Did you shove her the pot?

Mildly amusing, dude to my left says to his friend "from now on I'm only playing Phil Helmuth top 10 hands"

I'm embarrassed to admit i read that book a million years ago.

Sent from my LG-D801 using 2+2 Forums

One table over, middle aged unattractive white drunk lady receiving a massage from pretty talented masseous "I'm not even lesbian, but I'd be all over this every day"



Sent from my LG-D801 using 2+2 Forums

When I started playing poker I had almost no money to invest, and I didn't know anything about poker except what I saw on TV. I started with a $50 deposit on PokerStars and poker books from the library.

One of Hellmuth's books was the first one I read. I somehow survived that, and five years later I was playing full-time. My playing has changed so much that I wonder which animal I am now.

WeirdEST and funnieEST. Not things a few people might lightly chuckle at.

1/2NL. Two deaf guys are at the table. They are kind of jerkish, slamming the table hard for checks and giving everybody the stinkeye.

One of them, who looked like the psychotic Gomer Pyle in Full Metal Jacket gets stacked for his last $40. He gets up, stares at the guy who stacked him and simulates masturbating (with throwing off the release) three times then gives him the double finger and walks out.

ok, now that's funny

Did you ask his friend to translate?

I saw parts of this firsthand, and had other portions recounted to me by dealers who were at nearby tables...

In a $1/3 NL game, one player sucks out on another a couple of times. Clearly, this travesty cannot go unaddressed, so the guy who lost starts berating the guy who won. Apparently, things heat up quickly and these guys are yelling at each other.

One of them sucker punches the other, knocking him down but not out. By the time he pops back up, of course, there are people separating them. The puncher is yelling some typical trash talk, and the punchee is screaming about how lucky the sucker puncher is that there are people holding him back. He's screaming about how he's a man and he'll take him any time.

Things settle down a touch, and some suits and security personnel are standing next to the puncher. One of these employees, in their infinite wisdom, says "Sir, we're going to need you to wait here while we call the police to come arrest you."

He stands there for a second or two, and then the look on his face changes. The wheels are turning. "F*** that!" he says, and bolts. Two security guards give chase. His 40-time is better than the security guards, and as he exits the poker room he's got about three strides on them. I'd say he was 50-50 to make it to the parking garage.

This upsets the punchee, who badly wanted to get the chance to hit the guy back, and now to top it off he not only has no shot to hit him, he also knows he might get off scot-free. He starts yelling again, and is quickly surrounded by security guards, floors, etc. "I'm a man! I could'a taken him! I'm a man! Why're you all over me? Why wouldn't you let me go back at him? I don't need your help!"

At this point, he's got the attention of all 25+ tables in the poker room as he grabs his crotch and yells, "I'm a man, I've got balls! I've got a d***!"

From a few tables over, someone yells, "Good for you buddy!"

From there things settled down and he racked up and left.

I woulda chased him out. I can beat 9/10 security guards and if I catch him first it will likely be my only chance to get revenge!

Not strictly poker-related, but I finally have a story to contribute.

Playing at a local underground room the other night, it’s getting late and the game is winding down. At about 2:30 in the morning a guy shows up who’s a regular in the game, but he wasn’t looking for a seat. He walks in with an obvious sense of urgency and asks the 6 remaining players if there’s anyone there who hasn’t smoked weed in the past month who would be willing to sell him some urine. He explains he has to take a drug test in a few hours and has been doing way too much pot and cocaine over the past week to have any chance of passing. He also shows off a device that he’s planning on using, which consists of a plastic pouch that straps around your leg and a long tube that you feed out through your fly. This is apparently going to be a situation where someone is actually standing there watching you pee, so simply pouring the substitute urine in the cup wasn’t going to be an option.

One of the other regs, apparently out of concern for the guy, tries to talk him out of it. “Man, there is no way you’re going to be able to pull off the kind of sleight of hand it would take to make this work. Have you had to do this kind of test before? Because I have, and you’re definitely going to get caught if you try to use this thing.”

So now the guy is looking really desperate, trying to figure out what options he has left. About this time another player-who happens to be an ER nurse-gets up and asks the guy to talk to him privately. So these two leave for a few minutes, and when they come back the nurse cashes out for the night and the two leave together.

I found out later that the plan they came up with the guy was going to buy clean urine from the nurse, who was then going to obtain a catheter from work, which he would then use to insert the urine into the guy’s bladder right before he goes in to take the test. I don’t know whether they executed the plan successfully, but I haven’t heard anything about the guy failing his drug test and getting sent back to jail, so I’m assuming they actually pulled it off.

That's Crazy!

Genius.

Is this even possible?

If you've ever seen the show Blue Mountain State, you would know it's called an "Oil change."

Highly doubt this would work...won't a little bit of his urine get mixed in and fail the test.....unless it was diluted that much by the other "clean" urine. Ether way it sounds risky and painful

Reading up on it, seems like it could work. They will sometimes shoot a catheter up your dick urethra to inject dyes for tests. I guess you could first pass out your urine, put in a clean sample, and then quickly go take your test. Seems like there might be trace amounts but maybe you're below the threshold.

It would be worth a shot, but he may want to rethink about smoking weed ever again.

Seriously... Just get The Whizzinator

Done deal

At 2:30 in the morning?

I have a friend that did this....it works...

I heard you can buy "Canadian piss" in headshops. IDK if it works but the guy I heard it from says so.

I don't know about Canadian piss, but I know you can buy synthetic urine in head shops. It works well if you're not being watched and they don't send it off for further testing where they test for uric acid. Although some companies are starting to put uric acid in there to avoid this complication.

Back on topic, heard this gem tonight.

"Man I ****ing hate riverrat mofos...."

Cue 5 minute rant against players who win the hand on the river.

1. There's a reason there's 5 cards.
2. These are the people you print money from.

One time almost the entire table was talking about heroin and hardcore drugs and then the dealer got one of the guys numbers for something LOL

Playing a tournament at the Orleans, Las Vegas. Late night about 2:30ish in the morning. Short stack opens up all in, only the big blind calls. He goes "Welp, guess this is it" turns over a pair of twos. He starts rummaging through his bookbag on the rail as the cards are being dealt out. The BB had a pair of 8s that held up. The guy goes, "Well it was fun, good night guys!" Does a key bump out of his bag in front of the entire table, goes "WOOO!" then walks out of the exit to the parking garage. About 3 of us and the dealer were laughing our asses off while the rest of the table was too dense to realize what just happened.

Some balls on that guy.