And this is a completely different situation, but when my mom was in the hospice, dying, one of the worst feelings was wondering when she was going to pass and wishing it would already happen. And then I would feel completely guilty for wishing my mom was already dead. But you're stuck in this space of not feeling like you can grieve, because the thing hasn't happened yet. And I would want to connect with people, but then everything they would say would just kind of piss me off/wouldn't connect. Eventually it got better. It comes in waves still, though.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can not even imagine how horrible this is for you both.

Really sorry to hear this. I enjoy reading your blog and appreciate the good work you do. I'm sorry.

So sorry to hear this. There's just no words at a time like this.

Thank you for all the comments, every one made me feel a little better and supported.

That's so awful, I'm sorry. Glad you can look back and treasure the memories.

Her name is Evelyn Colette. I'm familiar with Poincaraux's thread, and read it a lot both when he posted originally and around the times my older two daughters were born.

I'm sorry you've had to go through two miscarriages so far. Wife and I talked about how/if we would feel if Evelyn were our first. It's easier and harder this way. On one hand we love our kids and they're great and playing with them gives us joy. On the other hand, especially with our oldest who's 4 1/2, they're grieving too, and that's heartbreaking.

A lot of this resonates with me, thanks for sharing. Sometimes I talk to people and it helps, other times is pisses me off to talk about nothing. Other times they try to ask how I'm doing and I just want to answer how the **** do you think, but other times they ask that and I'm glad they did / care.

We weren't expecting to bring her home, and we got to do that, which was great initially, but now people are being too positive about that, because it's still ending the same way, and that's pissing me off.

Ha, if only there were. In this and in basically all circumstances, emotions are immeasurably more complex than data / analytics.

Really sorry to hear this. Losing a child is every parent's nightmare - it just doesn't fit with the natural order of things. I hope you and your family find a way to cope with the tragedy, while finding a way to cherish the little time you have with her.

That's really sad news. Best wishes

I am really bad at saying words to people in these types of situations but as a dad who has had some (decidedly less serious) chronic issues with his kids I at least have a very very very very slight inkling of what you're going through. I was going to post a hang in there cat dot gif but that's probably not the right thing.

Good luck seems like the wrong thing, too.

Just be the best dad you can for as long as you get to.

Sending love to you and your family.

So sorry to hear this news Goofball. Take in the love of your friends and family and grieve however you feel is appropriate.

I echo all the comments above. If there were an exact thing I could say to help even a little bit, I'd say that.

This sums it up imo.

It's impossible to think about your situation and not feel like you just got punched in the gut, as every person posting here has demonstrated.

Best wishes, mate.

Yeah, I have opened this thread about 10 times over the weekend each time trying to think of something appropriate to write but couldn't. I still have nothing useful to say but wanted to at least get something down to express my condolences.

I'm so sorry to hear that goofball. I can't imagine what you are going through, my daughter was born on the same exact day as yours and it's unfathomable to think how I'd be reacting in your spot. I don't have any advice or wisdom but I wold echo others who said don't isolate, find strength where you can, in the hugs from your daughters or in crying with your wife, and like pvn said, give/get as much love for as long as you possibly can and don't squander a minute.

One feeling you may encounter is that you've never been more willing to sacrifice for something, yet still unable to save the child.

Poem.

_In Trade_
A toe is no bargain, so I offer a foot
But feet do little, without both legs
And arms are not needed, without him to hold
Yet still, no deal, not even a counter
So I bid my remains
And am left
Wholly empty

I'm deeply sorry for what you and your family are going through, Goofball. It hurts to think what you must be feeling.

Yup.

I guess the one thing I can say is that if you're struggling to know how to talk to people about this- don't worry and just do it (if you want to). If they're good friends they'll do the work of figuring out how to respond and how to help you.

Very sorry to hear that, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Same. I never know what to say in these situations and feel like saying sorry or condolences just doesn't cut it. Looks like you have a strong support circle that will help. Use them as you need.

It's not what you say, it's the fact that you say it. Just "my thoughts are with you" is sufficient. Of course no specific words will change anything, but the bereaved want to hear from you.

And don't worry that bringing up a death will trigger sad feelings -- they're already sad and never stop thinking about their kid.

Oddly I have at least an inkling of what you are going through as we were told hours after he was born that Mat probably had Down's syndrome and they didn't reverse that for a few days. It's a terrible feeling and I am sorry you are going through something even worse.

But as long a shot as it is, I feel I would be remiss if I did not suggest that you consider providing more medical details. We have a lot of smart people here.

This is right. Only thing I've learned so far. Doesn't matter what you say, saying something is better than saying nothing. Thank you to everyone who has posted encouragement ITT.

my involvement in this forum is pretty much restricted to asking dumb questions in the betting elections thread, so i didn't even click this thread until now. but i just wanted to say that i feel for you and my thoughts are with you. my sister had a similar experience about 10 years ago with her son, everyone thought he had maybe a year or two to live at first. after they took him to Mayo clinic for more thorough testing and found the exact (extremely rare) gene mutation his prognosis changed, there was still a lot of uncertainty at that point but he's still around today, albeit with some severe disabilities.

hoping for the best for you and your child, however long you have.

That is very terrible to have to live through. My son is a little over 2 now and as he has grown a personality I have become much more bonded to him. As a newborn they don't really do much and I always felt if something bad were to happen I'd rather it sooner than later.

Very sorry for the OP as well. I'm named after my father's brother who was stillborn. My mother also gave birth to a stillborn child who would have been my oldest brother.

Try and enjoy whatever you can from the experience OP. Only time will heal any wounds you have.

My condolences goofball, I wish you a lot of joy from being a father to Evelyn, however long it lasts