So I heard you ungrateful bastards needed someone to open your precious little thread...

Well here I am, the one and only. The prodigal checker hath returned.

In honour of the upcoming season, a season which will surely provide equal parts drama, suspense, elation, despair and keeeeeeeeeeeeevin, I have written a poetic tribute to celebrate the return of our beloved game. Surprised, eh? Well you shouldn’t be. Pat Burns said he’d run over me in a car because he didn’t recognize me, not because I was illiterate, you presumptuous pricks.

*WARNING*: the following poem contains potential spoilers, so read at your own peril. However, I trust you won’t be disappointed.

An Ode to NHL

Oh! What a season we have in store
Outdoor games and head shots galore
Skating, shooting, passing the puck
Capitals fans complaining about luck

Can the Hawks repeat, or even field a team?
With Sopel gone, I think they’ll lose some steam
Detroit looks good but their fans won’t know
Unless they get to round 3, then they’ll start to show

Philly looks good, the Pens might be better
Malkin on the wing? That’s pretty ****ing clever
Boston is a threat to win a lot of games
If Savard and Bergeron can remember their names

How ‘bout them Sharks, is this finally the year
That Big Joe finds another playoff gear?
I just hope Niemi likes shots against
Because he’ll see a ton with AIDS on defence

And what about those tricky Sabres?
Buffa-LOL, even I didn’t play there.
But I’d still rather breathe upstate New York air
Than play for the Sens in front of Pascal Leclaire

Who’ll win the Hart, who are you thinkin’?
Crosby, Miller or maybe Ovenchicken?
Don’t count out Kovy, he strikes goalies with fear
And he’ll make my kind of money in 3 consecutive years

Speaking of illegal deals, Luongo lost the C
But don’t count out Vancouver and the brothers Sedin
They could go all the way if they get a few breaks
Like not getting refereed by Stephane Auger

Speaking of Frenchmen, are the Habs for real?
Would you trust Carey Price behind the wheel?
One thing’s for sure, those fans aren’t quiet
And win or lose, they’re still gonna riot

Those truculent Leafs made a buzz in the town
When Phaneuf proclaimed they’ll be playoff-bound
A surprise season could very well be in order
If Nazem Kadri doesn’t hold up the team at the border

Minnesota appears stuck; will they see better days?
Will Halak sing the Blues or will the fans sing his praises?
Will the Avs sustain, will the Stars return?
“Can we build a new ****ing rink?!?” Isles fans still yearn

Last kick at the can for some of the vets
Brodeur is a fraud, but can he still play in net?
And what about Iginla, do we think he’s done?
If Olli’s his center, I’ll give him a gun

Now’s the time to shine for the league’s young stars
Like Tavares, Stamkos and Kopitarrrrrrrrrrrgh
How about Doughty; that kid can play!
Just stay off the coke and don’t Wade away

Cheer up Rangers fans, don’t be so sad
Redden’s finally gone and you’re really not that bad
Gaborik’s healthy and you’ve signed Marc Staal!
Oh wait...Sather took McIlrath 10th overall?!?

And those young, vibrant Oilers, how could I forget?
They still suck.

Phoenix, Florida, Carolina, Nashville, Anaheim, Columbus and Hotlanta
They don’t deserve a rhyme, no one cares about the game down there, **** them

Yes it’s true, hockey’s just not the same
We’ve even got broads in the Hall of Fame
Back in my day, you needed balls to play
And everyone knew Glenn Anderson was gay

But nonetheless, excited I be
For another year of hockey and chasing Stanley
Although truth be told, the season’s already done...
The Yzerman dynasty hath begun.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

And now I leave you with words of wisdom from last season’s rightful heir to the MVP crown:

Hallelujah. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Shame on you, Geddy Lee. Identity theft is a serious crime.

Now spread the good news, my fellow grinders. NHL has returned. Let’s drop the puck.

In on the ground floor.

oh man this is awesome, i love it. really well done, whoever is responsible for this gimmick.

EPIC! now let's gogogogogo!

Best OP in SE

re-signing Setoguchi @1.8 is such a steal...

Excited!

wtf is hockey?

Prediction:

West

1. Sharks
2. Hawks
3. Canucks
4. Wings
5. Kings
6. Flames
7. Blues
8. Avalanche
9. Coyotes
10. Predators
11. Ducks
12. Stars
13. Wild
14. Blue Jackets
15. lOilers

East:

1. Capitals
2. Devils
3. Bruins
4. Penguins
5. Flyers
6. Sabres
7. Lightning
8. Rangers
9. Canadiens
10. Senators
11. Hurricanes
12. Maple Leafs
13. Panthers
14. Thrashers
15. Islanders

WC

Sharks>Avalanche
Hawks>Blues
Canucks>Flames
Kangz>Wangz

Kangz>Sharks
Hawks>Canucks (again)

Hawks>Kangz

EC:

Capitals>Rangers
Lightning>Devils
Bruins>Sabres
Penguins>Flyers

Capitals>Lightning
Penguins>Bruins

Capitals>Penguins (keevin jumps off the highest building in Pittsburgh)

Hawks>Capitals

One ring down, one to go:



Let's prove them haters wrong, Jarome.

And in honor of last year, I'll post this beauty of a picture

Prediction:

Geddy Lee drinks himself to death

CAPS-CAPS-CAPS!!!

Washington > Buffalo in 5 in the first round fwiw.

Some good/interesting stuff from Puck Prospectus

part 1

part 2

part 3

WANGZ

SUBSCRIBED!

Amazing OP.

I love October.

Subscribed for hockey season.

Just made the list of the games I'll be attending this year, oddly enough I'll be there for all games against SJ.

Eastern Conference Champs, obv.

points off for not having a heart, club, spade or diamond in OP threadpost