That's a shame as he's a very talented actor.

Had a couple of dates with a woman and we've been talking a lot. Let's call her "M".
One thing that came up is that she was cheated on by her last ex, and therefore is uncomfortable with a partner hanging out with female friends 1-on-1. Groups are fine.

I have a female friend who has a bf, but has mentioned interest in me. Let's call her "T".
While i like the idea of a friend to socialize with, and do things together, i am a little uncomfortable knowing she is interested in me while having a bf. She is definitely flirty and touchy when we spend time together. M is not aware of this yet, as we are in early stages of dating.

I told T that if i end up dating M, time together with T 1-on-1 will have to stop. T told me that she would likely end the friendship as she doesn't want boundaries in the friendship.

I feel like M is within her rights to have boundaries in a relationship, and she hasn't forbid me from having female friends, she is just uncomfortable with me seeing them 1-on-1. Is this unreasonable? Is T unreasonable? Am I a lost cause? (Probably).

Any thoughts are appreciated.

I hate to break it to you but you aren’t “friends” with this girl if she is willing to cease contact if you can’t hang one on one.

She either wanted you to make a move at some point, or was using you for some sort of attention/make her bf jealous play. Focus on the girl you are dating

You know how you watch a video of someone doing something stupid and then the exact thing you knew would happen happens then you say, "What did they expect to happen". That's this. Good story though!

100% nearly all my major blunders in life, looking back on it, as an outsider, I could wholly see the predictable results but given that this was happening to me and someone else

just like prior to my divorce i even recalled telling myself, "if this was happening to a friend of yours you'd think their marriage was on the rocks" but I thought I was special






this is 100% projecting things from failed relationships of my past, but I think this is a massive red flag and I've never seen demands like this not escalate over time

it's not that trust will be earned, it's that over time you become more precious to her and the loss of you to cheating would be even more devastating so the rules become more strict over time

it's unhealthy and restrictive and she'll constantly be paranoid you're going to cheat and going along with this doesn't ease her mind that you won't cheat, it makes her believe you're only not cheating because she's actively managing you to keep you out of situations where it could happen

again, I'm projecting my own experiences, yours may obviously not be the same but i would put my foot down on this and say she needs to learn to trust you

but for real, from my own experiences, that's a run don't walk moment where i'd put my foot on the ground then and there and either stamp it out or kill the relationship because even if my experience was an outlier, i will not spend time getting emotionally invested in someone again who is going to make your life difficult because the "you shouldn't hang out with her 1 on 1" progressed to not going out simply to avoid a fight because you know "oh you're going to play poker, you know there are whores at the casino right? i don't think so" and "you're going to the bar with some friends, what if some drunk slut sees you there? no thanks"








hard disagree with this

A) i personally have a bunch of good female friends whom I've slept with or there's known interest between parties - it can complicate things but doesn't invalidate the friendship - in fact a lot of the attraction is usually due to their personality which is why you are friends in the first place

B) i think she's being reasonable and this doesn't necessarily mean he's there for attention or break glass for emergency dick - there's a lot of people who I much greater prefer to hang out with 1 on 1 because it's a much different dynamic and/or we don't really have too many mutual friends in common and/or don't really mesh well with their friends

for example i have a good friend who is married, we used to bang a bunch, her husband and I are friendly but we're very different people who don't really mesh well and he's always telling jokes which i don't find funny in the slightest - hanging out with her when her husband is around is 100% worse than just one on one with her - we've never hooked up or anything, that's over with, nobody has any intention of that - it is kinda awkward and feels a little guilty because the husband doesn't know about our past but I definitely am happy when i learn that he won't be joining us for dinner because then i feel like I'll have a much better time and legit have zero intentions of making any move

C) it's fairly insulting to tell someone that they can't be trusted and can only hang out under supervised visits - her response is wholly in line with that


obviously she could be also be saying she won't agree to no 1 on 1s because she does indeed want to upgrade from Pepsi to coke - but I still think her response is reasonable and how most people would respond whether or not they drank soda

I think women past 30 are dating with intention ie they want to find a man they can lock down and control and brag to their friends/family about. Once they see you are that man they will begin to tell you they don't want you to **** other girls. Exclusivity applies to you, not to them, mostly due to supply and demand. When you deny their attempts to control you, the true them comes out. Its pretty funny to be honest. The best thing you can do is to tell them you really enjoy your life the way it is now and you dont want to change it. If the person wants to add to the life you have now then great.

both girls want to **** you. I recommend ****ing them both and then exiting stage left when they start complaining

If you are an eligible bachelor and you dont want to be exclusive you simply have to ask the woman "Why would I do that?"

She will say , "so I dont sleep with other people"

at which point you can either tell them you dont care if they do that (and you shouldn't) or you ask them if they are sleeping with other people and continue down that line of thinking.

of course if you really like them you should go the exclusive route but its mostly a scam where you serve the woman until one person gets sick of the other

yeah, T likes you...either legit likes you or just likes the attention and having you as her back up plan

IDK, IMO the mistake you made was talking about this with T in the first place. There was no need for that conversation to happen at this stage of things.

I actually totally agree with your second point. That's exactly what I'd be trying to do because neither feels like a long term proposition. Unless I was friends with the boy friend in which case that is no bueno. I have strict rules about that and I wouldn't

I don't really agree with the first. It's too cynical and not that accurate. Some of it is true but not all of it. IMO most people really do want a proper exclusive relationship, probably you're right that they might give themselves more latitude than their partners but hey...we're all like that.

So IMO and IME, I think it's more likely that a woman will start sleeping with you either a) thinking they're cool just with hook ups or b) thinking they're luring you in with hook ups and then it will develop into more. (and tbh, this is how I ended up with my wife - we were work friends who partied in the same group and would hook up on the weekends and it developed from there). But then when the sexy time has started, they want more and the 'it's cool' vibe disappears.

I had more a 3 months and out rule, making it clear that until I state otherwise you can't assume I'm only seeing you. Some girls will eliminate you, some will appreciate it, and some won't date you but will FWB.

Sometimes you can quickly tell after 2 days--2 weeks you don't want any more of a crazy girl near you, but it takes some good amount of time hanging out to decide if you really want to keep seeing more of someone - at least other than for fwb time.

Met up with a new prospect at a bar one time, hit it off, sexytime was had, it went great, went home, woke up to 27 texts and 14 missed phone calls from her when I awoke. There should be a name for 'Red Flag x 1 million,' honestly.

Yeah, really no need to have these kinds of discussions with either women at this stage of things with "M".