I consider that your loss, not mine.

It's hard to know the context of the question. My guess is that it was actually asked in an informal chat (like if they take candidates to lunch).

But regardless the answer is probably just 'I don't really like board games. I'm more of a X guy'. Or some other answer that shows basic social skills.

If you really don't want to be friendly with co-workers in any situation that probably is something that's a red flag for them. I like getting to know my co-workers socially and so do many other people. It's a plus for many people and part of a culture worth keeping, imo.

This is like a perfect example of over-analyzing the question. Like I said, it probably wasn't a formal question. But even if it was, just answer it like the version you think should be asked. The vast majority of the time it's going to be the same thing. People suck at interviews and at being super diligent at making sure the wording of their questions is exactly perfect.

I'm just ribbing ya big guy!

Yeah, I've went back and forth on this a lot in my head. I think there is a balance to be had. At my last job, we never hung out at all. Nothing personal to them or to me, we just didn't get along at all, but there is a TON of back story (backstabbing) in that.

Management tried to patch things up when it was too late. They would make a grand show of having a "dinner out" and we all fussed like hell over it. I would drink a 22oz 12% BAC craft beer and a couple shots of whiskey before I went, which meant I was pretty trashed when I showed up and well prepared to down a bottle of wine while eating (yes, I blacked out each time). I'm a super social drunk and it was really the only way I could stomach the idea of having to talk to my coworkers for a few hours straight.

"every week."

Well, if it is immediately after work, not across town and I have no hot dates to shower for, I don't have a huge issue with, say, throwing back a beer or two with my coworkers.

A "big outing" is fine once in a great while... but at the same time, I am looking at these people more than I see my dog (if I had one), so I don't know what the balance is.

To be honest, my personal opinion is never ever hang out with anyone outside of work, but I'm compromising my position a little bit because I don't want to be seen as the person that hates everyone; that's far from the truth.

I would hope that no one takes it personal if I don't show up to every single thing, and the question, as it was posed, sounds a little like it could go down that route. I would never say I will show up when I don't intend to.

Of course, I wouldn't just assume the interviewer is being a needy jerk without some evidence going in.

And I think this is a cultural / generational issue more than anything. Hanging out with coworkers outside of work or having the expectation of going here, there, or some company party, was totally unheard of 10 years ago. I think I'm having a problem adjusting or understanding why it went to the extremes I'm seeing.

I blame it on the Texas heat, sorry.

I agree with the idea that it seems pathetic or weird to hire employees on the basis of if they'll be besties with you or not.

I want to go to work, do the job I'm paid to do, and then go do whatever I want to do when work is over. I will always be friendly to people at work, but seeing them isn't something I want to do with my free time.

And it is my time. While I'm getting paid, I'm on company time. When I'm not, don't expect me to do things that the company wishes I would do, like play ping pong with people I barely know. It of course doesn't mean I dislike those people, just that it's not my preference to be around them if I can otherwise not be around them.

It's just kind of strange to me that people have a default position of not wanting to get to know / be friends with anybody in a group of people that they see regularly and have at least somewhat overlapping interests.

My work is by far them most social place I've ever worked. Next weekend I'm going to a wedding between two coworkers which is probably going to have at least 50 people from work there. Everyone pretty much genuinely likes each other. It's a very rare situation. The group can even absorb people who might be oddballs at other places - because the vibe is so good and everyone appreciates someone with personality.

The downside is constant pressure to go to happy hours and lunches - which has made me gain about 10 lbs. a year since starting there 5 years ago. Also a DUI and a lot of nights of drunken stupidity which I am way way too old for.

Other side of the coin, if I find someone at work I genuinely like, I'm not going to avoid being their friend because we work together.

I'm fairly selective, you see. Would fit in way better with French society. They see nothing wrong with keeping actual friends separate from work friends. They generally think it's weird how Americans call basically any and everyone a "friend".

Dave it is like asking someone if they are sitting on their hands at home or doing something with their life.

Besides trying to find a job and get hired.

I don't know why I find this so funny.

Is that what happens when you hire a rock star / ninja programmer (which I'm not)?

Not exactly a default position. I've certainly made friends from work and even dated girls from work, but the default is that I shouldn't be BFFs with every single person at work, and "cultural fit" seems to be promoting that and, to be honest, sort of shoving it down your throat when they create a bunch of videos and ask you to post a pic of yourself with "quirky and fun" captions on their websites.

This is the way I see it:

- I spend 8 hours working + 1/2 hour lunch + 2 hours transportation to and from work. That is 10 1/2 hours of work stuff. This does not include overtime.

Nearly half my day is committed to work. I spend more time at work than I do sleeping. I have more work time than I do free time.

I absolutely do not want to be around people I don't like, but at the same time, I don't even want to see my own friends this much. I don't want to see my gf this much. Why do I want to see my coworkers, who already has the lion's share of my life, even more, regardless if it is "fun" stuff like BBQs, beach volleyball, KTV (please don't), or whatever? Sure, once a month is fine, but not every weekend!

How do you tell if a programmer is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes when he talks to you!

Let's not pretend a bunch of introverts are extraverts.

dave i think the main theme here is that questions (certainly in interviews, but in life generally too) are rarely about what the words literally ask. they are proxies used to draw the actual information being sought.

you don't have to like that, but that is the game. that's the game being played by the overwhelming majority of people. and most of them aren't doing it because they are underhanded and evil -- they're just trying to navigate social forces and avoid conflict. i'm not saying it's a good thing, and i'm not saying you're wrong to dislike it, but i'd say the hard line you're taking is closing off some opportunities you might like. it might be the right thing for you personally anyway, but just some food for thought....

Back up a minute - did somebody actually directly ask Dave that question about game night, or was is it one of those things posted on a careers page that is meant to give you a sense of how cool the company is as opposed to it actually being a question you're supposed to answer?

Examples of conversations along these lines I've had with recruiters:

Him: "We play basketball frequently."
Me: "I'll have to start practicing my 3-point shot again!"
Reality: "I was an okay 3-point shooter 16 years ago, can barely do anything else on the court, am out of shape, and while I sometimes entertain the idea of playing basketball at some future time it's probably not going to happen. I'd rather finish up my full season of NBA Live 2000 for PS1 at home alone."

Him: "We go to the beach down the block a lot."
Me: "That's awesome! Sounds like a really cool culture there."
Reality: "I'll get a sunburn in 15 minutes and even if I reapply sunscreen constantly I'll still burn, like at the company outing to a baseball game a few years ago. I hate the beach anyway."

Her: "We have 48 hour hackathons several times a year."
Me: "Nice, I was just reading about the recent one! Did you participate?"
Reality: "I guess that's cool to kinda get a break from real work. What the hell would I hack on though anyway?"

It's not that hard...

My board game collection is approaching 200 by now. What's the name of the company?

It is probably magic the gathering.

Honestly I would have expected video games. Halo, Smash Bros or whatever is couch co-op favourite these days. Kinda forgot completely about the board game scene growing popularity recently.

Consider the question "would you like to come by our apartment for game night every week?"

I'm certainly not the sort to look up interview tips for specific companies, so this would totally blindside me. I'd prob take it as "yeah I've probably got this job if they're asking this". And likely say "every week? probably not - but sure, I'd try" without any specifics of what "game night involved". Could be so many different things

- Video games (as I would expect)
- Scrabble (Jackpot, right?)
- Settlers of Cataan (wtf is this) / Some random board game / MTG
- NFL / NBA or whatever sports they like on huge TV with foods and beers
- $x buyin Hold'em tournament (oh yeah!)

Probably several "game nights" I didn't think of.

Either way DaveT I think you need to lighten up - don't consider this sort of question so invasive, reframe it more as flattering. "If (when!) you get the job, we'd be happy if you join us for games night - if you want of course".

Also, believe it or not, there are tons of people who's work colleagues are their primary social group too. Mostly small companies I imagine. I worked a small restaurant for several years, it was entirely standard to wake, work 9 hour shift, straight to the bar with a few of the staff (chef, KP, assistant manager, if we're luck a few waitresses), drink / chat until closing, bus home go sleep and repeat.

I'm with daveT, don't say "every week" if you don't mean every week.

Of course, it could just be an interviewee misremembering what was said.

That's a (mediocre) game not a company. WotC would have been the company pre 1999 and it would be Hasbro today. Lol at working for Hasbro.
I'd probably take a hefty paycut to work at a company like FFG though. That and a sports team are def. the two kinds of jobs I'd sacrifice decent money for.

I'd 100% associate game night with board/card games and not video games. And they usually run every week so that makes sense. Android Netrunner #1 game to play for techies imo.

Can't be board games. They don't appear to run once a week:

http://www.meetup.com/Central-Texas-Boardgames/

This whole debate reminded me:

Penn & Teller has been working together for 40 years. They are very open about the fact that they aren't friends. They don't hang out after work and drink. They see themselves as just going to work and getting a job done.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/t...interview.html

And, most curious of all, they have worked together for an unbroken run of 35 years yet, even now, they appear utterly incompatible: the tall shouty one who thinks and laughs; the small quiet one who feels and cries. “We are artistic and business partners, not primarily friends,” Teller says. “When we look at each other, we don’t think: 'Now there’s a likeable chap!’ We think about the projects we are doing and how we will get them done. When we were first working together, we didn’t have such thick skins. But we recognised how useful we were to each other. And that prevailed.”

Penn says we should compare their relationship not to a loveless marriage but to that of “two guys manning a 7/11 down the street. If they aren’t best buddies what do they care, as long as the coffee machine is working and the shelves are stacked? Teller and I work together every day, but socially we go out together maybe only once a year.”

http://www.npr.org/2015/08/01/428169...ling-the-truth

We were introduced by our friend Wier Chrisimer, and both of us really liked Wier and we didn't really like each other. I admired Penn immensely; to this day, his street act is the most perfect street act that I've ever seen. It was 12 minutes, it was tight, it was dramatically structured, it was hilarious, it was unnerving. And I believe that he has some admiration for what I do too.

The idea that you can respect someone without wanting to sit by a fire and snuggle with them is maybe not a very popular idea in show business, but it is a very true one. And what turns out to be more important in a long-term relationship is that you can do your job, and doing your job includes things like: Neither of us drinks, neither of us does any drugs, we are never late for gigs, we never miss gigs, we always show up — we always do our job.

Penn likes to say it's like two guys who own a dry-cleaning shop. They show up and do their jobs. And the relationship lasts very much longer than it would if you started like the kids who form a band in their garage — they're all good friends, and then the first time something goes amiss, they fight and then they don't like each other anymore.

I think the last sentence is immensely relevant these days. Bouncing from job to job was definitely looked down upon a decade ago. Now it is totally normal to see people work at places for 2 years and move on. I wonder if this has to do with the trend of hiring to find your best buddies.

Just some food for thought.

I think you come across pretty poorly in what you are arguing and what you actually believe/ treat people like.

A lot of this can be summed up to people not wanting to work with *******s, and wanting to work with generally smart/fun/enjoyable people.

They don't have to be perfect models and use sex as a weapon constantly. They can even be kinda nerdy working in a sales job even though they are probably awkward and just a bit too smart for customer service. Other people might be super crazy ambitious and trying to make jumps asap.

Companies are built up of people, people just like you. In your defiance of the things people are doing at these companies, you are basically just doing the exact same thing as them but negatively.

Yea, you might not get along great with everyone and be best friends, and that might be the ideal situation for a productive working environment. But, you also might meet some genuinely interesting people that you find yourself interested in and becoming friends with.

If you are trying to say that you are not interested in making friends at any company, you are being obtuse and should honestly smoke more weed or something man.

I'm not so low class that I believe "I work here, therefore all my coworkers are strictly in the 'not friends ever' bucket." I never suggested that I believe this.

I have some issue with hiring people as "friends first" more than coworkers. I have issue with companies trying to sell a culture of awesome. It is clearly fiction -- no company is going to pay good money for a bunch of social animal slackers.

I don't want any expectation laid on me that I should spend half my life "hanging out and having fun" with my coworkers. No, I am hanging out and doing what they think is fun. Does this mean I would never hang out and do what they think is fun? Of course not, but I have things I really enjoy doing that, well, everyone doesn't agree with me on.

It is like they are holding up a bunch of carrots that they aren't ever going to fulfill: you will never be alone; you will never have to grow up; you will never leave your college dorm; you will never be bored. It is like they are selling Willy Wonka.

One of my good friends is so extreme that he refuses, under any circumstances, to hang out with his coworkers. He believes that it is too difficult to maintain honesty with people when you start to be friends with them. If they mess up, it is easier to tell them they did so when there is no personal emotion involved. It is easier to fire someone you don't connect with. Then again, he comes from a hierarchical work environment, where it is best to kind of see your bosses as non-human "others" you respect, not like. I mostly come from the same world. I know it comes across kind of cold, but he really is a deep thinker.

My first impression is that that's a bunch of horse**** where once again you build up some extreme thing in your mind that has almost no bearing on what's actually happening.

Making work a place where you're comfortable doing some non work, social things, is not at all the same as your ridiculous willy winks description.

Maybe the hope is that you're less likely to be a slacker if you know it impacts your work friends and makes their jobs harder, and more likely to resolve issues that would normally lead to a firing if you have an open dialogue with your worker friends.