Originally Posted by Big_Bad_Bill
It was a painful shock to learn that Mr. Bourdain chose to end his life. The lack of a publicized suicide note leaves the reasons unclear; some fear it may have been accidental due to autoerotic asphyxiation; others speculate it may have been done in a fit of depression after learning his girlfriend was cheating on him. I can't help prevent the death-by-jerkoff, but years ago I learned some valuable advice about women which might help head off some guy's depression. I share that advice with you now in hopes of educating and maybe making a difference in some future expectations and reactions.
25 years ago I was visiting a friend of mine who lives in the mountains of Western Maryland, a sparsely-populated, rural region of "country" people. Saturday evening, a group of us were drinking and talking on my buddy's back porch. His ancient (mid 80's) grandfather, who lived across the road, had come over and was sitting quietly off to the side, listening to us brag and cuss and commiserate. One of the guys told how he had discovered his (now ex-) wife was cheating on him and how, at the time, it had ruined his life. At that moment, the grandfather spoke up.
"Boys, let me tell yer somethin' about wimmins. It sounds awful, but it took me years ter learn it and it's useful ter know"
He hesitated a few seconds, scanning our circle of faces, then solemnly said: "All women...are lying whores."
A couple of us started to laugh until we saw by the fury in his face and the flash in his eyes that he was not kidding. My buddy asked him, "But Gramps, what about Grandma?"
"I sez whores!"
Over the years I have seen, heard, and read enough evidence to take some grain of truth from his coarse statement. There should be no moral judgement or condemnation in recognizing this; it is a culmination of what evolution and genetics have created. Simply put, being generally the larger and physically stronger sex, men have tended to live life and resolve conflicts via physical confrontation, ie, by bashing each others' heads in. This is still true today; the vast majority of violent crime is comitted by men. The smaller and weaker sex have had to prosper and survive more by using cunning and manipulation - often by lying.
In addition, the main role of women throughout humans' time on this Earth has been to have and raise children as successfully as possible. The main goal of their genetic programming, if you will, is to find a man to provide food and shelter for themselves and their children, and a man to provide the best menu of DNA to create the healthiest possible kids. Here is the kicker: those 2 roles do not necessarily have to be filled by the same man.
A few years ago, I believe it was in Great Britian, the government conducted some research which involved genetically testing every individual in a small village and made an astounding discovery. Some huge portion of the children, about 20% iirc, were not the genetic offspring of their family's father. It predictably caused quite a ruckus and the research was not repeated.
I have always remembered Mountain Grandpa's advice and have occasionally used it to my advantage. In the late 1990's, while at a friend's party, I noticed a somewhat fat and ugly woman eyeing me. She was there with her husband. When I went to use the upstairs bathroom, she followed me and, smiling, came inside with me. We talked for maybe 30 seconds and then she gave me a blowjob. While I am not model-gorgeous, I was clearly several grades above this woman in looks and would have been slightly embarrassed to be seen in public with her. But, being a man, or maybe just an opportunistic scumbag, I was happy and willing to let her blow me. Afterwards, she gave me the phone number of the office where she was a receptionist.
For about 6 months, several times a week I would call her on my lunch break and drive to her workplace. She would meet me outside her office building; I would park in a remote corner of the huge parking lot, and she would blow me. About once a month, I would let her come over to my nearby apartment and, eyes closed, I would **** her silly. No emotional involvement. No commitment. And no protection. We were both doing what evolution and genetics designed us to do: me, to mate with as many woman as possible (especially if I didn't have to take responsibility for the consequences) and her, to get the highest-quality DNA inside her that she could somehow manage to collect. Eventually I got a new job and moved away and this business ended.
I am much older now (50's) and have mostly put such silly stuff behind me. But I still remember the lesson, and you guys should too. Learn it, know it, live it: All Women Are Lying Whores. It's not a judgement, it's not a condemnation, it's just a fact, and the sooner you keep it in mind the better off you will be. If Mr. Bourdain had known this and taken it to heart, maybe he would still be alive today.