Quick observation: The internet is making a bunch of grown-ass men, like, turn into a bunch of valley girls.

ftp

like totally

If it's good enough for Richard Petty, it's good enough for me!

We have these things called faucets up north, they are friggin' awesome!!!!! You turn a knob or lift a handle and water comes out this spout like magic.

You probably also have sorcerous **** like pills and capsules, too.

I ain't got time for slow release. I need that **** in my bloodstream.

If you southern folk had any teeth, you could try chewables.

If southerners had teeth, we'd take over the planet.

I usually grind up an aspirin and a Tylenol and snort it with some cocaine. It makes my headache go away and playing with my cat way more fun.

we'd also need shoes.

FYP

Indoor outhouses, how do they work???

I think I may be developing lactose intolerance. I've been noticing over the past few months that any time I drink milk or coffee with cream that I don't feel so great afterwards.

Totally got thrown out of the Bellagio last week. Walked up to the podium and asked to play 20/40 LHE. The brush/floor asked to see my ID (I'm 29 btw), I showed it and it turns out it expired a couple of weeks ago on my birthday. She tells me I can't play without a valid ID. I argue a little bit since it's ridiciulous but also realize that once a floor digs in over something, no matter how ******ed, you have no chance to win the arguement.

Her: How can you let your driver's liscense expire anyway?!?

Me: IDK. Do you know when your driver's liscense expires? Besides, I had to give my liscense to security at the airport to get out here and they didn't have a problem with it. Don't you think you're over-reacting?

Floorwoman #2 then comes over and starts being a super bitch to me; all but shouting that I need to leave the casino floor immediately, I've been told, security has been called, etc. It was pretty unreal. I'm a customer with an expired ID, not someone caught cheating or angleshooting or counting cards or something. So the woman hands me back my ID and I start to walk out of the poker room towards the shops that take me over to Caesar's. As I'm walking away still in the room I hear bitch #2 say to bitch #1 "Make sure he leaves the casino floor."

As I'm walking away I turn around and, sure enough, #1 is watching me from the enterance, making sure I don't make a run for casino war or something.

THIS X2

You should make this into a rage comic with the "ok" face at the end.

I'd probably be pretty incensed in this situation but I'd hope I'd troll these people super hard for being so wound up over nothing.

cause if it were invented anywhere else they'da called in the teethbrush, lololol!!

I found this out the hard way. After about 10 years of not drinking milk at all, I drank a protein shake I made with 24 fl oz of milk. Results were not pretty.

Just got defriended twice on Facebook by leaving comments.

One is an annoying girl I used to work with-
"Please pray for me"
- "I will sacrifice a goat in the name of Cthulhu to bring you what you desire."

Ex-gf turned hipster
"My friend has two chinchillas available to anyone who has air conditioning"
- "Is that enough to make a coat?"

Oops.

Lol

Totally worth it Tom.

The 'please pray for..." statuses really are starting to get to me. It's only a matter of time before I start trolling them as well.

AWESOME.

You're way more ballsy on facebook than I am.