I think I realise the perfectionist in me wanted to explain myself to the previous girl off match. That is not a good thing. Her character was really evocative to me and conjured up a few dreamy scenarios that seemed really within reach. I think I knew, but not well enough or I felt temporarily too weak, to not feel so much for the thoughts and feelings and disregard what was actually happening.

I'm not understanding why every red flag went up. It was just her bedtime I guess. No big deal.

+1. sometimes people go to bed.

Why does she not just text in the morning?
Why make contact to prompt the other person to make contact in the same form when it suits the girl?

And not just say - good night, going to sleep. will text you in the morning.

I guess the text can be read two ways:

1. I'm going to bed now, text me in the morning and we can continue our conversation.

2. I'm going to bed, I like to know what you are doing at all times so text me in the morning when you wake up.

I'm leaning heavily towards interpretation #1.

I wish I were able to do

Pretty sure things are finished with the girl I've been dating for a month now, but she left things somewhat confusing.

We hung out Sunday, which was the 9th date I guess you could say. Anyway, just as she was getting up to leave she revealed she isn't feeling a good romantic connection. We talked about it a bit, but what left me confused was she asked for some time to think about it and talk it over with her friends. I then walk her to her car, we hug and I say I want to kiss you, but not sure given what she just revealed. She then looks at me like she wants me to, so I go for it obv and we kiss for like 30secs and she leaves.

I'm assuming we're done and I have already gone back to full on prowling Match and OKC like I was before I started liking her.

Anyone been in a similar spot before?

I had an almost identical spot except I was the girl. Not sure if this is at all applicable, but for me this would mean we were done and she just doesn't like direct rejection/conflict.

Yeah, I don't see the problem here?

Sure! I'm about to crash too. ttyl

alternatively, ATF-style...

You mean before or after we make out???

If she doesn't text you in the next 8 hours, move on

That she said "romantic connection", it requires a little more background I think. Like, how's the sex been? Frequent as in can't stop touching, making out, fooling around, ****ing, etc? For example, with the woman I'm seeing regardless of where we are or what we are doing we're almost always touching or kissing and while we've gone to dinner, seen music, made dinner, gone to the beach... the main activity is getting naked.

That said, in this spot I figure I'm not turning the woman on, she probably thinks she can find (or already is interested in) a better looking guy and / or I'm not being romantic enough for her, in the mushy sense of the word.

You have two options IMO: if you really like her, dial up the pursuit or; stop all contact and if she reaches out to you, don't be a dick but act very aloof.

I took it as number 2...that was my issue. We've been 'talking' for a grand total of 4 hours, starting from my first pof message. Seems a bit quick for the "text me when you wake up"

Precisely. Just making contact and things being good you felt excited. Sounds as though she was asking you to maintain that initial contact, maintain the level of excitement overnight and pick up in the morning almost without a break. That sounds a drag to me.

I don't get this. Why is it an issue? I'm genuinely flattered in this spot. I don't immediately think this girl is clingy, what I might think is some other guy she was dating wasn't communicating with her as much as she wanted, she realized that this is something she needs, and is wondering / determining if you can provide it to her.

BG,

Feelings are feelings and it is not a surprising thing when situations are around. You can consider the issues with dating and the past and the present, but also again one can always go on more dates. Online is a thing but you have to consider real life and I guess it's Tuesday now so Sunday is well past and we're fast approaching Friday. If depression is an issue then a relationship could be stressful or good and so you should always consider the good and the bad , but some things are always better than others, so don't forget about the other people involved. Explanations are good but I think it's important to know some things as well, and make sure explanations are not the first or last thing even though most people care about love a lot. That's pretty much my evaluation of your situation, but it's a long walk sometimes and time can go slowly or fast, so always keep that in mind.

It's not an issue in and of itself, it's just often a harbinger of things to come. IE, is she now going to be the girl that freaks out if I take 2 hours to respond because I'm at work? Is she going to assume I'm talking to other girls if we're hanging out and I check my phone? Is she going to kidnap me and throw me in the trunk of her car if I decide to stop seeing her eventually? Am I going to end up on some hybrid of Catfish and Americas Most Wanted?

It's all downhill from here.


Really, the warning sign is that she so quickly comes across as somewhat needy. I'm all for open communication and dialogue and all that, but writing a message like that literally the night we started communicating put me off a bit. No worries, though...woke up, remembered she's hot, and we're all good.

I know for sure I should've been more aggressive, so I definitely take blame for that. However, she is quite involved with her church, which made me dial back my aggressiveness as I perceived her as a very "good girl". I told her this when we talked and she seemed a bit taken back as I guess she doesn't consider herself to be like that. She went on to mention that it was one the downsides to online dating as you don't know someone's background, whereas IRL you could ask around or something.

Anyway, I'm definitely not going to continue pursuing her as you suggested in option 1. That is guaranteed to end in disaster.

My plan is to just wait for her to contact me and if she does decide to still try moving forward I'll tone down my contact a bit. I think I made myself way too available to her.

Thanks El D although I almost feel as though I am the subject of an expert ridiculing.

If the point was to avoid over analysis then that is a great thing and helps.

Depression is not an issue in as much as I was ill and now I am well. My contact with the match girl was, amongst other things pretty tiring and so in all it led me to feeling weak and acting in such a manner.

My contact with this current girl has left me not feeling so stretched. I am left wondering can I really just be me and succeed as I did with this girl? I refer to success though as only success with this girl and I do not over-invest as I can see I did in the past. I think this belongs to general dating / relationship advice but it is in the very beginnings of an internet dating relationship. The fact that she has hidden or deleted her profile already might be why I could call it a relationship. This I don't know or feel unclear about though.

lazer,

I see. I guess I wouldn't concern myself about overly needy / clingy until I've actually met her IRL. Funny though how hot chicks will make you overlook a few possible issues though, ain't it?


DDIP,

Yeah, sounds like you played her completely wrong. Am I reading it correctly when I assume you didn't bang her / weren't constantly trying to bang her?? Regardless of how "good" a woman appears to be, you still need to be pushing for sex constantly IMO. You're a guy, it's expected of you. Let her determine how fast or slow she wants to take it. Also, assuming you're not gross, being desired sexually makes women feel good.

Some older dude passed this on to me when I was like 14 and I've used it with great success throughout my life: treat a princess like a whore and a whore like a princess.

You'll need to immediately switch gears with her if you want to salvage it, I think. That's so uncomfortable / unnatural though and she'll likely see right through it and probably think you're a psycho. I'd move on and if she decides to reach out, like you noted, make myself less available to her.

Remember that lazer only drew up a red warning flag. It was just a potential warning. He saw it for what it potentially was, allowing himself to consider or to reflect and then to decide differently if I read it right.

Pretty correct to flag it up and see what potentially this hot girl will ask of him and whether it sounds good.

DDIP it sounds as though there was possibly too much thought involved and the situation would need to be radically different to succeed. Given that I would look to any other girl and expect greater success.

this seems like such terrible advice unless you wanna be a douchebag. and the "well then im a douchebag who gets laid" response doesnt make it less of a douchebag sentiment

I don't think the results of that saying could ever pan out as the "aphorism" would suggest is correct. It is obv incorrect princess = whore and vice versa. It is possibly + ev in that engagement with the person would possess a greater aspect and address them as complex. You would then seem complex as well and to them + ev

Or you would at least seem capable of understanding them as complex. That at least in itself is probably + ev