A few of these dates have been coffee dates, and they have by far been the worst. Clearly, I need to change something...which is why I'm thinking I should be going on more dinners (and concerts if feasible). Changing to coffee seems like a move in the wrong direction.

I just didn't find her age range strange is all.

I don't think it is strange, but it is atypical. And in Burdz's case, that is a good thing....if he is going to message older women, he should probably target those who have atypically young age ranges.

It seems like your problem is that you're shy around women.

Update: I have asked a photographer friend to take photos of me. So I should have high quality pictures up soon! It will be casual snapshots while we are hanging out, but he said he can take pictures in his studio if that is what I want, too. Probably no need for studio stuff, right? Just some casual pictures of me doing normal human stuff?

Nick - I think the idea right now is not necessarily for you to connect with them...but for them to somehow feel like they click in any way with you. You are willing to go out again with many of the girls you have seen...none of them have been interested in getting back with you.

This isn't about making it better for you to figure them out. It is about making you more likable or more interesting to them to an extent where they will see you a second time.

Speaking of that stuff (and forgive me if this was analyzed significantly earlier in the thread and I missed it), you've mentioned before that some of these girls you felt seemed like they would be interested in seeing you again...and then never responded to you about that. I think this was brought up a little before but it might be worth a bit more detail. How are you asking them out again? Are you trying to make plans to see them again at the end of the date? (beyond just a casual, "hey, this was fun. Maybe we should do this again sometime"). Do you text them 2 days later? Do you call them? What do you say? Maybe there really is some interest in seeing you again but then the follow-through on how you ask is all goofed up somehow. No idea there. Just curious of that possibility.

Nick,

I think dinners are prob a good idea for first dates for you.

Well, sort of...I'm not specifically shy around women. I'm introverted and generally uncomfortable in social situations involving people I don't know well.

garcia,

Pics that look like a friend w/ a good camera took them for Facebook are better than things that look like a photo shoot imo.

Nick,

That's why I think dinners, especially ones at restaurants that take a little on the longer side, are a better choice for you.

Ok, no studio, just chilling out about town

Yes, I agree 100%.

Sometimes, I will try to suggest a place for us to go or something to do in the indefinite future if it comes up organically during the date...like if she mentions a restaurant she really likes, I'll say, "well, you'll have to take me there next time". Occasionally, I will try to coordinate a specific day for a second date at the end of the first (usually only if I thought the date went well).

Most commonly, I will send a text about an hour after the end of the first date saying something like "I had a great time tonight...I hope you got home safely, and that I will see you again soon!". If it was clear she wasn't interested, I won't contact her at all.

The only ones that really perplex me are when we go beyond making out on the first date, and the girl still flakes on going out again.

Nick,

"well, you'll have to take me there next time" - maybe not that exact wording, but in general I'm a fan of talking about future things you'll do together.

"Occasionally, I will try to coordinate a specific day for a second date at the end of the first" - I am not usually a fan of this, just has a big chance of coming off a little too eager/desperate and killing some of the excitement/anticipation emotions.

"I had a great time tonight...I hope you got home safely, and that I will see you again soon!" - A lot of people are anti-this, but I think it's polite and like it just fine, except that I would leave off the part about hoping to see her again soon.

So the girl I went out with last night does want to go out again. I figure I might as well, especially since the other girl I had vague plans to see later this week says she broke her ankle yesterday. :P

I was doing 35 to 50. Surprisingly almost every chick wrote back and was super polite, but getting this type of woman seems much easier at bars. I really like women in their 40's, but these online cougs don't seem to like guys under 35.

This used to be a really big problem for me. You just have to take the initiative to get out there and meet all kinds of new people. It'll probably get easier for you now that you're a professor, assuming that you have office hours for your students.

What's up with this new OKC blind date app? It scrambles the picture, but I have a pretty good clue who is attractive or not lol....Anyone think this is a useful tool?

Oops...just accidentally sent the text meant for the doctor girl from last night to the girl with the broken ankle!

I think I may need to give up on my policy of not entering girls' names into my phone until I actually meet them.

Nick,

Why on earth would you go on another date with this woman you aren't really attracted to?

Well, she did insist that she was paying for the next date! I'd probably just end up staying home that night instead, and it's good practice, right? It's not like she isn't cute or interesting, so I can't see the harm as long as I don't string her along. I'm also open to the possibility that I wasn't really engaged in the date last night bc I was preoccupied with my class starting this morning.

Nick,

The majority of your posts in this thread are about your frustration with the dating process when going out with girls you're legit interested in dating. Given that, I see nothing good coming from going on a date with someone you're not even really interested in.

Gotta describe these things in your contact list!

Randomly saw this on reddit, note: i have NOT been hit by this website, but i think its probably useful info to put here.

There is a website www.predatorswatch.com that is scamming craigslist users.

Basically people can submit a picture a name and an email address and label someone a "potential sexual predator." In order to have the listing removed you have to pay the 1 time fee of $99.95

Its pretty scummy.

Moral of the story, dont use ur real name or email w/ craigslist.

Nick, El Diablo's point makes sense. You think you're doing yourself a favor by volume dating but you're not.

You keep having these issues: the lack of connection, interest, and attraction/chemistry on your initial dates. Rather than get a chance to reflect, assess, and correct, you're charging into more dates thinking that it's just a numbers game.

Finding a compatible partner is a numbers game, but after you've cycled through a lot of numbers, you have to figure out what's going wrong. You don't figure that out by going on more dates with mediocre candidates and "practicing" on them, especially if those dates cost you time/energy/money and cause you to slowly get fed up and frustrated with the process.

I take both points...I was definitely on the fence. I don't really think there any great benefit or any great harm here. But it's pretty costless for me, and honestly will be a decent opportunity to go out for a nice meal without the pressure of feeling like I need to impress someone I've never met. I don't get a lot of those opportunities right now.

It also helps my confidence a lot knowing that (a) a girl wants to go on a second date with me and (b) my radar is not completely off in predicting that she would accept.

And the girl is actually pretty cute. What I said was "I would like her a lot more if she was 28 instead of 33"...which is true. But that's mainly because for the long term, I see myself with someone younger. It doesn't mean I can't have a good time with someone my age.