I wouldn't say it was that unpleasant for me but it was not a fun time. That **** was rough (in the most literal sense).

But isn't there something you can take to help with that? Or is it such a small side effect that you just don't give a ****.

sublime,

yeah, no kidding.

n82,

I'm sure taking stool softeners would help but it's probably the last thing on an addicts mind. Finances and (un)availability of product generally cause a lapse in use often enough for it not to become a big problem. But yeah as sublime said it can get really really bad but there's no point in getting graphic, I think you get the point.

I'm about to attempt this "sleep" thing that people tell me about... but by all means PM me i'll respond when I "wake up".

well yes there are laxatives/stool softeners if that's what you're asking. I never took those, but constipation is definitely an issue. Put me in the sublime camp. Many bathroom
experiences I'd rather not even talk about.

--I was in this 30day place. I swear I was awake for most of that. After about 10days this chick there took pity on me and slid me a couple of her sleeping pills. I finally doze off for a couple hours and a nurse wakes me up lol. They would wake you up at some ungodly hour every morning for some ******ed reason. I almost got kicked out for bitchin her out a little bit. I think it was 17 days before I had a somewhat normal night of sleep. Then the day before I was supposed to leave I got to a phone and had somebody come pick me up to go cop. That was all very near to when I finally got on methadone long term and finally stopped using. Weighed like 105(normally 175) when I went in there. I was really trying to be straight at that point just had a hard time. Apparently there was a dude there before me with no arms or legs.(think I've seen him on the streets before) Now that's dedication!!

Sounds like a half-way house.. 18.75 a day/less than 600 a month? My guess is its a terrible place.
Do you have money? Insurance? I know of several long term-treatment places. Mostly in California/Arizona.
I'm probably biased but I would suggest a place with intensive therapy/12-step focus.

Fyi.. My sobriety date is February 17, 1998. My drug/method of choice was mainlining cocaine... But I've pretty much done it all. After 5 years clean I got a Master's degree in counseling psych with an addictions emphasis. I've been a therapist at a couple different long term treatment places, but now work in a large emergency department/Level 1 trauma center in Seattle.

PM me any time - Take care.

I have money, but not to burn (yes, I realize this is obviously an important thing to spend money on) and I no longer have insurance. That's why my options are so limited. I would love to go to Arizona for rehab if I had some means to do it.

This entire post is absolutely right.

As horrifying as my eventual kick from methadone was, I just don't know if I ever would have gotten to the point of kicking at all had it not been for the methadone.

Yes, knowing what I know now, I would have kicked the dope cold rather than the methadone (13 years ago, there was no suboxone).

But sublime is right--pretty much anything is preferable to being a strung out junkie. Hence the use of a substitute like sub or methadone.

My life is far from perfect, but it's freaking daily shangri-la compared to fixing five times a day and chasing down dope (and money) all the while I was not nodding.

Brrrr.

pdxmike,

Given your credentials would you mind answering some questions as well? Feel free to answer any prior and future questions that might take your interest... even if i've answered them I would value your opinion.

One question I have, is how do you feel about using marijuana to combat withdrawal symptoms? I'm not asking if it helps, because I already know it does....I guess what i'm asking is do you feel like I have a higher chance or relapse being a daily marijuana user (which will almost 100% continue after i'm completely clean), and if so can you explain why? Assume that the person I buy the weed from has no ties to heroin, eliminating the possibility of me trying to get it from him... better yet, just assume I grow it myself and it's been legalized by the federal government, for the sake of argument.

Buds absolutely helped me. I also thought it was cool that my Doc here in CA advised me to 'get my card' LOL. little did he know bwahahahaha

But there is zero shame in getting on methadone/subs to build in some kind of distance from active H addiction. And then dealing with it a bit later. Meth/Sub allows you to establish a normal life again w/o having to spend all your time chasing dope. Once you feel you're stable you can taper in a proper fashion and greatly improve your chances imo(and experience.)

wet work, do you still smoke, and if so do you worry about any sort of gateway or trickle down effect triggering you into using again?

I know there's a couple of you guys monitoring my progress, and I appreciate all the support i've gotten ITT and through PMs.

Just a quick update, i'm 7 days and about 4 hours clean. Withdrawal is still bad. I don't have any nausea and i'm holding down food and fluids and that's the most important thing. I'm not sleeping, except for about 45 min periods right after marijuana use, and I wake up terrified of something, covered in goosebumps and soaked in sweat. It's almost better not going to sleep because that 5 mins right when I wake up is a terrifying feeling and when I get the most temptation to relapse. I need to learn to listen to my first impulses but not acting on them until I've thought it through. My brain wiring is just so backwards still.

I'm also having bad kidney pains due to kidney problems i've had (not drug related) for a long time now, as well as lower back pains because of a spina bifida occulta I was born with, in which my bottom vertabrae is deformed and the nerves are exposed. My whole body is just so sore and worn out from not getting enough exercise and not sleeping.

You've got to be approaching the point where it would just murder your morale to give up and use, and that is good. You know, "No freaking CHANCE I just did those seven days in hell and screw it up now. NO WAY."

My favorite moment of any kick is the moment you realize you still feel bad, but not as bad. So you realize you're feeling better, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong. Ignore the myriad weird organ feelings/spasms/tweaks, and just push through. Soon, you'll sleep for like five hours in a row, and it will be your first glimpse into something good, and you can marvel at everything from what you've done to what you'll do.

Unfortunately, you'll be thinking all of these things at once, and you won't retain any of it, but it is certainly cathartic and definitely progress.

Oh yeah, and turn the music up.

Good luck.

Thanks Rushmore. Definitely, that feeling when the withdrawal peaks and you start feeling optimistic again, and the some of the edge comes off, is really rewarding.

I just wanted to say again people like you, and other people qualified to answer questions are more than welcome to keep contributing. Thanks again to everyone... many people including me are finding this discussion to be very therapeutic.

since this is a gambling forum, why not prop bet on number of days clean?

Layzie. I've been following the thread and wish you the best. But you and a couple of others have referred to takin dumps after several days because your drug use constipated you. I mean, I would be tempted to take a pic of some of these monsters and post them on ratemyturd. I mean, are these things huge or is it something else that causes the intense pain?

Eh, no way to truly confirm anything. For all you know I could be a 14 year old girl.

It's not the size, it turns rock hard.

they arent that big really, just super dry and hard. of course getting a bigger than normal one that is shaped weird can really really be painful.

oh my god, the constipation is like the worst part for me

Yes, I definitely still smoke. And even though I loved opiates I would describe myself as an herbster first. I don't really worry about smoking causing me to use again, the opposite really--if I didn't smoke I would most likely find my way back to dope. The past 2yrs I have not smoked nearly as much as I normally would--but I had some extreme personal life stuff going on and even though I feel like it can(and did) help thru that I just felt it was better to cut it back some as well. Mostly just a couple hits at night/concerts. I'm sure that will change though.

I feel the same way, i'm just looking for reassurance from some other people I guess.

pdxmike,

Whenever you can I'd appreciate your opinion.

Tough it out, buddy. As ive said, its not the end of it once you pass through the physical wd symptoms, but it only gets better from there. I can relate to the anxiety youve described when you first wake up-that was always the worst time for me as well. It will pass, just like the chills and insomnia. It is such a weird feeling to wake up terrified and have no idea what is so frightening.

If you can make it another week or so, i promise you will begin to experience a new sense of freedom.

I dont think smoking weed will produce a higher likelihood of relapse. I smoke weed... a lot.

imozyslow,

I successfully kicked cold turkey on my own and was sober for 3 years before this recent relapse, so I definitely do know i'm on the upward slope right now. I'm having a tough time dealing with anxiety and depression (even pre-heroin) and I just really feel right now that I need to go somewhere for rehabilitation. My brain needs to be re-wired into thinking like a rational human being again. It's as if my former self has stepped outside of me and can see the way i'm acting now, and know that i'm not me, but can't do anything about it. I just don't know exactly what i'm gonna do right now.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Just wanted to say if I haven't returned your PM, i'm not ignoring you and I promise I will respond to everyone in the next few hours. Some of your questions require some thought for me to answer as it requires me trying to explain the way an addict's mind processes things differently.. and also finding a way of putting it into words...

Metamucil works, you just need to take it regularly.

I learned this the hard way (so to speak). I let that entire thing get way out of control, and, umm, well...oh my goodness.

Suffice it to say I think I know what all those women are screaming about when they're giving birth.

Yikes.