Liked Rickroll's images posted above but I'm as a long time married senior guy, not looking.


-not sure why Sophia age 40 is ok but other 40 yos are too old for kids and get dumped
-with Ozempic and Mounjara around now, the dating landscape may change in your favor, some of these rejects will become skinnies
-thought Jack could be a trans by the name and looks, surprised that they dont tell you on their profile, seems important lol, I guess their other pics reveal more
-Grace 32 looked ready
-when you get near 50 yo most single ladies have kids that are gone
-when you get to 60 , you can get all you want but you won't want it lol

Good luck guys

IMO was way better 5ish years ago.

i'm not ruling out dating a woman who is likely too old to have children - but they need to really bring something extra to the table for them to be considered - sophia had nice photos, was all smiles, seems intelligent, looked fun/vibrant etc and importantly - looked consistently the same in all her photos

and i assure you that most these women were all a lot larger than the initial profile photo indicates - which is often the very best photo in existence of that person taken in the last 6-7 years - quite a few of these who had passable opening photos you then find more in the background as they begin to run out of "best photos ever" and need to lean onto the more recent and realistic ones- it's not unheard of for the person the be noticeably thinner in some of the photos, have very short hair in one pic and waist length hair in the next

someone here dm'd me to even point out another 40 year old who looked solid and seeing it cutoff from the nose down would agree she looked promising so i pulled up the original and immediately saw that it was the upper part of the face where everything fell apart - couldn't respond to that dm since mailbox is full and haven't cleaned it out yet if you're reading

some of the other seemingly plausible ones all had very bad or inconsistent follow up photos or no other photos - which is always a huge red flag

like people are just bad at this - a few weeks ago i text my friend a screenshot of a woman who had a very clearly visible oral herpes outbreak going on in her primary profile photo and we were joking about "how bad are the other pics if this was her best option"

there is a way to identify as trans on the app and i genuinely applaud those who do that do but it's not common - a big reason is the prevalence of belief that "i'm not trans, i'm genuinely a woman" - however, most do not and you'll often see very obviously trans folks declare woman in that area despite that she literally has a beard in some of the photos

like a few months ago i came across one profile, she graduated from my small college and was the year above me and I was really shocked I didn't recognize her because school of 1700 students and this was a 6 foot tall woman the year above me - i even screenshotted her pics and sent to a friend in the year above and was like "how do i not recall this person, do you know her" to which the immediate response was "that's clearly a dude, we had no 6' tall female students" - only looking at it under the trans gaze was it then "oh yeah that is a dude"

so yeah I agree on jack, definite chance there that jack is trans, but could also just be a somewhat masculine looking woman and jack is short for jackie/jaclyn - and I generally find masculine features attractive (in b4 i'm called a closet case) - so I'm willing to match first and sort it out later as there have been a few times i've matched with actual trans and they typically make it clear that's the deal right away and then I just not interested and unmatch

just really frustrating because these apps respect my preferences to not want to date someone with a penis if it's a gay man, but do not respect that if it's a trans woman. Which is just absurd, it's better for everyone and just wastes time in a bunch of nonsense to virtue signal inclusivity

these are the things i'm able to filter

men/women/non-binary
age
distance
whether they verified their profile
astrological sign
height
how often they exercise
education level
drinking preferences
smoking preferences
marijuana preferences
relationship goals
children status/desire
political leanings
religion

i can filter by all of that - it seems the only things you are unable to filter by is race and presence of a penis

re: masculine women

like the most famous trevor lawrence impersonator is a very good looking woman


like cate blanchett has very masculine features - would bang 10/10


i think Sophie Turner is gorgeous - but she's also a dead ringer for boy george

Great response. You got it covered.

I just realized that I like women with really soft feminine voices as important as looks. Can't get that information from apps, at least, not on first pass anyway. Hope you find a good one soon.

As I've delved more into kink life for a year now, many more people are suited for a site like Fetlife over any of the vanilla apps for dating. In the kink life and scene space, consent, open communication of needs and wants, and airing boundaries first thing are the basis of every new relationship. I also like the fact that there's a lot of group meetups in vanilla spaces where you can meet like-minded people and potential partners. The variety and depth to some of these spaces make islt so that there's "someone for everyone" more than any app that I've ever used.

Every woman I've met or interacted with on Fetlife has profiles on the apps. If anything, it gives you the chance to cut a lot of the odd traditional bonding phase that everyone hates when meeting someone on the apps. You can skip right to bonding over more intimate & fantasy things that is at the core of who we all are and what we all want.

Everything isn't for everybody, though. There can be some extremely disturbing pockets of Fetlife that you can find if you go exploring.

I wouldn't say Cate has masculine features, I think she has a very delicate face. The deepish voice might affect judgement here imo.

Otoh, Sophie Turner is bang average. She has a very masculine body with narrow hips and broad shoulders. She also has a square face and prominent features.

Obviously would though.

she's attractive, all the photos are of activities which are outdoors (notice the ice skates above), presumably very smart and does interesting work, same year as me so just a few months older most likely (still clinging onto the fact that I'm still 40 and not 41) - this is basically an ideal partner for me

but she mentions the kids 3 times in her bio and is basically looking for a stepdad to go on outings with them (her kids are in all her photos as well)

i appreciate that she's up front about that

but she's seeking stability not a lover - i'd just be a replacement part and living someone else's life and not my own if i pursued this

h&b4life

It seems like you are very good at finding reasons not to like people you haven’t met yet? I’m long term married (and I’m not sure how I found my way in here tbh) so w/e but it took me finally realising how dumb my list of requirements was before I committed to my Mrs. Just meet people, see if you like spending time with them and find them attractive and like the person they are inside and the rest works itself out

Any person who has kids needs the person they’re in a new relationship with to understand that their kids are priority #1. They’re just a giant handbrake on spontaneity and freedom of movement and of course it’s important for her to want someone to understand that and realise they’re a part of the package. So maybe you need to abandon the ones with kids altogether?

IMO it would be a giant red flag if there was a woman who was too eager to get away from her kids

yeah i think that's fair feely, thanks for the thoughts

I just skimmed and maybe I'm way late on this, but why do you have 18 as your lower bound?

when in boston/nyc i slide that baby up to around 27

out here where maybe a dozen new accounts pop up each week (tinder gets around this by recycling the rejects after a certain amount of time has passed - there are girls i'd swiped left on a half dozen times already - get the hint tnder, i'm not into them) simply including them doesn't really change anything - it's not like I'm going to get fewer age appropriate ones by doing that so i figure why not

they are very few of them and it's always a left swipe - i guess you could call it window shopping but that sounds kinda crass

Idk if fair at all tbh mate, just clicking buttons. But if I contemplated divorce and meeting a new person, (and I’ve had to the past year or two) I honestly think I would choose the complications involved with someone who had kids of her own vs the constant expectation managing of someone who didn’t have kids and wanted more of my time than I could give.
(Or…God forbid, wanted more kids)

Less of an issue for me now as my kids are teens but would particularly have been a thing when I had kids sub the age of 10

Seriously no judgment... It just doesn't seem like what you really want.

Anyone here have thoughts advice for getting women to hang when you visit an area for a weekend? I hit up bumble hard this past weekend- I was there for a poker tourny/ cash games just for the weekend.

Had some cute Indian girl say let’s grab drinks but she kinda pestered out Saturday night when I proceeded to ask if she wanted to go out. Other girls messaged me but didn’t get anything locked up but wasn’t too aggro on asking.

In my profile on bumble- I said in Philadelphia for the weekend, who wants to grab a drink? I didn’t really go too hard on aggressiveness level as I was busy w/ poker but wanted to find a go to drink. Honestly could care less about a hook up- if it happens great but looking for
Someone to talk w/ and grab a drink. Nothing insane.

Going to Cleveland in 2 weeks. Will prolly try to hit dating apps there.


My thoughts to my question- I probably should just be super aggressive with messaging the girls I would hang with. No reason to care if they say no
Etc bc I’ll never see them. It’s kinda annoying when you say visiting bc I feel women automatically think that means you are looking for a hook up/ and not serious (I feel bumble is heavily weighted toward folks looking for relationships).

In my experience, women "operate better" when you give them a very specific window, then you guide the date from there.

Ex. "Hey, I'll be in Philadelphia for a really important event (save details for date or follow up call)... and I'm available from 2-5pm if you would like to get to know each other over a couple or drinks."

Whether you have a 5pm hard stop, or not, get them to commit to that time window and have 1-2 dates on reserve in case she flakes. If you get multiple commitments, solidify one 1hr to 90 mins before the meetup and cancel the least interested dates ("hey I haven't heard from you today, so I'm going to assume you're uninterested. In that case, I'm making other plans").

Sometimes that backfires and triggers an immediate response. Nonetheless, the ball is in your court for who you choose to go out with. And if it doesn't work out, you still get the option of going out solo and meeting a random in said place for a chat.

excellent advice

i mentioned it before, but business trips to taipei were the absolute nuts with tinder

i did a similar thing as you "in taipei for work over the weekend"

and then in dm would arrange one date at say 6 pm who was the best option and then would arrange another one at 8:30 but I'd be very clear that I wasn't sure if I could do the 8:30 one because I could get pulled into business dinners but would confirm final status at around 8. Then the true backups I would just say "Hey I may be too buys tonight but would love to meetup if I'm not. I hope you don't mind late notice but if I'm free tonight I'll reach out"

That way if things went really went well with the 6 pm I could message the 8:30 one that I did indeed get pulled into a dinner and had to cancel.

It was a good system because a bunch of women just wanted to meet for a coffee/glass of wine, talk a little then go home. Others wanted more and usually a single drink and you'd know where you stood.

It was good to have backups for the backups because sometimes they'd cancel on you as well.

Tried replicating this while visiting NYC/BOS - did not have nearly the flexibility because I was mostly visiting friends/family/weddings etc but the rare windows I had to meet up with people I tried this layering strat and it did not work at all

it did work a bit in europe but euro girls usually had no interest in me if i was passing through town whereas asians tended to prefer it because most could never bring a foreign boyfriend home in the future anyway so it was win win for them

could be my age, could be i'm not nearly as charming when there is no language barrier, could be the woman are different in usa

Probably the thing I miss most about being single is traveling to a new place for a short time and pre-swiping right on tons of girls and usually having a couple options in place to meet for a drink. It's great having a local show you around and I saw a ton of places/hoods that I never would have in just tourist mode. Of course if things are going really well and the girl already knows you're leaving soon, then it's easy to make a move and go YOLO mode (I used to be a big pussy and took forever to make a move on normal dates).

One of my favorite experiences came from one of these situations. I was visiting Lille, France for just 2 days. First day I just did all the tourist stuff I wanted on my own, late in the evening I matched with a cute German/French girl so we set up a date for the following afternoon. Problem was that I had a flight scheduled for 9PM that night back to Nice, France.

We met at about 5PM and hit it off pretty quickly. At some point we started walking around the center of the city. She was being flirtatious, but I remember thinking "Man, I have to leave in 30 min. so I don't even care about trying to kiss her." But then she stopped me and said "hey, look at the moon, it's beautiful" or something like that, I did and when I looked back at her she instantly kissed me. That was a pretty smooth move. Anyway, I was like "I'm having a great time, but I should really head back to my AirBNB to pack b/c I need to catch this flight". She replied "would you be interested in staying at my place and just catching a flight next week?" I think I probably took less than a second to make up my mind, but I had the presence of mind to at least wait a couple seconds before answering in the affirmative.


I feel the same. I don't have a ton of experience with American women, but always felt like my dates went worse when we were both native English speakers.

I just always felt a lot bolder when I spoke Spanish or French. My mindset was, well you're probably gonna accidentally say something dumb or make mistakes anyway, so you might as well adopt a DGAF attitude. I also think you get a lot more credit for being "charming" when speaking in a non-native language.

A couple times, I'd feel like the date had gone pretty shitty and to my surprise the girl would be like "wow, I had a great time, your French is so good!". It wasn't, but just like in the USA, American girls fall all over themselves for guys with even basic accents like an English one, I guess the same is true for us when speaking other languages.

Being exotic and exciting is like playing on easy mode. If a girl puts themselves in that situation they will inherently be turned on by that situation.

But also, as we've discussed before, American girls are about the nut low for entitlement, expectation, and etc when it comes to dating. If anyone has a worse baseline I'd love to hear about it.

yeah i think i become a bit more passive when interacting in english

when i was at that nyc wedding it was a reunion of all my old buddies from my 20s, they are all now married with kids and so they obviously were interested in what the tinder scene was like these days so i opened up the apps and passed my phone around the table

most feedback from my chats was "you're being way too dull and nice" to which my feedback was "yeah but I figure a lot of these women are older career girls, they don't want to hear more risque things - these women don't lead with sexual innuendo or requests to meet up but rather ask questions about what i do for a career

to which their unanimous response was - no they still wanted that but at their age they don't feel as comfortable initiating it

to prove the point my buddy grabbed the phone and started rebooting a bunch of dead conversations with some negging and risque comments and literally all of them began responding again - a few did unmatch after a little bit though so there's that to consider

sample size not strong enough to be conclusive yet and it's not a pure a/b study since i'm much older now and hitting a very different demographic

but this has been my suspicion for a while

i really feel with women in other countries - we start out on more a level playing ground where they feel it necessary to engage as well - they will make suggestions, finish answering questions with a lead in to further discussion, be more agreeable to "skipping the app phase" and meeting up right away

in general my matches in the usa go nowhere - it's all one sided, the onus is upon me to drive conversation, I think carefully about all my engagement and try to ensure there's a push and pull dynamic going on - if she asks what i do for a living I won't just say what I do but craft a response that pushes the conversation into new territory and/or gives a question back to drive further discussion.

she: "what's you do you do for a living?"

me: "I used to build apps but now I build data models for sports and use the outcomes to create daily fantasy lineups. Hockey and soccer are my favorite sports. What about yourself and do you like sports?"

so i give a thorough response - it isn't just "degen gambler" but explains the more scientific side of what I do and it's grounded in the "i had a real career before that" i also ask her what she does for a living and also give a 2nd out around sports so if she prefers not to talk about work then she can talk about sports if that's her preference.

her response "nursing"

that's it, so I'm kinda stuck here, I'll ask a follow up

"I heard that can be stressful with lots of hours but very rewarding when you see the results of helping people. Is that your experience? How long have you doing it."

Again, multiple outs for her to take

"Yeah it's ok" is her response

like ugh - and the real kicker is - this isn't even a woman I'm even interested in - absolutely nothing about her is super compelling - if I were in nyc i would have just swiped left from the start on her - but here I am trying to see if maybe she's just really awesome as a person and getting any sort of conversation is like pulling teeth so I'm really left wondering wtf she is doing on the app then

like i get that there's probably a few dozen other guys she's talking to - but that should explain the slow response rate, but not the quality of the response


so my strat has been to push meeting up right away (this is not new this has always been the goal) but most women are like "but I don't know you yet and want to chat for a while first" but then they never chat

there's even been a few women where we really hit it off. like genuinely chatting back and forth for over an hour at time several times and we clearly gel well with each other and I try to get her phone number or arrange meeting up and they just ignore that and carry on the conversation like i never asked for her number or to meet up - one girl i'd been talking to for a while was living in the same town as a phish concert was going to be that weekend, i said "hey I want to go to this, how about i get an extra ticket and you go with me" and she just ignored that. So then the next I was like "hey no biggie if you don't want to see that concert but let's meet up before or after" and she unmatched me later that day - this was someone who told me all about her childhood, her life aspirations, etc etc like we'd spent hours chatting with each other - we knew both was attracted to each other as our chats had been flirty at times etc and once the prospect of meeting in person became a reality she just unmatched

This is great advice. It was tough for me bc I was playing poker and had day 2 of a tourny on Sunday so I didn’t want to go out and get hammered Saturday night bc day 2 was important itm stage of tourny. I would have went out to a club alone on Saturday night if not in tourny on day 2.

I normally will hit up a bunch of girls like when I go to vegas for a week and try to set up dates. Normally, it’s tough and I have to throw out a lot of asks to get a few girls to say yes. A lot of chicks I realize on dating apps are flakey. I might go to Cleveland for poker tourny next weekend so I’ll probably try like you said to set up dates. Like fossil said, I’m going to preswipe on bumble bc I paid for stupid ability to change location. Will post trip results here if anything good happens.


Btw I’ve had most success with non American chicks. I met Mexican girl in vegas 2 years back I slept with and Columbian girl I posted about in my last vegas trip. Both girls were extremely nice to me. Normally for American chicks when I go on dates, it’s normally girls I’m not too into / hefty chicks that are really nice to me lol. Vegas- I’ve found it so much easier to get foreign girls to meet out Vs Americans. A few years back, some beautiful Brazilian girl that was an au pair in middle America (I’m guessing like in Michigan or some state in that area) asked me to go to a pool party. This girl was beautiful (a little thick but like great thick). She asked me to go to a pool party at the Wynn. Sadly I had to decline bc I was in a poker tourny at the time in the money + she left the next day. To me- that was probably a huge mistake bc this girl was just like so cute and someone I would 100% normally go on a date with if I wasn’t busy.

Last girl I met in Syracuse ny from bumble was a Brazilian girl that was an au pair. I ended up taking her on a first date and she initiated making out which is super rare for a first date. I ended up going out with her again to a dance club- was with another girl I’m not too into (that I hooked up with) and then ditched her during day to go to nightclub with Brazilian. So Brazilian chick was not drunk at club but I was- she takes me to her suv that is parked in public at like 12pm at night downtown and blows me lol. Her and I still talk but she moved to Chicago. She wants me to visit her. I feel like she likes me but also looking to date an American to stay in the US lol. This Brazilian chick sadly isn’t as attractive as the one I talked w/ on bumble in vegas. The bj Brazilian chick is a little too thick but has nice boobs.

Freudian Post

watching Star Trek, there's a very attractive female guest star - I'm thinking oh who is she?

If ever women’s general indifference on dating apps were hammered home (as well as the uphill struggle guys face), last night I went out with a couple of female friends and the single one (who is cute) had 2,300+ men in her beeline.

I explained to her that if she just tried out the paid version for one week she’d be able to see all the guys who have already swiped right on her, and even if she only liked 5% of them, and of those men only 20% even responded, and only 20% of THOSE men led to a date, she would still have enough dates for a month

She was ambivalent to the idea, and I can’t blame her simply due to how overwhelming it must be, as well as how time-consuming, to swipe through that many guys, especially knowing they’ll just be replaced anyway if you put the app down for a couple days. There’s a definite ‘Rock of Sisyphus’ feel to the task

It’s somewhat ironic that guys are more likely to approach online dating in a ‘gamification’ type way, while if more girls were wired to think like that (based on a huge volume approach) they’d probably find their dream guy without too much issue if they’re even modestly attractive

Probably explains why the Clooney line used to be pretty effective. A girl could be into you and intending to go out on a date with you, but maybe she didn't have time to respond to one of your messages, and before you know it, you're buried beneath 100 new guys. Then we'll overanalyze every message and wonder where we went wrong and really there's not much we could have done. That's why I pretty much always used to strike while the iron's hot. Once you get 2-4 decent responses (more than 1 word or a simple sentence), then you might as well ask her out. The other reason is that you never know what in person chemistry will be like. I've had girls where the messaging was great and I thought for sure we'd hit it off and then 10 seconds into the date I knew there wouldn't be a 2nd (or maybe she'd know).