While I appreciate the sentiment of your post, I'd urge you to focus elsewhere right now.

As a parent, I can tell you that the only important thing to them is that you get well and start over, living a productive life. Focus on your future, not the past.
Pay them back with peace of mind, that you will be OK, and they can stop worrying.

You could watch this stuff if you are bored:
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/video/

Some are about opiates, but not all, so you'll have to sort through them.

I was going to post something similar to this. I can see where reading parents stories about this could help you keep your focus so you won't relapse. I think it can also make you feel overwhelmed.

I think you've been sober going on a wekk now iirc. I would suggest trying your best (if you aren't already) to do something productive every day. I mean something small like little walks etc.

Yeah I've just begun to get enough strength to get myself up and moving again. I don't have a car which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Today I went with my ex-girlfriend to the mall just as way to get out and walk around. Hopefully getting exercise will begin to make me tired enough to get some sleep.

EDIT: NicksDad, sober since last Monday :-)

what happened between you and the ex-gf? in your last thread you said that she is sticking by you. how did you relationship change when you relapsed?

also, what do you think of pot and recreational drugs really? do you think there's a level of responsible/recreational use? or do you believe that anything addictive will eventually become destructive?

can you tell me more about that extacy/ketamine/something else im too lazy to browse back for mix? you said it was the most intense trip you experienced. No probs if you dont want to.

sylar,

We're not really together anymore but she's definitely been supportive. The relapse was a huge disappointment to her but I came out and told her (and my family) the whole truth which was a big help. She has tried heroin before (snorted) and is a casual marijuana user but other than that and a beer from time to time, she doesn't use. We broke up after I relapsed but it was because of something unrelated. We're much more compatible in a platonic sense and have been going about it in that way. She's been there for me through all of this, but she's been in New York since Friday.

My ex-girlfriend I was referring to in my last post was a different girl that has been a friend of mine since high school... we only dated briefly and remained friends after we broke up.

As far as recreational drugs, I could write forever on that. I think that a good portion of people can be casual users of marijuana with few bad consequences. Things like LSD, MDMA, mushrooms, etc. I think can be used for positive experiences if done safely and in moderation. Things like heroin, cocaine, meth, benzos, and some other prescripton pills are a different story. While I think a very small % of people could pull off being casual users of those, it's highly unlikely.

Took x-pills, a muscle shot of ketamine and was doing balloons of NO2. It was the best body high i've ever felt, and at the time was like an eye-opening, spiritual experience for me. Ketamine and NO2 are both disassociatives (google for more info) and if you've never done them it's kinda hard to explain the high.

I use benzo's just to sleep when I'm kicking... I don't take them recreationally at all. I don't really like the buzz.

Hey man, no "concession" necessary or expected. Hang in there. You too, Benny.

layzie, any update on your situation? just curious.

full blown withdrawal here i come when i wake up.............. no money or subs...

but i need to quit, so **** it.

you can do it fella
good luck

I know this might seem stupid now but when you get the chance and inclination....
download some Byron Katie stuff off itunes.... she is very wise and it might help a tiny little bit

also I strongly recommend Bikram Yoga... there is a recovering addict at my studio and he swears blind he would have relapsed by now if it hadnt been for the yoga

good luck to both of you and remember
POWER to the people

gl m8

Tommorrow morning is two weeks clean for me. I've been speaking with the people at the detox/recovery center I went to for a couple days, and they've agreed to let me return without having to wait the 30 days I normally would have to go through before being able to return.

This place is basically a godsend. The staff is incredibly helpful and it's not a jail or hospital type enviornment, and best of all it's free for Virginia Beach residents. Most people in there are detoxing from either heroin or alcohol, but some people are there for mental health issues as well. I'll be going in hopefully tommorrow or Tuesday, depending on when they have a room for me. This time however i'm not going to be there simply for the medication and seclusion from temptation, but to attend all the group meetings and find a productive way to deal with my anxiety issues and my new-found free time.

I've got my head in the right place for the first time in awhile and I want to thank all the 2+2ers who contributed to this thread and/or helping me privately. There's a handful of you guys that I feel I owe my sobriety to. I mean, I had a 2+2er sincerely tell me he would put me through rehab himself if he could afford it, and that touched me in a way I can't even explain.

I feel like I have to do this, or i'll be letting so many friends and family members down. I'm dedicated to this, and I'm gonna make it this time. Thanks again guys, you all know who you are and I will return in the future to update my progress. I'm still available to answer questions for anyone... when I leave I will either post in the thread and/or change my location to let you guys know.

Tom

still kicking ass i see, good work.

Keep your mind occupied. Watch as many movies as possible. Get some Pedialyte. Don't smoke 1,000 cigarettes.

And don't feel sorry for yourself. Feel proud of yourself for making the effort, and for the knowledge that you will come through this and at some point in the foreseeable future, dope really won't be anything you think about at all anymore.

You might eventually live a total of 25,000-30,000 days, give or take.

These two weeks (or maybe even less) constitute virtually no significant time out of your existence, yet are the only conceivable means by which to do any of the things that you could possibly ever want to do.

You gotta ride it out eventually, and you've already started, so just get through it with the assurance that in ten days or so, you will have limitless options that you do not have right now.

None of this will be easy, obviously, but there isn't a single thing more worth doing.

PM me if you feel like it.

Regardless, remember: luck's got nothing to do with it, so wishing you good luck ain't gonna help. Reclaim your existence.

Sounds like you are over the hump.

Way to freakin go, man. It really sounds like you have the thing on the ropes. Keep after it.

Looking forward to the future yet?

here begins my hell ride. god i wish i had some herb. it really helps the upset stomach..

Definitely. This morning I woke up (been able to sleep about 3-5 hours a night, better than nothing) and had a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. It's those type of little things that I lost appreciation for with my addiction. It feels good to wake up and start the day like a normal person.

Also, I've been looking into the possibility of moving to a new city. I have a good friend in Denver, and also have family in DC as well as NY/NJ/Connecticut.

Was re-watching season 1 of The Wire last night... "I want to start over. That's what I want. I don't care where. Anywhere. I don't give a ****. I just want to go somewhere, where I can breathe like regular folk." - D'Angelo

I know the feeling. A fresh start would be awesome.

I really hope it works out for ya. You're doing great and staying totally on the right track. I hope whatever you do you talk it over with your family. We all know you don't have to but you also have said you have their support. I think it's important to keep it.

my mom was in the hospital when i woke up from my overdose like 5 years ago, so yeah they aint stupid.

god i love music! if anything is gonna get me through this it's music. One could argue being in a band for over 15 years has turned me onto certain scenes i wouldn't have found otherwise. but i wouldn't trade anything for my past. yeah the lead singer of my old band turned me onto dope, but he was the most important person in my life outside of my parents. and guess what, he's dead. i don''t know if i'll ever forgive him for taking that hot shot. but ****. i'm crying like a baby right now.

why does heroin **** with your emotions so much. i'm always a reck when i'm kicking....
god damn. i hope i never meet any of you in real life. this **** is embarrassing. If any of you play at Potowatomi casino 3/5 NL you prolly know me. I was the drunk/doped up guy who was always chatting the table up. It was always apart of my game plan. you have no idea how many people call you down light when they think you're ****ed up and have no idea what you are doing. I'm a pro at getting people to thing i'm a LAGtard when "most" of the time i'm not. i emphasize "most"

Poker is also a motivation for me to quit. it's a two edged sword though. walking out of the casino with a couple grand makes the temptation harder, but I honestly attribute poker to keeping me sober those 2 1/2 years i did make it. I'm a firm believer in replacing your addictions with other hobbies. It will be a long time before I even have one buy in for my 3/5 game anyway so whatever.

they do have a 1/2NL they just started there but it's 10% up to $8. ridiculous. and they only run one table. the 3/5 is 10% up to 5 (used to be 4), and is still a juicy game depending on table.

oops, am i not supposed to talk about poker in OOT? i'm more talking about it in regards to my problem. and sorry about my crappy grammar, i'm sick and typing is crappy enough.

benny

im gonna look up some NA meetings i think...

well, I think the short answer is that dope suppresses your emotions. when you start to get straight all that **** comes back to the surface. can definitely be a rough time. you're going to have to learn how to deal with yourself w/o using chemicals to dictate how you feel/don't feel. not to mention your physical side is very sensitive as well. I think it's a good idea to avoid caffeine, refined sugar etc.--everything seems to be magnified.