Delete account and new account. Think critically about your pictures and bio and your demographic.

Just grabbing a drink at a bar is standard. Find somewhere that's not too loud, and do a weeknight if possible.

I like to go to cheap concerts if I think the girl would be into it.

Last night I ate at an Ethiopian place. You eat with your hands and share food. Good or bad theoretical first date place?

i never thought about deleting my account and starting a new one. does this actually work?

Yup, you start fresh and can get rematched potentially.

I assume, especially if you're not in a huge city, that the most active users will see you fairly soon after you sign up. Once you get past the initial few days/weeks, pretty much everyone has seen your bio and swiped one way or the other, so the only people getting shown your bio at that point are new people. I remember the first week or so when I signed up, I was getting 10+ matches per day, now I probably average 1-2 a day. Same thing happens when visiting a new city, get bored and swipe for a little while and you'll get more matches in an hour than you can expect to get in a week back home (albeit I've never messed around in a comparable sized city to my own, only larger ones like DC or NYC).

Yes, I've probably started new accounts 3-4 times in the past 8 months. Always match with different people that have been around the whole time. Girls are really bad about swiping and Tinder is really good at making sure the matches come at a crawl.

Yes, there is a natural slowdown but I also think Tinder prevents some people from seeing your profile. I match with people who had either not seen my profile OR didn't match the first time around. Rule #1: Girls do NOT know what they want and extremely mood dependent. Hell, I will talk with people previously and it dies. Rematch with them months later. It's hilarious. Flavor of the week.

I fully expect a flaming here considering my post history, but got cold-messaged by a cute writer a few weeks back that was interested in trying this out in her profile. So what the hell, why not?

We seemed to have a good rapport beforehand and on the date itself. She had 4 drinks (3 Martinis, beer), 3 for me (beer, two scotches neat), got comped the most expensive shared plate item on the menu because they messed up our appetizer order, split the check, 3.5 hours, and we had a lot in common as far as outlook on the world, what we want to accomplish, our family history, views on love, etc. (part of the questions, otherwise I wouldn't be asking the last time someone cried in front of someone else, trust me).

Walked back to the train station, sprinted after and stopped a bus from leaving that she needed. Went to hug her but she kissed me goodbye and jumped on the bus. She didn't seem drunk fwiw. Said I had a great time and we should do this again, she said had fun but she didn't feel a connection.

I'm done for now, just not even seeing light at the end of the tunnel, so clearly I have A LOT to work on to be a better man at this point.

I don't understand. She kissed you goodbye, but said no to a second date on the spot? Very weird.

I've heard of the intimate question thing before and do think it's interesting. I think part of the problem with online dating is women think there should instantly be some magical connection. You literally JUST met each other. I rarely feel a "spark" on the first date and prefer to get to know people more before making a decision. First date is a "would I bang?" and "Is she annoying as ****?" The first date is 99% physical based even if women think that means "connection."

Of course, if I didn't think the girl was attractive or I found her annoying I know for sure, but otherwise it takes me forever to see the minute details of compatibility. I get along with a huge variety of people. I think the majority of 28+ year old women online are complete stuck up bitches and it's no wonder why they're single. I really want to tell them to act like a human being is on the other end of the date FFS. #ForeverAloneWomen

FWIW, you're clearly burnt out on dating and feel a sense of lacking in your personal life. Going to post more below as I've got some personal blogging to do, but I can relate.

keenly awaiting stories of median girl!

Burdz,

Do you usually split the check on first dates?

If you think 28 year olds are bad,just hope you never have to deal with the delusional 40 year old that has five kids by six daddies,bad credit and a leaky trailer she expects you to fix on a first date.

But I definitely can relate, I think the net has empowered women that have no business being so picky.

And burdz,you lockdown the possible next date wayyyy before you take her to the bus.
That way,if it doesn't go your way,let her chase her own damn bus.

ohh i didnt know we shared experiences here

started this like 2 weeks ago , have dated only 1 person thus far and we are still dating
here is the recap

day 1: we drove to watch an MLS soccer game ( picked her up at 6 pm , dropped her off at 11 30 pm . i would say we spent 75% of the date stuck in traffic . we connected alot and i cant think of what it would have been like had she been boring. She said she had a great time etc...

day 2 (next day): friend was hosting a charity event with B lister celebrties etc.. that had a casino theme to it and i didnt want to go alone , i invited her to the event, gave her some playchips that she can use to gamble with , she ran up the playchips and bought raffle tix with them. ended up shipping like 3 prizes which included a diamond ring which i told her to keep (found out diamond ring costs like 500 ) keep in mind she tried to give everything back to me but i just said it was ok... (shes still wearing it)

day 3 (1 day later): went to the bar and watched the hockey game , got to know each other a little more. tried to score but she said no

day 4 (last friday ) : went out to a concert , then had drinks then went to club , this time i rly thought i was gonna score as we were hooking up pretty hard in the cab rides and in the club but she again said she wanted to take it a little slower as much as she is attracted to me in which i said i totally understand


on monday (5th date) i figured we slow it down a little so we just went out for drinks had dinner ,

theres def a connection as she loves sports, is very fun and outgoing and we are very much into each other. However is there such a thing as moving too fast? should i pull back a little? or just go with the flow?

I know the type of place you mean and I love it, just not for a date. Don't have dinner on first date and definitely don't have messy ass dinner that auto portrays you as a savage on first date.

Haven't created her yet, but if anyone else wants to feel free

Anyone have experience dating a nurse? Her schedule is really fricken annoying to navigate. We have so much in common and have had three really good dates but haven't had a chance to get her to mine yet. She's flaked on me twice but I'm pretty confident it was because she had to do shifts, because she texts me back all the time and is making all the right noises, says she is going to text me about our next date when she finishes night shifts. Frustrating though

Seems like it'd appeal to the scat fetish demographic.

Did you really just hang out that often (3 dates in 4 nights for your first 3)? I guess you really like her, but I usually take things slower especially date wise. I might do 1-2 dates a week early on.

it's probably just one or two things which are causing you to fail. maybe you have a really nervous tic, or use racial slurs, or are just boring/unfunny, talk really fast, or slouch and don't make eye contact. you should surreptitiously record your next date and post it here so we can help.

Yes, was with nurse for 7 months and attempted to date many. I don't like it b/c the switching shifts makes them zombies. Having an abnormal schedule makes it easy for them to flake and makes trying to plan a date a huge pain in the ass! I always feel like such a beta when trying to setup dates with nurses b/c you get turned down a lot due to not knowing when they work. Weeknight evenings are money for dates, except nurses obv.

Thanks LT. Yeah, I'm starting to (perhaps falsely) take "connection" as "is he super-hot and have everything going for him right here and now?" when phrased by the opposite sex. Also, any long-term thing I've ever had, there wasn't some magical spark at the beginning: it built up into something of the sort. Same with hobbies/good friends/etc.

I actually had a date over the weekend that asked why on OKCupid that I answered no to telling racist jokes. Then she proceeded to poke fun at Asian female drivers. Suffice to say, my pre-screening wasn't great there. No racial slurs here, though.

No, I take care of it unless they really insist on paying their way (which tends to mean no 2nd date most of the time). In this case, it was>$100 and she ordered more than me, so she didn't want to stick me with it. Nothing worth fighting over. I don't recall ever explicitly asking to split it.

Burdz you live in Boston right? The problem you are going to face, like in any major city is any reasonable catch for a female is going to have a TON of options. You have a ton of options as well but from what it seems you aren't the catch some of the better guys are. It's a tough game--I think I may have finally found something but will see.

This year in January I started off the year with a bang with 4 dates in a week with different girls. After a month, I was down to 2 and I continued to date 2 girls honestly until now. I haven't broken up with the 2nd but then again I haven't seen her in a month. Like 6 weeks ago she basically tells me she scheduled to be busy or out of town the next 6 weekends. I didn't say anything at the time but I wasn't happy. The one I'm trying to drop, basically treats me like a booty call. And after a while, due to my sleep schedule and her late requests, I got annoyed. I get up at 5 am - 6 am, no matter when I go to sleep, so staying out or up till 3-4 is a big problem. So I settled on the other, she's pretty great. She's a year older than me, but she's fun, nice and really likes me and has a great personality and very cute . I told her about a month ago I was seeing someone else as well and she was unhappy but okay with it, knowing that I'd end it with the other girl. I haven't officially ended it with the other girl but I've become less and less responsive and so has she. I guess she knows as well. I wanted to end it in person, but it might be impossible at this point.

Definitely should have paid for dinner Burtz.

Bad first date imo

Ethiopian food seems risky

Don't make yourself so available so many days in a row and don't go overboard with the making out in the cabs etc. A little is good but be the one who pulls away and leave her wanting more.

Chronic: how old are you? That seems weird to have that type of volume and not have had sex yet. In my experience, those two things (high volume very fast and lots of sex) have always gone hand-in-hand.

Pwns: I don't like Ethiopian food very much, but I actually think it could be an awesome first or second date place with a fun, adventurous girl.