Bedridden at the moment. At least I'm home. Wifey is amazing. Bacon and eggs and coffee in bed, and she brought me my son so we could play.

He loves my iPhone, but I have to stop him from trying to eat it.

Pics of bacon? Get well soon Boro.

By the way, I am notoriously impervious to pain meds, which is why they had to shoot my up 3 times with horse tranqs and it still did very little. The oxycodone I'm on now is like Flintstone chewables.

Got et too fast.

GOt back from junior's baseball game a little while ago. Now in coach pitch (this is first/second graders), if the ball is "in the infield" runners can't advance (there's no stealing, basically). Now obviously this rule is really vague and every umpire interprets it a little differently (most seem to think the ball has to be *under control* in the infield which is somewhat sensible). Anyway, I'm coaching third base and I figure ****, there's basically NO DOWNSIDE at all to just sending every kid home full speed. THe kids basically NEVER try to throw anyone out except at first, and even if they do, they're all so ****ing uncoordinated that the chance of (notice kid is going home) + (make decent throw) + (catcher is paying attention) + (catcher makes catch) + (catcher makes tag) is like less than winning powerball twice. Worst case realistically is the ump sends the kid back to third. Well by the 4th inning we're up like 14-5 and I'm still waving them home, when one of our kids hits a pop up to center. CF misses the catch of course, kid on 2nd is about halfway to third when the CF picks the ball up, so I tell him to stop. Well then the centerfielder just stands there with the ball, so I quietly tell the kid "**** it, go home." I wasn't trying to be sneaky, it's just that the play was basically dead and everyone was just waiting for this kid to do something. So the kid gets home, the other team is kinda groaning, I ask the ump if he needs to come back and he's like "no, the ball was in the outfield." Well then the other team's coach is all like "yeah, I would have told him to stay" and starts meow chowing.

The way I see it we're not running it up because there were no outs at the time, that kid was GOING to score eventually, and there's a five run per inning cap. Plus, kids ****ing want to slide into home. And at this level, the teams are all pretty much the same, none are clearly better over the long haul so this team we whooped today will probably be giving a whoopin next game anyway (really it comes down to which team's coach can throw the best meatballs and we had a helluva pitcher today).

Oh and FWIW, my kid made the only putout by actually catching an in-flight batted ball during the entire game (he was on the mound, caught a line drive (probably 75% of outs at this level are K, 23% tagging first base, 2% tagging some other base). That pretty much happens like once or twice a year. And he hit 2-3 today, which was a big improvement. I was starting to think that he wasn't ever going to stop golf swinging but I got one of those ball-on-a-stick training things and 20 minutes with that improved his swing like 300%.

That seems like a Carlo Rossi infused retelling.

I would have waved the kid home too. What ever happened to just putting the ball on a t when they are so young?

Hah. We stopped for burgers on the way home (five guys finally opened here a couple of days ago) so it's more of a food-coma retelling.

Yeah, about half the kids have zero chance of hitting a pitched ball. When I was a kid I think we played t-ball until 2nd grade, now 1st graders are doing coach pitch and they start kid-pitch in like 3rd grade, which is absolutely ridiculous (those games are ****ing painful to watch because like 90% of kids just stand there and wait to get walked). Coach pitch until like 6th grade would be fine with me.

Oh, and we did touch-a-truck this morning. Pretty busy day, I'm ****ing exhausted.

That's the longest post I've ever seen you make, PVN.

Do the kids actually pitch or is it a coach/ pitching machine?

It's coach pitch.

And FWIW, when I started it, I just wanted to bitch about the other coaches bellyaching about me "running it up" and that wall of text just spewed out.

My kid as already too big for the 3 month clothes. He's 5 weeks. Neither me nor my wife are particularly tall. This is strange and mildly annoying.

My son didn't even get a chance to wear his 3 month clothes. 3-6 months were gone within a month. It was really annoying to have all these clothes that were never worn. I swear they make the sizes on the clothes ridiculously small so everyone feels good "oh wow, look how big my kid is!"

This week has been crazy with my son. Firsts this week:
First tooth
First time sitting up on his own
First time crawling
First time standing up on his own while holding onto stuff
First time walking while holding onto stuff
First time making a noise other than screaming (going buuuuuuubuuuuu with a bit of raspberry in it).

A week ago he could do none of those things.

Congrats TC, sounds like a fun week. However, I'm perplexed by that list. Is it standard for walking and crawling to occur so close together? I thought crawling preceded walking by months.

It's not real walking, he's holding onto the table. He's got some time before he's actually walking. I've heard a lot of kids who skip crawling and go right to walking. He has been rolling to get everywhere for a while.

He's got at least a month before he's walking on his own. We moved some furniture around so he would have some lower stuff so he could hold onto it and practice while holding on, though.

My son is very close to crawling, he's working on some teeth (but none yet), he loves loves loves standing with help, and sometimes makes semicoherent babbling type sounds.

I thought I wouldn't be that affected by having a son, but I was wrong and now understand 18 years of strange behavior by my parents.

I was really surprised by how much having my daughter changed my life. More than anything I regretted being such a lush/barfly for so long... I pulled all my bank statments for the last 9 years and I've spent enough to pay for 2 houses these days on booze. I think she mighta saved my life!

We were watching the Mecum Corvette auction this morning. Kid has good taste.

If you're going to be out in the sun for 9 straight hours, put on sunblock and reapply often. I didn't do this the past 2 days and last night face hurt so much it took me hours to fall asleep and today I woke up to see my entire face madly swollen. Bleh.

How does the coach-pitch thing actually work out? When I was a kid we only used pitching machines. I would think having a coach pitch could become a huge pain in the ass if there's a coach that can't throw a strike consistently. Is your son a righty or lefty?

Some days, life is completely crazy. Back when I was playing online poker, if I lost with a straight flush, I'd be very unhappy. When it happened last night, it was the best moment of my life.

Thanks Feds for making me play live poker!

I played live poker last night too. It was so ridiculously boring that I got hammered and started bluffing a bunch, which was surprisingly effective.

Still, LA poker is terrible. Like 5 people at the table sincerely believed they were losing because of the dealer.

That sounds like the opposite of terrible to me.

I mean of course they were awful players, but sitting there and listening to five separate people simultaneously berate the dealer was brutal.

BBJ?