BBV Anonymous Confessions
03-10-2010
, 09:29 PM
03-13-2010
, 02:25 AM
03-13-2010
, 06:29 AM
03-13-2010
, 12:35 PM
03-13-2010
, 02:00 PM
03-17-2010
, 06:43 PM
Alrighty, i think it's time i contributed to this thread, and let me tell you about my 2008 thanksgiving.
Some backround information which makes this story all the funnier, is the history me and my mother have. In highschool, i was a laughing stock because of how strict my mom was. i got grounded for anything and everything, mostly consisting of me staying up too late.... in my own house, resulting in a 2 week friend ban, which is so ridiculous. Anyways, just know me and my mom get in conflicts often.
At the time, i was in third year at university, and hadn't seen my parents since i left to go to school for the fall semester. Anyways, i come home and the first thing my mom says to me is "Kiron, i need to talk to you about something", so i immediately know she's been through my room cleaning crap up when i'm not around, so i'm like fffffine.
we don't end up talking right away and i have a couple of beers because i have plans to go out that night with a bunch of friends from home. Anyways, after a few i decide it's time to get going, so i say my goodbyes and am about to head out until my mom says "but kiron, i need to talk to you about something", so i'm like fine, let's hear it.
We sit down, and she tells me she was going through my room and came across a card one of my ex girlfriends gave me which had a bunch of sex coupons in them along the lines of "do me anytime, **** me anywhere" etc. (brag?) So i decide to avoid the situation entirely referencing to the fact they were never used and she was more then i was ready for at the time (lies, huge beat for not using them when i could have in retrospect), but anyways, crisis averted, back to the task of getting hammed with my friends.
The talk took longer then i thought, and my poor time budgeting resulted in me showing up later with 6 beers, and 30 min til we go out. My obnoxious friend tells me we're not going anywhere til they are all done, and that he will match me in my efforts (he's a champ drinker) 35 minutes later i'm drunk as ****.
We get to the bar and it's great, so many people from highschool who i haven't seen in a while so i'm just loving it. Between my friend and i we split another 3 pitchers while there to make me so drunk. Anyways, i'm by the bar and i run into a really hot chick that goes to my school that i get lunch with here and there, but she's always had a boyfriend until recently, so i think to myself "Kiron, you da man, grow a pair of nuts and do something". So i we chat a bit and i ask her if she wants a drink, she obviously accepts and i order 2 pints of beer.
Unfortunately, upon receiving the 2 pints and turning to her she says she doesn't drink beer, laughs and turns around again. So i'm standing there like an idiot with 2 pints, and it's at that moment my friend and also DD screams to me "KIRON, I'M LEAVING, GET YOUR **** AND LET'S GO". So naturally i do what any person would do in that spot, and downed both pints. I ain't wasting my god damn monies. So i climb into his car and blackout.
The next thing i know, i'm waking up in my bed in a pool of piss, and i'm just like god damnit. I'm still drunk as hell and the reason i woke up is cause i had to piss, haha. So i go to the washroom, piss, throw my wet boxers in the laundry, and sleep on the dry side of my bed
What seems like a second after i fella sleep again, my mom is hovering over me. And she opens by saying "Kiron, i need to talk to you about something"
So i'm just like
, thinking to myself there is NO WAY she knows i pissed the bed already. What she says instead is "Kiron, the strangest thing happened to me at about 3am this morning. I was trying to sleep but i heard a ruckus in the hallway and decided to check it out. And what did i see but my eldest son butt naked sitting on my laundry hamper". "Naturally i went to see if you were ok but you only responded by grabbing your hair and screaming "I DON'T FEEEEELLL GOOOODDD". She then says "this is a situation for your father. So by the time by dad gets his ass out of bed, my mom says she hears the tap run (laundry hamper is right next to the washroom) and i'm back passed out in bed.
So she says to me "Kiron, if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were ****ting in my laundry hamper". So right then i'm like NOOOO WWAAYYYYY and just terrified. she then says "I didn't see anything, but i'm watching you". So i'm like crisis averted and pass out again, i'm still so drunk. I then awake immediately to the sound of an outraged mother storming into my room holding a magazine of cottage weekly smeared with ****. My worst fears were realized and she tears me up and wakes up the entire house ( i have 2 sisters and a brother as well).
So everyone knows what i've done, and after my mom finally leaves i'm lying in bed like "****, she still doesn't know i've pissed the bed". Another thing to note is that we are supposed to leave for our cottage early, and if we're later for any reason, there is hell to pay; She's that kind of woman. So anyways, i devise a plan in my drunken state to make my bed as perfect as possible (she'll fine tune it), and then take a quick shower before we go, cause lord known i'm filthy. This way by the time she realizes i'll be at university again and safe from her wrath. There is a big wet spot on the duvet which i cover up with a dirty sweatshirt, and then jump into the shower.
The second i turn off the shower, all i hear is my eldest sister (The biggest bitch i've ever known) and she scream to me "KIRON, YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS". So right there i know immediately that my ploy has failed, and so i walk down death row to my room where my mom is just tearing my sheets off. She hear's me enter, turns and points to me and screams "YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP THIS FROM MEEEE". I get reamed out for another 10 minutes there, rightfully so, and we're late going to the cottage.
Worst thanksgiving ever...... or perhaps....
Cliffnotes:
- Got super hammered
- Pissed my bed and **** in the laundry hamper
- Infuriated my extremely strict mother
yea, it's a real long story, but deal with it.
Some backround information which makes this story all the funnier, is the history me and my mother have. In highschool, i was a laughing stock because of how strict my mom was. i got grounded for anything and everything, mostly consisting of me staying up too late.... in my own house, resulting in a 2 week friend ban, which is so ridiculous. Anyways, just know me and my mom get in conflicts often.
At the time, i was in third year at university, and hadn't seen my parents since i left to go to school for the fall semester. Anyways, i come home and the first thing my mom says to me is "Kiron, i need to talk to you about something", so i immediately know she's been through my room cleaning crap up when i'm not around, so i'm like fffffine.
we don't end up talking right away and i have a couple of beers because i have plans to go out that night with a bunch of friends from home. Anyways, after a few i decide it's time to get going, so i say my goodbyes and am about to head out until my mom says "but kiron, i need to talk to you about something", so i'm like fine, let's hear it.
We sit down, and she tells me she was going through my room and came across a card one of my ex girlfriends gave me which had a bunch of sex coupons in them along the lines of "do me anytime, **** me anywhere" etc. (brag?) So i decide to avoid the situation entirely referencing to the fact they were never used and she was more then i was ready for at the time (lies, huge beat for not using them when i could have in retrospect), but anyways, crisis averted, back to the task of getting hammed with my friends.
The talk took longer then i thought, and my poor time budgeting resulted in me showing up later with 6 beers, and 30 min til we go out. My obnoxious friend tells me we're not going anywhere til they are all done, and that he will match me in my efforts (he's a champ drinker) 35 minutes later i'm drunk as ****.
We get to the bar and it's great, so many people from highschool who i haven't seen in a while so i'm just loving it. Between my friend and i we split another 3 pitchers while there to make me so drunk. Anyways, i'm by the bar and i run into a really hot chick that goes to my school that i get lunch with here and there, but she's always had a boyfriend until recently, so i think to myself "Kiron, you da man, grow a pair of nuts and do something". So i we chat a bit and i ask her if she wants a drink, she obviously accepts and i order 2 pints of beer.
Unfortunately, upon receiving the 2 pints and turning to her she says she doesn't drink beer, laughs and turns around again. So i'm standing there like an idiot with 2 pints, and it's at that moment my friend and also DD screams to me "KIRON, I'M LEAVING, GET YOUR **** AND LET'S GO". So naturally i do what any person would do in that spot, and downed both pints. I ain't wasting my god damn monies. So i climb into his car and blackout.
The next thing i know, i'm waking up in my bed in a pool of piss, and i'm just like god damnit. I'm still drunk as hell and the reason i woke up is cause i had to piss, haha. So i go to the washroom, piss, throw my wet boxers in the laundry, and sleep on the dry side of my bed
What seems like a second after i fella sleep again, my mom is hovering over me. And she opens by saying "Kiron, i need to talk to you about something"
So i'm just like
, thinking to myself there is NO WAY she knows i pissed the bed already. What she says instead is "Kiron, the strangest thing happened to me at about 3am this morning. I was trying to sleep but i heard a ruckus in the hallway and decided to check it out. And what did i see but my eldest son butt naked sitting on my laundry hamper". "Naturally i went to see if you were ok but you only responded by grabbing your hair and screaming "I DON'T FEEEEELLL GOOOODDD". She then says "this is a situation for your father. So by the time by dad gets his ass out of bed, my mom says she hears the tap run (laundry hamper is right next to the washroom) and i'm back passed out in bed.So she says to me "Kiron, if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were ****ting in my laundry hamper". So right then i'm like NOOOO WWAAYYYYY and just terrified. she then says "I didn't see anything, but i'm watching you". So i'm like crisis averted and pass out again, i'm still so drunk. I then awake immediately to the sound of an outraged mother storming into my room holding a magazine of cottage weekly smeared with ****. My worst fears were realized and she tears me up and wakes up the entire house ( i have 2 sisters and a brother as well).
So everyone knows what i've done, and after my mom finally leaves i'm lying in bed like "****, she still doesn't know i've pissed the bed". Another thing to note is that we are supposed to leave for our cottage early, and if we're later for any reason, there is hell to pay; She's that kind of woman. So anyways, i devise a plan in my drunken state to make my bed as perfect as possible (she'll fine tune it), and then take a quick shower before we go, cause lord known i'm filthy. This way by the time she realizes i'll be at university again and safe from her wrath. There is a big wet spot on the duvet which i cover up with a dirty sweatshirt, and then jump into the shower.
The second i turn off the shower, all i hear is my eldest sister (The biggest bitch i've ever known) and she scream to me "KIRON, YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS". So right there i know immediately that my ploy has failed, and so i walk down death row to my room where my mom is just tearing my sheets off. She hear's me enter, turns and points to me and screams "YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP THIS FROM MEEEE". I get reamed out for another 10 minutes there, rightfully so, and we're late going to the cottage.
Worst thanksgiving ever...... or perhaps....
Spoiler:
Cliffnotes:
- Got super hammered
- Pissed my bed and **** in the laundry hamper
- Infuriated my extremely strict mother
yea, it's a real long story, but deal with it.
Spoiler:
03-18-2010
, 05:56 AM
03-18-2010
, 11:57 AM
