No. It is 100% not that. We've actually gone on a few 'proper' dates.

off the top of my head,
at least 3 dinners
a comedy show
pub crawled a few times

i'm pretty sure every time we've ended up back at either my place or hers to watch a movie, and i try to make a move and she'd deny.

one time she even said, "that was a really fun 'friend' date". don't even know what that term means.

situation is not misread, but i'm sure i've made many missteps along the way.

A year ago we were in the bar. My buddy was talking to her and as I walked by I'm pretty sure I heard him ask her why her and I weren't an item and her saying I'm she's not attracted to me. I never followed up on it, but fairly confident that was the exchange.

Girls never send those texts if they are interested they are way too afraid the other person thinks she is interested.

If there is a noticeable difference in contact frequency, something was not handled optimally. Sometimes you just cant avoid it, but I think the situation here could have been handled in a way that contact broke off more naturally.

I just think the best way to move on is to tell her straight up that you don't want to be cuddle buddies, not this passive aggressive bs.

1) True

2) Contact did break off very naturally IIRC. She was out of the country and there was little contact. She's been contacting him but he's not been reciprocating as much. Very typical IME.

They're in the same social circle. Can't be this forward IMO

I've told her that many times. Then we get drunk, end up going to after party at one of our places, attempt something, get denied, resort to cuddling. Terrible playing on my part.

As for just hanging out 1 on 1, it's kind of difficult to keep being "busy" and not hanging when before I had all the time in the world for her.

I agree but he should have already slowed it down before.
Doesn't matter, it's not the end of the world anyways - she will get the message sooner or later.

Yes, this is true. But it didn't happen. As I said, the situation was not handled well at all. But this is where we are now. Can't change the past.

cliffs:

When we first started hanging out a lot more we slept in the same bed together 2 or 3 times. I made moves, she denied. I told her that we were done with that. That was fine, we still hung out, but weren't as cuddly. Then about 2 months later it started happening again. Shortly thereafter we banged. Then she went on a trip. Came back. Thought we'd be banging again, but that was a no fly zone. Fast forward a year of intermittent cuddling and attempts at hooking up. Nothing.

She plans another trip. We plan to hang out before she leaves. She gets weird and changes the scope of the hangout. I ditch. We don't talk her whole trip. She comes back. She attempts to hang out 3x. I deny. We talk to each other briefly at a bar with friends. Now here we are.

I still don't see how your current approach is better. It only didn't work last time because you had a lapse in discipline. If the same thing happens again, you're gonna try again and you're gonna get denied again. If you're really determined to stick to it this time, it's better to be straight. Then you're not acting weird and she's not bugging you.

Plan is obviously to stick to it. I can't go through that bs again. It's not healthy. Frankly I'd rather not be her friend at all and not constantly want her than what we had before.

Now I imagine likely sooner rather than later we will see each other out and she will ask what's up. I'll probably tell her straight at that point. Depends how the convo goes. She also asked me the other day if I have a gf now. Told her no. If she asks again in person, and seems insistent that I do, I'll probably propose to 'prove' to her that I don't have a gf. From my past relationship she knows that I'm a good guy and wouldn't cheat on someone if I was in a relationship.

i imagine the convo going like this:

her: who is this girl you've been hanging out with?
me: just a friend
her: your girlfriend?
me: no. a friend.
her: pretty sure it's your girlfriend and you just wont admit it
me: do you think if i had a girlfriend, i'd cheat on her?
her: no, you're super honest
me: my place or yours?

That's not a good idea.

You should stop the convo after "no. a friend" and then just smile.

k thanks. going to a cottage all weekend with this friend and her friends anyways. should be good. hopefully they are cool.

Say no, but you're dating. Why does he have to lie about seeing another girl? If he's clear that he's dating other girls, it sends a clearer message.

She knows I date. I know she dates. Nothing has ever stuck for either of us for more than 2 months in the past 2 years. She (friend zone) seems to think this one is more serious.

How does he lie? "no. a friend" is a fairly obvious of stating that he dates her but isn't serious. No one says that and doesn't mean that he is seeing someone platonically.

Hey! I'd like to know your opinions on a tinder situation.

Engaged one match with a "joke", she answered with another one .
Quickly suggest her to have dinner together (like in a pub)
She said "ooohh, not sure, I was thinking of deleting tinder from my phone blah blah"
I replied something like "OK whatever, feel free to hit me up if you change your mind"

She then relaunched the conversation, asked me if I already met girls from tinder.

I answered (yes, once) and now we talked about the basic stuff (job etc)

Her replies are quite "long" every time, she's obviously taking time to write the texts.
I think the "vibe" between us is quite good

The convers ended yesterday, when she went to bed.

So now, what would you do here :
1)wait for her to re engage the convo?
2) "ask her out" again when I'm back from holidays (ie next week?)
3) something else?

She sounds nuts, but tell her you're leaving town and ask for her number.

Ask for her number, talk for a few minutes then ask her out again. If she refuses or makes excuses not to, then delete her number and forget about it.

joke, joke, dinner proposal seems a little fast imo.

say hey, i hate writing on this tinder app. lets text. can i get your number, or here's my number. i might delete tinder too. (then obv don't)

also you talked last night, it's noon, there's no need to rush. i'd wait a bit for her to re-engage and if not send her the above.

Housenuts am I becoming more and more against you as this situation develops.

Either shes into you but you're being an ******* about it (but hell I won't lie that may work in your favor in the short term)

Or you're just being an ******* to someone who considers you a really good friend

Re: Heyyou

I think he played it fine. I'm not sure how I'd respond to her saying "not sure I'm thinking about deleting tinder". When she relaunches the conversation you should try to be the one that ends the conversation first. Asking her to send her number or leaving yours saying you're going to bed or if it's during the day mention an activity you're going to do.

thx for the feedback!

yeah, it was quite fast indeed, but the dinner suggestion was 'smooth' considering the few things we exchanged just before. (i didn't bring that up out of nowhere after joke / joke)

yeah I guess I'll ask her number in the future days if nothing happens

yep, you're right, would have been easier to seal the deal / test the water. ' now it kinda sucks since I'll be back only next week, there's no point to just random chit chat with her / reengage the convers

There's really no chance of this. Her behaviour is completely unacceptable if she just considers him a really good friend.

The third, and far more likely scenario is that she's a massive tease and just keeps him around to make herself feel attractive. He's absolutely doing the right thing trying to cut this kind of toxic behaviour out of his life.