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Hilarious poker craigslist post - "top professional" looking for backer
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04-01-2011
, 09:27 AM
04-01-2011
, 09:29 AM
04-01-2011
, 09:49 AM
04-02-2011
, 12:38 PM
Hey guys, he ended up writing me back the next day. This thread was locked for a while; I gave up on it. He didn't give me much to work with.
tl;dr: don't read it unless you enjoy reading things written by lesser-minded individuals because you think their writing style is funny.
Reply I received to my above email:
So I went and found this shark's graph:
So I reply. I ask him why the results I found sucked.
So in the first email he's bragging about his handle, but here he says that he left ultimate bet? (Unintentionally good choice?) Well, that's rather inconsistent with what's showing online. He's not lying about the tournament. But he has only double digit amounts of hands logged of the 1/2 and 2/4 games he purports to have been crushing. Sick sample size, dude. He also talks about it in past tense and says it was a quick run and it's over, but he's been playing throughout the month of March, and even has multiple games logged earlier this week. Finally, when he sends me emails, all of the numbers he writes get transformed into decimal precision, underlined, cornflower blue text, and it's really cracking me up.
Overall I don't know what to think, and don't care to think about it much more than that.
Unfortunately, nothing else this guy said was any better or remotely close to funny, so I'm giving up on him. His main crime seems to be that of Sinister Exaggerator. Just thought I would follow up since the thread was reopened and moved to NVG.
tl;dr: don't read it unless you enjoy reading things written by lesser-minded individuals because you think their writing style is funny.
Reply I received to my above email:
Quote:
Good afternoon ******,
I do appreciate your response to my ad despite what appears to be a lack of educated punctuation and grammar. Unfortunately that ad on craigslist was sent out from my droid phone while I was in the middle of a local no limit game and away from my computer. It was clearly not the proper instrument to use or time for such an ad. It seems my phone has an auto correct feature, which definitely works at a sub- par level. In my haste to put the ad online, under the frustration of taking a really bad beat in a poker game I was ill- equipped from a bankroll standpoint, I allowed myself to appear inept which is certainly not the case. With my heavy background in customer service while growing up in an entrepreneurial environment, I certainly know better...
As for my poker background I found Texas hold'em and 7 card stud in the fall of 1993 at ******** in ********. I was a double major in college at the time in both international business and psychology, well keeping up with a strict regimen of golf to keep my scholarship. I was actually given a small student loan at the time of $500.00, and found myself with $80.00 of that money in a 3-6 fixed limit hold'em game (In case your unfamiliar this simply labels the minimum and maximum bets in the game while playing fixed limit, and it labels the blind structure and starting point of the betting in a no limit game.) Immediately I learned this game could most certainly be licked with patience, and an ability to "read" the other players, in addition to taking advantage of their biggest weakness .. the need to gamble. Although I completely understood the games with my advanced mathematics background, it was still evident that I would have much to learn, everything from starting hands to maximizing value from other players when I had the best hand. However through a massive amount of patience and the gall to move up quickly in limits that day and the next, I eventually found myself in a 30-60 fixed limit stud high/low game with $3600.00 in chips stacked haphazardly in front of me. So my first session lasted 49 hours and yielded a net profit of just under $4000.00. Truth be told at the time I thought I was the best player to ever walk the Earth and was not prepared for the following week, as I simply didn't have the skill set needed to sustain winning. For the next two years I studied the game with every second of my free time, and ultimately decided this would be my occupation forever. My father who has always understood my talent in the games of poker, always demanded I at least keep a small part time job, as to stay grounded. To this day I still work every weekend evening, as the manager of a small private casino company. We work mostly for-profit charity events, and a deal blackjack 8 hours a weekend, at a nightclub in old town ********.
Throughout the 90's as I built my game and reputation as a tight and solid winning player. I mostly played Texas hold'em $20-$40 fixed limit and $40-$80 fixed limit which I still consider to be my bread and butter. I was winning 8 out of 10 sessions consistently which offered a substantial liquid income, and savings. In 2002 while in ********, ******** to play $20-$40 limit hold'em and a small tournament series, I met a great girl and we were married shortly after. ****** had a son, ******, who took to me immediately and for all intent and purposes I considered my own. In the fall of 2005 we were living in ****** where my parents still owned 2 restaurants. When school was not in session my family traveled with me to ******** ********, where I played daily at the ******** casino. At that time they has the best $20-$40 I have every found anywhere in the world, as well as a great no limit $2-$5 game, and an occasional $5-$10 pot limit Omaha game, all of which I excelled in. I have always found no matter what the game or limit, if you have an abundance of patients and knowledge of a specific game, combined with a proper bankroll and the ability to read others, you will be successful. Then in 2006, while I was away to Las Vegas playing in a WSOP mini event, I got word my wife had taken our soon and daughter to the local park behind our home, and after taking our daughter to the rest room, she came out to find ****** missing. Needless to say I immediately left Vegas for home and we spent the next 5 months exhausting every penny I had ever saved trying to find him, although we never did. My wife, after 6 months of unimaginable pain and suffering told me she didn't want to live anymore, and despite my attempts to help her she was gone 3 days later.
Determined to put myself through the most suffering possible I spent the next 6 months drinking (which I very rarely did before and now after healing), crying, and generally walking a very jagged path. It took an enormous intervention from my parents and brother (from a psychological standpoint), to dig me out of the whole I crawled into and get back on my feet. The most problematic issue of course being my lack of bankroll. These days without a proper bankroll, despite your skill level, and without winning a major tournament its nearly impossible to start from zero and actually make a living playing poker. I had some really good scores in the past 2 years, but nothing near what I need to with-stand any sort of losing streak, which inevitably happens to everyone. I have spent the past year attempting to build my bankroll, but because of the lack of capital to play in a game with the size buy in to match my polished skill set and level of opponent, I've been simply spinning my wheels. I did find some years ago playing on someone else's money, keeps me even more focused and goal orientated. I should tell you I'm not wanting or looking to be famous. If my backer wanted to head in such a direction I certainly could adjust, but grinding a healthy poker bankroll and being successful is simply about making the most money and making the least amount of mistakes. My last backer and I found great success together, but we both decided to take different paths as he was involved in too many non-poker business ventures, and I was looking to move up in limits which he was ill-capitalized for me to do. All in all I played 16 sessions for ****** my last backer, who was one of only two I've had in my poker career, and I made a net profit of $4318.00 for us to split. Unfortunately we had another major problem working together, he loved to gamble and would come along every session losing 100's - 1000's of dollars, and he couldn't seem to differentiate between my winning and his mass losses. He only saw the bottom lime from the time he walked into a casino or we played online to the time we finished or left said casino. Lastly he wasn't much for tournaments whereas I have had some of my biggest wins coming from, and can certainly see the value in small investment (of course it's relative) to huge returns.
I am looking to do a few things with my poker career, including playing cash games and tournaments daily. I have traveled the circuit and would definitely do that again with the proper money, but also it's great staying close to home and crushing the local games (cash games (live and online) and tournaments.) I will devise a general business plan so to speak with amount of funds needed, and derivative expectations and get that over to you before the weekend is out. I did want to respond as soon as possible to pass along the realism of my intentions, my desire to again be dominating a profession I love, and my style of play and winning strategy.
Please note: I don't have a lot to show you as far as results go as I have always believed the best player tries to stay low key, but this (just below) was the recent write up on a poker site about me, as I am UR_BEHIND and provide verification and identification through my phone if we do indeed meet
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
UR_BEHIND Cereus Network Hold'em Stats
Shark - He is a very solid player with a tight and aggressive playing style. He should be avoided at the tables as he is a tough opponent.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
Thankyou for your reply,
Sincerely,
******
I do appreciate your response to my ad despite what appears to be a lack of educated punctuation and grammar. Unfortunately that ad on craigslist was sent out from my droid phone while I was in the middle of a local no limit game and away from my computer. It was clearly not the proper instrument to use or time for such an ad. It seems my phone has an auto correct feature, which definitely works at a sub- par level. In my haste to put the ad online, under the frustration of taking a really bad beat in a poker game I was ill- equipped from a bankroll standpoint, I allowed myself to appear inept which is certainly not the case. With my heavy background in customer service while growing up in an entrepreneurial environment, I certainly know better...
As for my poker background I found Texas hold'em and 7 card stud in the fall of 1993 at ******** in ********. I was a double major in college at the time in both international business and psychology, well keeping up with a strict regimen of golf to keep my scholarship. I was actually given a small student loan at the time of $500.00, and found myself with $80.00 of that money in a 3-6 fixed limit hold'em game (In case your unfamiliar this simply labels the minimum and maximum bets in the game while playing fixed limit, and it labels the blind structure and starting point of the betting in a no limit game.) Immediately I learned this game could most certainly be licked with patience, and an ability to "read" the other players, in addition to taking advantage of their biggest weakness .. the need to gamble. Although I completely understood the games with my advanced mathematics background, it was still evident that I would have much to learn, everything from starting hands to maximizing value from other players when I had the best hand. However through a massive amount of patience and the gall to move up quickly in limits that day and the next, I eventually found myself in a 30-60 fixed limit stud high/low game with $3600.00 in chips stacked haphazardly in front of me. So my first session lasted 49 hours and yielded a net profit of just under $4000.00. Truth be told at the time I thought I was the best player to ever walk the Earth and was not prepared for the following week, as I simply didn't have the skill set needed to sustain winning. For the next two years I studied the game with every second of my free time, and ultimately decided this would be my occupation forever. My father who has always understood my talent in the games of poker, always demanded I at least keep a small part time job, as to stay grounded. To this day I still work every weekend evening, as the manager of a small private casino company. We work mostly for-profit charity events, and a deal blackjack 8 hours a weekend, at a nightclub in old town ********.
Throughout the 90's as I built my game and reputation as a tight and solid winning player. I mostly played Texas hold'em $20-$40 fixed limit and $40-$80 fixed limit which I still consider to be my bread and butter. I was winning 8 out of 10 sessions consistently which offered a substantial liquid income, and savings. In 2002 while in ********, ******** to play $20-$40 limit hold'em and a small tournament series, I met a great girl and we were married shortly after. ****** had a son, ******, who took to me immediately and for all intent and purposes I considered my own. In the fall of 2005 we were living in ****** where my parents still owned 2 restaurants. When school was not in session my family traveled with me to ******** ********, where I played daily at the ******** casino. At that time they has the best $20-$40 I have every found anywhere in the world, as well as a great no limit $2-$5 game, and an occasional $5-$10 pot limit Omaha game, all of which I excelled in. I have always found no matter what the game or limit, if you have an abundance of patients and knowledge of a specific game, combined with a proper bankroll and the ability to read others, you will be successful. Then in 2006, while I was away to Las Vegas playing in a WSOP mini event, I got word my wife had taken our soon and daughter to the local park behind our home, and after taking our daughter to the rest room, she came out to find ****** missing. Needless to say I immediately left Vegas for home and we spent the next 5 months exhausting every penny I had ever saved trying to find him, although we never did. My wife, after 6 months of unimaginable pain and suffering told me she didn't want to live anymore, and despite my attempts to help her she was gone 3 days later.
Determined to put myself through the most suffering possible I spent the next 6 months drinking (which I very rarely did before and now after healing), crying, and generally walking a very jagged path. It took an enormous intervention from my parents and brother (from a psychological standpoint), to dig me out of the whole I crawled into and get back on my feet. The most problematic issue of course being my lack of bankroll. These days without a proper bankroll, despite your skill level, and without winning a major tournament its nearly impossible to start from zero and actually make a living playing poker. I had some really good scores in the past 2 years, but nothing near what I need to with-stand any sort of losing streak, which inevitably happens to everyone. I have spent the past year attempting to build my bankroll, but because of the lack of capital to play in a game with the size buy in to match my polished skill set and level of opponent, I've been simply spinning my wheels. I did find some years ago playing on someone else's money, keeps me even more focused and goal orientated. I should tell you I'm not wanting or looking to be famous. If my backer wanted to head in such a direction I certainly could adjust, but grinding a healthy poker bankroll and being successful is simply about making the most money and making the least amount of mistakes. My last backer and I found great success together, but we both decided to take different paths as he was involved in too many non-poker business ventures, and I was looking to move up in limits which he was ill-capitalized for me to do. All in all I played 16 sessions for ****** my last backer, who was one of only two I've had in my poker career, and I made a net profit of $4318.00 for us to split. Unfortunately we had another major problem working together, he loved to gamble and would come along every session losing 100's - 1000's of dollars, and he couldn't seem to differentiate between my winning and his mass losses. He only saw the bottom lime from the time he walked into a casino or we played online to the time we finished or left said casino. Lastly he wasn't much for tournaments whereas I have had some of my biggest wins coming from, and can certainly see the value in small investment (of course it's relative) to huge returns.
I am looking to do a few things with my poker career, including playing cash games and tournaments daily. I have traveled the circuit and would definitely do that again with the proper money, but also it's great staying close to home and crushing the local games (cash games (live and online) and tournaments.) I will devise a general business plan so to speak with amount of funds needed, and derivative expectations and get that over to you before the weekend is out. I did want to respond as soon as possible to pass along the realism of my intentions, my desire to again be dominating a profession I love, and my style of play and winning strategy.
Please note: I don't have a lot to show you as far as results go as I have always believed the best player tries to stay low key, but this (just below) was the recent write up on a poker site about me, as I am UR_BEHIND and provide verification and identification through my phone if we do indeed meet
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
UR_BEHIND Cereus Network Hold'em Stats
Shark - He is a very solid player with a tight and aggressive playing style. He should be avoided at the tables as he is a tough opponent.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
Thankyou for your reply,
Sincerely,
******
So I went and found this shark's graph:
So I reply. I ask him why the results I found sucked.
Quote:
please allow to explain......I actually cashed out twice in my first 4 days at ultimate bet, totaling 1450.00, and these numbers are simply not showing up, via UB. My profit in that short run totaled just over 900.00. Another reason I left ultimate bet, as well as they continued to confuse me with the prior owner of the computer. I had no idea the stats showed negatively. Ultimate Bet has so many issues I wont bother you with those irrelevant details. Please note I actually was crushing the smaller stakes (1-2 and 2-4 no limit and pot limit games as well as finishing 9th in my only big tournament, a,150.00 buyin, Plo8 100 person tournament), and that doesn't include the 300 in bonus released or the 1700 in rakeback (which I will receive 30% of).
So in the first email he's bragging about his handle, but here he says that he left ultimate bet? (Unintentionally good choice?) Well, that's rather inconsistent with what's showing online. He's not lying about the tournament. But he has only double digit amounts of hands logged of the 1/2 and 2/4 games he purports to have been crushing. Sick sample size, dude. He also talks about it in past tense and says it was a quick run and it's over, but he's been playing throughout the month of March, and even has multiple games logged earlier this week. Finally, when he sends me emails, all of the numbers he writes get transformed into decimal precision, underlined, cornflower blue text, and it's really cracking me up.
Overall I don't know what to think, and don't care to think about it much more than that.
Unfortunately, nothing else this guy said was any better or remotely close to funny, so I'm giving up on him. His main crime seems to be that of Sinister Exaggerator. Just thought I would follow up since the thread was reopened and moved to NVG.
04-02-2011
, 01:36 PM
04-02-2011
, 03:58 PM
I don't use spellcheck.
