I have this problem a lot. I'm a very easy going guy. When I hang out with friends, I just go with the flow, whatever people want to do is usually cool with me. But as the male, I'm usually expected to make the decisions and show the girl around. If I don't, I don't look confident.

So I've been talking to this girl online a bit, and now we're setting up our first date/meeting/whatever. It basically went me: "we should hang out some time", her: "yea whens good for you", me: "wednesday?", her: "yea that works. drinks? dinner? coffee?"

1. I feel like dinner's a bit formal for young people these days (we're 24/23) + not knowing each other well. Is this wrong thinking?
2. Should I read into "coffee?" at all?
3. She's in/probably closer to the main city here than me - I'm a grad student at a nearby college. Should I have her pick a place near her? Should I invite her up to me? The city is probably a better location but I've never been sure about the move of having the girl pick the place.
4. General tips for responding here?

Thanks in advance.

Coffee is fine for a first date (i.e. don't read into it), but drinks are usually better (I'm actually starting to prefer coffee, but a lot of girls are a bit shy at first and alcohol helps them open up, so that's what I usually end up doing). Generally I'd say dinner is bad for a first online date. I tend to go either somewhere halfway in between, or more often, to the girl.

I'll usually ask "what's convenient for you?", then pick a spot based off of that.

General tips: don't over think it too much

I'm not sure what part I could have actively been involved in, since there wasn't much to it at all. You read the entire conversation. It was very brief and I thought the child support bit was funny. I was freaked out about the address, but assumed once he saw the distance he'd let it go. In the texts, the only response given to him was "K". Him actually coming over was messed up. Cruelness aside, that's at least a half tank of gas and 3 hours wasted. I'm a fair person and I would have at least offered him some gas money if he came inside. I wouldn't consider blowing him though. A guy that desperate might have herpes.

I can see how it would be cruel on my part if I spoke with him on the phone or sent him pictures, but that wasn't the case.

I wasn't allowed access to the account. My friend's coworker messaged him, and I thought he was hot (6'3", 230 lbs), so I tried to set up a date. After that he took his iPad from me and wouldn't let me touch it again.

This reminds me of the worst online date I ever had, which I might tell later.
Depending on the time of day I was either drunk or hungover when I posted this weekend.
It was to the person that I quoted. I guess I'm a godawful person for not banging every guy that I talk to.

Your "friends" are ****ing douchebags and you're catching more **** for not realizing that than any active part you played in the stupid stunt

Bingo.

I remember playing that stunt when I was 16. Except we pretended to be a 13 year old girl and got some pervert to show up at the laser tag place we were going and told him to wait in the parking lot. Dude showed up too and waited for an hour. We were Chris Hansen before Chris Hansen was.

seems like you were totally into the prank and found it "very entertaining" before everyone said you were a terrible person.

its not you fault tho, we don't get to choose our friends.

online dating is pretty amazing if you're lazy and wanna meet new people.

I've found that if the girl is responding 9/10 she is interested and its on you to not f it up at that point. Also ive found that pretending you think they are actually fat/ugly/a dude in real life (in a funny, teasing way) it really makes them want to prove you wrong.

also only ugly girls seem to rate me on okc. anyone get ratings from girls who are actually attractive?

Friends are like cats, nobody "owns" them

I dunno, I kinda like it.

In your first post you"let him" use your picture and took part. I bet it was your idea.

So now your lying about it because nobody thought it was as funny as you did and you come off as the bitch you are.

Not very often, but it happens sometimes. I just assume most attractive girls aren't actively browsing random profiles that often, while the uglier girls are.

All I was saying was that I was confused because I had seen your pic and didn't realize you were black.

Think the jelly hate is a little excessive.

1. Prankee def a tool and of manti teo intelligence
2. Jelly def has a responsibility to not let it get that far
3. Jelly's friends are huge tools also
4. I prob would find it entertaining in the moment also
5. It was a ****ty thing to do



Doesn't mean jelly is the hugest bitch **** on the planet

just chiming in to say that's one of the most absurdly grimy pranks I've ever heard about. but it's okay because he is a horny 5'5" guy with IQ < 85.

just wow. on par with tipping over the wheelchair of a quadriplegic and laughing at them. you are having fun at the expense of someone who, due to poor genetics and upbringing, behaves in inappropriate ways.

not to mention the potential danger in giving out your real address as part of a malicious prank. your friend might be even dumber than the other poor guy. most socially maladjusted is a toss up between the three of you.

Thanks, great response.

It's happened a few times. By far the most frequent way I get initial contact from cute girls is winks on Match, followed by actual messages on OKC. But the last girl I went out with rated me highly on OKC first.

This is true . My strategy was to run the test twice. If something came clear bottom twice then it got knocked off & I replaced it with a new candidate. That way you can slowly iterate upwards.

I'm 0/4 with the ratings each time the girl was a 4 or 5. I almost feel bad checking their profile knowing they will be unattractive and unfortunately they will see I looked at their profile and feel bad/ugly.

Also now, Okc is telling me if I upgrade they will show me all the people that have rated me. They also sent me email saying now i'm matched with more attractive ppl. Is this all part of the long-con to get me to sign up to see ugly girls that are rating me?

Probably just a con, even Match must be in on it too, which kinda surprised me. In the 2 days after my 3-month sub ended I got 3 emails saying girls were interested in me (of course you can't see who without subscribing again), which is highly unlikely b/c I hadn't logged in or updated my profile in weeks.

goofyballer,

those are terrible

Are you responding to the sample messages he posted Saturday night? If so, this is not useful feedback.

His messages are actually pretty good, and will be in the top 5% of messages that girls receive. They would be better if he (a) just sent the first paragraph of each of them...I think the ideal message length is about 3 sentences; and (b) avoided talking about politics unless the its really clear that's the only thing the girl wants to talk about.

What's the general consensus on initial message length? I usually do 6-7 sentences with 2 questions thrown in, but it sounds like that might be too long.

Yes, that's usually too long. Don't demand that girls craft multi-part responses to your message. I think it's OK if you want to quickly comment on a second aspect of their profile, but it shouldn't be in the form of a question, so they can feel free to respond to it or not.