This is definitely true. But pursuing people because others tell us to do so? Seems needy.

I guess I see it this way:

I probably know ~40 girls I would hook up with. It's a much smaller number, no more than five, who I ever currently give any thought to actually wanting to go after. The other 35 are still at least hookup-worthy if not girlfriend-worthy, but because of any number of reasons (I don't see them that much, or because they don't seem interested, or because of some social dynamic that would make it weird/risky to pursue them, etc.), I'm very unlikely to actually put in the energy to pursue them.

Suddenly the friend of one of those 35 girls comes and tells me that I'd have a good shot, that the girl is interested, or whatever...suddenly a girl that I've largely dismissed as irrelevant to my love life gets a much longer look since it sounds like I could be in and that the effort/risk wouldn't be that great.

I don't know, doesn't seem desperate/needy to me. All of us have times when we're just completely blind to certain things in our lives that we should have picked up on a long time ago, and dating stuff is no exception to that. Sometimes we need someone else to open up our eyes.

Of course, the hypo that I just laid out may not be that dude's situation, but to me it seems like a likelihood that some version of that was the run-up to what he's currently dealing with. If so, he should totally go for it. Caveat: the "I'm not looking for a boyfriend" line isn't a good one for him. Still, I'd advocate seeing things through a bit more instead of giving up already.

LKJ says it perfectly. It's not needy if there you decide to pursue a girl once you realize that the risk/effort that once prevented you from pursuing no longer exists. For it to be needy, you'd have to drop everything, fall for her over night, and never have had any potential interest before. But that's not what we're talking about.

Ok, I misunderstood you guys. I agree with what you said, if I understood it right this time.

To bring it back specifically to that guy's situation though, if her friend is pushing him to pursue this girl, and the girl is saying she doesn't want a boyfriend, it's probably one of two things:

1. Friend is being stupid and trying to lure you into a lion's den; or
2. Girl is into you, but after 1.5(?) dates, she wants you to freaking man up and go for it.

If you said you've lacked aggression and been a pussy toward her, #2 is a real possibility. Can't keep dragging your feet though.

I couldn't help but think of this while writing this post:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za7jQ1s1BV0&translated=1

I know this is a little bit of a tangent, but what's the SL take on girls that get antsy when they aren't in a relationship? You know the type, and if not, I have exhibit A as a really good friend of mine. I'll write up a more in depth description.

I think it's lawl and ****ing pathetic, but I can't say that out loud to most of my irl friends

it is LOL and pathetic, my gf's roommate is like this. she is desperate to have a bf and has zero self esteem.

PROM GUY- **** her, good for you for not going. a similar thing happened with my prom, I sensed something off with my GF, confronted her after hearing from a mutual friend that she was planning on hooking up with someone else in my group, told her not to come. we broke up at 2am on the morning of prom. I then texted a family friend at 6am (we had almost dated, decided not to bc of the family friend dynamic) who i knew had had prom already, she said she could come. she even got her hair done again, and she was way hotter than my gf. I showed up to prom and everyone is like who the **** is that and im like shes with me, i broke up with the gf. had a lot of fun still.

1.5 DATE GUY- couldnt hurt to ask her out again, but be careful not to get attached. maybe she is just an idiot and her friend knows best, maybe her friend is just another stupid girl who "thinks it would be cute LOL!". at any rate, one more date is gonna kill you.

i have a TR for you guys to LOL at me for.

so im visiting the gf. get down there late monday, we dont really do anything. her dad leaves for work early (mom out of town) so she comes into the guest room and we fool around twice and sleep etc. we wake up around noon, make lunch and we go hiking. **** this mountain man. its just under 4 miles round trip, and going up this thing was pure hell. we only had one bottle of water between the 2 of us (oops). we made it to the top eventually though. this has no relevance to anything really haha.



we chill that night. this whole time she is giving me the "im really glad youre here", "im really glad youre my bf" etc lines that i felt like were baiting me to say ILY (we still hadnt said it). wednesday morning before i leave we are just laying around in bed, her dad had stayed home from work (sick beat). we are looking at each other, standard gay stuff, she says another "im glad youre my bf line" and i just say **** it, and i say it.

she gets this look on her face that i cant really describe, kind of like a suprised excited? like when you get a gift you dont expect and you go "Oh!". idk. anyway, that was for like half a second, then she mumbles something i didnt really understand (that wasnt ILY too) and buries her head on my shoulder. im like ****kkk she didnt say it back wtf im an idiot. i pull her head up and she is crying. i ask what the problem is, she says "im sorry, im not ready to say it yet" i say its ok, she explains that she really really likes me, but that she hasnt said that for awhile (FFFFUUUU ex bf for being such a dickhole and damaging this girl) and that it means a lot to her and that she cant say it until she is 110% sure.

i say its ok, that i dont need her to say it to know how i feel and that i appreciate her not just saying it bc obv it means a lot to me too, etc. we just lay together, things are normal, i have to leave like 20 minutes later (lolol timing).

at this point im hoping it doesnt make it weird or awkward and that it doesnt change anything. i dont think it will, im not letting it bother me and it doesnt seem like it bothers her.

we've been officially together for 5 months ish.


****.



edit:
cliffs:
- have a good time with gf
- she seems to be baiting me to say ILY
- i say it
- she doesnt
- ****

lollllll yeota that's so hilarious. I feel for you.

I mean, did you feel like you were ready and wanted to say it, or was it just like "**** it, she so obviously wants me to, I'll make her happy"? Sounds like something from a Seinfeld ep.

yeota, your TR makes my stomach cringe for a few reasons. Mainly b/c I can feel your pain and have been there, but also just because lolllllll bitches be crazy.

goofy- no it means a lot to me too, and i had wanted to say it because i meant it. i thought there would be a good "moment" or something, but i couldnt find one and decided there is no such thing as a good moment and that i should just say it.

That's a sick view. Well worth 2mi up, esp with a chick.

Shoulda said it on the mountain and then ****ed imo

goofy: Pretty sure I'd go with the first one. Having a commute every time you wanna go out to meet friends will get really old really fast and it will take its toll on you to a point where you don't even wanna leave anymore. The second place looks nicer, but it won't make up for the fact that you'll be sitting inside alone as opposed to out with your friends. The noise from the first place would be a nuisance, it shouldn't be an issue in the summer, just turn on a fan. In the winter...eh. I'd rather live in a nicer location.

This is assuming you redecorate. The furniture and **** in the first place is pretty ugly. Not necessarily buy new furniture, but rearrange, get rid of those ugly covers on the chairs, spruce it up.

In regards strictly to mackin da fly honez...won't matter how nice your place is if you never get a girl to actually go there cause it's so far out of the way. And once a girl gets to your place, she is probably not going to check out the toilet and decide it's not nice enough to warrant ****ing you. I vote place A.

PS I'll be in SF for a couple days soon, we should meet up.

yeota: loliloveyouments...that's rough, but not really your fault or anything, just a situation you've entered that was created by someone else. Pretty much the best case scenario you could hope for when you say it and she doesn't return it. She still really likes you, explained why she can't say it...so considering, that's not too bad really.

Isn't it standard for the girl to say it first? I sort of thought that was more common.

it's funny... i actually have an ex-girlfriend story pretty similar to this...

Yeah but you don't ever visit poundtown.

goofy- apartment A imo. i cook a lot though and need a proper kitchen, plus the location is gonna make it more worth it. bc of better location you are gonna spend less time there anyway, and the bus im assuming is a big deal in a place like SF.

gocubs- thats a good perspective. both my previous GF's said it first, but that was in HS, they were 15 and 16 respectively, and i doubt they truly meant it because we only dated for 4 months (well 6 and on off with first girl). i never said it to them.

I still dont believe this somehow.
I remember a night where Karak got cockblocked and complained about it here (which was awesome!), but this would be impossible given the attitude towards sex.

British Jellybeans imo

Moved apartment stuff into diff thread since I don't want to be a hypocrite about fly honeyz hijacks, appreciate the posts!

Karak is rhinophobic imo. No that's not an animal reference.

lol good advice itt.

yeota, that blows donkey nuts.

yeah i asked her out to get sushi - she says she'll get back to me cuz she had sushi yest or w/e. then i ask her to the fair (but with a warning that i'm sick), she says "not really.... hahaha" im guessing it was b/c i was sick. w/e. then i talk to her friend about wtf does she mean by that (she's not looking for a bf). her friend says that its her (the friend's) opinion that she thinks guys should chase girls and eventually they'll grow on them. no help. interest then asks me to fair w her friend + bf. now, she says the friend doesn't want to go, but i know for sure the friend is goin.

i bet that was confusing. play? is she crazy? should i go out on the double date thing if i'm sick? seems like it'd limit my ability to make a move on her. i have 1.5 hours to decide. LOL.

-- All girls are bat**** crazy
-- Definitely go unless you think your being sick will hinder the group/your chances w/ girl. Doesn't seem like it to me though so far
-- DON'T DRINK MUCH (if any) WITH COLD/FLU MEDICINE IN YOUR SYSTEM, for the sake of trying to get with this girl later. You will get insta-hammered (brag), feel like a superhuman, and then vom a LOT later (notsomuch brag)

if someone texted me "not really... hahaha" after i asked them if they wanted to go out i prob wouldn't respond back

Same. I probably wouldn't ever initiate another text conversation with her tbh.