This happened at the horseshoe a few months ago.

Get to the casino around 3pm and go into the cardroom and sit at 1/3 nl table. After about 15 mins i notice a 50ish man get up from table kinda quickly and walk out of the cardroom. Few minutes go by and i didnt think much of this and the man even returned and sat back down in his seat.

Young kid around 25 has a disgusted look on his face after coming into the cardroom and goes over and talks to the floor manager. I then 2 or 3 floor managers come over to the older gentleman and have a conversation with the man and he leaves.

Meanwhile the younger kid is enraged and keeps babbling about wanting the casino to buy him a new pair of shoes.

What happened was the old guy had **** down his leg on his way out of the cardroom and the kid stepped in it. The floor then took the kid to the giftshop and bought him a windbreaker that said horseshoe on it.

First im not sure why it was the casinos responsibility to buy him new shoes and second if he wanted them, why he would settle for a cheap windbreaker to advertise for the casino. Second what a sick old man for actually coming back to the table after he just had semi watery poop run down his leg.

50s isn't that old. GD I'm getting senile in my age (upper 20's)

playing 1/2 at a michigan charity room, there is a middle-age guy sitting to my left, splashing around a lot and saying hilarious comments. my buddy across the table is bantering with him, and at one point he wins a pot off the guy and the guy says "WELL, you're good, so you're PROBABLY my son." we all laugh at this as it was really funny at the time. within 2-3 hands he gets stacked by my friend. at this point he gets up, rips off his earbud headphones, and throws them on the table going "here, have these too, they aren't even plugged into anything" and walks away. this was beyond hilarious and the whole table roared with laughter for some time

10/20 NLH at Bellagio, I ordered a bottle of Cabernet, an aged Caymus, but was at the loo when the wine came. The other guys at the table thought it would be funny to each have a glass in my absence, leaving me the empty bottle and tab on my return !

Very entertaining thread!

This was very late in the morning at the Casino, I was a novice who thought he knew what he was doing and my $1/2 table had just broken up, so I sat down at the $2.50/$5 while waiting for another 1/2 spot. Game is super soft, aggressive, lot of deep stacks. I"m in seat 4 and fold my SB. Flop comes A high. BB to my left is a guy in his late 40's, looks a lot like Richard Simmons, short with a fuzzy afro and a bit chubby. He's in this hand and checks the flop, another check, and MP bets about $35. The dealer then points at me waiting on action, I lift my hands up to show I have no cards and say "um...I'm all in?" (silly joke I know, I was young) Richard Simmons eyes my stack, about $250, then flicks his cards into the muck. Then the second they're in there he starts reaching for them and saying "no no no". He becomes super upset at me, blah blah "do you realize what you've done" "you stupid kid" "what the beep do you think you're doing". Meanwhile he would have ended up winning about $200 with his A rag.

Very next hand I'm on the button with Q9s, couple of limpers, I limp on the button, and Richard raises his SB to $25, caller, caller, and I call. Flop comes 9 9 Q. Richard bets 50, 1 caller, I smooth call. Turn is blank, Richard checks, checks, I check. River is a blank and flush draw misses, Richard goes all in, busted flush draw folds, and I snap call and show my boat.

He just glares at me, then glares at the guy with the flush draw for not having a hand that beats me. Right that second I get called to a $1/$2 seat, I rack up and Richard turns to me and says, low and deadly "Be careful walking to the carpark".

Yes, bad joke cost this guy some money and I felt bad, I was in the wrong. But it also made me about $200 that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, so.....

Depends on who's performing it.

I am new to the forum and really enjoyed reading all the funny stories so I thought I would share my own. Although, it may only have been funny to me.

I was at the Golden Nugget a few years ago for a long weekend with my wife. I like to get up early and play 1/2 NLHE, meet my wife for lunch around noon and then we spend time together doing whatever.

I play pretty tight normally and this day was no exception. I had dragged and lost a few pots and the 3 local rocks at the table were well aware of how solid I was playing. Any time a led into a pot, I would hear "ok, he's got the nuts" and once in a while I would call a bluff at the table to show my middle pair was good. We were having fun chatting and making jokes. Everyone was pretty relaxed and the action seldom got fast.

Enter NY Giants (NFL) hat guy. He buys in for $200 and proceeds to immediately get involved in a hand with one of the local rocks. Rock raises to $15 from early position which is a little big of an opener for this table but he clearly had a good hand and wanted limited action. Folds around to a tourist in middle position who calls. Action to Giants hat and he reraises to $100. The two other players muck their hands not having any read on this guy as he hasn't even been at the table for a whole orbit. Giants guy scoops the pot and exclaims that "a new table captain has arrived" and we should all "look out."

Giants guys manages to win a couple more small pots with his aggression and is up to about $300 in a half an hour. I get into a hand with him when I call his pre-flop raise and three barrel bluff on a missed flush with my pocket nines for a $100 pot. I could tell he was pissed as he just glared at me like, you have the nerve to call me with that?

It's almost noon and I anounce that I will be cashing out after my button and meeting the wife for lunch when the Giants guy says something to the effect of oh sure, hit and run and don't give me a chance to win my money back (nevermind I have been at the table all morning).

The very next hand I am in the BB with K 10 and Giants guy raises to $15. Fold around to me and I call; two way action. Flop brings two diamonds and I bet $25. Giants guy calls. The turn brings a 3rd diamond making my 2nd nut flush and I check to the Giants guy who takes his two stacks of red slams them in the middle of the table, releases them and then says all in. The dealer quickly points out he has about 15 gray ($1) behind and actually going all in would be a string bet. Its $190 to me and I call at which point Giants guy turns over his Q high flush smacking it on the table like he was king of the world. River card is meaningless, the dealer looks at me and says action to you sir. I grab two stacks of red and slam them on the table and say "all in." The dealer and I look over to the Giants guy who utters the last word I ever heard him say, "call". I turn over the winner and giants guy puts his head down and slinks away. Dealer reaches over to sweep the gray into the pot as he pushes it over to me.

At this point I am pretty pleased with myself and while grinning I say to the rest of the players "anyone else mind if I leave the table?" Almost in a chorus I hear from two of the local rocks "enjoy your lunch."

ITS LIKE TRYING TO READ STORIES TOLD BY 26 PAGES OF CORKY THATCHER'S

Wow, that's a serious old-school reference. I don't even remember the name of the show. Corky was pretty cool though.

Playing 1/2 at Foxwoods like usual, sitting in the 7 seat, next to me in the 8 is a 20 something with about $600 in front of him. We end up being super best-friend poker pals (PP) as I'm apt to do when I sit near people who seem to know what they're doing (Always good to figure out where the easy(er) money is). So PPs been playing very LAG, but makes some good reads and conservative lay downs facing big bets from the more vanilla players at the table, so he isn't terrible. Another 20 something kid sits down in the 5 seat and buys in for 200, and within a couple hands is sitting on a fat $550 stack, I forget the exact circumstances but suffice it to say that it wasn't through out-playing the others the table that he ended up with that stack, and it was quite apparent that he knew the very basics and not much else.

Okay so here's where it gets interesting, my PP and the clueless noob (CN) end up going at it. CN raises 10 UTG, folds to PP who re-raises to 35 (he'd been doing this a lot and getting a lot of folds), it folds around to CN who calls the 35.
Flop comes 644
CN bets out 50, PP calls.
Turn is the 10
CN bets out 150, and for whatever reason exposes the K ,PP tanks for a while, and I'm almost certain he's going to fold, but he ends up calling the 150.
The river comes 8 board reads 644108
with CN K exposed.
CN checks, and PP instantly goes all-in for his remaining $315, CN takes about 3 seconds to call, which shocks almost everyone at the table. PP of course says "I flopped the boat, pocket 6's", CN flips over the other card in his hand, showing KK, PP then looks down at his card, and his whole body seems to deflate, he starts swearing and turns bright red as he flips over 69, he starts claiming that he had completely misread his hand pre-flop, and didn't look at it again throughout the hand. He's also furious that CN called the $315 river bet on a paired board when he was showing the K high flush. I can't believe that any of this has just happened. Looking back on the hand, the only logical explanation was that PP made a very good bluff and then when CN made the hero call tried to angle shoot the kid into mucking, but it's much funnier to think he merely mistook the 9 for a 6.

was playing 2/5 NL @ harrahs in STL, Nelly and his entourage were there at a different table, one of nellys boys comes over the table and tries to grab some guy, then there was a lot of yelling and cursing. It calmed down pretty quickly, but i thought somebody was getting shot lol

Playing 1/2 NL late at night at Turning Stone.

Hand was headsup on 4th street for whatever reason my opponent either thought I folded and was all in when I was not and flipped his hand up. 5th street was dealt with his hand FACE UP and mine still face down. My hand was better.

on 5th street he led out (lol), I raised, he re-raised(lololool), I shoved and he tank-folded.

Enjoy your heart worm.

this entire post is a lie btw

I'm playing $1/2 in indiana and a kid who looks like he's barely 21 walks in wearing an justin bieber shirt, huge headphones, a hoodie, and has his sunglasses on the front of his shirt. Kid doesn't talk to anyone and looks dead serious, but I can't get over what he's wearing.

I'm playing in a 1/2 PLO game with the crazy cast of usual characters. Woman in her middle 40's sits down in the game and starts lagging it up, potting every street and basically just splashing around tons of pots. She's up and down and then gets involved in a hand where she mucks on the river but then tries to retrieve her hand after she realizes she folded a full house. Floor is called, argument starts, they go to the camera and eventually award the pot to the other player. Lady goes nuts, starts talking about where the muck really is, etc. She goes really nuts and starts potting every hand and goes on a heater until she wins about 7 buyins. The stage is set....

Crazy lady gets involved with a regular in the game who has her covered. I'm in seat 4, regular is in seat 5, and lady is in seat 8. I'm talking to the player in seat 3 when I look up and they're on the river with 3 diamonds on an unpaired board. Regular in seat 5 ships it and lady in seat 8 starts talking to herself and trying to figure out if she wants to call. I turn to seat 3 to say something and as I turn back to the action I see that the regular has tabled the nut flush. Lady hasn't shipped her chips in and turns over the jack flush. I say "wow nice laydown" and the table informs me that she shipped it and just got stacked in a huge pot.

Of course I turn completely red as I genuinely thought she didn't call. She leaves and my whole side of the table starts breaking my balls. Old guy in seat 1 tells me it's the reddest he's ever seen someone. I felt like such a douche. Now whenever these guys see me it's "Nice laydown lady!"

^^ post more

Ok since I got a request I'll tell another funny story.

I'm playing 100 NL at the Bike in about 05-06 when everyone was trying poker out and you got a bunch of attitude from home game heroes. Game is typical of the era with big egos, 5 guys in their 20's wearing sunglasses (including me), and lots of table talk. One guy is crushing the game and is clearly someone to stay away from. Young New York accent guy (NYAG) with Yankees hat keeps getting into pots with super donkey crusher (SDC) and well, he keeps getting crushed. Clearly NYAG is getting aggitated and after dropping about his 4th buyin to SDC he gets up from the table, makes a comment about making it physical, and leaves the table.

Play resumes and about 30 minutes later NYAG comes back and is standing about 10 feet to the side of the table railing the game. If you've ever been to the Bike think about how odd it would be to have some guy standing there for like 30 minutes out on the floor with a scowl on his face with his arms crossed. Finally SDC turns around and says, "Are you still here? I thought you left" NYAG flips out and says, "What did you say to me? I'll stand wherever I want if you want to take it outside fine. You don't even know how to spell poker". SDC turns around and spells, "P,O,K,E,H,E,R". SDC then delivers the obvious burn, "oh wait, that's what I did to your Mom last night"

Place erupts, both guys get thrown out as everyone in the place is now staring at our table. Don't know what it is about the Bike, seen 2 fights like this there and I've put in way more hours at commerce. Variance I guess!

Late one night in a smaller san diego indian casino poker room, i'm playing on the only 2/3 table going when a semi-regular comes strolling in and sits down in the empty 5 seat, directly to my right.

This is a mid-50's guy of middle eastern or Mediterranean descent (to this day, i still don't know) wearing some "bling" and one of those tight "underarmor" type shirts to show off his physique (ROFL).

Anyway, he proceeds to donk off two buyins of 500 bucks each, mostly to me. This, of course, sends him tilting because of all the types of people in a poker room the ones who most hate losing to a girl are the mid-50's middle-eastern/mediterranean guys. I overhear him grumble to the guy next to him:

"Could you imagine being married to her? god, i couldn't stand to look at her in the morning." and more along similar lines.

Now, I'm no Liv Boeree, and i don't get all pretty to go to the poker room. I wear jeans and a hoodie because those places are damned cold, and i prefer comfort to trying to impress degens. I'm laughing internally at this guy because he truly picked the LAST girl on earth who could be bothered by such "insults".

He's getting angrier and angrier, and as he gives me his final 100 bucks, he shoots me a glare and storms off. As he's leaving the room, he yells back, presumably to the other guys on the table, "Have fun playing against that f**king slut!"

Now i'm not sure what my perceived sexual proclivities have to do with my poker playing, but he clearly couldn't handle being felted by a girl. I wish he hadn't have been on his way out of the room, because a number of witty and suggestive comebacks raced through my head.

I believe there was another 2p2er at the table, but i can't for the life of me recall who it was. We laughed about this for the rest of the night. The best part of it was, the other guys at the table were more offended and upset for me than I was. Hell, I thought it was the funniest thing I'd heard in a long time.

Unfortunately, i've never seen this guy again, which makes me sad. He was a nice donator to the Skydiver Bankroll Foundation.

Originally Posted by ssjtin
Very entertaining thread!

This was very late in the morning at the Casino, I was a novice who thought he knew what he was doing and my $1/2 table had just broken up, so I sat down at the $2.50/$5 while waiting for another 1/2 spot. Game is super soft, aggressive, lot of deep stacks. I"m in seat 4 and fold my SB. Flop comes A high. BB to my left is a guy in his late 40's, looks a lot like Richard Simmons, short with a fuzzy afro and a bit chubby. He's in this hand and checks the flop, another check, and MP bets about $35. The dealer then points at me waiting on action, I lift my hands up to show I have no cards and say "um...I'm all in?" (silly joke I know, I was young) Richard Simmons eyes my stack, about $250, then flicks his cards into the muck. Then the second they're in there he starts reaching for them and saying "no no no". He becomes super upset at me, blah blah "do you realize what you've done" "you stupid kid" "what the beep do you think you're doing". Meanwhile he would have ended up winning about $200 with his A rag.

Very next hand I'm on the button with Q9s, couple of limpers, I limp on the button, and Richard raises his SB to $25, caller, caller, and I call. Flop comes 9 9 Q. Richard bets 50, 1 caller, I smooth call. Turn is blank, Richard checks, checks, I check. River is a blank and flush draw misses, Richard goes all in, busted flush draw folds, and I snap call and show my boat.

He just glares at me, then glares at the guy with the flush draw for not having a hand that beats me. Right that second I get called to a $1/$2 seat, I rack up and Richard turns to me and says, low and deadly "Be careful walking to the carpark".

Yes, bad joke cost this guy some money and I felt bad, I was in the wrong. But it also made me about $200 that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, so.....




100% truth sir

Bump for more!!

This is definitely not the funniest thing I have ever seen, but it was funny in a creepy kind of way. This weekend, a guy sat next to me who flagged down the least attractive massage girl (imo) and proceeded to hit on her during his 15 minute massage. It was sad because he was trying so hard and getting only "I work for tips" pleasantries. But the rest of us had a good laugh about it.

Young guy at the table ask the dealer if he could recommend someplace to get something to eat fast. Old drunk guy "I have a salami sandwich in my pocket you can have 1/2 if you want" entire table cracks up, 2 orbits later old guy stands up and pulls a flat salami sandwich wrapped in a ripped up napkin out of his front pocket sits down and starts eating

Guy at the table is minding his own business aside from occasional small talk with other players. He's youngish and quite large in the athletic sense and not the fat sense. To his left is an older Asian guy who hasn't said a word the entire time, about twice his age and half his size.

At one point, the dealer is confused about the button's location for the next hand and asks the players. The button is in front of the big guy, and he says "I can't remember, should it be moved here (in front of him) or here (in front of old Asian guy)" and has his hand on the button preparing to move it for the dealer. Old Asian guy explodes, grabs the button from the big guy and screams "Button go here!" and slams it down directly on to the big guy's hand!

This being AC, I was expecting to see a fight that surely wouldn't end well for the old Asian guy, but instead the big guy just gets an incredulous look on his face and says "Dude, you don't have to attack me with the button!" and proceeds to call the old guy Mr. Miyagi for the rest of the session, announcing his raises as "wax on" and "paint fence." I've certainly seen weirder things since then (this happened over 10 years ago), but never anything that completely out of nowhere--these guys had played together for at least 2 or 3 hours and not only hadn't said a word to each other, the old Asian guy hadn't said a word to anyone, and then physically attacked the guy next to him because the guy didn't know where the button should go. And I probably don't need to explain this happened a 2-4 table.

Should have responded with "Damn right I am a slut.... I have been f**king you all night" LOL