probly wants to do you. Just doesn't want to think about it that much.

What are you talking about? You had perfect game right up until you turned her down for sex...

I look forward to more ytf stories. Looks like he has it all figured out to me. He is the anti-Alan Dyer

FML I keep getting messages from large women. I'm a nice guy so I just tell them the distance is too far or I'm too busy with work. But wtf I'm lanky way skinny, I can't see why a fat chick would be interested in a skinny guy. I think I should start spamming all the good looking ones with a canned message and hope for a few responses.

Are you in the Army? There are a ton of skinny ass Army guys with fat chicks.

1. Thanks.

2. Sure I remember you.

3. I get the "You DO talk funny" from every 2+2'er I meet. Man, you guys should have heard me when I still had the Boston accent.

Damnit Matt Williams, I'll take your word for it. After this first round of ladies I will try out Match. But as long as I'm still talking with this < 5' filipino/spanish hybrid that looks like a chipmunk I'm not going anywhere.

LOL, hey man don't quote me on it. Try POF for a few weeks or so. Then if no dice give Match a shot. I'm just saying from personal experience that I had better luck w/ Match. Believe me, I didn't want to spend money on Match either. I was on POF for 2 months before saying f it.

Now that this thread has become an online dating blog I've lost all interest. Huh.

i gotta get on this train

You really do, dude.

in before 'body type: weirdly dense'

You would do absolutely fine at these places. I have no doubts. Unless you have absurdly high standards.

What do they mean when they say "curvy"? 10 pounds overweight?

I forget the exact terms they use on the sites. In general, you can use the following chart:

POF Self Rating = Reality
Thin = Average or Meth head
Athletic = A little fat
Average = Fat
Curvy = Fat, but can't admit it
BBW = Fat, but honest.
Prefer not to say = Really fat