This seems like a different situation entirely...or at least to me. If you are going out regularly with a work colleague then I wouldn't pay for her. Everything I have said itt was with regards to a good female friend that you are meeting up with for lunch.

If you go out to lunch with a work colleague everyday then you obviously don't pay and she shouldn't expect you to.

Once again, it is all scenario dependent...at the end of the day, just do what you personally are comfortable with. I enjoy paying for a close female friend when we are eating. I don't expect her to want me to by any means. I just always want to pay in this scenario and am more than happy to, so I don't really give it any thought. If she offers to pay, I simply tell her something along the lines of: "Don't worry about it, it's not a big deal" which is usually followed by a simple "thanks"

It has nothing to do with ability to pay. I've covered the bill for women where my net-worth would be a rounding error for them.

It isn't. I've explained the reasoning behind it plenty of times. It is about about looking at the costs of the whole activity of going out not just the consumables.

no, i'm talking about very good friends from law school. we work in the same general area and meet-up sometimes for a quick lunch somewhere cheap (food truck, potbelly, etc) just because.

in what world do you live in where this is less awkward than just throwing in your fair share of money or a card to chop it?

This is definitely ideal as it's so much smoother and quicker than splitting checks and **** which can be so damn annoying. My poker friends have no problem understanding in the long run that rotating paying (or just CCR) is 0EV but that's about it. I've tried to explain it to my core group of guy friends who eat together all the time (with and without girls) but they're vehemently in the "I'll always pay for myself/my date and that's it" camp. So in large group dinners I end up just paying for myself because I know there's no way in hell one of them is paying for the next one.

For things like that do you really care? I'd say most people who are not hard up for cash are not going to care about stuff like this.

I have never met any girl who has had an issue.

This is definitely the most common, but when I go out in a group where someone is willing to pay for the whole dinner it almost always causes more trouble than splitting checks since inevitably EVERY SINGLE GUY in the group tries to pay the whole bill and it usually ends with multiple cards being given to the waiter/waitress with the instructions of "just put it all on here."

For this exact scenario I wouldn't be paying.

It's amazing how anyone is worried about what another thinks with regard to this issue. The whole situation is personal preference and dependent on the groups of friends you hang out with. I would pay for the girls in the scenarios I have outlined, but disagree with Henry and those that would pay for a whole groups drinks on a night of going out. However, I also don't hang out with an upper class social circle and this is not the way that my particular group of friends operates. If it is standard for one of the guys to grab the tab for the 6 guys/4 girls scenario in your circle of friends...then you obviously just pay the tab when it is your turn to do so (there is no point in keeping track of this, if these people are truly your friends then everyone will chip in at some point).

Funky, if you feel uncomfortable paying in any scenario then my simple advice is to not do it. You got your head on your shoulders and I'm sure there is a reason you feel uncomfortable so just gotta trust your reads.

People who think Henry's logic is off base are more than likely right with regards to their personal situation. I completely understand where he is coming from and would do the same in his shoes. There is no point in comparing what he does with his friends to what us young professionals/college students do with ours. It is just a completely different scenario.

See my above post, but yea it usually comes down to everyone wanting to pay if done that way. Then people get offended that they weren't able to pay their fair share.

I've met very few who wouldn't have an issue with this so maybe its just a difference in culture.

it has nothing to do with income. i work at a large firm and my gf does too and i would never let her pay for her meal. if it was my bday id let her pay for both of us but thats it.

she can obviously pick up food and stuff like that but not she is never paying if we're at a restaurant.

scenario: girl texts me to meet her at a bar. i show up and sit down at the table with her and her friend. they had been there for a while, already eaten and finished a pitcher. they get their bill to close out.

should i offer to cover it? that would just seem incredibly desperate/try-hard imo

i just quickly asked two of my friends from school. one said it is entirely unexpected, but old-school and appreciated. one said they would allow it if the guy really insisted, but would try to pay for small things or do whatever next time if possible. gchat of latter person:

Lindsay: if hypothetically one of my close male friends offered to pay for me
i would ask to split
and if they insisted, i would let them
and probably try to pick up the tab next time
me: what if they insisted always
every time
Lindsay: but i do actually have a friend who insists always
he never let me pay
ever
me: how do you like that
Lindsay: there's nothing i can do about it but say thanks and surprise him with coffee or dessert before he can yell at me for paying haha
me: hahah okay
do you think it's a positive, negative, or neutral thing
Lindsay: neutral
unnecessary but if they insist, appreciated

so, overall a positive. i'm not sure that means it's right to do though: if i brought a present to my coworker everyday, they would surely appreciate it. but it's entirely unexpected and quite an investment.

No, in this instance I would not pay. If you spend the same amount of time at a bar with girl(s) or relatively the same time you should be instant paying.

That sounds like the guy is overdoing it based on the wording. Like yell at me for paying was what stuck out. This shouldn't be a big deal or even discussed if done properly.

Also the present analogy does not apply. We are talking about dividing the costs of going out. A proper analogy would be say you went to a sporting event in Andrew's box. After that you go drinking, People who got to use the box should cover all of Andrew's consumables at least for that night and likely a few additional nights. Likewise if you go on vacation and someone owns a property that you stay at. The majority of their consumables should be covered by the other guests.

no, would obviously not pay.

Most of the times no. This is not an outing in common.

Yeah that is an obvious no dkgo. I also agree that the guy in the text you posted funky is trying way too hard.

I assume you're referring to the notion that women have to spend more time and money on looking good. however, i would say girls clothes are often cheaper than guys' clothes. often, i'll hear a girl compliment another girl's dress and the girl will say "yeah i got it for $20 at target!" my dress shoes, slacks, and shirts all cost more than $100 each.

in what world do girls clothes cost less than men's? I always thought the opposite for the most part.

well, obviously there is lots of expensive women's clothing. but the disparity used to stem from the fact that most men didnt give a **** what they looked like until recently. now i think it's much closer.

the other important factor is that nice men's clothing stays in fashion almost forever. women have to update their wardrobes much more frequently.

my clothes cost about 8-10x as much as my gfs, but she has to buy 10x more than me and update all the time. ive been wearing the same type ofcrap for years.

i'm not the guy trying too hard fwiw

Yah, I was referring to the guy that demands he pays for everything in your friends story

That means you are likely buying better clothing than your female friends.

Also as diskoteque points out there is a very different endeavour. Girls need a **** load of clothing and it goes out of style much faster and needs replacing.

A lot of this comes down to girls you know. With students I don't expect it to be that different but for professionals if a girl is not outspending a guy she is underperforming in her appearance. Like if anyone I knew from law school who had a good job mentioned shopping at Target I'd assume they had financial issues and Canadian lawyers make a lot less than comparable US lawyers.

WRT clothing pretty obvious that girls spend more on the wardrobe b/c of refreshing not because their outfits on a given night cost more than ours. On a given night out my outfit might cost:

150 shoes
170 jeans
70 shirt
+ jacket if needed

im sure girls aren't going out with much more expensive clothes than that on a given night, but they have many more options. I have like 6 pairs of shoes, 5 jeans, 15-20 shirts, and 4 jackets I'd wear out.