Epiphany77 starts a $50 to $10k BR challenge to show his methods are better than Doug Polk's
10-23-2018
, 03:58 PM
10-23-2018
, 04:03 PM
10-23-2018
, 07:55 PM
Last edited by rakemeplz; 10-23-2018 at 07:55 PM.
Reason: hes not wrong tho :(
10-23-2018
, 08:01 PM
LOL I was drunk at the time too and I watch/listen to way too much stand up comics. Comedy to me is like being with one of those people that taste wine and talk about how oaky it is meanwhile I just guzzle down the entire bottle. 
No joke my best friend will do comedy routines from people like Keven Hart and I can't help myself saying "you stole that bit". Can't be stealing other people's bits man!
No joke my best friend will do comedy routines from people like Keven Hart and I can't help myself saying "you stole that bit". Can't be stealing other people's bits man!
10-28-2018
, 12:58 AM
10-28-2018
, 12:35 PM
Quote:
After being through different types of abuse (physical, emotional and sexual), I started having a lot of psychological issues, as one might expect. I want to try and broach the topic of a specific issue I had, which is hella sensitive for a lot of people to talk about.
Over the last 2/3 years, I started thinking of myself as potentially bisexual, but maybe just suppressing the homosexual proclivities through socialisation.
When I was with Hannah, her masculine side (she has Dissociative Identity Disorder) was extremely abusive to me. I started craving attention and validation from this side of her. It was heartbreaking to think parts of her could want to do that to me, so I was jumping through mental hoops to convince myself that she didn't really want to hurt me.
I started being sexually active with this side of her. When she was feeling masculine (which comes from her own abuse as a child), she was more interested in having ostensibly homosexual sex. We experiment, it was fun, but it was also very brutal for me, looking back. She treated me kindly when we were sexually active, which raised my hopes to a point of 'maybe things will stay like this', only for it to hurt even more when my future fantasies were shattered.
I often referred jocularly to this phenomenon as 'my gateway drug into my bisexuality materialising'. I thought that it took a girl with DID to make me feel comfortable with homosexual acts. I never pursued any guys after this, but thought that I may do one day.
Looking back, I now realise that I am not bisexual. I am completely heterosexual and the reason I was confused is because my feminine side (to use the archetypical definition of 'feminine') was hurting. Now I have healed from a lot of my trauma, and I feel a lot more whole. A lot less hormonal imbalance.
(Just to clarify, Hannah is no longer abusive and hasn't been for a long time. I'm back with her now)
So I started to wonder 'if I had that experience, how many other people have? If others have, might they not realise it?'. It's obvious that it's not 100% of gay people because homosexuality happens often in the wild, but it also seemed unlikely it was none. I didn't raise the topic to anyone, except maybe Hannah. Because it's so socially outrageous to question whether people are 'actually gay'. And for good reason, given the not-too-distant history of how we treated homosexuality.
But I just read a statistic that read 'homosexuals are 2-3 times more likely to have experienced child sexual abuse', and that makes me think that it is likely to be quite a lot of people. Unless for some reason homosexual people attract sexual abusers into their lives at alarmingly high rates, that correlation is going to be a causation, by my reckoning. I could estimate some numbers on it, and will privately, but I don't think it's worth guessing publicly until I've put these theories under rigorous examination.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone. I want to talk about it because it seems like there may be a lot of very hurting individuals who are not living an experience that matches their true identity because of past trauma.
Over the last 2/3 years, I started thinking of myself as potentially bisexual, but maybe just suppressing the homosexual proclivities through socialisation.
When I was with Hannah, her masculine side (she has Dissociative Identity Disorder) was extremely abusive to me. I started craving attention and validation from this side of her. It was heartbreaking to think parts of her could want to do that to me, so I was jumping through mental hoops to convince myself that she didn't really want to hurt me.
I started being sexually active with this side of her. When she was feeling masculine (which comes from her own abuse as a child), she was more interested in having ostensibly homosexual sex. We experiment, it was fun, but it was also very brutal for me, looking back. She treated me kindly when we were sexually active, which raised my hopes to a point of 'maybe things will stay like this', only for it to hurt even more when my future fantasies were shattered.
I often referred jocularly to this phenomenon as 'my gateway drug into my bisexuality materialising'. I thought that it took a girl with DID to make me feel comfortable with homosexual acts. I never pursued any guys after this, but thought that I may do one day.
Looking back, I now realise that I am not bisexual. I am completely heterosexual and the reason I was confused is because my feminine side (to use the archetypical definition of 'feminine') was hurting. Now I have healed from a lot of my trauma, and I feel a lot more whole. A lot less hormonal imbalance.
(Just to clarify, Hannah is no longer abusive and hasn't been for a long time. I'm back with her now)
So I started to wonder 'if I had that experience, how many other people have? If others have, might they not realise it?'. It's obvious that it's not 100% of gay people because homosexuality happens often in the wild, but it also seemed unlikely it was none. I didn't raise the topic to anyone, except maybe Hannah. Because it's so socially outrageous to question whether people are 'actually gay'. And for good reason, given the not-too-distant history of how we treated homosexuality.
But I just read a statistic that read 'homosexuals are 2-3 times more likely to have experienced child sexual abuse', and that makes me think that it is likely to be quite a lot of people. Unless for some reason homosexual people attract sexual abusers into their lives at alarmingly high rates, that correlation is going to be a causation, by my reckoning. I could estimate some numbers on it, and will privately, but I don't think it's worth guessing publicly until I've put these theories under rigorous examination.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone. I want to talk about it because it seems like there may be a lot of very hurting individuals who are not living an experience that matches their true identity because of past trauma.
