I don't know which forum to put this in mods, so feel free to move it. I'm not even sure why I'm posting. Let's just start at the beginning... (shout out to Lotgrinder for the inspiration to tell my story)

2003.... no, 1998... 13 yrs old
Christmas Eve/Day, can't really remember.

My grandfather (now deceased) is over and we are waiting for the football game to start on ESPN. This Asian guy in a ridiculous outfit is playing poker against and american guy in a winter jacket (isn't it hot in Vegas like all year?). He's drinking Michelob and smoking Winstons. I'm not really sure whats going on but my grandpa is watching intently. I'm kinda bored, not paying attention. My father comes out of the kitchen:
"turn that gambling **** off, I don't want the kids watching that".
My grandpa says "Its not gambling its poker".
My dad grumbles something and heads back into the kitchen and i start to pay attention to the TV.
"They're in a casino aren't they? That makes it gambling. That's a lot of money to make off of playing cards" I think to myself.
Last hand is dealt out to the river and the famous exchange goes down between Scotty and McBride and i think:
"that was easy, he suckered that guy, that rules. Glad this **** is over I'm ready for some football"

2003... 18 yrs old

My best friend's parents have bought a new house and are allowing us stay in the old one til it sells. Needless to say we are running amok. His brother is 22 so the fridge is full of beer and the bong spends his life on the coffee table. Its the spot. There's always someone hanging out to burn one with or do a couple shots with. One dull Tuesday night two neighborhood kids, twin brothers, pop in:
"You guys are watching the World Series right?"
"are you already high? the World Series isn't til October stoner"
"the World Series of POKER bro, its awesome they show everyone's cards this year its great"
I think back to that Christmas with my grandpa, bored off my ass. I guess it would have been a bit more interesting if I could have seen their cards and knew what was going on. So we turn it on and they give me a quick rundown of what beats what. They actually grab a deck and lay out an example of each hand type on the coffee table for me. By the end of the show I had a grasp of what beats what and was intrigued. They also told me about the WPT on Travel channel.
A few weeks later the 2 brothers brought over some chips and we got a game going. There were 7 or 8 of us. We played a tournament for $20. 2nd place got their money back and the winner got the rest. I finished 3rd. Seemed like an easy game, just fold a lot. Don't play unless you have a pair or an Ace in your hand. The kid that won suggested I play online to practice.
I found Pokerchamps.com, which had the Gus Hansen guy I had seen on the WPT. I started playing their 1000 player freerolls everyday and was constantly cashing. I would grind and grind and grind and it seemed like I just always cashed, I thought I was invincible. I had read about Hellmuth's Top Ten hands in the bookstore and it seemed like the law.
Once I had amassed around $20 I started playing the cash games and was busto in a matter of minutes. WTF?!?!? I crushed these tournaments by playing a solid/tight game and just sitting in the lobby watching the players fall. But these cash games were different. These guys played anything they were dealt.
I had learned through this weekly tournament at my friend's that you could kind of tell what people had by looking at them, the way the handled their chips and such. Maybe this online thing wasn't for me. Maybe I should give the casino a shot. There's one an hour away. I was very confident at this point. I only played good cards, and I could tell when somebody had me beat. Easy game....

I'm at work so Part II is coming shortly. We will take that long ride out to the casino and see what this poker room is all about....
The funny/sick/sad/degen stories are coming, I'm still trying to piece my memories together and bring the story up to where I am now which is a lifetime away from the noob you're reading about now

first to not read

second to not read

3rd not to read?

I also entered the thread..yet did not read

2004

I decided I was going to head to the casino on a Thursday morning I had off from work. I had been working overtime that was always offered to get some poker money together. I never had worked it before because I lived with my parents and was lazy and didn't really "need" the money. I was crazy nervous as I entered the poker room. I asked the guy running the board what the lowest stakes game was. He directed me to an open seat at 1/3 limit holdem. I sat down with $40 and was headed home disappointed about an hour later. I got on Pokerchamps and ran my last $4 up to $70 that afternoon though and felt alot better.

The next week I decided to play 3/6 limit. It seemed like there were more serious players there and more money on the table. I sat down with $100 and was headed home a few hours later with close to $300. The first thing I did was head to my buddy's and order us up some coke. We got high and final tabled a freeroll. I felt like a total bauss.

After making money 3 or 4 weeks in a row I decide I'm ready for 1/2NL. I sit down with $200 scared ****less. After about 30 mins I look down at AdJd. I raise it to $12 and get one caller. The flop come 62J with 2 diamonds. I bet $20 and get called. The river is an 8 and I bet $20 again, shaking. The guy just flats again. He must be on the diamond draw too. The river is the 8d and I'm in heaven. I check to him so I can re-raise all in. He bets $50, I snap all-in, and he snap calls and flips over 22. Its the first time I ever felt physically sick playing poker. I immediately broke out in a sweat, felt nauseous, and had a pain in my lower back. I pretty much ran out of the poker room and didn't go back for almost a month.

Part III will look at my attempts to improve as a player, and my spiral into alcoholism and addiction

Are you planning on writting your whole life story in this thread?

Not going to read that either. It's like watching Anal Gang Bangers II without having seen the first one.

How am I going to know the characters, back story, relationships...

i too did not read the contents of this thread.

It will get better as my thoughts/memories become clearer

Or no one will read it. I will be able to elaborate more on the specifics of previous posts eventually. I want it to be a thread were others can speak on their past present and future shenanigans.

4th to not read

posting on "did not read" thread

Lets just find a trash can to deposit it in imo

2,1

lmao so much hatred

Poor dog

I found your post to be excessively long, therefore I chose not to read.

i didn't even read this

I read. Eye bleed.

Try EAD.

i'm genuinely interested for once..