Yeah, that girl is a pretty awful person for laying this on you of all people. The **** did you do to deserve getting involved in this ****?

I dont think this is the best move, the girl came to AK with her suspicions, she has already given him everything that lead her to make this conclusion(presumably), albeit he hasnt seen the texts or anything, but I think knowing its good enough for someone to suspect their parents of adultery he should confront his mother about it. The girl has her own problems to deal with she doesnt need to prove anything to AK, imo.

Maybe I am a minority here cause my parents are already divorced, but I would expect any friends of mine to come to me with the least amount of suspicion of something like this happening, tell me what they know, then I would confront the parent in question. I wouldnt expect them to write up and outline all facts and make a proof that its happening. If the girl talked to you shes probably got enough reason to believe its happening.

she should, at a minimum, tell him what was in the texts. if she doesn't need to prove anything to AK, why did she tell him?

I've texted her and tried calling her several times. She won't pick up. Anyways, I don't need her to get to the bottom of this. I can get her dad's phone number. I can talk to her mom. If I have to, I can just talk to my mom. I don't think my mom could lie to my face.

I don't really blame her - she was just passing along information to me. Though from her tone and her refusal to be helpful it's not so much that she wanted me to know so much as she hates my mother/enjoys attention/wants to share the misery/etc.

But yeah, ignorance would be bliss here. I guess.

i mean your cuckolded parent deserves to know, but she clearly did this out of bitterness so you could feel her pain too... and now she wont give you the info you need to take the next step because it's too hard for her.

I think most of us are too young to say anything other than "wow that sucks sorry man." One of the few times where posting in OOT might yield better results.

Can you get access to your mom's mobile phone bill and see if she has been texting other dad.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice. I know that I can get to the bottom of things by talking to my mom... I just really don't want to. It's just nice to have people to talk to about this. And hearing other perspectives.

yeah this really does blow. i have no idea what i'd do in this situation. i would be soulcrushed, that's for sure. my parents have been married nearly 45+ years.

i think my first move if the girl shut down on me would be to go talk to her father (and mother, perhaps separately) to find out if it's true and make sure it's not just their daughter having some sort of weird break with reality or going off her bipolar meds or something. i'd also talk to the parent who was the alleged cheater. if they confirmed it, i'd then approach my parent who was being cheated on, share it with him/her and then, if they want me to, confront the other parent with him/her. i guess? i dunno.

i also just watched the movie "the descendants" last week where one of the characters was faced with this very same situation so it's something ive been thinking about for a couple weeks.

Henry, I wouldn't know how to do that. Maybe possible, maybe not.

So Karak you think I should go to my dad first, before I say anything about this to my mom?

i remember in high school i was dating this girl who happened across a massive stash of really hardcore pornography her father had in her house. we were young and innocent 16yos at the time and she had a near meltdown over it. i dont remember what i advised her to do, but she told her mother about it.

her mother's response, "i know about it. dont worry about it. let's just not talk about it again. im sorry you found that."

obviously porn and cheating are 2 very different things, but this made me recall that.

my initial thought was yes, but now that i think about it, i think perhaps you should confront your mom first. if you tell her you are going to tell your father no matter what, she really has no choice but to tell you the truth*. it's a tough spot man. i really dunno. is there a trusted adult in the family you feel comfortable confiding in and talking to about this? like a distant aunt/uncle/cousin or something? someone who is familiar with your parents and is mature enough to be able to give you good advice?

having never been married and never facing something like this before, i stress you take my advice with a grain of salt.

although i think sitting on it or ignoring it is absolutely the wrong thing to do.

regarding the asterisk:

im very close to my parents, and i think i can say without a doubt there's no way they could lie to me about something like this and not have me catch on that it's a lie if i was confronting them directly.

Christians gonna christian.

You obv confront the parent in question irst casue if you confront the other and are wrong you are just instilling fear in your father that something may be wrong but he just cant prove it now, or you cant prove it, or the other. The only time your father should figure out anything going on is if you know its true.

I was thinking of talking to my grandmother (mother's side). I don't want to shock her though. I also have some other family friends who I would otherwise talk to for life advice but I don't think it would be appropriate to talk to them in this situation, as they are good friends with my parents and see them often.

I agree Custer.

the girl i was dating was (at the time and still) an outward atheist raised by "jewish" parents who were also atheists

nice try tho

yea this

The thing is, with something as big as this its very hard for people to lie when they are not expecting people to know. Obv you said if you confront your mother and ask her you would no the answer based on how she responded/acted. I still think its key, if you choose the direct route, to bring it up in a way where you show her you just need to know and that you still love her. You dont want to seem like you are condemning her or calling her a bad parent or whatever.

If you are unable to get more info from the neighbor, I would take the direct mother route.

Well then the girl was very immature for her age...

unless of course you meant fetish porn and not just hardcore porn.

But with that siad, what does really hardcore porn even mean, like seriously...theres hardcore porn, which means sex happens, then there is stuff like brutal porn which is dominatrix and simulated rape and ****.

How could you date a non-believer??

I honestly have no idea how I would approach this. I feel like this is some weird hypothetical I'm discussing, rather than reality.

Seriously. ITT we demand to know what Karak is referring to when calling it "really hardcore porn".