Never a big fan of waiting unless you barely developed any rapport that night and need some more face time to gain her interest on the next go around with your buddy. Other than that, it's always better to take initiative. I would wait no longer than a week to reach out to her. 3 weeks is like years in Singles time. Plus, like ICM said, if she's pretty desirable, chances she could be dating someone 3 weeks from now.

Yeah we definitely had enough of a rapport, I feel. Normally I'm all for the "nut up" argument, but I really didn't see a chance without seeming like a dick to my friend.

The Facebook thing is interesting because I've heard both sides so strongly and still don't know where I stand. One side says its impersonal and cold, the other side says if she wants to go out with you it doesn't actually matter so just take the initiative

The reason I said facebook is because that's the only direct contact you have for her right now. Otherwise, yeah it be pretty lame to hit her up on facebook if you had her number already.

Oh agree 100% Facebook is only a last resort

I'd send her a facebook message. It's worked for me in the past. The thing you need to remember is that Facebook is now pretty much a messaging service with everyone having it on their phone. So just do it on your phone as though it is a text message. It's no different.

I'm quite shocked at how well this new profile is doing. I received first messages from maybe 10 girls over 1.5 months with my old profile, but with this new one I've already received 7 in a little over 2 days in addition to a bunch of winks.

Clearly I was wrong in my previous assumption thinking pictures were the most important. Now to turn this into dates and actual success.

Ex and I split up about 13 months ago. I started seeing a therapist about 5 months ago. I'm 29 fwiw. Perhaps the best thing I've done for myself in my life.
I will without a doubt look back upon it as a turning point for me.

Good luck to you. If you go in there being absolutely honest, you'll grow by leaps and bounds. I always show up with a list of things to talk about. As things bother me during the week I'll write them down and then bring them up in the session.

Take care.

What did you learn? Please educate us all with your new wisdom.

I called her after I saw she called and left her a VM saying I was looking forward to seeing her later in the day, then checked my VM where she gave me the "we need to talk" message. After that I texted her asking, given her VM, if I should expect to make the drive to her place or not. She texted that I should not.

I texted her today saying I was still a bit confused after our convo and if we're totally done or if I we'll occasionally hang out. She said we can hang but no sex - only kissing and holding hands - b/c she doesn't like having multiple sex partners. Basically I got the same FW no B treatment she gave her FWB for me, for her previous FWB. While she's hot as **** it's just not worth pursuing.

had a first date with a girl from OKC who expressed serious reservations about online dating...I first got her number over 2 weeks ago but she went to the states to visit her bro, timing blah blah....met her at her building and it was a torrential downpour (Toronto, for anyone following the news). Told her to bring down an umbrella, and right away she's holding my arm underneath. Looked good in pics- great in person. We had dinner + a bottle of wine near her place, then went to play pool and have another drink somewhere we were the only two people. Walked her back to her place and had a (very) mini makeout outside. She went in, and I watched to see if she'd look back before she got in the elevator...bam! Earlier when I asked her when I'd see her again (wouldn't normally, but I was a bit tipsy) she said she's got a crazy week because of work stuff but we'd go out soon. All in all lots of good vibes, but given that I think she's VERY conservative sexually before she's serious with someone, what do people recommend for next steps? It's easy when you don't really care, tougher when you really do. 15 min post date she texted "hope you're ok to drive...I know I wouldn't be! Thank you for such a nice evening"...I made a joke about her not driving and said you're welcome, thanks for being a great date, or something like that...she responded with get home safe, talk soon.

Pull the standard wait a bit and message, or give her one tomorrow saying I had fun? I get the feeling she's looking for something more serious, as I would be with her

I don't get the point in waiting in this spot. Both of you want to get together again, so contact her to make that happen.

Well I heard back from him today. Here's the main gist, edited by me:

"Sometimes things sound cliche, but in this case it was not you, but definitely me. I am honestly not emotionally available now... I sensed you were connecting with me, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't feel the same way, and it killed me because of how great you were in all respects."

With more of the same 'you're great, I just can't do this now' throughout. I don't know if I believe it, but I want to so I will. Also interesting is that he emptied out his profile -- his account is still active and I can see his pictures, but the content is missing and okc says he hasn't filled out his profile.

Anyway, I messaged 2 guys yesterday and have heard back. Sounds like at least one is heading towards a date, but the other can't be ruled out yet. (edit: nm, the one that seemed promising has a username with "sam" in it, so I asked "So, is your name actually Sam?" He responded "no it is not my name." I mean, the follow-up line for him is so obvious I can barely think of reasons he'd hold back on telling me his first name at this point.)

Lazer,

What do you want?

I'm not sure- perhaps just felt like writing a semi-drunken TR. Would just prefer not to screw this one up- it's rare for me to meet a girl I don't just want to take home for a night or two.

Unless your question was more broad and asking what I'm looking for out of online dating, in which case it would be casual sex/dating generally, a relationship with the right girl

Yeah I meant what do you want relationship wise (I'm not a jerk)

I'd pursue it if you think there is a chance of her being relationship material. I see your reservations though because if it doesn't work out you've wasted time and money and probably not even gotten sex. I think it comes down to your personal opinion of whether she is relationship material or not.

she's definitely relationship material (thus far)....I'm absolutely going to pursue it but my question is more so what the right avenue of pursuit is, in this case. Sexually, I get the picture that she'snot the type to sleep with a guy before they're 'dating', if not 'exclusive'

This is such a standard line that it's approaching cliche to infer that it's cliche. I used it on the woman I rejected for the woman that used the same line to reject me.

In both cases, she and I were more interested in someone else. Dating.

I'd just get her as comfortable as possible around you. Do things together. Go out. Have fun. Keep going on dates. Just do what comes naturally. You may find out after a few dates she isn't what you thought but it's worth the try.

So.. Live issue. There's a girl at work who I think is very good looking, and I think she digs me too, looks-wise. She most likely thinks I'm an introvert, and a bit of a jerk.

I tried to approach her recently to spark a conversation, and she responded coldly. It was pretty clear that I was nervous when I approached her. I've gotta find a way to break the ice, any ideas?

Update: My 10 from a few weeks ago is back at my place. It's 1:30am and we're about to drink some beers and watch the new season of arrested development. So I gtg, bye

nice

even better

by some you mean 2 sips each before you start sucking face, right?

bertstare.gif

Too late. You only get one shot and it's already come and gone, if you ever had a shot at all. Move on.

I've found that my introversion comes across as aloof. Make a sexual move.

I 100% had a shot before, even if I may not have one now.

Also, I don't believe the one shot rule applies to live, I've talked to girls, asked for their number and been turned down and been successful later.

My goal here is only to break the ice and get on friendly terms with her.

Lol, this girl seriously let me take her 30 mins back to my place and I don't think she's putting out. But for some reason she wants to sleep over? Wtf?

Just had an interesting date too tired to type out a structured trip report so:

[11:16:21 PM] Friend: hey hey
[11:24:03 PM] Me: Went on afirst date tonight
[11:24:06 PM] Me: Girl I had met online
[11:24:09 PM] Me: Talkedtofor 7 weeks
[11:24:14 PM] Me: (She just moved to Chicago)
[11:24:19 PM] Me: Amazing convo pre meeting up
[11:24:21 PM] Me: Meet up
[11:24:37 PM] Me: Conversation was like getting water from a stone
[11:24:46 PM] Me: It felt like she was deliberately doing so?
[11:24:48 PM] Me: And then
[11:24:58 PM] Me: She asks me where the bathroom is
[11:24:59 PM] Me: Gets up
[11:25:02 PM] Me: and nevercomes back
[11:25:08 PM] Me: Never texts me or anything
[11:25:09 PM] Me: Ha
[11:28:14 PM] Friend: holy ****
[11:28:16 PM] Friend: seriously
[11:28:21 PM] Me: Yeah
[11:28:29 PM] Me: My mind is still blown
[11:28:33 PM] Friend: I dont even know what to say
[11:28:37 PM] Me: Yeah
[11:28:38 PM] Friend: like you have been talking to her for awhile?
[11:28:41 PM] Me: Yes
[11:28:43 PM] Me: 7 weeks
[11:29:33 PM] Friend: maybe you were so ridicilously good looking she panicked?
[11:30:41 PM] Me: Yeah ....
[11:30:46 PM] Friend: I really dont get it
[11:30:50 PM] Friend: ok so say it was a blind first date
[11:30:50 PM] Me: Whatever
[11:30:53 PM] Friend: and things when awful
[11:30:58 PM] Friend: I could maybe see doing something like that
[11:30:58 PM] Me: She's probably a ****ing psycho
[11:31:04 PM] Me: Also
[11:31:10 PM] Me: I am werid but I am also self aware
[11:31:14 PM] Friend: but if you had been talking to someone for awhile, even if it was a disaster of a first date, you ride it out
[11:31:18 PM] Me: I definitely didntdo anything egregious
[11:31:23 PM] Me: EVen if it'sa bad firstdate
[11:31:26 PM] Friend: yea exactly
[11:31:29 PM] Me: Just make an excuse and leave
[11:31:30 PM] Me: Or
[11:31:40 PM] Me: Just man up andsay look I don'tthinkit's working
[11:31:41 PM] Me: Also
[11:31:46 PM] Me: I had bought her a drink AND
[11:32:01 PM] Me: when she 'went to the bathroom'
[11:32:10 PM] Me: The barman comes over and ask if we want another drink
[11:32:16 PM] Me: So I just got another one for both of us
[11:32:19 PM] Me: So I hadto buy her two drinks
[11:32:21 PM] Me: PLUS
[11:32:31 PM] Me: I'd talked to her somuch she mentioned she was big smoker
[11:32:34 PM] Me: And I had a spare bong
[11:32:43 PM] Friend: jesus
[11:32:44 PM] Me: So before the date I text her and asks if she wants it and she says sure
[11:32:48 PM] Me: So basically she turns up
[11:32:50 PM] Me: Takes me bong
[11:33:00 PM] Me: I buy her a drink (well actually two)
[11:33:08 PM] Me: and she just ****s off without saying a word?
[11:33:34 PM] Friend: yea like that sjust straight up pshyco man
[11:33:43 PM] Friend: even stuff up bitches will make a excuse and leave
[11:33:50 PM] Me: Yes
[11:33:52 PM] Me: It's amazing
[11:33:53 PM] Friend: 99% will just ride it out even if it was terrible
[11:33:57 PM] Me: It's not difficult
[11:34:00 PM] Me: To
[11:34:08 PM] Me: 'have to get up early'
[11:34:09 PM] Me: Also
[11:34:12 PM] Friend: man, she might have real problems, she will probably call you and applogize I bet, she might not be good in these spots
[11:34:28 PM] Me: She has real problems for sure
[11:34:33 PM] Me: Whether she apologises or not IDK
[11:34:40 PM] Me: I do thinkiut's possible
[11:34:43 PM] Friend: yea man, honestly at first I was like man I would feel so terrible
[11:34:50 PM] Friend: now I think I would feel so confused and maybe bad for her
[11:35:05 PM] Me: I am kind of expecting a 'Sorry about last nightI am having some issues'
[11:35:09 PM] Me: I think that's like
[11:35:12 PM] Me: 2-1 underdog
[11:35:18 PM] Me: But it's not like sheJUST left
[11:35:20 PM] Me: She also
[11:35:35 PM] Me: Just blanked every question
[11:35:39 PM] Me: here's an example
[11:35:39 PM] Friend: I am actually blown away
[11:35:54 PM] Me: I ask her why she moved to Chicago and she says she wanted to move to a big city
[11:36:00 PM] Me: So I say Oh where did you grow up
[11:36:04 PM] Me: And she says
[11:36:09 PM] Me: Really condescendingly
[11:36:18 PM] Me: I never said I grew up ina big city
[11:36:29 PM] Me: Just that I lived in one
[11:36:42 PM] Me: Like with a tone implying she was upset bythe stupidity of my assumption
[11:36:45 PM] Me: So then I'm like
[11:36:49 PM] Me: OK which cities
[11:36:56 PM] Me: and she just says 'LA and London'
[11:37:14 PM] Friend: lol
[11:37:17 PM] Friend: those are big cities...
[11:37:23 PM] Me: And then I'm asking 'Where in London were you downtown?' and she's like 'I don't think of London as having a downtown, theyc call it central'
[11:37:33 PM] Me: She went to uni there
[11:37:37 PM] Me: But whatever
[11:37:38 PM] Me: Man
[11:37:46 PM] Me: You say you wantedto live in a big city again
[11:37:51 PM] Me: Someone asking you where you grew up
[11:37:57 PM] Me: IS NOT AN UNREASONABLE QUESTION
[11:40:33 PM] Friend: hahaha
[11:40:36 PM] Friend: dude I dont even know
[11:40:44 PM] Friend: like you have already been talking to her... so I dont get it at allll
[11:40:49 PM] Friend: why would she be so different and rude?
[11:40:58 PM] Me: I had talked with her for 7 weeks
[11:41:02 PM] Me: MAN
[11:41:11 PM] Friend: and she just 180s
[11:41:12 PM] Me: Andreally good conversation
[11:41:18 PM] Me: She is half British, lived there
[11:41:38 PM] Me: So there are all these British shows that are not well known over here
[11:41:43 PM] Me: Don;t even show over here
[11:41:46 PM] Me: That we were talking about
[11:41:51 PM] Friend: so weird
[11:41:53 PM] Me: And she has this sense of humourIlike
[11:41:59 PM] Me: etc
[11:42:00 PM] Me: Made a cunnilingus joke
[11:42:05 PM] Me: I thought we'd have so much to talk about
[11:42:48 PM] Friend: hahaha man
[11:42:51 PM] Friend: ok I want to talk about this in a bit
[11:42:56 PM] Friend: I have someone over right now
[11:43:21 PM] Friend: I actually just told her about this and she literally just said "theres nothing else you can say other then "some people are just ****ed and lack logical thinking"
[11:43:32 PM] Friend: because I could go on a boooomb of a date, and would never do that, couldnt even consider it
[11:43:46 PM] Me: I would only CONSIDER it if they were flat out rude
[11:43:47 PM] Me: Like if I'd groped her
[11:43:57 PM] Me: Or been racist
[11:43:59 PM] Me: etc
[11:44:13 PM] Me: Even then I'd just tell them to **** off but I understand someone might not want to do that
[11:44:13 PM] Me: But yeah
[11:44:18 PM] Me: I mean
[11:44:20 PM] Me: It's ****ed up
[11:44:23 PM] Me: but then not even texting
[11:44:24 PM] Me: I mean
[11:44:26 PM] Me: jesus