One initially ignored my request, responded a week later then ghosted when I asked for the number. One only ever responded with one word answers but I kinda ****ed that up by starting with an improv game without realizing it'd be tough to go anywhere with that if she didn't want to play the game. She answered my unrelated followup question a few months later, I asked her out, and she went silent. These two were toward the top of my range and above my range so I may not be hot enough to get them on Tinder given the ratio.

The two others and the one from real life responded to a few texts but then disappeared when I asked them out. The two app girls were mid-bottom of my range. irl girl was pretty hot, but her 2 exes didn't seem super good looking.

Did you really screw it up, though? Sure, a bit results-oriented, but would you picture yourself being with someone that isn't on the same page with you humor-wise? Girls as flaky as that are such a turn-off to me at this point, no matter what they look like, and if they were into you, they wouldn't be flaky in the first place. I do the same thing, albeit unintentionally.

I don't even think about my range anymore - then again, I'm not looking to just hook up so most of the time that I go out with someone looks-wise "out of my league" and it doesn't work out, I don't feel too discouraged since most of the time, something about their personality really turned me off anyway (refusing to have hope after the election, blaming all their problems on others and not taking responsibility, obsessed with material things, being a borderline alcoholic are a few of my recent dates).

Put up a good profile pic.

This is a big part of your problem. If they take a long time to respond, just unmatch. In my experience I've never had one go cold then come back around and it work out. I have a buddy like you who never unmatches for silence/late responses. I asked him how many of those cold fish he actually goes out with. Answer: none. I mean 2 or 3 days with no response is pushing it so I'll definitely unmatch at that point. Place the value of your time over some flaky girl you've never met.

Line check please.

1. Bumble matched with cutish girl yesterday. We had a pretty solid momentum going, good banter, nice flirting, etc.
2. She gives me her #, we text a little, and I ask her out for hot chocolate for today. She accepts, we make plans to meet, etc.
3. Today about an hour before we meet she texts that she has to finish something at work and asks for a raincheck until tomorrow.
4. I reply: "Bummer again. [referencing a previous text] But I understand. Tomorrow about 530 works for me. And really its tomorrow or bust since I'm pretty busy for the next few days after."
5. No response after a couple hours.

Thoughts on my reply to her cancel? I wanted to communicate that I'm down to hang out again but don't appreciate flakes.

Let her name the time to reschedule since she was the one to flake. She's most likely just trying to be nice & won't actually reschedule. Hate your last line - an ultimatum this early on is a perfect justification to ghost on her end and feel good about it.

Flaking is part of the process. If you don't like it, cut bait right then and there, politely.

I agree. Too aggressive saying tomorrow or bust. I'd be shocked if she replies.


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Eh, while the ultimatum wasn't a good move, most likely she was going to bail no matter what.

If she actually meant rescheduling, I think she would have proposed a definite time, or at least acted a little miffed at his response.

Curious both for myself and just cuz I like #'s and data:

1. What do you guys (and gals) think your matches/100 is? Talking right swipes only. Feel free to include other relevant info like how liberally you swipe, age, site, etc.

Unrelated question: If you're chatting with someone that's sorta top rangers for you that was okay at talking for a little bit but is getting progressively more useless/boring, how do you react? Give it a few more messages? accept their spontaneous disinterest and call it? Last ditch propose meet up effort and see if irl goes better?

The point is he reduced his chances of a date from <25% to <5% with that ultimatum. It's a huge red flag.

I put zero stock in how someone is online. Just get a date IRL asap.

I had my first ever first date after a girl canceled the initial meet-up because she was "sick". She let me know during the afternoon that she came down with a cold and would like to reschedule for another day. I replied with a "bummer, feel better soon!" with no intention of re-initiating contact, but to my surprise she texted 3 days later and we set up a first date. So I guess miracles do happen! But yah, I think the default play if a girl flakes is just a "no biggie!" and then the onus is on her.

Can't give any indication of being potential "Bye Felipe" material. I think offering a time is fine and Win was not drawing as slim as everyone seems to think, pre ultimatum text. Plenty of girls would not have offered tomorrow or even any raincheck.

I agree if they don't offer a window to set up another day that the onus is on her. Either go no contact or text chat without asking them out if you feel like it.

Always suspected Coffee Meets Bagel was moving towards a men pay women use for free model. Might kill the market in a town with a lot of thirsty dudes per capita like Madison.

I think the men pay, women use for free model can be a good idea if implemented properly, but this seems like a lose-lose for everyone. Women are just gonna get frustrated quickly and leave the site when they're only seeing the most desperate dudes willing to shell out cash.

About an hour before 530, and after about 25 hours of radio silence, she says:

"Don't hate me but cant make it [but not smiling emoticon] my dog decided to eat 3 lbs of Christmas cookie dough so we are headed to the vet"

I had un-matched on Bumble a couple hours before. I assume she's trying to make herself feel better by offering an excuse. Never expected to hear from her again.

Thoughts?

Radio silence from you


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Ignore and move on.

It happens sometimes but's rare. I tinder matched with a girl a while back while I was staying about 2.5 hours from home for a poker tournament. I asked her out by text, she said she wasn't sure of her work schedule but she'd let me know. So a little later she says she can't go but maybe tomorrow. I played along and we texted a bit the next day. Then she says she can't make it due to work. I reply something like, "That sucks. I know nurses have crazy schedules though so I understand. It was nice talking to you." Then about an hour later she said she could go. We went out, had a nice time, and ended up getting pretty close and dating for a couple of months.

Looking back, I believe the "nice talking to you" line signaled to her that I was basically done and moving on which actually made her come around. I was going for that sentiment with Bumble girl above but, as has been pointed out, was probably too aggressive.

"Nice talking to you" signals a guy with a lot going on who isn't gonna sweat one girl bailing, the other line came off as you seeming really butthurt.

Yeah, don't reply, this strikes me as a passive aggressive kind of thing, she doesn't reply until an hour before your proposed rescheduled meet up?
And only to turn you down again?

If I bothered to reply, I'd say something snarky like "I hope you don't get a dead dog for xmas"

/sarcasm/

Are you asking what you should do for pride reasons (which seem to be at the root of responses to this point), or because you potentially want to keep it alive?

If it's the latter, I'd say something like: Oh sorry to hear. Pup sounds sick as a dog.

And go from there and ignore anything from the past, she blew you off and you came off bad/controlling with your attempted reply.

Yeah I'd just say "I hope he feels better" or some such and move on.

If she's irresponsible enough to leave 3 lbs of cookies dough out for a dog to eat, that's a pretty big red flag of lack of awareness to me (not even sarcastic as current dog co-owner)

Pretty valid point.

^^^ Agree