Forgot about this thread - I love it so much! I used to a teacher in a school in the UK. This is the story of how I managed to get my least favourite student expelled...

The kid in question is called Joe - for too many reasons to mention he is a detestable little character, with no redeeming features. The main reason is that he makes it his life's mission to piss off everyone around him - he finds what winds them up and plays on it again and again and again until he gets the reaction he wants.

So, one day he and another boy were in detention in my class over lunch. The other boy was actually a genuinely nice kid but borderline autistic and had a few issues knowing what acceptable behaviour was. Joe spent the detention with his head down on the desk sleeping (fine by me) and the autistic boy was eating lunch. He managed to spill some kind of brown sauce (chocolate?) over his desk and I told him he had better clean it up before the end of the detention. When he thought I was not looking he used a scarf a girl had left in the room over lunch (she had a lesson after) to clean it up with, leaving a substantial brown mark on it. I liked the kid and didn't want to hammer him, so I choose to pretend I hadn't seen, since it will easily wash out. At the end of lunch, he quickly leaves and some of the girls from the next class come in before Joe leaves. The owner of the scarf notices the brown mark and is pretty pissed off. Joe then tells her he wiped his ass on it and starts laughing at her, making ass wiping motions at her and his stupid little irritating grin. I'm 99% sure she knew he didn't do it, but she chooses to try to screw him over - so she complains to me and says I need to do something.

So I have a choice - I know it wasn't Joe and that no-one wiped their ass on the scarf. The girls knows it too. And so does Joe. But he is such a little gob-****e that I play along and say "Well, I did hear you confess to it", at which point he starts vehemently denying it. "But Joe, I heard you confess to it, someone has made a complaint to me. I have to take some action". He starts whining like a little baby, so I thought I would have some fun and told him and the girl to go next door to speak to the head of department (a huge scary Mofo), with a note saying "Joe claims to have wiped his ass with xxx's scarf. He would like to explain it to you..." Basically I expected him just to get a dressing down and bollocking from the head of department. In fact, that was the last I ever saw of Joe.

Apparently what happened was the whole thing escalated to the extent that he ended up in front of the headteacher being threatened with suspension. I was asked prior to this by the headteacher if he was responsible and I just said I heard Joe confess to it, and was not watching him the whole time. When he was told he was being suspended he started to have a panic/asthma attack (his parents still thought the sun shone out of his ass...) and the headteacher went to his bag to get his inhaler, where he found a couple of joints. From there, there was a big investigation involving the police when it was found he was running a drug dealership for the other kids through Facebook (he claimed the joints belonged to another kid, but that kid retaliated by saying he was a dealer and had his own FB site for it). He eventually got sentenced to time in a young offenders institute.

I would feel a little guilty for lying about what set off the chain of events that ended with him doing time. But then I just remember that image of him pretending to wipe his ass in front of the girl, with a smirk on his face, and instead I just laugh.

Ugh, tl;dr I feel...

When little Joe gets out of prison im sure you'll be the first person on his hit list.

pix of stinkvag?

the second part of this confession that i have left out is her age. care to guess which side of 18 it falls on? no pics for bbv sry

^ gold. Reminds me of my college roommate who used to bang this chick we used to called "BV"....chick's puss smelled so bad, you could smell that fishy stinch throughout the whole apt during the next day. Febreeze, air freshners, carpet steam cleaned; the works, and it still smelled like a dead skunk. We were like dude, how do u keep banging her, his reply: "brothas gotta eat". Barf

I did one time bang this chick raw dawg on first meeting(in Vegas) when she was on her period. My boy gave me ****, but **** it, it's like xtra lube IMO

Beaver Slayer amkes sense now . ..l

whats this"rent story" you seem to be talking about. link plz

haha like a boss

Assuming they mean the JopkeAccount post. Pic links in post #548 still work.

yep, that's it

Bumper

If you hadn't I was gonna!

This story may not be that great but it does at least combine a lot of elements of past stories in this thread.

I was a junior in college and it was the night of my friend's 21st birthday. We had gone out the night before since he hit 21 at midnight and now we were just having a party in our room. This was at the end of October so it had been about 2 months since we had been at preseason for cross country, since both he and I are runners. I learn that midnight will also be marking 21 for a girl who lives down the hall from us, and she's in our room drinking as well. I didn't really know her at all but she looked nice enough, kinda like one of those good girls who decides she needs to go hard because it's her 21st.

We're all standing around, pong game going, people being stupid, typical college party. I start talking to her and realize she has been drinking a lot but is still pretty functional. She lets me know she's on the soccer team and saw me while both of us were at preseason. She seems to think that it's really cool that she still recognizes me or something and has this huge grin on her face. I end up talking to a mutual (girl) friend of ours who happens to be on the cross country team and she starts telling me how this girl had a crush on me and thought I looked good when she saw me running in the summer, especially with no shirt on. This was pretty funny to me given I'm in the 6'2", 160 lb range, really skinny, don't think I'm ugly but definitely not turning heads or anything.

So in my drunken state I think wow! This girl remembers me from 2 months ago, has probably seen me around since we live on the same floor, and that must be why she had that huge smile on while we were talking. Time to start talking to her again! We start talking a little bit and by the time the party's dying down she basically tells me that I need to go back to her room with her. Not a crazy thing but coming from this girl it was a bit shocking. So stupid drunk me thinks "I'm pretty much fulfilling this girl's fantasy if I do this, and it's the night of her 21st. I am SUCH a nice guy."

We get back to her room, start making out, I start lifting up her shirt and her eyes start closing like she's gonna pass out. Alright, so I'll be a good guy and not have her waking up thinking she's been raped or something, so I just kinda start falling asleep too. Before I pass out though she semi-consciously takes her pants off before knocking out. Ok, still nothing weird. Next thing I know it's about 4 AM and I wake up feeling pretty strange. I look down and my pants are SOAKING wet. First thought: I peed myself. Second thought: I haven't peed myself in my sleep since I was 4 or whatever, including when being way drunker than I was this night. I always just wake up. So third thought: SHE peed herself and consequently peed on me. Whatever happened there was no way I was staying there!

I grabbed all my stuff (barring a red sox hat which weeks later I found hanging on my doorknob) and booked outta there. Got back to my room to see my buddy laying on my couch, saying stuff like "how'd it go man?" I barely said a word to him and just got in the shower ASAP. Haven't talked to that girl since, except for the most awkward confrontations while walking by each other in the hallway when we say hi and then quickly look away.

I guess the main reason for posting this was to confirm that
--poker players suck with the ladies
--getting drunk leads to strange things
--getting peed on leads to solid stories for your friends to talk to later on
--a quiet girl who's drunk enough to tell you she's into you is probably too drunk!

Back in college I had this girlfriend who was really into sex. Having been a virgin up until I graduated high school, I thought I'd stumbled upon the Holy Grail of pussy when I met this chick. Granted, it took her a while to open up emotionally and build up trust, but when she did, it got really physical.

We were banging so much at first I was actually afraid to move in with her because I thought she'd burn me out. But for a college student, hell, it was the time of my life. Managed to have a healthy social life as well, grades weren't suffering at all either. But like every college student that finds himself suddenly drowning in pussy, I needed one irresponsible night out to get into deep ****.

We got home at 2am, drunk as **** and somehow managed to get me hard and good to go. We got down to business. Next morning I notice she's acting really weird, but I assumed she was either hungover or still drunk so I brushed it off.

After a few days, in which she kept acting really weird, I get a call from a guy in one of my classes that I played PS3 with once or twice. He calls me in tears, saying he ****ed up and he's been banging my girlfriend for 3 months, and he's fed up with lying. Granted, he shows me nude pics of her, timestamped and all that. I am absolutely furious.

Skipping the whole facebook-gym-lawyer thing, I get home and start getting my **** together in order to be able to kick her out without any problem. I really didn't want this sex addicted bitch in my life any longer. In the middle of making a small inventory of the **** she brought into the house, I get a text from her.

"I'm pregnant"

I barely remember what I did next, because I was practically blacking out from rage. I could excuse - not forgive, though - the cheating, but scheming against me like this was too low for me to accept. I knew immediately what she was planning so I looked through the trash and found a bundled up condom, along with its wrapper. I fished it out and put it away carefully, then waited for the **** to get home.

Of course she's crying like a bitch. I keep calm. I can see through her lies. "I think it happened when we bare dogged it last night", she says. "I want to keep the baby." She's smiling, saying I'd make a great dad.

A few minutes into her play, I drop the bomb. "I know about [friend name, censored for privacy]. I want to break up. I don't care if you're really pregnant or not, I want you out."

At this point I can see in her eyes she's sad she's been caught rather than anything else. She bursts into a fit of rage and accuses ME of cheating on her, of being sex-obsessed (!). When I thought it would simply be a matter of physically kicking her out, she says she can prove it's mine (somehow) and if I don't support her financially she'll press charges for rape. She's throwing all these legal terms at me, saying she'll press charges for everything (whatever that meant) and that she'll ruin my life.

I snap. I push her against a wall and start screaming at her. "Bitch, I found the condom. I know what you did. I don't give a **** about you anymore, but you've known me enough to realize you can't **** with me like this. I don't care if you have a baby or not and I don't care whose it is, but it's not mine, and if you dare to get me in legal trouble using this 'baby' of yours I will personally rip it out of you."

I was shocked at what I'd said but I kept my cool. She was bawling her eyes out, and manages to choke out a "sorry".

"I'm sorry. I won't press any charges. I'll just leave. But I need ONE thing."

"What the hell is it?"

"I need...I need bout tree fiddy."

It was at this point that I realized my girlfriend was a three story high crustacean from the paleolithic era.

"Goddamn you, Loch Ness monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!" I yelled as she swam out into the sunset.

thanks for the bumpers will read later

**** YOU

pretty good level imo

very nice story. odds are that the girl already knew that you were aware of her cheating... a very large percentage of girls use the play "I'm pregnant" when they have done something bad or feel you are gonna leave. if you accept that she is pregnant and stand by her, she will usually do something involving a form of deep throat and all is well...nearly all girls are completely ****ing phsyco.

Properly constructed with good execution

well done.

How do you doggy a Loch Ness monster. I mean doesnt the tail get in the way. Also please post pics of humness monster babies.

that was perfect well played O'brian

thread cliffs:

Be safe and beware of stinky pussy and fat whores.