I've gone off of my pre-op diet the past couple of days and had pizza and pasta.
My mood swings have been really bad. I'm not sure if it's due to my cycle or the surgery next week. I really really need some sex and I've been crying and in the bed all day today.

My mood is changing hour to hour and I'm feeling really crazy right now. This morning my mind was racing with all kinds of ideas and plans and then I went into full depression mode and couldn't get out of the bed. I'm feeling rejected and just miserable and alone.

I read a book all through the night to take my mind off things in attempt to get out of the crazy spiral. It worked and I'm feeling better now. It still surprised me how my brain can be switched on and off. I can soak of information, have clarity, and my brain is on fire one minute and then the next all ability to reason is gone.

Any recommendations for books?
I'll be in the hospital alone for 3 days, with about 12hrs of travel time to kill. Code3 isn't allowed to be there with me and I've pretty much separated from social media apps so I won't be just mindlessly scrolling through nonsense.( Good call on getting off of Facebook 27offsuit)
I've ordered To Sleep In A Sea Of Stars, but I also would like to start reading more about cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe some self help type books lol.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life

Ordered. Thanks.

Coming Soon!

I'm paying for the surgery today. It's happening.
Even with the surgery I will need to change my eating habbits and continue to learn to cook healthy foods. The surgery is going to get me 60% to my optimal weight and in 6months it will be all on me to go the rest of the way.
Since I've been off of work I have been building small habits a little at a time, but I have obviously not been able to tackle my emotional problems and fully control my bipolar. Therapy starts after next week and I am going to try everything I can to get my mind right. After last night I'm considering trying mood stabilizers again. I won't try them until after my PE exam but I'm strongly considering it after that and if I'm still not working.
Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, therapy, meds.....I'm gonna do it all to fix my brain, I can't keep living like this.

Don't Bullsh*t Yourself!: Crush the Excuses That Are Holding You Back Hardcover – March 13, 2018

https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Bullsh-Y.../dp/0735217009

Lol

Completed first day of clear liquids+1 protein shake, not bad. 2 days to go.

Went on a walk with my daughter and played volleyball in the yard with her, spent the rest of the laying around reading.

Good luck!

Dont they tell you to stick to liquids for a good reason? I wouldnt **** around with that...

Thanks Mark.

Yeah, won't be any ****ing around with it.

The purpose is to shrink your liver which they have to lift up and clamp to perform the surgery. If you don't do the liquids, the liver could be too big and slippery to properly move or could cause the surgery to be difficult from less visability.

I dreamed about taco bell and woke up thinking I had cheated and ate a bunch of tacos lol

I've been watching ba lot of surgerys and thinking about everything I have to do. Right after surgery is getting in enough water and walking while being totally exhausted from no calories. I'll take in hardly any calories for the first week and will be around 500cals the second week. I'm not going to risk blood clots.

I'm stocked up on the GMC lean shakes, bought lots of canned beans and chick peas to puree. I will have to start prepping meals for real in a couple of weeks. Gonna be a lot of beans/hummus with protein powder mixed in, and a lot of protein smoothies.

Got my Dialectical Behavior Therapy book in and starting it. Currently reading The Rewired Brain, started it a couple of years ago and never finished. Also got The Body Keeps The Score, Brain, Mind, And Body In The Healing Of Trauma.

Working on mindfulness and meditation. Starting therapy in one week.

I am going into this with 100% the thought process of it being a jump start and I'm gonna work my ass off to fix my mental health and really learn how to live healthy.

Good luck and hope this gives you the motivation to be able to make the changes you want to make.

Thank you gregorio.

I wish you would have given the therapy a good long try before the surgery but better late than never, I guess.

I should have done therapy longer before. I didn't want to have to re-live things.


The main benefit of the surgery is that it removes most of the Grhelin and fullness hormones. You are back to normal after a few months, but that initial loss of the hormones is what drives the extreme/quick weightloss.

I've been working on my brain for a while now. Although progress has been made and I have more control over my thoughts, it is not enough to overcome any kind of hormone signalling in my body. Getting to a healthy weight will allow me to move more, do more activities I enjoy, give me something else to focus on, and help with my hormone regulation and mental health overall.

Ghrelin doesn't directly cause weight gain, nor does its absence directly cause weight loss. Ghrelin merely causes a hunger response. In other words, ghrelin sends a hunger signal, but its effect on weight is a function of how the person responds to the signal. Ignore it (or gorge on broccoli) and it has no effect. OTOH if one treats hunger like an emergency, ghrelin has great effect.

When you eliminate ghrelin, you eliminate one stimulus for hunger. (Also, reducing the stomach size physically reduces the quantity one can eat, and malabsorption reduces the caloric value of foods.) But, you still have to eliminate the effects of other stimuli and stressors (like eating while stressed, bored, etc.). Going to therapy should be very useful, especially as you're doing it when some of your hunger stimuli are temporarily silenced.

Good luck!

MLY,

We established a long time ago that hunger is not your driving factor for food consumption. You eat with your emotions.

Ding ding. Been trying to say for a minute that it’s not life or death if you feel a little hungry.

M, I have to admit it’s a little frustrating to see you realize you should be in therapy when people have been trying to pound that into your head for years now. I wish you luck with the surgery and hope you go into therapy and that it works out.

Same, don't forget our sorry lot once you achieve bikini beach body.

GL MLY

I made it home alive and didn't get scammed.
A lot happened.
We were picked up at the airport by a Mexican/American girl and brought straight too the hospital. The driver transfered us to our "host" aka scam queen. They did my blood work and the host brought us to another facility to have a CT scan of my abdomen and chest. She paid off the doctors to move me to the front of a very long line. Went back to the hospital and waited about 5hrs for a cardio/heart test, then went back for surgery.
When they first gave me the sedative I did not immediately go out like I have before. I felt like I was chocking and couldn't breathe. The last thing I remember was violently throwing my hands in air trying to alert them that something was wrong. I woke up in excruciating pain and shaking really bad. I kept yelling at the nurses that something was wrong and they just looked at me and someone gave me a shot that put me out. It was pretty ****ing scary. I was in the hospital until early Saturday morning and then went to the scam ladies house who refused to give me any of the meds-antibiotics/pain unless I paid her. The surgeon came last night to check on m and she finally gave me the meds right before he got there. She pretty much held code3 as a prisoner while we were there. A lot more to tell about her and that situation....maybe tomorrow. I would not recommend going to Tijuana to anyone.

This is my stomach that was removed. I'm sore, but feeling okay now. I was able to drink a full glass of tea and apple juice right after the surgery and a full protein shake at a time on Friday.

Jeethus Cwithe