The Ex situation here is most likely explained by them just having different views of where the relationship was at that early.

that's disappointing. For the sake of discussion let's say I'm physically an 8 on a pretty conservative scale, does that change your input?

No. Unless you wanna bottom feed, how good you look wouldn't matter unless you're seriously good looking or unique. IE Some chicks just wanna bang black guys to see what its like.

Does anyone have trouble being confident with girls when you are out of your element? I don't always run into this, but I have certainly been less confident when I am out of town, or somewhere that I have never been before. It's only happened when it's a 1 on 1 situation, never in a group or anything.

Standard or is this stupid.

Practice makes perfect. If you find yourself feeling out of your element then consider it practice for not feeling it the next time.

Std.

This doesn't have to do with dating, but with social circles, which gets discussed a lot here. I moved to a new city 10 months ago, and met two girls who were good friends on my first night here. They've become my friends, and since I frequently invite people out to do stuff, I usually get in contact with both of them.

Anyways, seems they've had a falling out, and neither wants to hang out if the other is around. They also "don't want to make things ackward for you (me)" - they don't want me to act differently when I'm making plans (or something like that).

What do you guys do in this situation? I'd be fine with ignoring both of them until they solve their problems, but other friends invite them out (not knowing about their fight), and the girls call me up to see if the other will be there. I don't always know since I'm not the one that invited them in the first place...

Atrain,

Bonobos have sex/group sex to strengthen relations between group members and to ease tensions. They are also our close cousins. I think you know what needs to be done.

I would just stay out of it as much as I could.

No it's not, but if she wants to collect other guy's numbers for a bit of fun, I would be pretty OK with it. The big difference is that by giving out her number, she will likely be getting a lot of phone calls from random guys trying to pursue her, which takes it beyond the harmless "you can look but don't touch" idea.

Of course this can only be completely ethical if you are open and honest about it in your relationship. I had a contest with an ex once in a bar to see who could get the most numbers over the night. I lost horribly of course, but it was fun, and made her feel good about herself. You may not want to try these things if jealousy is a bit of an issue for either partner. If that's the case, just stick to subtle glances.

Are you not concerned about how this will impact how other people perceive your relationship?

Both my GF and I are very secure so it isn't a jealousy issue but people talk and do you want people thinking wow they make such a good couple and she loves him so much too bad she doesn't know he is cheating on her or something to that effect. If some guy likes her you are also basically giving him material that he can try to spin against you. It just seems like you are laying mines for people to use against you for no real gain.

Never really thought about it from that perspective before. It's not something that I would do regularly, but it is fun to goof around once in a while. Personally, I haven't seen any problems arise from it yet, though I suppose it could certainly happen.

Henry made this post in another thread:

I have always thought something along these lines myself. However, when I look at my own actions, it almost seems as if I'm an extreme case. The 'degrees of separation' between the motivations for my action and sex are almost always very very small.

Growing up as a teen, I wanted to be rich - not cuz I cared about fancy cars, big houses, or having any degree of fame; it was because that would make me more attractive to women. I played poker for a while, and made quite a lot of money at it, but that certainly didn't help me get laid. I quit playing.

My sole purpose for going to the gym is to look more attractive to women.

I have been working as a bartender for a few years now. The only reason I love that job is because women are attracted to me for it. I just recently got a new job in an airport bar which gets me basically nowhere with women, and I'm already sick of it even though the money is decent, its pretty simple, and the people are cool. I'm contemplating taking an office job in one of the top nightclubs around making $12/hr just because of the possibilities of meeting girls through it.

I have a degree in Commerce (Real Estate) and have absolutely no desire to look for a job in my field simply because there exists few possibilities to meet girls through that line of work.

I went backpacking around Australia for 6 months, and the primary goal would have been to go hook up with girls over there cuz I heard it was easy.

Anytime I go out to a bar/club with buddies, hooking up is my sole purpose.

I haven't had sex in a little over a month, and it is basically all I think about these days.

I've even considered that to be one of the reasons for my lack of serious relationship issue that I mentioned earlier in this thread. I don't get into relationships for more than a few months because I want to go have sex with other women.

There are countless more examples. Is this completely standard, or am I a tad ridiculous?

Haha it seems a tad ridiculous when you list them like that, but:

1) I did law school cuz chicks dig lawyers.

2) Play poker cuz chicks dig money.

3) Absolutely only go to the gym to be more attractive to girls. Though their could be that time that comes where I may need to bench press something to save the day, so it will come in handy then.

4) Gonna travel cuz chicks dig accents.

but then in saying that:

1) Did law school because I like people thinking im smart (not just girls)

2) Play poker because its the funnest way so far ive found to make money, you need money.

3) Ok gym is the only one that is pretty much only female oriented, though it makes me marginally better at sports so there is other motivation.

4) Wann travel for numerous other reasons.

I guess its just how you phrase things. Sure most things we do can have their motivations traced back to getting girls, but then their motivation can also be found in other areas.

I mean for you the whole working thing, sure you would rather be a bartender than in real estate for the girls, but also simply because it is more fun? Most bars play decent music, you work with young people, you meet lots of young people (girls included). Real estate on the other hand your colleagues/work environment will simply be much less fun.

*Just woke up, may not make sesne

"You mean boys will start working towards being rich and successful, just so they can one day have sex with lots of women??"

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/267341/

My absolute favorite episode. It just strikes so many chords with me.

I'm pretty sure I'm actively avoiding seeking a job in real estate simply because the lack of young girls around. Probably the same reason that I am pretty much only interested in bartending for work these days, even though I'm much "smarter" than that, and qualified to do many more things (I was offered significant law school scholarships to a lot of good schools, and took off traveling instead).

Sure, I can phrase things to sound better. I work out to build my confidence and be happier with myself. I went traveling to see and experience things that I never have before. And so on. These are true to some extent, but I know in my heart what the main underlying reason is.

Is getting girls the only thing that makes you happy?

Scotty,

That is absurd. Moreso than guids comments on telling women you just meet that you love them and mean it.

Nope. And once I've got them, it really doesn't make me all that happy either. It's more of a thrill of the chase type thing. Once I've been with a girl, and it becomes clear that she is really into me, I often lose interest quite quickly. It's the girls that string me along, or play really hard to get (even after I've slept with them) that really keep me going.

I definitely do things that don't revolve around getting laid specifically. I love playing golf, tennis, hanging out at the beach, boating on the lake, drinking with the lads, following all sorts of pro sports in fantasy pools, and plenty more. These are just day to day things I enjoy to pass the time though. Most of my major life decisions revolve around the potential for female attraction.

Maybe you should find a job that would seem fulfilling to you and have the whole chase girls thing on the side. What you listed above seems pretty ******ed and absurd like Thremp said. The next major life decision you have, think about what would make you happy in the long term instead of thinking whether it will get you laid or not.

Well the idea of being surrounded by hot young girls for the long term sounds pretty appealing to me. So does the freedom to hang out with my buddies and get drunk whenever, go on vacations/road trips, play some golf, hang out at the beach. I can do all this right now. I'm also in my mid twenties though. Being a 45 year old bartender doesn't exactly sound appealing. Being a 45 year old owner and/or general manager of multiple hot spots in the city kind of does though.

I have this preconceived notion that someday I have to "grow up and get a real job." If I really enjoy what I'm doing now, and at least nothing else comes to mind that really appeals to me, do I have to? I like my life now.

Wow. This may be your problem.

"Why would a man who is famous and makes tons of money use that to try and have sex with a lot of women"

Given Soctty. started this tangent based on a quote from myself I am obviously in agreement with him. I think his decision process is a little odd and too myopic but I was think more in an XXXXXX (macro?) sense it is very much true. Advertisers certainly believe it is true given the role sex plays in marketing.