Where you looking, LT?

What are the odds Chip is a serial killer?

Of squish mitten?

Near One Hunnert Percent

Women are petrified of being judged harshly from photographs, upon meeting.

You want a first date to go well. The second you meet. **** whether you should hug.

Tell her you can't get over how hot she is and PICTURES DO NOT DO HER BEAUTY JUSTICE.

guru out

I got some time off and figured I should try this out. So just to get the basics down, first date I want to meet up for coffee or icecream w/e lil thing and if that goes well I convert it into a date on the spot or ask her out another time?

basically dont go straight to dinner/show or whatever 100+$ date right of the bat?

I just realyzed my pof account has the same screen name as this :/

anyway im a total noob, gonna read the thread a bit and try to avoid any faux pas. Got a coffee date for Sunday from a girl who msged me first and I'm getting a few responses from the ones I msged so far.

In my experience you're better going for a few drinks at a bar. Not sure the way it works over there (I assume you're in the states) but from what I remember in LA at least you pretty much run a tab in every bar. Where I am you pay for drinks as they come.

So I was going to wine bars a lot, order shared meat/cheese board and a few glasses of wine each, was coming to ~100€. Was doing that 2 nights a week, so it all adds up. I changed that now and go to bars where we buy rounds or the bill is a lot less.

If you're dating a lot it can get costly but it's an investment in finding a partner and should be looked at like that imo.

Yah, I've had all 25 of my online first dates at a bar and usually I try to arrange it for slightly later in the evening so we will have both already eaten Dinner. I'm not a huge drinker so it is usually limited to 2-3 drinks each and never overly expensive. If the date is going well then I look for an ice cream place and then take it to a park or waterfront nearby. Drinks just makes the most sense b/c it helps take away the nervous edge, and it's easy to keep the date short or long depending on how it's going.

If you're into her, expressing empathy for her (perhaps made-up) condition is the "bf-material" move. Poking fun at her or acting butt hurt will almost certainly kill any possibilities for a future date.

"Oh I feel you, I was in the same condition after [night you assed out on her]! lol Def raincheck. I'll hit you up with an idea in a few days. [ask a light-hearted question or make a light-hearted suggestion here, like, "you should totally use this time to catch up on Bachelor in Paradise lol"] "

Drinks, for sure; dinner or show only after you've already done the deed or in those occasions where you know you both wanna bang but she needs to feel less slooooty by way of a formal date. Then you move on to cooking her dinner, watching a movie together, etc. Basically any activity where she can observe you from a "do I want to be in a relationship with this guy?" perspective.

Bobbo,

If you are finding yourself wrecking things that have value to you because alcohol, it's time to reassess your priorities. Spend some time thinking about what may have caused you to act-the-fool around Rugby (hint- it ain't the booze). My guy believes, and I'm on board, that the times we "act out" while heavily intoxicated have little to do with the drinking beyond the lowering of inhibitions leading to the exposure of our more primal selves. As you know, I've flipped-out while hammered, yet there are those who may be in a similar condition who might simply fall asleep on the bar!

I'm surprised, but I pretty much agree with all of this.

I'm on the final night of a vacation in the middle of nowhere, Vermont, trolling desperately to find someone on Tinder to get away for a night. Had one girl say perhaps we could meet up, but how tall was I? Instant unmatch after answering 5'10, lol

Hope one of us runs into a girl that brings measuring tape to the date to confirm height

If you're a student who is about to graduate, then applying for jobs (in or out of state) is perfectly standard. Unless she is dumb, she should be expecting that. The reality is that very few college relationships make it after graduation. Unless you want to stay in the college town until she graduates, those tend to end upon graduation.

Dude she obviously just got her period and is cramping bad and isn't in the mood to go out. Try to be sympathetic and not a jerkwadian.

Hey guys, I need some help.

I recently got separated from my wife. We are in the process of a divorce and I am now looking to meet someone.

Me: I am 40 but I look younger. Most people think I am 30. I live in Manhattan. Since the split from my wife I had to move in with my elderly father temporarily, until I save up to move to my own place. I'm an attorney and make low $100k which is not a whole lot in NY much less so if you have to pay for your ex as well as yourself and your kids.

I am not interested in going out with supermodels or party girls. I am not averse and actually prefer women my own age and weight is not a big deal for me. I am probably 30 or so pounds overweight myself. Just looking for a nice loving girl. Basically the female version of me (or sigh, my ex &#128557 I am not unattractive but not a supermodel either. Just average, I guess. A poor man's Matt Damon perhaps.

So here is the profile summary on Match that I put in. Any input? Help, please? Too long? Too personal? I am clueless....

My tag line: When life hands me lemons, I make a Tom Collins.

Tom Collins, as in the cocktail... Ever had one? They are delicious!

I like to try new and interesting things and search out new experiences. Be it new foods, new drinks, new ways of thinking, art, movies, music....There are so many cool and exciting things out there.

I am looking for someone who has a sense of wonder and excitement about the possibilities that life holds.

I am very focused on my career and expanding the opportunities that I have within that. I am an attorney with my own practice. I really enjoy the advantages and welcome the challenges of being my own boss. I feel the challenges are ultimately worth the rewards. This is true for pretty much everything.

I am also a dad and am committed to remaining a good role model and provider to my children. But admittedly, I am a push over and let them get away with pretty much anything. My kids are my soul. I love them more than anything.

I am looking for a woman who holds similar values. Someone who is excited by life. Someone who values the important things in life. But always remembers to have fun and to laugh and enjoy the beauty of life!

Looks fine for the most part, I kind of cringed at the line about the kids, but thinking of what you're shooting for that's possibly okay.
Instead of flat out listing interests (e.g. Arts etc) I'd list a few examples (e.g. Exhibition or an opera or a travel you undertook recently) so that people can relate easily/start convos.
The Profesional bit reads a bit like linkedin, so I'd try slimming it a bit down.

Yeah, I cringed a bit when I wrote it but alot of the women that I'm interested in write about their kids being the most important part of their lives and have pics with their kids in their profiles. It would be weird for me not to bring them up being as I list myself as having kids.

Also, as far as usernames: I am just using my initials plus NYC. Should I come up with some silly witty name or is that too cheesy?

Thanks for your input, I will trim up the career stuff and maybe take out the "soul" line when talking about my kids. It made me cringe but maybe these Jersey/LI milfs would dig it?

Anything else? As far as pics, I took out the selfies. Is the consensus opinion to avoid all selfies? I have a shot of me in front of the Mirage in Vegas. A shot of me with a couple of buddies at a Knicks game and tailgating at MetLife. Most of my other pics have either my ex or my kids in it so I'm not using those. I don't want to put pics of my kids in there. Seems inappropriate. Hate it when chicks do it.

Deb:

- I think usernames are overrated, initials and NYC and a random number (don't make it your birth year) are fine imo
- I'd take out the line where you explain that a tom Collins is a drink. Anyone worth going out with will get its a cheesy joke
- also agree about listing examples rather than just "I like fun things!" It's NY, everyone loves "exploring" and trying "exciting things", no harm in just listing a couple. They'll also be good conversation starters. Ie "oh you like that exhibit? I do too"
- side note: what kind of law do you practice? I ask because a) you should assume that your profile will be found at some point by a client, just be aware of that, and b) I can always use more people to bail me out of jail if need be

I would keep your selfie to normal pic ratio at around 1:3 or 1:4. Anything more and people will make judgments. Er at least i do

I'm older than the demographic you're trying to attract, but I'll still share my comments since I'm female.

Overall I think your profile is OK but if I was interested in you, I'd be a little scared of your kids - it sounds like they could be little hellions & you'd let them run rampant because you said you're a pushover & let them get away with anything. Assuming that's not actually true, you might find a way to change that a little. I'm a sucker for a guy who's a loving father to his kids, but not for someone who lets his kids walk all over him.

Also, the part about your work sounds like you work a lot, that could be a negative (although if it's true, leave it in).

Pics: Personally, I don't care if there's a selfie as long as it's not a shirtless one in the bathroom mirror (or any picture in the bathroom), it might be fine for young guys but for older guys it seems skeevy whenever I see that. Whether you have hair or don't, put in at least one halfway close pic that shows what you have. I don't care if a guy has hair or not but I hate it when all the pics are in hats, then the guy shows up & is bald. It just feels like he was trying to hide it. I wouldn't put any with your kids in, either, unless you blur or hide their faces.

Thanks all, I appreciate the input. The last few months have been a total nightmare for me. I feel like I am ready to move on and meet a nice woman. I am past the phase of being a player or PUA or whatever the hell it's called. I don't need to score notches on my bedpost. I just want to find a nice woman close to my age that I can go out with and yes, make sweet love to. I've never done online dating in any way so this is all new to me. I really don't know what to expect. Like I said I am not a physical specimen male model but I am not a total mess either. I am also realistic in who I would be happy with. So hopefully this works.

I tweaked my profile a bit more to be in line with the suggestions given by the good folks in OOT.

"I like to search out new experiences. Be they new foods (really digging Korean bbq and Thai lately), new drinks (Tito's vodka), new ways of thinking (Gaia hypothesis), interesting art (I'm really digging Banksy's stuff), movies (saw Chinatown recently and was blown away by Faye Dunaway's performance), music (Giorgio Moroder is apparently the godfather of EDM). There are so many cool and exciting things out there especially here in New York.

I am looking for someone who has a sense of wonder and excitement about the possibilities that life holds.

My career is something I am also passionate about. I am an attorney with my own practice. I enjoy the advantages and welcome the challenges of being my own boss. I believe that taking risks is ultimately worth it, especially if you take a chance on yourself.

I am also a dad and am committed to remaining a good role model and provider to my children. I love my kids more than anything.

I am looking for a woman who holds similar values to my own. Someone who is excited by life. Someone who values the really important things in life (family, love, warmth and peace). Someone who remembers to have fun and to laugh and enjoy the beauty in life!"

You said digging a lot, aka like twice, when listing some interests. Which made me think of a corny joke of adding at the end:

And finding new hobbies (I'm really digging digging... archeology!)

Or something equally stupid.

Disagree with MM in regards to username being overrated!

Username is one of the first two things someone sees (in addition to your picture), so if you can get something interesting/funny and original, it'll get you many more clicks and even cold-messages. Shoot for ones without numbers.

Perhaps not a lot, but after making a username on OKCupid that was a character's nickname on Parks & Rec, I'd get 5-10 cold-messages every week just about my SN (and had a fairly good percentage rate of turning those into dates).