honestly, when he was telling me on AIM, I couldn't stop laughing

Congratulations, Atak.

(Congrats. Hope she's into bridge!)

I do have a question though.
Assuming she seems 100% perfect. Why rush to be married? There is a nonzero chance of a huge pain in the ass hassle if things go badly in the future (not something you can foresee now), but what is the downside to waiting?

He finds out next week that she hangs an American flag on her porch and her great uncle was George Kennan.

Who is she: Resume shows an ex-Wall Street VP who left the profession because she believed it was killing her; she is now a yoga instructor. English; emigrated after law school. Yes, her accent goves me shivers, but so does everything else about her so I suppose my objectivity could be called into question.

Married twelve years or thereabouts. One daughter just started college; one atakpup's age. Divorced long enough that she's over it.

Gorgeous.

My age (almost exactly), so there go the cradle-robber jokes. Sorry.

Very down to earth, the way you would expect of the yoga teacher (not the wall street type). Leads nature walks; plans eventually to donate the land on which I'll be living for a while to a conservation organization. But no granola/birkenstock type — she showed up last night (zomg second date) in cheetah print stilettos and a you-have-to-have-me dress.

[omitted part that I REALLY shouldn't post — but I promise it was good. ]

So ... I'm engaged. I'm moving. I'm going to be with someone who I already know calms me, balances me, probably will eventually help me learn not just to suppress my demons, but to convert them into Pegasi. And to feel perfectly fine with the fact that last sentence probably looks ridiculous. I don't care — it's real, and it's right.

I already made an atakbitch account — that's taken for someone else, as should be clear if you think about it. Sorry.

lol english. o/u on number of far too obvious jokes i'm crossposting with (including mine): 3

Perfectly fine question, and we probably won't. I have no idea when we'll get married, and the point was never the engagement. That's just a description — part of it — of the situation. We're done looking; we will be together fifty years from now. Could that be wrong? Yes. But there's no reason to dwell on the possibility.

Yup, I know. It's my well, I get to. And I'm happier than I've been in ... ever?

I'm 45. I have dated hundreds of women. I have a pretty firm basis for knowing when something's outside the normal range, and this defines the end of the range.

And fwiw — no, not a manic stage. In fact, was slipping into depression as I realized pup was going home.

how old will you be in 50 years? Seems improbable that you will both still be alive.

has she been made aware of pog and its role in your life?

Paging one of our actuaries (a profession I'm considering, but that's a decision for ... a couple weeks from now?

She has not.

It was with that in mind that I deleted a paragraph above.

And to be honest, I believe POG and its role in my life will diminish even more as a result of all this.

congrats atak. i'm assuming that a condition of the engagement is that she'll allow you to post in nhl threads more than you should?

Atakdog . take it slow man... ENJOY the romance, please please please slow things down.

Have fun learning about each other. Promises made based on a relationship built on dreams and hopes are far far weaker than promises built on the full knowledge and understanding of what truly is a composite of each person.

Lol — since the "should" is probably none, I would think so.

If I get, ya know, a real job, that will have an effect, and that probability is now increased. I was ready for that part of the transition, as evidenced I think in my posting for April. But now, I believe I will have a much improved focus — I will not shut down after failing to find the perfect profession or situation, I will just understand that pretty good is good, because there are more important things in my life. (In the past when I was working a lot, that really wasn't true.)

Congratulations atak, seeing this made my day brighter.
Ill be one of the ones telling you to slow down a bit, no problem moving (if worst comes to worst, finding a new place is easy, and atakpup is fine regardless right?), but give it 6-8 months before you consider anything more. As you said, hormones, they will go away in time and you'll notice that she isnt perfect. If she's still what you want/need and you're still what she wants at that time, go for it imo, though it seems a foregone conclusion from what you've shared.
This being said, Ive no experience in the matter (sadly, I wonder how my brain would manage it), so take it with a grain of salt.

In all seriousness, reality meant that to some extent this wasn't possible. The plan, such as it was, had me returning to Chicago three days after our first date. Long distance could have happened but I've seen that that is very difficult to make work. So going several of the steps made sense, if we each believed (reasonably?) that it was worth trying for. Essentially, I needed to move (she can't because of her daughter), and that was the biggest step.

the rest is just, arguably, words, including my ability to spin them into what I just posted. That's what's in my head now too, and hers as well. Does it mature? Yes, certainly. I get that. I get that it's possible we realize that it's not sustainable, nor even right. No knots have been permanently tied. That we each firmly expect them to be, and are willing to say that, I think (and may be wrong, I admit) will not greatly affect our likelihood of getting it right, nor our ability to enjoy the ride.

And I promise based on the last two days, the ride is going to be VERY enjoyable.

Good luck

i fell in love with hifi in less than a month and felt all of those things

I wish you the best. But keep your eyes open

but her not being young and being mature makes your chances much better

Yeah, pup's life is not affected either way by much — I think he's better off with me here, but frankly a marriage or not won't matter, and if things did fail to work out it would be fine for him.

We do know it. There are two pretty damned potent left hemispheres involved, and we get it. But each of us chooses to look at it this way, while acknowledging subtly that we know things will change and that the change may force reevaluation.

In other word: I'm bipolar, and smitten, but I'm not an idiot, and she's much more grounded and also a really smart cookie. I understand how what I just wrote looks, and trust me, I believe all of it. But ... Yeah. Thing is, there are "buts", but there's no need to worry about them right now. And maybe not tomorrow ... but that's for tomorrow. For today, everything I wrote is true.

gtg for now. Obviously, this is to be continued ...

Thanks for all the good wishes, everyone.

Kidding aside, good for you. Enjoy.