It's a tough spot from a distance. Maybe she wants more "blah blah blahs," as you put it, before agreeing to meeting you or maybe she just wants attention. Here's the thing, you'll never know unless you try.

I live a pretty boring existence, so not really. However I imagine involving yourself in activities that you can eventually include your dates in is probably a good idea. Learning to be a sky diving instructor is one I'm [not very seriously] considering.

ATF moving up in the power rankings.

Gaddy, she looks good. Let us know what develops.

mountainspring,

She said she was busy for a week. Regardless what that means just assume she is and if you don't hear from her first just reach out to her at some point after that week is up.

Hey guys. This is more a relationship question rather than specifically online dating, I quickly searched for dating thread and didn't find one and know there's some good advice floating around in here.

Anyways, I split with my ex of 18 months, about 3-4 months ago. We had a great 18 months, then the last 2-3 months of it I started to get doubts about us. Just little niggly things. We went away for a week, it was a **** holiday. We argued on the first day and that sort of set the tone. I shrugged it off. 2 days after we got back she came to my place, burst out crying and said she thinks we need to breakup.

I instantly agreed. She said she just felt we were heading towards breaking up and that we had been disagreeing and arguing about stuff more and more. This is true, but we still hardly ever argued. I said I felt like we had little in common... which I thought was true... I also never told her I loved her, I've only ever said it once before and never seemed to find the right time with her... Everytime I felt like saying it, it wouldn't come out.

She also said she hated how I didn't work the same hours as her (I play Poker until 3am most days, I'm at Uni but have played full time for 4 years.) I told her a few weeks previously that I intended on graduating and carrying on with poker for a few years and she said that it really scared her, that she just couldn't see it working with her working 9-5 and me on a 2-3 schedule.

We cried for like 20 mins and then she left. I told her I needed to cut contact, removed her from FB, didn't text her at all. About 5 days in I was a mess and text her, just saying it felt so weird not being in contact etc. She was pleased to hear from me at first, then broke down saying she couldn't take it and speaking was making her feel even worse.

Fast forward a few weeks, we have text maybe 1-2 times, just 3-4 polite exchanges, then nothing for about 2 months.

I then met another girl, a friend of a friend. We met once, hit it off but nothing happened. 3 weeks later she's round at mine, we've been having sex once a week but I am not interested in anything more. Since meeting this girl I've felt like **** about my ex. She was just the sweetest most amazing person ever and I miss her so much more than I thought I would at first. I thought I was well over it but recently just feel like ****...

I just sorta needed to get that off my chest and see what other people outside my social circile thought. I just don't know why I am feeling like **** again, I see so many people in relationships that were 10000x worse than ours. I loved seeing her and she loved seeing me...

Also, to bring it back on topic. I am debating whether or not to start online dating. I know she did it in the past, and probably would again, and tbh it would kill me if I saw her profile on there...

What's so bad about going a yoga class? I've never been but I used to do yoga at my house before/during online sessions.

Gabby,

I was jk obv even if she had a lazy eye she could still eat crackers in bed. She's obv hot.

I don't really think there's much of an effeminate connotation to yoga these days that I'm aware of.

If something strikes you as something it might be cool to do, DO IT. You almost never have to make a huge time investment in anything up front and if it turns out not to be very interesting after all you can usually cut bait pretty quickly.

Birchinio: This thread isn't really the right place for that tbh, the general dating advice thread would be better. Since you asked, you know very well that you need to sever contact and keep it severed, so stop whining and do so.

I actually recommend against starting up with online dating until after you've gotten most of the way over your ex--if you jump in now your messed up/depressed mental state will short-circuit you and create a cycle of frustration. Women can detect Not Over Ex from ten miles away and it's extremely unattractive.

Get over it. After a breakup, your brain just remembers the good things. Everyone forgets the bad things/parts of the relationship. 18 month relationship and you're still crushed months later? Sack up. Just take some time for yourself. Whenever you start to feel bad for your ex, do your best to remember why you broke up and the bad things. You'll get over it eventually, unless you're related to ATF.

Date when you feel ready. There's no real secret to knowing when is right, you just do it. 18 months is nothing in terms of a relationship. Just don't start dating to "find the one." You pretty much want quantity so you don't settle.

Also, stop talking/communicating with her, because you're obviously attached. You're just bringing unneeded emotional drama and trauma to yourself.

Just used the "if those are your real eyes" message thread from kpowers and had success until I asked her to lunch. She even complimented my smile. No response to the lunch request though.

I'm pretty much wifed up at this point, but we haven't had an official talk yet. I was more curious to see success rate of that opener than a date.

i once saw an ex's profile on okc and when i read it i was like "im so glad im not dating that girl anymore"

+1 to getting over it. go out and get drunk with your friends.

You can't just tell someone to get over it. If you've been in a long relationship then broken up you must know that it just doesn't go away that quick.

I broke up with my gf of 2.5 years a week ago and have cut contact. It's hard but everytime I miss her I just list all the reasons I broke up with her in my head and remember that in the long run it is for the best.

If its not for the best in the long run then you shouldnt have broken up with her.

Agree with stop talking. Its just making it harder for yourself. Give yourself 6 months and then talk to her once you are 100% over her.

Birchinio, STOP TALKING TO HER is the biggest, most important piece of advice anyone could give to you. If you cut contact you will get over her. If you don't, you won't.

Yup, "get over it" and "sack up" pretty much discredits Jackitos advice on anything relationship oriented.

Birchino,

Date a lot of women. Eventually you'll run into one or more who make your ex-gf seem like ****, at that point you'll forget about her. In the event that you do not, win her back.

B- humblebrag

I wouldn't read too much into it, a lot of girls are just on there to chat/flirt/check out guys and don't actually want to meet anyone unless he knocks her off her feet.

Complimenting your smile usually means nothing, it's just something people say to be nice.

Oh please. There are a **** ton of guys who are complete whipping boys in their relationship. Especially if they're younger with little life experience. I used to be one of them, and I pined over every short relationship that ended..18 months is a short amount of time. If he/I would have just stopped worrying about every little thing that went wrong or didn't work or why it ended or how great this person was, etc etc - he/I would have gotten over it much faster.

I don't think telling someone to stop harping on why things ended is bad advice. This guy wanted to end things, and now he's just torturing himself by staying in contact and looking for reasons to be around her, basically. He needs to sack up and cut contact, so he can get over it.

So I went on my first date through OKC last night. It was pretty dope because going into this I was extremely nervous. I was in a serious relationship for a long time so not only am I new to online dating, but pretty new to dating in general. The second she walked into the bar, we hugged hello, started chatting, and all my nervousness went away, which was great. She also looked way better IRL than in her pictures so that was a nice treat.

Overall, the date went well (I think?). A good amount of flirting, no awkward silences, and our personalities meshed well. The main thing I was iffy about afterwards though was my own performance. I wasn't able to close with a kiss goodnight.

We had taken a walk and stopped at a 2nd bar, and then after that round of drinks I said "You wanna head back?" I meant back to the original bar to grab another drink or just hang out. The walk back was great and there was a lot of physicality between us. But then when we were walking through the parking lot, she was like "my car is over that way, where did you park?" as if the night was over. I got a little confused/flustered in the moment, and just went with the flow so we ended up hugging and going our separate ways. I did offer to walk her to her car but she politely said something along the lines of "No, it's fine, I'm a big girl."

I guess she interpreted "You wanna head back?" as me trying to end the date??? I was reading through this thread and bugging because mostly everyone has been saying no kiss on 1st date = failure. Nonetheless, I texted her that I had a great time and asked her out for a 2nd date, to which she very enthusiastically replied so I'm going to consider it a success

I wouldn't say no kiss on 1st date = failure. I mean the whole goal is to go out with her again if you're into her, which it seems you will be doing so definitely a success. Sometimes even if you do kiss on the 1st date, there is no 2nd date, so it isn't a good indicator of success or failure IMO.

derada: Usually a woman will interpret "You wanna head back?" as you trying to end the date because she wanted to end the date. Based on your post I am very confused because how it ended sounded like disinterest on her part, but then you say she's enthusiastic about a second date.

Have you actually agreed upon a time/place for the second date yet?

edit: I agree that kiss/no kiss on a first date isn't really indicative of anything. Making out is good, trying for a kiss and being refused means you'll never see her again, but if no attempt was made it's just neutral, and a good-night peck is neutral.

Walk her to her car next time!

Also, I had the no kiss first date with girl I'm seeing. Same advice was said ITT, that it's not a big deal. We also only briefly kissed at the end of the 2nd date.

As a follow up to the girl I mentioned before (had great OKC exchange, I gave her my number and said text me and we'll make the plans, she never messaged)...

I've got a few dates lined up for next week so I figured I was in a 'what the hell, why not?' situation with the previous girl. I sent her another message today (2 or 3 days later) saying "Or I could be the man and ask you for your number...it's what George Clooney would do".
20 minutes later got "xxx xxx xxxx "

I think not going for the kiss (if it isn't there) on the 1st date is pro meta-game if you're interested in her. I think this falls back to keep them wanting more. The main thing is if it just isn't there.

This is correct. I never go for a kiss on the first date unless it's very obvious she wants it and will lead to at least extended making out. Sometimes not even on the second. A single lips-only kiss is not very exciting and it's better to be aloof.

Plus she expects you to go for the goodnight kiss, it's been a date staple since the dawn of time, and it's almost always better to avoid doing what's expected.

Yep...sexual tension, used the right way, leads to very very good things

Girl on OKC only had a face pic, but match % was high and I didn't have any better options this week so I gambled and set up a lunch date anyway. I did not run good, she prob weighed 200+. The place I picked had amazing chicken pad thai so I still consider the lunch a success.

Yeah I mean thinking back on it I'm pretty sure it would have been warmly received if I went for it, I just had a total brain fart at the time.

I didn't push too hard on the whole walking her to her car thing, as I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Earlier in the date she had explained to me that it was only her 2nd online date and she was nervous about crazies.

And yes, to whoever asked, we have already agreed on a time and place to meet this Monday.

So did George Clooney just second hand soak panties without even trying? Damn, the force is strong.


Bobb, I legit lol'd.


Derada, if she mentioned she's nervous not going for the car walk (pushing the issue) and the goodnight kiss. If you don't screw up Monday I expect good things given how good the 1st date seemed to have gone.