Any more Dan Snyder joke ideas? The roast begins in approximately 3.5 hours. I have the jokes written but they can always be improved upon.

Some of my favorites:

"It's good to be here. I wasn't planning to make it but Dan offered me a 3 year, $80 million contract."

"Dan, it's a shame that it happened to Sean Taylor and not you."

"Dan Snyder is a survivor of thyroid cancer. Boy, that really makes me wish I had donated my money to a better cause."

"Dan, it's too bad you can't be more like former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke -- dead."

"The Redskins are 30 games under .500 since Snyder bought the team. As a result, a lot of Redskins fans have defected and are now supporting other teams. Dan Snyder is killing off Redskins fans faster than the white man killed off Redskins."

"Snyder is the man who authorized the deal that brought RGWoundedKnee to Washington. But RG3 didn't play too well last season, and now a lot of people are saying we shouldn't have made that trade. And they might be right, b/c we gave up a lot in the deal, a whole lot. Redskins haven't been raped like that since the Trail of Tears."

"RG3 wanted to make it tonight but his ego wouldn't fit through the door."

"Donovan McNabb wanted to be attend tonight but he's still trying to find a cummerbund, b/c he didn't think a tie was allowed."

"Albert Haynesworth wanted to be here but he is still trying to pass Mike Shanahan's conditioning test."

"Speaking of Mike Shanahan, I ran into him a couple weeks ago and told him about this roast. He wanted me to pass a message along to you, Dan. <gives Snyder the middle finger> And I don't think he meant that you're number 1."

"But seriously folks, Snyder should be praised for being here tonight. I'm sure it wasn't easy to take time out of his schedule of giving RG3 a reacharound every hour."

"Guys, this show is free but we're asking for a five dollar donation that will go to the performers. I plan to use my share to assemble a defense team to protect myself from the inevitable slander suit that this guy will bring."

"I hope you enjoy the next comic. I'm not sure who is up next but rumor has it he was working as a bingo caller before Dan hired him to be here tonight. As for me, I have some more material left but Dan is paying me $7 million to go away."

Any thoughts/criticisms/additions would be appreciated.

I think the death jokes, aside from the thyroid cancer one, are in pretty poor taste for a roast.

Jeff Ross said of Anthony Jeselnik "They say Jeselnik is the next Greg Giraldo...well let's hope so" and it went over beautifully.

Also you could mention that the show is free but Dan decided this morning to make parking cost $25 or something like that

agreed. mostly because they just aren't funny

If you want to make a death joke you generally shouldn't use the words dead or killed. Like, for your owner one, you could substitute dead for something like 6 feet under or something else

I didn't want to hurt his little feelings

This is good, thanks.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com...ured-contract/

Might be tougher to pry Fitz from Zona. or will it make it easier?

Restructuring means easier to move if ARI wanted. His 2014 cap figure is now minimal for a team that takes him. But the dead money hit for ARI to trade him is higher so it is harder

Trail Of Tears joke is a nono, so is the killing redskins joke. I really like the other jokes though.

I'm telling you, do not do the Sean Taylor joke.

This, for real

Trash the sean taylor joke.

here's a freebie:
"RG3 wore a knee brace for the entire 2013 season, for the purpose of protecting his knee ligaments. No word yet on the reasoning behind the scowl Mike Shanahan wore for the entire 2013 season, however"

What's the difference between Dan Snyder & a buffoon who keeps making the same dumbazz mistakes & never learns anything or gets better?

At least John Fox has been to the Super Bowl.

I'm so curious to hear how it went over. Far as I know, he left it in

So Raiders/Chargers vs. Niners next year?

Man Tyler no offense but most of your jokes sound like they are computer generated. Just ABC not very funny stuff. Other people ITT are killing it.

Quite like the following ones:

ITT people miss the spirit of roasts

I thought the joke I added was good. But that may have been by comparison to Tyler's awful ones

Wow, not a single funny joke. Painful.

I still missed the part how they are roasting somebody who isn't going to be there. The fun is seeing their reaction to your jokes. I can't imagine anybody would attend this.

I mean, I agree with you but people really hate Snyder.

Tyler how did it go!?

Question about rules, specifically challenging the spot of the ball:

In the SB, Fox challenged the spot of a ball (think it was initially placed as a 4th and 1 or 4th and 2) the ref came out and said the ball did move forward, but it was still not enough for a first down.

I remember (or at least thought I did) that if the ball was moved, even if it didn't result in a first down, the challenge would be considered successful, simply because the challenge was the spot of the ball, which DID move.

Was that ever in place? If it was, when did they change it?