Okay Love this thread... When on tilt... read this thread( Long time reader... first time poster )
Anyway, around a year ago.... playing a 40 man Thursday night tourney at my local casino. 2nd UTG and have crap cards and instamuck. I really have to pee, get up and sprint through the casino to the other side of the building, to the restrooms ( only ones they have ). Of course after going I wash up, but they have those damn hand blowers to dry your hands of..... I think... screw it...... sprint back and occasisionaly kinda wipe my hands half dry on my pants as Im sprinting back to the table.
I make it back to the table where the dealer was just getting ready to grab my cards and set them in the muck, I cry out, almost outta breath.... I'm here... I'm here....... dealer leaves the cards on my spot... Im not yet sitting down, guy on my left laughs and asks.. gee did you have time to wash your hands? I laughed... said no.... Wiped the rest of the damp on his sweater....Table just died..

You should have handed her $10 and said, "He told me that's how much it was worth".

This thread is a beautiful thing; here's my mild contribution:

Playing 15-30 limit at a casino where I am not a regular, but a once a week guy...but I have been there enough to recognize the regs. I dont say much, just try to take the money if I can. There is an older asian gentleman M. who, when he gets rivered always says "Thanks ______" in a sneering way, using the dealer's name, as if it's the dealer's fault when he gets rivered. M. has been doing this about 4 times during the last 15 minutes, it's been a bad session for him...

M. has been sitting to the left of C., a russian old gangster type who plays very slow and deliberate and will call with ATC just to see you steam...so M. and C. of course get into a hand where they are the only two players after the flop. It gets to the river, and M. has hit a gutshot for a straight. M. is pulling the chips in.

C. "I notice you did not berate the dealer after the hand"
M. "What??"
C. "I said usually you whine and cry when you lose a hand. Aren't you going to thank the dealer for the hand?"
M. "I didn't say anything to you, you shuttup"
C. "Don't tell me to shuttup"
M. (pokes C. in the shoulder) "You don't talk to me!"

I'm sitting there with a grin on my face, the rest of the regs watch, i guess they don't want to take sides in this one.

Dealer "Settle down gentlemen"

M. "You don't say ****"
C. "You keep your hands off me if you know what's good for you!"
M. "He just threatened me. You all heard it! Floor! Floor!"
C. "Call the floor you pussy"
D. "Floor!"

Now I'm laughing. For some reason I'm the only one that thinks this exchange is humorous.

M. "Don't threaten me!"
C. "I don't threaten you, I take you out to parking lot and settle. And I have bad shoulder"
M. "I have a bad leg. But if you want to go, let's go!"

Me: (in an asinine burst) "Yeah, you guys can go out there and compare xrays"

The table goes silent. Theyy both turn to me and start pointing.

M. "Who said anything to you!"
C. "I will take you to parking lot too!

Okay, NOW the floor finally arrives, and the old dudes are no longer mad at each other, but me.

Basically in a few minutes of yelling *I* get asked to leave the casino.

I went back next week and no one said a thing. But I brought my xrays just in case...

About 3 years at the Tampa Hard Rock I saw a great hand at a 2/5 game. Everyone folds to young kid on button, who makes it $20. Another 20 something calls in the BB. Flop comes KK2, check, bet of $30 ish by button, call. Turn is a 9, goes check, check. River gets interesting when a 4 peels. BB bets $50, button pops it to $150, BB 4 bets to $350, button goes all in for $300 more. BB tanks for a while, says he has 44, and after a while finally makes the call. Button says, "nice call, you win", fakes the muck, then shows his hand to a guy at the table behind us. They high five and he flips over pocket kings. The BB stands up and I'm pretty sure he is about to kill the kid, but instead he takes all the chips in infront of him, and throws them in the trash can that was about 10 ft away, and calmly walked out of the casino.

This guy sits down and pretty sure he doesn't speak english. Gets down to the river and the other dude bets 30 (its a massive pot and there are straight possibilities on the board). The guy who can't speak english calls. Other dude instantly mucks and the dealer says the foreign guy has to show his hand to collect the pot. He flips over 9 high!

Playing at a home game about a year ago. Just to give you the lay of the land, we were playing in a 600sqft mobile home that has to be at least 25 years old. The table we were playing on is is a converted folding table, had felt but was a little unsteady.

There were about 7 nice chairs with arm rests on casters, and about 3 chairs where the seat was supported by tubing that was suspended over the legs of the chair. A nice fella, we'll call him 'Bob', who weighed nearly 400lbs was sitting in one of the 3 chairs. Everyone is talking between hands and all of the sudden Bob rolls back. His massive feet hit the table and scattered the chips of all 10 players everywhere.

He actually bent the chair into a triangle and rolled across the floor. The place erupted. Took nearly 10 minutes to get all of the chips redistributed properly. Each player had about 200-300 in chips each. Bob was laughing so hard he was crying. He literally shook this little trailer and I'm surprised he didn't fall through the floor. I knew I had arrived after that night.

Hilarious! That's what you get for being a dbag. JUSTICE!

This is classic. If I'm ever at a random casino I'll never go to again and I get super slow rolled by a d-bag, I'm pulling this off lol.

Lol, A+. Classic. This is why I love the Tampa HR.

Excellent response by BB.

Ok, my turn.

Playing at Charles Town about 4 or 5 weeks after it opened. A new 1/2 NLHE table opened. Most everyone bought in for 300 bucks.

2nd hand played I limp in the BB with Qs7s. Flop is Qh7h7d. Villain makes it $20 two other callers turn comes 3h. Villain leads out with $35, fold, fold, I raise to $70 total. Villain asks how much I have left -- I said $37 less than you have... he declares all-in, I call and table my full-house. Villain turns over AsKh and says "I still have 9 outs to make my flush!"

The dealer, without missing a beat says "Good luck with that sir!", knocks and deals a river heart. and pushes me a juicy pot as the villain yells "FLOOR!"

A couple of years ago I was playing 2/5 in Tunica. The chairs didn't have wheels.

A reg drunk would always grab two fistfuls of chips, lean back in his chair, and grind them together when he was not in a hand. This night he was also nodding off a little while he was leaning back.

New hand, drunk is UTG, and after all the cards are out, I look at my hand. While I'm looking down, I hear the crash. Drunk has fallen backwards, dropped both fistfuls of chips, and is under an empty table trying to retrieve them. He grabs all of them and tries to get up....

BAM! He's still under the table. He reaches for the back of his head to rub the part that hit the table and opens his hand, forgetting that it was full of chips. Laughter ensues.

He finally gets his sh*t together, crawls out from under the table, stands up and falls into the cocktail waitress. She loses her whole tray and is a new kind of pissed off. Everyone is roaring and looking at him.

Drunk has spillage all over his clothes, looks at the table and, completely stone-faced, says, "What? Is it to me?"

Two guys were in a hand, one guy had AQ and flopped top two pair while the other guy had AK. AQ leads the flop, AK calls. *turn card* AQ.... AQ.... fell asleep? Guy had been playing for 24+ hours and fell asleep in the middle of a hand.

Haha! I hope they made Button fish his chips out of the trash can and not BB.

Dealer told me a hand was limped 4 way pre, then checked all the way down, at showdown they all had K5o! Lol livepokerments

this one happened about a year ago at Casino Niagara.

It was getting on in the evening, and my table broke. I went to my new seat, and there's this guy there staring at me. Conversation goes

him - "you look really familiar"
me -- "ok. I don't recognize you, wher do you think you know me from?"

At this point this isn't at all overly unusual for me, I'm AWFUL with faces. I think there's a chance we know each other, but he'll need to fill in a few gaps. so then he says --

him -- "where you from?"
me - Toronto
him -- I know, you're from the Phoenix. That's right.
me -- huh??
him -- the Toronto Phoenix
me -- I've no idea what you're talking about, what's that?
him -- you want to play that game?
me -- um. ya. ok. Dude, I don't have a clue what you're talking about. What's Toronto Phoenix?
him -- ok be like that. That's right, you be like that.

The whole time this is going on he's staring intently at me. Not in a curious harmless way, but in kind of a "i'm a psychokiller, or maybe I just want to rape you" kind of way.

This is making me a bit uncomfortable, so I say --

me -- ok, I've no idea what you're talking about, but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop staring at me. So please.
him -- I'm not staring, you're staring. Stop staring at me.
me -- uh ya...

He then goes into repeated requests to take it outside, to come join him off the table for just two secs, etc, etc. I tell him I've no desire to fight him, or hug him, or go drinking with him. I've only a desire to take his chips and have him stop staring at me.

Other guy at the table tells him to stop being a total arse. at which point he threatens to kick that guys ass as well. I'm realizing he's not quite square in the head at this point & ask the dealer to call security and have the guy removed.

Security arrives, guy gets punted, giving me the evil stare the whole time "will see you later" bla, bla, bla.

After he leaves I then discuss a little bit with the dealer, is apparently a semi-reg with a well-known substance abuse issue. And we're not talking pot here.

So after I get home curiosity gets the better of me & I google "Toronto Phoenix". I just had to know what this mystery thing was. The only thing I could think of up to then was an old nightclub by that name.

Turns out it's a club run by some guy who holds seminars on how to, um, convert women. The guy running it claims to be the modern incarnation of Hugh Hefner & runs seminars for people stupid enough to pay for the privelage of hearing him speak.

Ah, good times...

I just want to thank all of you for these post - which just cost me 9 hours of time at work to be unproductive!

This happened about a month ago.

Seat 3 asks the dealer to have the chip running cash him out. He goes to the bathroom and tells the dealer for the chip runner to meet him at the cage.

At the same time Seat 2 goes out for a cigarette.

Chip runner racks up Seat 2's chips and gives them to the player in Seat 3. Seat 3 got an additional $123. Took them 1/2 hour to figure it out.

Buggle's story reminded me of a weird conversation I had at the Taj once. 2-4 O8 game, so you can guess the general disposition of the clientele.

I'm a pretty talkative guy, like to make conversation at the table if others are game. And it's a 2-4 limit game so no one needs to tank with an expectatin of golf game silence. At some point a guy asks me where I live and I tell him Central PA. He thinks I am lying. To what end, I still do not know. I say "ok where am I from then?" He is adamant that I couldn't be from PA because my accent is wrong and I talk too fast, etc etc etc... I try to prop bet him $5 if I show him my license. He shuts up, I take it out and offer it, he won't look at it. He says "you might live there now, but you're not from there." I have no idea how to prove to a guy where I was born and raised, but it's the truth. I still can't figure what angle he thought I was shooting to lie about being from PA. It was just weird.

heard one dude tell another dude that he hopes his pacemaker malfunctions.

dude really had a pacemaker and scars from recent open heart surgery too... was coldest thing i've ever heard

Few months ago in Atlantic City.
I'm in the 10 seat, only other white guy is in the 1. Rest of the table is mostly MMA guys who looks like they fought earlier that night. It's after 1am and a few of the fighters are chatting it up about some women that are walking by.
Guy in the 1 goes off about English Only at the table and was very dickish about it. He splits about 15 minutes later.
MMA guys get all tight and shut down for a while. About 30 minutes later , I'm looking at the biggest of the MMA guys (sitting in the 6 or 7) and have the following discussion:

me: Hey, mind if I ask you a personal question?
him: Sure, what's up
me: Are you Bi?
him: <puffing out his chest and about to stand up with the rest of his buddies>
me: -Lingual?
him: What?
me: Are you Bi-..........Lingual...


We'll the table just busted out laughing. Got everyone relaxed again and had a great night.

Lotta fun

from last night.

Guy to my left is chatting up the dealer and tells him how he has a 26 year old gf (he is in his fifties). Then he tells the dealer he likes one of the dealers (who is in her 20s) and asks if he knows her. The dealer says he doesn't. Eventually the guy spots her and is like "Im go talk to her." and leaves for awhile. After he leaves the dealer says to the table, "I don't wanna say too much we might end up on a police report."

Most interesting things for me was a big fight broke out at Tropicana at a table behind mine. Apparently someone made a racist comment to another player which led to a chair being tossed and fists flying.

Another trip at Tropicana a high roller black jack player was having an awful night and walked into the poker room steaming, sat down at 2/5 nl and preceded to go all in blind pre- flop every hand with the table max. Did this for hours. You could imagine the waiting list for that table was long and that table was buzzing. Every hand all you hear is WHHOOAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like putting a craps table smack dab in the middle of the poker room. It was nuts.

not weird, just a funny/stupid line:

a player folds the second nuts face up, someone not involved in the hand shouts at him:

what are you doing, man? That's the second nuts! It doesn't get any better than that!

This one happened a couple of years ago at the Golden Nugget, 1/2NL.

Its late, everyone is drinking, and there is this aggro guy (Mr. Action) up about $800 and he is trying to get the whole table to bet $100 in the dark. Which was ridiculous since most of the table only had 100-200. But the guy to his right was pretty deep and had about $800. After about 30 minutes of listening to Mr. Action trying to get everyone to do this, the guy to his right says, "okay, i'll do it when the rest of the table folds and its just me and you in the blinds".

Takes about 30 minutes but the situation happens. UTG was short stacked and he shoves all-in for $20. Everyone folds and it gets to the Small blind who has his cards capped. Neither he or Mr. Action has looked at their cards yet. True to form, he grabs $100 and puts it in the pot. Mr. Action smiles and says, "Oh, I wasn't serious" and then he looks at his cards and then says "All-in" for around $800.

SB goes ballastic and is cursing up a storm "You muthaf***** Ahole, etc. etc." for a full minute. Finally he looks at his cards, and says, "I call"

SB had AA,
Mr. Action had QQ

Flop was lowball rainbow. UTG wins main pot $60.
SB wins side pot over $1.6K
Mr. Action leaves table amidst all of us dying laughing.