Always poop at work.

Sounds like the ending to Blood Meridian.

Sometimes I hold it before going into work just so I can poop there.

you should totally divorce her

Depends on the show, have to balance out these sorts of things if you're still interested in getting your d sucked on the reg.

90 day fiancee is good for the lols

Get her hooked on quality reality t.v. shows like The Apprentice, Celebrity Apprentice and All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.

Shots fired at the Donald.

Pretty much this.

What percent of dudes do this in public bathrooms...?

I'm sure someone here has the numbers on that

Standing up at the urinal? All of them I thought.

You Sir, are a wise man who will lead a happy life and get lots of sex long after your honeymoon.

Where the f*** were you with this advice before I got divorced?

One time I let loose a minute and a half long fart in the bathroom stall at work. True story. It's my proudest accomplishment.

I can not accept this. Five solid seconds of solid wind is epic.

Okay I might be exaggerating a little. But it was a long long long fart. Probably twice as long as the second longest I've ever taken. Like it just kept going and going and going at a relatively low volume, and then it would sound like it was about to peter out, but find whole new source of air and just keep going again. This happened about three or four times. By the end I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

I have such huge regrets that no one was there to hear it. I immediately texted all my good friends about it.

I realize this is probably going to make me sound even less credible, but I once went two weeks without taking a dump - in 10th grade. So I may have some rather unique bowels.

I went 15 days without a dump once when I was about 14. My first 2 weeks at sleep away camp. It was weird.

Yeah mine was at a summer camp thing too. My body just shut down.

That colonoscopy has a "red line" underneath it insinuating it is misspelled.

Getting comped a drink at a casino. I just blew x amount...thanks for the "free" yuengling.

Would you rather pay for the drink?

Vaginosis has a red line under it too.

I'd rather get a free drink...that's why it pisses me off.

Vaginosis deserves a red line...that seems bad. It looks like an STD according to google.

A colonoscopy is a medical procedure that can help people and is more common.

Suzzer and Brock,

Get your insides checked. It's kinda fun when you get a hottie nurse rubbing jelly on your belly. Short but sweet.

I like your reasoning. Lols. Both are correctly spelled medical terms. One helps people, one does not.

Our office has been designed by people who really know their stuff in terms of sound and sound minimization. This is great in the office. Super quiet, no distractions.

However, somehow this has turned the toilet into some creepy dead zone. Literally, no background noise whatsoever. I'm pretty sure I hear someone's anus unclench the other day

last page has been giving me a great laugh. Keep em fart & poop stories coming pls.