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10-11-2016 , 12:11 AM

#40551

Crazy Joe Davola

veteran

Join Date: Sep 2015 Posts: 2,165

I ended an OKC relationship tonight. We had our first date in May of 2014 and started to get serious in January 2015. Moved in together in April of this year. It didn't seem like we were going to take the next step. I'm sad about it as I'm going to be 36 in a couple of months and I would like to get married and have a family. At the same time, I am glad and relieved (was very stressed about potentially breaking up and at times about the relationship in general) that I ended it and excited for what the future holds.

Quote

10-11-2016 , 01:14 AM

#40552

citanul

Super Moderator

Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 18,725

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlucky4me

Give that one a new tin foil hat and she would do anything you wanted

Just remember that it she doesn't, you can ask for the tin foil hat back at the top end of the date.

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10-11-2016 , 02:19 AM

#40553

Fossilkid93

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 14,403

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Joe Davola

Sorry to hear it, but sounds like it's for the best and better now than later.

I'm about to turn 33 and feel like mid 30s for men is a great age for dating especially if you're looking to start a family soon. I think you will meet plenty of great women when you are ready. Best of luck!

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10-11-2016 , 02:24 AM

#40554

Baltimore Jones

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 5,835

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Joe Davola

Sorry.

I find breaking up (being the breaker) to be incredibly difficult. I drag things out because I can't pull the trigger. It just makes no sense to me that you can care for somebody, perhaps "love" them even, but can still know that it's not really what you want/need and that you have to break it off. They don't teach you this in the songs and movies. Seinfeld Season 7 ("I'd rather be miserable the rest of my life than have to deal with that reaction") and probably a song or two are about all we've got.

Would be interested to hear if anyone has advice/thoughts on this. Maybe it isn't that common to be so torn.

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10-11-2016 , 03:49 AM

#40555

Malucci

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 13,008

You just have to realize that it's the best thing for both of you. You know it's not the right thing for you, so you need to end it. She deserves someone who actually wants to be with her, and you deserve someone who you see an actual future with...so even though it hurts and it's hard, break it off.

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10-11-2016 , 04:27 AM

#40556

karamazonk

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 4,626

Back on the online dating scene, or at least I'm browsing through profiles again. "Parallel parking" is the new "Oxford comma."

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10-11-2016 , 02:39 PM

#40557

Dudd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 54,153

People need to make up their minds, either ghost or tell me you're not interested. Went on a decent first date last weekend, set up a second date for Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon she cancels, says she has a networking event, but am I free on the weekend? Good, she'll text me to set something up. Weekend rolls around, no text, give a what's up Sunday afternoon, little back and forth about sorry about not texting, family came to visit and was busy, and then ghosts when I suggest meeting up sometime this week. Saw us all the trouble and just ghost from the beginning please

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10-11-2016 , 02:44 PM

#40558

ligastar

ToP 1o0 pAsS cAtChErS

Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 33,772

Next time don't give a what's up after the weekend passes with no communication. Move on and don't give her that satisfaction.

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10-11-2016 , 02:49 PM

#40559

Dudd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 54,153

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

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10-11-2016 , 03:31 PM

#40560

ligastar

ToP 1o0 pAsS cAtChErS

Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 33,772

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudd

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

fair enough

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10-11-2016 , 03:34 PM

#40561

Crazy Joe Davola

veteran

Join Date: Sep 2015 Posts: 2,165

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudd

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

I don't like to inflate a girl's ego either but I think more guys should have a YOLO-type approach to dating.

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10-11-2016 , 03:48 PM

#40562

capone0

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 43,152

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Joe Davola

I don't like to inflate a girl's ego either but I think more guys should have a YOLO-type approach to dating.

I'm not sure if YOLO is the best approach especially if it is done all the time.

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10-11-2016 , 04:27 PM

#40563

movieman2g

Script*****

Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 16,938

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudd

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

I've done that a few times, last time the girl apologized and we went out again for a couple months, and then she ghosted again out of nowhere. I think it's just not worth it in the long run.

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10-11-2016 , 05:19 PM

#40564

Eeyorefora

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 3,205

But if you enjoy yourself for the time invested and didn't have to go through much trouble,isn't it OK?

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10-11-2016 , 05:32 PM

#40565

Malucci

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 13,008

I get ghosted so much it's ridiculous. Really drives up the level of murderous rage.

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10-11-2016 , 06:28 PM

#40566

FL Pkrdlr

old hand

Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 1,533

Line check...

Met a woman on OKC, had 2 dates that ended with sex both times. We definitely had no discussions about being exclusive. The day after our second date we're texting when suddenly she sends me a message on OKC followed by a text telling me she messaged me on OKC "because I seen you was on there". Bad grammar aside, I sent her a text back telling her I was well aware she messaged me on there and that it was some pretty passive aggressive **** to do. Haven't seen or texted her since...this was a week ago. Was I out of line? She claims she meant nothing by it and was just being funny.

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10-11-2016 , 06:29 PM

#40567

Fabian

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 8,918

How do you know what she's claiming about it if you haven't texted?

And yeah that's pretty stupid of you.

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10-11-2016 , 06:38 PM

#40568

capone0

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 43,152

I wouldn't care too much. She is still on it is as well so who cares.

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10-11-2016 , 06:47 PM

#40569

karamazonk

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 4,626

Yeah, also worth pointing out that sometimes people use intentionally bad grammar as a sign that they're trying to be funny. Might have been the case here. I think you read way too much into it, anyways, seems to me like she probably didn't have any kind of passive-aggressive intention, but, even if she did, seems weird to get that upset about it.

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10-11-2016 , 06:48 PM

#40570

Fabian

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 8,918

When keepin' it real goes wrong

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10-11-2016 , 08:33 PM

#40571

Eeyorefora

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 3,205

Yeah,I wouldn't get too upset unless she keeps harping on about it.
That's the problem with texting,it's hard to tell if they're kidding or not.

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10-12-2016 , 12:51 AM

#40572

Baltimore Jones

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 5,835

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudd

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

Yea for sure, the mistake though was responding to her on Sunday. Play tit for tat basically, wait about the same number of days and then come back with "hey! sorry, been hectic! want to grab a drink Sunday or Monday?" or whatever is appropriate.

When in doubt, tit for tat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malucci

The other problem though is knowing whether or not you actually are at that point or if you need to give yourself more time. Being open/honest with them about it is probably okay depending on the circumstances.

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10-12-2016 , 02:48 AM

#40573

Elrazor

losing momentum

Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 14,263

Quote:

Originally Posted by ligastar

Next time don't give a what's up after the weekend passes with no communication. Move on and don't give her that satisfaction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudd

Probably was a lost cause at that point, but she was upper percentile of people who I've gone out with, so I YOLOed, what was there to lose?

It's just about judging each situation on it's merits. I'll chase if i haven't got any other irons in the fire, but not if I have.

That's why it's good to have options in the early stages of dating - you can bet that she has.

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10-12-2016 , 10:04 AM

#40574

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,340

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malucci

I get ghosted so much it's ridiculous. Really drives up the level of murderous rage.

Where do you live, Malucci? I feel like getting ghosted on is way more common in big cities than rural areas, due to more options/more things to do/more reasons to be busy. My friends that are on Tinder in the burbs move way faster than anyone I know in the city or on here - meeting parents, moving in together a month or two in