It's a joke, the guys here have me at 6 weeks for the girl I'm dating. I told her this and that she better get used to me because we're not breaking it off until six weeks and a day.

hahaha, you're not afraid of her finding the forums??

Actually I suggested an over/under of 6 weeks and everyone wanted to slam the under fwiw

e: which is definitely wise if going on a date with another woman while supposedly being exclusive constitutes ending the exclusive relationship

I told her it's an off topic section of a chess forum. No way in hell would I risk her finding this thread.

Sure why not? We got a good laugh out of it and the convo transitioned to how we go about breaking it off with one another, which - given some of my baggage - was therapeutic to me because I now know that she would not simply stop responding to my texts or calls, that it would be a mutually made decision.

Gotcha. It should be noted that the word exclusive has never come up in our conversations. Because it seems so clingy to do so, it's not something I plan to ever bring up. While I don't plan to go on a date with another woman while I'm seeing the current one; I'll probably still go online and chat up women, if only because it's a fun way to kill some boredom while keeping my game polished. If she ever expresses a concern, I'll explain why I'm doing it and offer to stop.

ATF,

"If she ever expresses a concern, I'll explain why I'm doing it and offer to stop."

Does this mean you are being open with her about continuing to message women online?

No, only because she hasn't asked. I'd own up to it if she did inquire and explain that: it's a habit; it's fun; I'm not doing it for any nefarious purposes. For that matter, I'm not even certain anymore that she deleted her online profile or simply removed it from search. Since I can still access our initial messages, I think it's still active. Who knows? I don't concern myself with it. As two people recently out of long marriages we spend a lot of time talking about trusting one another, which I find to be healthy and, for me at least, helpful.

How long before you guys introduce girls into your group of friends? I mean its obviously very dependent on your friends/the girl, but in general how long before you invite her along to a night out with friends as oppose to 1v1 dates?

Good question. I'm struggling with this one myself. My guess is that 'it depends' is the only good answer.

i dont think ive introduced her to a group of friends until at least 4-5 dates. even then, depends. ive had other friends bring around girls after 2 dates and some after 3 months of exclusive dating. depends on your friends a lot too

i wouldnt be introducing them until i was considering them for something longer-term...whether that be a GF or a FWB

So you're lying to her (omitting facts is lying) about messaging other women and you're obviously in a relationship with her. You just said you guys are open and honest but you're a liar. Citanul is right dude this is boring and you're boring. You're massively hypocrytical and probably narcissistic.

Edit- "....and offer to stop." lol at her just being like oh you've been going behind my back messaging other women while "pouring" these false bravados out to her. Why would she believe you? Why wouldn't she just think you're out banging other women?

Lol wut? False bravados??? WTF man?! And what ought I to do? "Yeah, the guacamole was awesome. Thanks! By the way, I'm still logging into my online profile and sending messages to other women. Cool?" To be completely honest, I'm not even sure she thinks we're exclusive. Beyond telling me that she's told her FWB that the sex is over and on date #4 me asking her if she'd have a problem if I was dating other women, which she responded with a question, "do you want to date other women?", we've never broached the subject. She's told me she's made some "great friends" through online dating so for all I know she could still be seeing other guys. Like I've said, we've never talked about exclusivity or deleting profiles or whatever and I'm not going to bring the topic up. If she does, I'll own up to what I've been doing and why and agree to do whatever makes her happiest. It's a weird spot anyways because after our first and second dates she was made well aware that I'm not in the right head space for a relationship and was okay with it because knowing that "gave [her] options". So while we've expressed that we like one another, we've seen each other five times, we both feel like we can ask any question and receive an honest answer... the relationship angle and it's boundaries is still a bit foggy. It's actually beginning to bother me a bit but I'm just going to go with it for now.

ATF,

Would you be cool with it if she were currently banging other dudes?

I wouldn't introduce them until we were exclusive.

Banging? It would gross me out and cause me to reassess her standing with me but that we haven't had a conversation explicitly discussing the subject, I don't really have any currency to get upset about it. Am I wrong to think this is a subject a female would normally want to bring up and seek clarity on???

But to be clear, I'm not banging other women and I haven't done anything with the four numbers I received on Friday nor do I intend to or want to at this point.

Lol come on bro. You'd be weird to not be mad at it. Just say it'd make you mad like a normal person. So it wouldn't piss you off if she was still talking to fwb? This is such a joke it's unreal. Obviously you'd be pissed. Obviously you care more than zero for this girl. But there's no sense continuing to lie to yourself it's not healthy bro. Who cares what an internet forum thinks. Get your life in order.

It would bother me a lot and cause a significant amount of uncertainty but I'd have no right to get upset about it because I've never brought it up with her. Why is that so hard to understand? This is someone I've seen five times in my life and while we get along great and always have a fun time, we've never formally established exclusivity. I mean, I really like her, we get along incredibly well, we're a lot alike, I think about her often, I'll occasionally find myself missing her, etc... BUT I'm not going to get all bent out of shape over something that hasn't been established. If I found out she was banging other dudes or even going out on dates I'd likely dial back my emotional availability and rethink what she means to me but it's not like I'd be devastated or whatever. I'd chalk it up to not really clicking and start going out on dates with other women. Are you a girl?

Messaged a hot girl on pof, got her number...we got to texting and things were going well. We made plans I was genuinely excited about and then she wrote:

I'm going to bed now. Will you text me in the morning?

And every red flag went up.

She could just be tired

Just don't even care if she hot.

Definitely a red flag if you're looking for a relationship though. Keep an eye on it, but wait and see if she gets more and more clingy.

Perhaps she just really likes you.

Or you could be alpha and reply with, 'Only if you text me'. haha I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

"will you text me in the morning"

"nope"

Then we play the waiting game

Skip to the last paragraph if this is tl;dr.

Last time I checked in I had 3 new numbers and a 4th girl who had opened with me. Since then I scheduled all 3 dates for M-T-W (because a Jul 4 first date would be lame, damn holidays). Got around to setting up a date with #4 but she cancelled this morning and deleted her profile about an hour later. Probably had ATF-syndrome, actually in a relationship but maybe her bf took 8 hours to respond to a text so she turned to OKC for validation.

Went out with #1 tonight. Looked nothing like her pictures, I didn't even recognize her. Looked at her profile again just now and still don't recognize her. Not better or worse though, just different. Started out terribly, we had nothing in common. Got some drinks flowing, played a game of shuffleboard, and started making out pretty heavily. I must be the absolute worst at closing because she was super open about her sexual history, we both set a record for double entendres during a shuffleboard game, but still couldn't close. We still have nothing in common so after the alcohol wears off who knows where that will go. I'm kind of booked up atm so at least until next week it's not going anywhere.

Also had some lengthy text convos with the girl I went out with a couple weeks ago that I really want to see again. She offered to get together tomorrow night but I already scheduled a date with #2. Asked her to this thing I'm going to this weekend and she seemed into it, but she has plans in the evening. The timeline is doable but really impractical.

Also had another girl cold message me a couple hours ago. She looks good, and started off with a witty comment about my profile, so I'm a fan. I wrote back like 2 full paragraphs which may be a bit long but they were the most elite two paragraphs of all time. Profile specific though so not gonna repost here.

Moral of the story though is keep working on your profile. Someone had mentioned earlier ITT that only the pictures matter, girls will only look at the profile to screen for red flags. I don't believe that anymore. My pictures are not that good. I'm a 4-5 at best and all of my pictures are grainy camera phone shots. I had a really depressing dry spell from like mid May-mid June until I rewrote my profile. I think it's pretty good now.

TR with a question.

Sorry I am terrible at explaining myself.

On Sunday I met the girl from Fri night. She was keen. I was looking forward to seeing her as well. For each of us this was making time to see each other as on a Sunday night we could both be doing things ie getting ready for the week. Straight away she was sympathetic to my stress that day and we could start sharing the problems to do with the "others" ie ex-partners in our relationship to our children. What was initially intended as an hour was 3 hours and brought up the question of what to do that night. We decided I can walk her back but not necessarily stay. In walking back we discussed the fact that she slept in my bed with me on the first night, that she felt uneasy about that as well as how it looks. (We did not have sex though on that night.)
We talked on at her flat and I brought up that I had previously been depressed. I am not sorry for myself in discussing it though and I just see it as a clinical fact. This is not a subject though I would bring up with any girl unless I saw a meaningful potential relationship. Following this we had sex. It was good, tender and meaningful.
I slept in bed with her and in the morning she said things like my profile on POF stood out to her as the best.
I am uneasy about living up to her ideal as she clearly has pretty good standards but I also want a high standard in a relationship.

I knew of her 20 years ago and I genuinely thought well of her then as well as the fact that she was undeniably beautiful. Her beauty then was intimidating to most guys but pleasing to me and I get the feeling that her looks has not always been good to her. She was normal to me in a really particular environment or that she seemed to have a good character that stood out then in a school that had generally different values to me. I really respect that she conducts herself in a selfless manner in relation to her child. She is social but possibly an introvert. I think I am an introvert as well.

I am not so bothered about pursuing a lot of girls. I took off my profiles on match and POF because I wasn't happy with them and also that in seeing a girl for a few dates, I was conscious of stress affecting me and that I should focus on eliminating the stress. I also felt uncertain about how I stood with a previous girl off match and it felt too much work. That feeling of work then perhaps seemed to me as investment or I got them muddled and found it difficult to withdraw. I think I knew it was a friendship. The point to me now is clearly that if anything works it works and I should not need to work at it too much. The girl that I met twice within 3 nights and on both occasions we spent a night talking and then sleeping together has said that she is taking down her profile off POF. Nothing has been said about us in a relationship but she has thought about when I would meet her friends and generally do stuff etc

I am kind of looking for an evaluation.

I really want to avoid any confusing mess in my mind.

I want to feel on my guard but not block her from feeling anything.